Switching Places Evangelion
by Greylle
Summary: Mihoshi's a genie? Nabiki is skeptical? Ranma's Shinji? Shinji's Ranma? What else did that genie mess up?
1. Chapter 1: Lamp Of Mihoshi

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.

Chapter One: Trouble can be spelled M-I-H-O-S-H-I

* * *

"So you're... a genie," said Ranma, looking at the smoky figure who had just appeared out of a lamp.

"That's right!" chirped the tanned blonde in the harem outfit.

"I was expecting someone with blue skin and a beard," said Ranma after awhile.

"Well, I've never had a beard, but once I got really really cold and got kinda bluish," said the girl. "Oh, and you don't get three wishes. Just one."

_POOF!_ Terms & Conditions of Use:

Genie Wish (1)

Rule #1: You can't simply wish for more wishes. Not permitted. Not gonna happen.

Rule #2: The power of Life & Death is not within the province of this particular genie. He'd have to contact an outside source - and if that's a no go - you'd have wasted your wish. So no killings, and no resurrections.

Rule #3: All wishes will comply with the Law Of Conservation Of Magick, least amount of magic required to reach the specified result.

Rule #4: No run-on wishes.

Rule #5: No intrinsic world-wide changes in personality allowed. World peace would require everyone in the world to either be dead or mellowed out to the point of near catatonia.

"Okay," said Ranma. "So could this... cure a Jusenkyo curse?"

"Oh yeah, but you really got to get the wording right," said Mihoshi. "They tell me the strong curses are really hard to fix because they tend to try to not get fixed."

"Okayyyy," drawled Ranma. He had to word something RIGHT? "Who's 'they'?"

"The regular genies," said Mihoshi. "I'm actually an officer with the Galaxy Police, except I kinda got involved in one of Washu's experiments in contacting other dimensions and well - here I am!"

"Uh huh," said Ranma. Okay, he had to get the wording just right and this gal was a total airhead - that was his assessment. He was SCREWED. Waitaminute. Maybe...

* * *

"So let me get this straight," said a skeptical Nabiki. "You need a wish worded so that this blonde cosplayer can cure your curse. How did you get this money anyway?"

"You know those guys from the boy's school that have been mugging elementary school kids? I hadda word with 'em," said Ranma.

"Okay," said Nabiki. "Looking for a little positive karma?"

"Need all the help I can get with this one," replied Ranma.

"True," said Nabiki, wondering what the REAL angle was. Oh well, one way to find out. "It's simple. If I were in your shoes, I'd pick up the lamp like this, hold it firmly so it doesn't get knocked out of your hands by space ninjas or something. Then it's easy. All of your problems are because of your father, your upbringing, or that you can't focus beyond martial arts."

"Can we get back to fixing it so I don't have a Jusenkyo curse?" asked Ranma.

Nabiki nodded and pocketed the money. The joke should end here and then she could find out what was REALLY happening. "So I'd just wish that you were exchanged with the character from THAT manga."

"Okay, granted!" said Mihoshi, her eyes flashing and the lights shifting.

"Wha?" asked Nabiki as Ranma vanished and someone else appeared.

"Operator?" asked the boy, clutching absolutely nothing and looking around him in shock. "I think I've been disconnected."

"Waitaminute," said Nabiki. "If you're here, then..."

"That's right, they've been exchanged," said Mihoshi. "Now I've got two more people to grant wishes to! Bai-bai!"

"WAIT!" said Nabiki, but the girl had already vanished, leaving her pink haremwear behind to flutter to the floor.

"Uhm, excuse me?" said the thin boy. "What happened?"

"I made a major mistake," said Nabiki absently. Then picked up her glass of water and threw it at the boy. Who turned from a thin wimpy looking boy to a thin, somewhat goth-looking girl.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" said the boy, looking down his shirt then clutching his crotch, and then finally fainting dead away.

"Oh, this is NOT going to go well," said Nabiki.


	2. Chapter 2: Neon Genesis Ranma

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.

Chapter Two: Ain't no fun bein' in Evangelion.

* * *

Ranma stared at the phone in one hand, then around him.

Deserted streets. It all looked vaguely familiar somehow though.

Glass in windows began vibrating, the phone and electrical lines overhead rattled. The familiar-feeling intensified.

"Damn it, Nabiki, I paid you everything I had!" said Ranma into the phone.

_THOOM!_

"Waitaminute," said Ranma, dropping the phone and turning ever so slowly towards the source of the sound. "It couldn't be. No way. Nabiki likes the series, we watched it, but even she's not so mean as to..."

A gigantic foot came down. Strange aircraft came zipping up to unleash missile doom upon the giant humanoid, to absolutely no effect.

"Neon Genesis Evangelion," identified Ranma. This was followed by several swear words he'd been saving for just such an occasion.

Ranma Saotome sulked. This sucked. This sucked big time. He knew a bit about Evangelion. He knew how it ended. He'd had to listen to Akane, Nabiki, and KASUMI debating the end movies and go over the thing. It was one of Nabiki's favorite series for whatever weird reason. Maybe because it was so completely different from life in Nerima. Whatever.

"Get in! Am I late?" asked Misato.

"No, but you will be if you don't MOVE!" declared Ranma, grabbing the woman and running.

"Huh? What? HEY!" said Misato, completely surprised by how she was suddenly accelerating and her shoes were somewhere behind her.

Ranma glanced back. Yup, he'd been right.

_KRUMP!_

Maybe it was because of that dumb genie. Maybe it was because of his being not exactly from around here. Whatever it was, the Angel was coming after him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" said Misato, as she looked behind her and saw a massive foot lifting off of the wreckage of her car. Still with her waist under Ranma's arm as she was being carried away at high speed, she managed to look up at the big hand reaching down towards her. "!"

Ranma glanced back, saw it, and invented a new speed technique out of sheer motivation. "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"That's odd, it was coming directly towards us," said Fuyutsuki as the big blip on the map started meandering all over the place.

"This was not foreseen," admitted Gendo. "Though it won't make any difference."

"I've got a visual from one of the gunships," said Hyoga. "It looks like... Captain Katsuragi?"

"Why would it be chasing the Captain?" asked Makoto.

"That young man carrying her seems to be pretty fast," said Fuyutsuki after a few minutes of watching the feed.

"Good hang time on those jumps too," agreed Makoto.

"It might just be panic and adrenalin," pointed out Hyoga.

"He caught a train at least," said Fututsuki. "Though usually people don't chase the train down the tracks and catch up to it."

"Most people usually don't have an Angel trying to catch them," said Hyoga.

"Hmmmmm," hmmmed Gendo.

* * *

Ranma wheezed. Ranma gasped. Ranma belched as he gulped air and it went down the wrong tube.

Misato STARED as her mind tried to wrap itself around what had just happened. She had bruises where Ranma had gripped her, not because of his grip - but because of the g-forces that had come from the sudden accelerations and course changes that she had just gone through. She KNEW he had just run fast enough to outrun a number of cars she'd driven over the years. She hadn't been on a whole lot of roller coasters, but she didn't think any of them would ever impress her at this point.

Ranma finally caught his breath and glanced back at where the Captain was apparently in shock.

* * *

The train continued to chug merrily along, passing through a tunnel and then continuing on - the Angel growing more distant as it continued.

_Clik!_

Ranma found Misato pointing a gun at him. Did his life suck or what? "WHAT?"

"You... what you just did wasn't human! Are you an Angel or something?"

Ranma stopped, began to grin, and then had to settle for laughing.

"Sorry," said Ranma between laughs, "it's just the thought of some of the people I used to know - and what they'd do if they heard someone accusing me of being an 'angel'."

Misato tried to shoot a few inches from Ranma's head. She was really rattled and hadn't even considered what might happen if she did that inside a gently rocking train where the freightcar's walls (even if the doors were open) were made of metal.

_sping spang bing btang pong_

"Geez," said Ranma after ducking his head throughout that. "No wonder you and Kajii broke up."

Misato FROZE for a few moments. "How the hell do you know about HIM?"

"I'm psychic," said Ranma, drily.

"I don't believe in psychics," said Misato, glaring at the boy.

"No, ya just believe in 300ft tall Angels stomping your car flatter than a poker chip," countered Ranma.

"AGGHHHH!" remembered Misato. "My car! It's flattened and I've still got two years of payments ahead of me!"

"Yer car insurance didn't have 'kaiju' coverage," guessed Ranma. "Don't worry about it. I think when ya get promoted to Major you'll get a better salary. It ain't like ya got very long to drive it anyway."

"Why not?" asked Misato, beginning to go into shock.

"Cause if you don't start questioning things about NOW," said Ranma, "start figurin' out what's really going on, and get yer act together - you're gonna be shot when the last Angel is beaten and the UN comes charging in to take over NERV. Then things are gonna get real nasty."

Misato was about to say something dark and nasty and unladylike but considered her wild ride of only a few minutes ago. Psychic powers eh? "Okay, you want me to listen to you? Show me something."

"Hmmmm," hmmmed Ranma, still wondering how he was going to explain any of this to Misato. "Let's see. Maybe..."

Over his years of training with his father, Ranma had learned that it would always be a good idea to know how one's enemies did things. If he could, and it was worth it, he'd try to imitate whatever move that the other person had, and would attempt to make it his own. However, even if that wasn't possible, he knew that being aware of what moves were possible, so that not only could attacks be recognized quickly during battle, but counters could be worked out ahead of time.

Such was the case with Mousse's Hidden Weapon style. He knew that it would give him the advantage of being able to carry things during a fight, but it also gave him other benefits as well. Even though he didn't own much, it was occasionally a pain to hold on to. That was mainly because he didn't have much with which to hold onto his stuff, and keeping his stuff his did have a problem with the sorts of things that had happened around him. The 'Hidden Weapon' techniques helped him in that, and he was able to bring out plenty of things when he needed them. Hopefully, it would help him this time, in letting him pull one of the things about the series that the sisters had gotten for him.

"Now, let's see," he murmured to himself as he sat down and started to pull things from his pockets. "Dagger, packet of instant spring of drowned chicken, antacid, comb, pictures... handlight, map of hot springs course..."

Misato simply stared as she saw the amount of stuff that he was pulling out.

"Mushroom... copy of 'Romeo and Juliet'... bag of candy... iron corset... ribbon from Ucchan... bokuto that I took from Kuno... passport..."

In the captain's opinion, this was getting to be absurd.

"Incense... One of Shampoo's bells... Akane's shinai... Yuck, one of Pop's bandanas... One of Ryoga's bandanas..."

Had she not been too surprised by the amount of junk that he was pulling out to think, the purple haired woman would have wondered who all the people he was mentioning were.

"Feathers... dragon whisker... Video game that 'Roshi lent me... Newspaper... That math assignment from last week. Wondered where that went... Copy of 'Dragonball Z'... A futon..."

At the moment, the last thing that he pulled out was actually looking good to her at the moment, as she really needed a moment to lay down.

"Panties from Akane and her sisters that the old fart stole. Can't give those back without gettin' blamed... box of condoms that Mom's so _sure_ that I'll need that she got 'em for me... That... is a really perverted dojinshi from Dai..."

She _really_ hoped that this didn't signal that he was a pervert.

"Novel that I actually _like_... Warm jacket... lighter for making campfires... tape of that song that Akane likes..."

Just staring dully, Misato watched him as he pulled out _more_ stuff.

* * *

Ranma continued to pull things out of his pockets, some of which he recognized. Some he had absolutely no idea how it got there. Had he been the retrospective philosophical sort, he might have realized that his passage through Mihoshi's lamp and the involvement of not only a ditzy and enthusiastic novice genie but a whole council of djinn - that he was lucky he hadn't ended up with something truly nasty in there.

"One of Shampoo's bonbori that she left in the dojo that time... three of Mousse' katanas though why duck-boy was using Japanese swords is kinda beyond me... gymnastics ribbon... rubber chicken - no idea where that came from..."

Misato merely stared as her proof of vast 'psychic powers' accumulated.

"Marked cards from that Gambling King idjit... math notebook... some girl band named 'Bond' on CD? Never heard of 'em. Towel. Always handy."

Misato's eyes tracked over to the discard pile.

"Some of them explosive chicken eggs Mousse was always throwin' at me, one of Miss Hinako's coins, extra chopsticks, swiss army knife..."

Misato estimated that the pile massed more than the boy himself did.

"School ID card, tanuki statue, Evangelion: Death & Rebirth, hapiko from that hot spring, Dragonquest famicom game cartridge? Don't remember that."

Misato looked at the ID card before it could get buried. Ranma Ikari, all right. That was a younger version of his picture there and everything. Except that she'd never heard of 'Saint Doreamon Junior High School'. Waitaminute. Was that REI on the cover of this DVD box?

"Four leaf clover. Some kinda weird pen. Scarf. Tea set from that idjit Tea Ceremony Martial Arts thing. Didn't think I'd hung onto that. Huh. Spare teakettle. Xbox 360, whatever that is. Colonel Sanders statue? I know I didn't have one of those."

Misato twitched as she read the back of the DVD box. Angels. Evangelions. Forbidden knowledge? "I ought to show Ritsu this..."

"Nah, she talks about killing you if you get to close to the truth in one of the early episodes. She's in the conspiracy up to her hair dye." Ranma said absently while pulling out a pinata shaped like Woody Woodpecker. "Lessee. Souveneir wood animal carving from Ryugenzawa. Bottle of something pink. Don't know what it is, ain't opening and finding out. Bottle of 'freeze dried monsters - just add water'? Gotta remember to bury that."

Misato stared, trying to make sense of this.

"Bag of chips... toothpaste... menu from the Nekohanten... menu from Ucchan's... some kind of crystal thing... that little fish thing that some guy gave me... that 'occur' whistle flute thing..." Ranma continued on, still pulling things out of his pockets.

Misato considered all that she was seeing and knew quite simply that this was getting beyond absurd. She needed some sense out of all of that she was seeing, and she knew that if he just continued yanking things out, then she'd be using a cane to make him finish. So, she slipped the DVD under her jacket to keep it for later viewing, and did the only thing that she could at that moment.

She grabbed him by the collar and started shaking him. "Stop it with pulling out all this crap and start explaining!"

"Huh? Gah..." he asked, his eyes rolling with each shake that she gave him. "'Xplain what?"

"Everything! How do you know all this? How can you do these things? And what happened to a sane set of events?"

"That last one's somethin' that I'd like an answer for..."

"Not funny! I need answers, not more jokes!"

"But... But..."

"You don't answer me, and I'll just have to haul you in front of the Commander!"

"Not a good idea. Guy's not exactly the nicest person 'round," Ranma choked out.

"Right now, it's between you and him, and I'm not getting answers from you! Now, give me some rational answers!"

"Okay, okay..."

"You'll give me a rational explanation?"

"I'll give ya the truth. Don't know how 'rational' it'd be."

"That'll do. For now," the captain told him as she stopped shaking him. "Start talking."

"Well, I'm not the person that you expected."

"_That_ is true enough."

"Yeah, I know. But ya see, I'm from another universe where all this is just an anime."

"An _'anime'_?"

"Television show and movies. And some games. Oh, can't forget the manga."

"You're not serious."

"I am. Ya see, I'm a martial artist there, the best one 'round. 'Course, I've got a lot of problems, but still... _Anyway_, I found this lamp with a genie in it, who would give me a wish. I took it ta this smart girl that I know, and asked her for help. She wound up makin' it so that the wish wasn't quite what I wanted. 'Tween her and that genie, they got it so that I got switched with the guy who was supposed ta be here."

"You were switched?"

"Dropped in right where ya found me."

Staring at the boy who had just told her this really bizarre story, Misato considered what she should do about it, and quickly realized that she would have to take him to the Geofront regardless. Maybe he was just crazy? Maybe this was all just a bad dream? She could hope, couldn't she?

"Yeah, right," said Misato aloud, thinking the psychic powers explanation was more plausible than this one.

"That's... DUCK!" said Ranma, breaking her grip and heading towards the floor of the train car.

"Huh? What do you mean 'duck'?" managed Misato before the reason became obvious.

A flash of light occurred outside the traincar, Misato glanced that way, her mind beginning to put together clues. "They're not..."

_BOOM!_

"... an N2 Mine?" yelled Misato as it became clear why her companion was digging his fingers into the wood flooring of the traincar. There was a split second of boggling as he did that, and then it was too late.

The traincar went off the track and became very mobile in a different direction, rolling once in midair with the rest of the train.

Fortunately for Ranma, he'd dug himself grips into the floor, and so just hung on and then dropped from the now-wall to the new floor when everything stopped moving.

Unfortunately for Misato, she went down and was quickly buried in the heap of things that Ranma had pulled out of his pocket.

Even more unfortunate that Misato, with her swirly eyes indicating a lack of personal consciousness at the moment, didn't realize that she had a fish in her ear.

Had Misato been conscious at that moment, she might have been a little grossed out. After all, there was a fish falling into her ear, and feeling something cold and slimy sliding into any part of one's body wasn't exactly a comforting feeling. Plus, there would be the problem of having to get it out, and all of the humor that others would get when they would hear that there was a fish in her ear.

Of course, had she been aware of just what sort of fish it was, she would have been having flashbacks to 'Invasion of The Body Snatchers'.

As it was, Ranma had to walk over to her as she was not getting up. He was confused by her lack of movement, and knelt next to her as he shook her shoulder. When that didn't work, he lifted her up and supported her upper body in his arms. "Hey! C'mon! Are ya okay?"

"Waaa..." she murmured, sounding rather incoherent.

"This ain't the time for ya ta take a nap."

"Gra..."

"What are ya goin' on 'bout?"

"Eh?"

"Ya gotta wake up..."

Her head lolled from side to side. "Uhhh..."

"Ya won't live ta get another beer if ya stay like this!"

"What?" Misato yelped as she managed to focus enough to notice his yelling.

"You're awake?"

"I have to be, what with your yelling."

"I'm glad. I was kinda worried that ya mighta gotten hurt real bad..."

"Nothing a bit of calm and safe reality won't fix..."

"Huh?" he grunted, sounding surprised. "What's that mean?"

"Nothing... But still, what's going on?"

"Other than the fact that our train's derailed."

"How did that... Oh, yeah. The N2 mine. My head's still ringing. But at least we're safe for now, even if I keep on hearing a voice."

"A 'voice'?"

"Yeah. Coming from over there," she replied, pointing back at the direction where the explosion had come from.

"There's nothin' there. Okay, there's the buildings, and a lot of empty streets. 'Course, maybe ya'd heard somethin' from one of the soldiers."

"I kind of doubt that."

"Well, 'bout the only other thing there is the Angel."

"Are you saying that I'm in communication with that?"

"Not really. But, maybe it has found a way ta talk ta ya."

"And how would we know that?"

"Only one way to figure that out. What's it sayin'?"

Misato concentrated, frowning deeply. "As far as I can tell, what it's saying is 'What strange thing art thou?'"

* * *

It was confused. There was an imperative - to find and unite with Adam. There were the Lillim surrounding it, which launched one attack after another towards it, the means of which it did not understand nor need to.

Yet crossing its path had been something Other. Not of the Lillim, though mimicking the appearance. Not of the Angels, though itself did not use that term. It thought of itself and its brethren as simply Them.

Yet into its overriding purpose had come something unexpected - curiosity. This Other was burning bright with possibilities the Lillim did not.

"What Strange Thing Art Thou?" called out the Angel, wondering if its Purpose had been postponed after all.

* * *

"What strange thing is what?" asked Ranma. "Maybe that fish in your ear?"

"WHAT?" asked Misato, immediately trying to pluck the thing out. When she did, she glanced at the horrid thing and slowly came to a stop. Again. "WHAT?"

"What what?" asked Ranma, putting stuff back in his pockets.

"It's a 'babel fish'," said Misato. "I saw that movie when I was a kid. Dad didn't get all the British humor, but Mom and I did - it was one of the few happy times before everything went wrong so I remember it..."

"A 'bible fish'?" asked Ranma.

"Babel fish," automatically corrected Misato still staring at the fish. "Sort of like the 'universal translator' used in some old Sci-fi series I saw. It translates languages so that you can understand any language being spoken."

"Sounds handy," said Ranma.

"There was something about it proving the existence of God because it was so unlikely to exist on its own that a God had to have created it or something," said Misato. Then she put the babel fish carefully back into her ear.

"Ugh," said Ranma.

A wandering dog sniffing at the train looked up at her and gave a tentative woof. (I suppose a milkbone is completely out of the question?)

"I'm afraid so," said Misato, feeling rather faint. If a babel fish could prove the existence of a divine being, then it also followed that the appearance of something from a fictional movie within her own universe meant...

Ranma Ikari might be telling the truth.

"You okay, that ain't burrowing in or something is it?" asked Ranma, putting more away in his pockets. Hmmm. Pocky. He'd just take one for now and save the rest for later.

"We've got to get you to NERV Central," said Misato, falling back on Duty. She'd work the rest of this out later.

"Adam Be Near," said the Angel in the distance. "Dost Thou Who Art Other Seek Adam As Well?"

"Who is 'Adam'?" asked Misato as she scanned her surroundings. Car - squished. Train - derailed. Angel - over that way.

"Adam who?" asked Ranma.

"Come on," said Misato, striding off in a direction away from the Angel.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3:Angel Of The Morning

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.

Chapter Three: Angel Of The Morning.

* * *

Normally, Ranma would have control over how he would handle how situations would go. He could chose which direction he would go in, such as being able to choose between jumping from rooftop to rooftop or running along fences. Even if he couldn't choose what exactly he would be involved in, he would almost always be able to react to events on his own.

However, he could only follow in the wake of a woman who seemed to be caught up in some sort of pull that he couldn't see. "Umm... are we gonna be goin' ta place that's important?"

"It is to me," she answered simply. "Why do you want to know?"

"I just figured that ya might be goin' off in a strange direction..."

"If I am, it'd be your fault."

"Mine?"

"Yes, yours. You're the one who brought all this up. You have to know that it wouldn't be something to ignore."

"Well, yeah... But..."

"What?"

"Is there gonna be anyplace that we can stop at? I haven't eaten for a while now..."

Misato growled in frustration, and reached over to take hold of one of his arms. That gave her a handhold to drag him into a convenience store, where she started grabbing junk food off of the shelves. When she had a bag full of nutritionally challenged edibles, she dropped enough money for the bunch next to the register with a quickly scribbled note, and dragged him back outside. This time she didn't try to talk to him though, as she spotted a store that interested her down the street, and quickly managed to get a way into the shop.

"Here. Eat this," she told him, shoving the bag of junk food into his arms.

He blinked at the bag, and then at her. "What 'bout ya?"

"I'm going to watch some television."

"Uh... Okay..."

The NERV captain didn't wait for his answer, as she was already heading for what she had come there for. She found the player that she needed, and managed to get it properly set up. Fortunately, she didn't need to have someone with Ritsuko's smarts there to help her, as she was perfectly able to get the playback to look viewable with a little tweaking, which she'd hoped for as soon as she'd seen the electronics store that she was now standing in. Doing so allowed her to get to start up and watch what she had wanted to see.

At the beginning, it was a simple enough thing, even if it was rather creepy. What she was seeing was very close to the people and places that she encountered on a daily basis. Making it more weird was the fact that she could actually see a lot of this stuff easily happening. Still, it had seemed to be simple enough, with some of it expected.

And then she got to the 'good stuff'.

As soon as what she started comprehending what she was seeing, it became clear that this was not a simply taken kids' show, or a creepy recording of things to come. Instead, she was getting to see a lot of dark and dangerous things, and knew that it wasn't exactly the sort of thing that one would want to consider. It might not have been the same pigtailed boy there as was with her, but she was managing to find it rather... believable. After all, she'd never known many people who actually totally trusted the Commander, though this was certainly showing a side of him that proved that he shouldn't be trusted at all. She skimmed through a lot of it, but when she saw major events, she could recognize the rather malicious nature of them. Heck, she was discovering that what was going on around her was certainly not as innocent as she might have hoped. In fact, things were rather nasty, and she didn't even want to go into the freakishness that was the whole 'Rei' situation.

Glancing over, she saw that Ranma had wolfed down the last of his snacks, and was apparently looking for something else to eat. Not that she minded that, as it was understandable why that would be the case. Yet, he was also the only difference between her world, and the animated version of it that she'd just seen.

Turning her eyes back to looking at the images of scheming, betrayal, and insanity, she bit her lip as she turned over this latest information.

* * *

Misato was pondering these revelations as they walked along, and decided to take the simplest option for now.

"Ranma. Not a word of where you're from, what you say is going to happen. Not yet anyway."

Ranma glanced at her. "What are you planning?"

"IF this is accurate, then there are things I can verify," Misato shook the DVD case.

"So?" asked Ranma.

"I NEED verification," said Misato. "Besides, I'm kind of averse to being shot for treason or something like that. It'd ruin my whole day."

"Okay, I can see that," agreed Ranma.

"Let me do the talking, follow my lead," said Misato.

"Whate-?"

Misato looked over at where Ranma was staring. Just a bookstore with manga in the display. "Come on. We've wasted too much time as it is."

"Uh, yeah, sure, I gotta come back here when they're open," said a pale Ranma.

Misato wondered what had spooked the boy. It was just a display of old manga compilations, so maybe he was a collector? Just some #1 editions. "Sailor Suikoden" and "Shinji 1/2" and "Dresden Files." Hmm. 'Shinji?'

"(Uhoh. Predator. Everyone leave.)" chirped a bird.

"Hmmm?" asked Misato, the idea of being a modern Doctor Doolittle still having some novelty. At least as long as the fish held out.

"(There Thou Art Who Are Other.)"

Misato froze for a split instant. "oh %$#!"

Ranma grabbed the commanding officer and began running again, a massive hand slapping down where he had just been. "Moves pretty quiet when he wants to, don't he?"

"WAAHHHH!" said Misato as Ranma leapt to the top of a dumpster, then to the wall, and finally to a roof.

Ranma ran. Chi not seeming to quite be right or not, this was something he had experience with.

"That way, there's a subway," said Misato as she recognized an intersection.

If there was anything that Ranma was sure that he should do, it was to follow Misato's directions. She was the local there, and she would know which way to take on the streets. Since he did think that it would be better to get a quick transport out of the immediate area, he rather thought that taking the subway would be a good idea.

Knowing that time was of the essence, he bolted for the nearest subway stairs, and leapt down them so that it was like he was taking one big step. It was a hard thing to do with a woman yelping in panic right at his ear, but he wasn't the best around for nothing. Of course, there was one single problem that he would have to face when dealing with this situation when they got down to the area in question.

"What kinda schedule does the train got here?" he asked, looking around the empty platform. "None," Misato replied simply. "When there is an attack, they close down things like trains in the part of the city where the attack is going to be as soon as the people get to the shelters."

"Then how exactly are we supposed ta get ta that base?"

"Simple. We use the express train."

"But ya said that they don't have trains runnin' right now."

"Not on regular schedules, no. But they have ones for special people. And we're really special," she told him, and held up a plastic card which she swiped through a reader.

"What's that gonna do?"

"Get us our own special transport, that's what."

Ranma shrugged at her words for a moment... until he heard the unmistakable sound of a coming train. "Special NERV thing?"

"Special NERV thing. Now, come on!"

"After ya."

* * *

"Captain Katsuragi has gotten onto the direct line to the headquarters," Makoto reported.

Gendo nodded, and folded his hands in front of his chest. "Have Doctor Akagi meet them when they arrive."

"Yes, sir."

"An interesting choice, though I don't know why you'd have to do it," Fuyutsuki murmured.

"I would like to get the Captain and the pilot here before Third Impact comes about," the Commander answered.

"Ah..." the older man said in clear understanding.

* * *

"It looks cooler than in the video," said Ranma as the train went into the geofront.

"Yeah," said Misato, trying to figure out what she could do about the situation. "What's that whispering?"

"Whispering?" asked Ranma, cocking his head. "I don't hear nothing."

"I can't quite make it out," said Misato, dismissing it after a moment. "Whatever. I'll worry about it later."

"So, whatta I do about the -" Ranma made a gesture in the direction of the station.

"Keep quiet, follow my lead, try to act normal," said Misato.

"See, that's kinda a problem," said Ranma. "On account I don't actually KNOW normal. Normal isn't something I've seen except maybe at a distance. My life is kinda ABnormal, if ya get my drift."

"Ritsuko's waiting at the station?" asked Misato, looking ahead. "She looks very unhappy."

"She's wearing that labcoat and swimsuit combination," pointed out Ranma. "Nabiki had some things to say about that but it was all psycho-logic stuff and I didn't understand any of it."

"Hmmm," said Misato. "I'll handle it."

* * *

Ritsuko wasn't sure what was going on, but something clearly was. The boy seemed sullen and was frankly in a lot better shape than one would expect of a fourteen year old son of Gendo Ikari - maybe that was why he seemed 'off' to her.

Misato seemed to keep glancing at her as they transferred from one escalator to another, but wasn't very talkative. Oh. That might be it. Her car had a number of payments yet and it was currently rather flat. Being chased by an angel was probably not that conducive to her usual talkative nature. "Had a little problem getting back, Misato?"

"Nah," said the boy. "Great whomping BIG problem. Like maybe a couple hunnert feet tall?"

"Oh yes, you met the angel," agreed Ritsuko. "Your car also met the angel, didn't it?"

Misato winced. "Well, kinda."

"Too bad ya can't get kaiju insurance," said Ranma.

"It's not a kaiju, it's an angel. There's no such thing as kaiju," responded Ritsuko.

"Poe-tay-to, poh-tah-to," said Ranma, making a dismissing gesture. "Oomphing big monster running around trashing Tokyo. Ya mighta noticed it."

Ritsuko frowned. Apparently Gendo's son was taking things in stride. If anything he looked... bored?

"Gee, giant underground laboratory," said Ranma after they got on YET ANOTHER escalator, this one going past a tank of red fluid that seemed to have a giant reaching hand in it. "Good thing I know y'all are the good guys, otherwise I'd expect a mad scientist type arou- OUCH!"

Ritsuko spared a glance at where Misato had apparently accidently kicked Ranma in the shin.

"Oops," said Misato, glaring at Ranma. "Leg cramp."

"Ah," said Ritsuko, wondering if Misato had been telling the boy stories about her. Surely not.

"So, Ritsu - how goes it anyway?" asked Misato, clearly trying to get things away from the terrible tragic story of her car.

"Well," began Ritsuko.

"There's that whispering again," muttered Misato.

"Excuse me?" asked Ritsuko.

"What's down that way, anyway?" asked Misato, pointing down a shaft.

"Oh, that's just the direction of the labs where the Eva series was first being built, the early prototypes. Nothing down there now," said Ritsuko.

"She kinda got banged around when we was running," explained Ranma, making a gesture around his temple.

"Well, it does kind of look like you've got a headache," agreed Ritsuko. "I'll see if I can get you something for that."

"Much obliged," said Misato, looking a little relieved at the prospect.

* * *

Things were not going exactly how Misato had thought that they would have. On the one hand, it had been great that she'd found that the Commander's son was not just some younger clone of his father, but was a pretty fit and good looking kid. However, that was about as much of a benefit as she was getting, what with the fact that life was proving to be fairly mean to her. After all, her car was now a pancake, she was hearing all sorts of voices that she hadn't known was there, and she had discovered that everything that she'd believed that she was fighting for was being undercut by the very organization that she was a part of.

Just having Ranma keep his input until they arrived at the holding bay down to dismissive grunts, skeptical snorts, and the occasional mocking comment.

Of course, he wasn't about to let himself go completely without words, especially when Ritsuko brought them to a room that was completely dark. "Lemme guess. Ya wanna have me play 'hide and seek', huh?"

"Not quite," Ritsuko said as she turned on the lights.

"Huh? Kinda looks like a face..."

"You won't find this in any manual."

"Or any gallery."

"Pardon me?"

"It looks like ya didn't even try ta make it look all that cool. Sorta just manages ta look scary," he grumbled.

"Yes... Well... This is the multipurpose humanoid fighting machine fighting machine Evangelion, which humanity has managed to develop."

"'Develop'? Sure. Guess that's somethin'. But it ain't like ya guys really know much 'bout how ta make a fightin' machine look cool. But then ya are a brainy girl, and it'd probably take a real guy ta make it look good."

"(Such a manly son)," muttered a voice from the direction of the giant robot.

Misato turned and stared for a moment before pressing her eyes together, wondering where _that_ had come from, and if she'd actually heard it.

Her fellow NERV employee noticed her expression and scowled. "Don't tell me that you agree with him."

"No... I just thought that I heard something. Go on."

"That's good to hear, since this is an important part of our fight against the Angels. In fact, the Commander has personally overseen this very important work."

"Oh, this is his doin'?" Ranma asked.

"That, it is," commented a new male voice from overhead.

"So the old man shows up."

"It's been a long time."

"Yeah, for ya, maybe. But then ya didn't wanna have me here for some fake reunion."

"Hmmm?"

The teenager rolled his eyes at the Commander of NERV. "I know that ya have a plan."

"Ranma..." Misato hissed.

Ritsuko looked from the other woman to the teen. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, like he'd wanna have his son 'round at all," Ranma told her. "Think 'bout it. He abandons his only kid, and doesn't have anythin' ta do with 'im for years. And I'm supposed ta believe that there'd be any chance that it'd be for a nice cup of tea, or somethin'?"

"You have to understand..."

"I understand real easy. This ain't some chance ta make up for old times. He needs somethin', and he wants me ta give it ta him. 'Course, it ain't like I'd wanna give anythin' ta him in the first place."

"You sound like you don't like him..."

"Lady, not 'liking' him is puttin' it simply. Ta tell the truth, I don't know how _anyone_ could like that jackass. And I couldn't see how anyone would wanna be with that big jerk, includin' girls. If ya ask me, anyone who'd wanna be with him would haveta be either totally dumb, really wierd, really forgivin', or competely insane in some way or another."

For some reason, the faux blonde felt like his words were an insult towards her.

"If you're going to do this, then don't waste time," Gendo instructed him. "Otherwise, leave!"

"Ah, this is where ya show me how bad it'll be if I don't fall in with what ya want, right?"

Ritsuko blinked at the younger male. "What does that mean?"

"He's got someone already stashed nearby who'll be there just ta show me what the 'cost' is for not doin' what he's tellin' me."

Stifling a whimper, Misato covered her face with one hand.

"Think 'bout it. He's gotta have a specific person, who happens ta be me, right?"

"That's true..." the scientist agreed. "You are the only one who can do pilot the EVA."

"Which is why he'll bring in someone else. That person comes in, and I'm supposed ta get all guilty 'bout standin' by as someone else gets ta suffer in my place."

Gendo scowled at the comments, and wondered how his son could be so aware of what was going on.

That was something that Ranma saw, and it made him smirk.

"Can we get past all the posturing for the time being?" Misato asked. "We still have an Angel trying to get at us, you know."

"You're right about that," her old roommate agreed.

* * *

"So, Oyaji, got one thing ta say to ya," said Ranma, hands in his pockets, stance casual.

_Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip THUNK!_

Gendo's eyes crossed as he looked at the coin imbedded a few inches away on the other side of the safety glass.

"Fifty yen for yer thoughts?" asked Ranma.

"That's a five yen piece," said Gendo.

_whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip THUNKITY-THUNKITY-THUNKITY-THUNKITY-THUNK!_

Gendo frowned a little more as he realized his son was really a pain-in-the-butt. And formidable as he had been able to imbed fifty yen in various coins into two inches of thick safety glass from that distance.

"Okay, let's go kick some angel butt," said Ranma, a little more cheerful. "We'll discuss the changes to be made around here later."

"'Changes'?" asked Ritsuko.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. The budget. Ya oughta open a gift shop, do some tours of the secret underground base - just selected areas ya know. Get some cashflow going," said Ranma - who was paraphrasing some of Nabiki's comments made during the movie. "Misato there could write a book. Public would eat that stuff up now that the Angels are going around blasting things."

"These projects are classified," said Ritsuko, a little weakly because she was having trouble fitting the image of the boy in the dossier together with this boy.

"Yer gonna keep four-hunnert foot tall alien invaders bein' fought by an armored giant robot in the streets of the new capital of Japan secret?" Ranma snorted. "Yeah. Right. Uh huh."

"Well, let's get to hunting the Angel," interrupted Misato, "it took Rei a few months to get to where she could pilot the 00 Unit. So we need to start your training right away."

"No, Ranma will pilot it," said Ritsuko.

"Right away? But Rei -" Misato's voice trailed off.

"All he has to do is sit in it," said Ritsuko, "we don't expect more than that."

"Now we're talking," said Ranma. "Let's get this over with. Oh, and can we get the paint changed? That purple and green outfit looks like something Tsubasa would wear."

* * *

There was a brief moment of panic from the pilot as the LCL covered him, but then something unusual happened.

"I didn't change?" asked Ranma, feeling his chest. "No change? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"'Change'?," asked Aoba.

Gendo frowned slightly, remembering fifty yen in various coins imbedded in the safety glass.

"Nevah gunna be a... never mind."

"Connecting main power. All circuits transmitting power."

"Roger. Commencing secondary contacts."

"A-10 nerve connection, normal."

"Set the thought configuration to Japanese."

"All prelimary contacts established. Performance nominal."

"Why does this stuff gotta taste like blood, anyhow?" asked Ranma. "Bleah. Wouldn't be surprised if some people threw up if you put 'em in this - and whatta mess THAT'D be."

"Well, I'm sorry it doesn't taste like mountain spring water," began Ritsuko.

Ranma mumbled some comment about it not being funny.

"Stop complaining, you're a boy aren't you?" asked Misato.

"Yeah!" said the cheerful-again Ranma. "Nevah gunna be a gi... never mind."

"Bi-directional circuits are open," said another voice on the intercom.

"Synchronization rate at... this can't be right," said Maya, staring at her instruments.

"What?" asked Ritsuko, looking herself and stopping and staring in like manner. "That can't be right. Do a diagnostic."

Ranma was a trained martial artist who was a lot more confident than Shinji ever was. This, among other factors, had an effect on the ability to synchronize with an Evangelion.

"We have some odd harmonics, but there are otherwise no discrepencies," said Maya.

"Disengaging restraints," began a tech.

"Roger. Move Eva Unit 01 to the ejector pad," said Maya as soon as the restraints were clear.

"Launch path is clear. All systems green."

"Can we really do this?" asked Misato of the brooding guy behind the desk.

"Of course," responded Gendo. "If we do not defeat the Angels, we have no future."

"Ikari, you're really sure about this?" asked Fuyutsuki quietly.

Gendo merely smirked in reply.

"Launch Eva," called out Misato.

Ranma let the ride take him to the Angel, but wasn't inclined to follow the script. "Okay, form Blazing Sword!"

"What?" asked Ritsuko, staring at the screen.

"No sword, huh?" asked Ranma, who knew darn well there wasn't any such thing but wanted to yank a few chains. "Okay. Ready the Wave Motion Gun!"

"Uhm, Ranma?" asked Misato.

"Rocket Punch!"

"You don't HAVE a 'Rocket Punch'," said Ritsuko, looking as if she had a headache. Which she did - named Ranma. "You don't have any weapons installed at present."

"No weapons? Maybe we should open hailing frequencies?" tried Ranma. "Maybe we should try an' get a dialogue goin' - do the whole UN thing. Settle this peacefully?"

"Why are you trying to negotiate with the Angel?" asked an incredulous Ritsuko.

"Hey, you're the ones who sent me into a fight against a giant monster and didn't put in a Blazing Sword option," pointed out Ranma. "I'm in a frickin' giant robot against some kaiju and ya go chintzy on the weapons. Yeesh."

"IT'S NOT A KAIJU!" yelled Ritsuko, surprising everyone in the command center. "Ah, I mean..."

"You say yah-maa-toe and I say yah-moh-toh, let's call the whole thing off," sing-songed Ranma.

The physical exam after the battle, vowed Ritsuko, was going to be excruciating.

Eva-01 began making sign language gestures at the Angel. "You - Smokem - Peace-Pipe, We Talkum Out Differences?" said Ranma as he tried to mime it out.

The Angel, much like much of the bridge crew, merely blinked and looked confused.


	4. Chapter 4:Dancing On Sunshine

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.

Chapter Four: Dancing On Sunshine.

* * *

The Angel didn't know what to make of the situation, as it could tell that the Other was inside the giant purple figure. But as the being that was facing it seemed to be going through some sort of odd spasms, it couldn't tell what it should do. Communication wasn't working, and it couldn't figure out a new way of trying it. All it did know was that there was something... different about the creature inside the thing that was standing in front of it that was like the Lilim, but at the same time wasn't.

So, the only thing that it could do was to move in, which did decisively, and quickly.

Unfortunately, that might have been the wrong choice.

"It's attacking!" Ritsuko called out.

Ranma snorted. "Kinda obvious, ain't it?"

"Well then, DO SOMETHING!"

"Sure will. Man, some girls don't change when they get older. Guess it hasta do with 'that time of the month' whatever that is..."

Everyone looked over at the faux blonde scientist.

She realized that and glared right back at them. "I'm not going through PMS!"

"Right..." Misato murmured. "Ranma?"

"I'm on it," he replied, and let himself smirk.

"I wonder what he's going to do..." Maya whispered... just as Unit-01 began to _move_.

As the Angel reached it, the Evangelion ducked down, and dashed out of the way so fast that it barely registered before it was done. Then the giant machine moved quickly about, darting around like some sort of hummingbird, though this one was many stories tall. It ran vaguely in a half loop that brought it to a direction towards the side of its opponent.

But the Angel was able to turn from all the delays Ranma's occasional hiding brought, and when saw that he was coming, at it with a clear intent of not stopping, it did the only thing that it could do.

The blast never even came close to the unit, as he flitted out the way, and let it land somewhere off behind him, causing a small explosion where it hit. Even as the Angel tried to hit him again and again, he kept on dodging it, and managed to get out of the way so that it looked like he was almost teleporting from spot to spot. And the entire time the Evangelion got closer and closer, until it was crouching just in front of the Angel.

That was when the Angel tried to send an energy spike right at its opponent. But the arm was shoved away before any harm could be done, and the Angel had to move backward to avoid the uppercut follow up. Doing so didn't help it though, as the blow was a diversion, and the purple bio-mechanical fighter used one leg to sweep both of the Angel's legs, which set it totally off balance. After that came a simple series of punches that wouldn't have been all that painful alone, but in a group set the Angel reeling with only the ability to bring up a shield being available to it.

"Damn it!" Ranma barked. "Ain't anythin' gonna get in ta this thing?"

"It has an AT field! You have one too, and you have to use the energy from that to take it down!" Misato yelled right back at him.

"Gotcha!" he replied, and had his Evangelion shove the Angel away from itself. However, he wasn't retreating, as the unit made a tight fist, and pulled the arm back just a bit until the Angel's chest was right in sight. Right then, he sent a punch rocketing right at the center of the torso, and let it slam right at the field. This time it didn't just cause the shield to sputter though, as the fist began to burrow right through the energy field like a steel spike into stone.

And then it got through, sending the giant creature flying backwards from the force of it.

"Never thought I'd feel sorry for a kaiju," said Aoba.

"IT'S NOT A KAIJU!" growled Doctor Akagi.

Not that the creature in question was in good enough shape to worry about naming distinctions. Instead, it was too busy being hit again, this time without any defense from the open handed blows that the Evangelion landed on its chest. Then there was a snap kick, a knee hit, and a double punch, all to the red orb, with cracks forming on the surface.

With a twisting shove, the Angel went flying upwards, at which time the giant robot leapt up into the air, and did a spin kick that launched the Angel far away. Landing without even so much of a glance backwards, the Evangelion stood there as if it were waiting for something. It didn't have to wait for long.

As soon as the Angel crashed down, it blew up with a cross shaped explosion marking its final landing spot.

"If you're gonna do it, do it with style," Ranma commented.

"Okay, I'm impressed," Misato murmured.

Ritsuko pressed her lips together. "It's just too strange."

"There is that, but he did the job. And did it well, I might add."

"But this shouldn't be happening! Even his initial synchronization rate isn't right!"

"How so?" the Operations director asked.

"It's fifty and a half percent!"

"Wow. Fifty point five percent. Pretty good, especially, right?"

"No!" the scientist snapped.

"Okay, unless there's a problem with using decimal places..."

"That's just it!"

Misato blinked at her old college roommate. "You've lost me there."

"It was displaying a fraction!"

"Isn't that what decimals are?"

"Yes, but it wasn't in decimals!" the fake blonde complained. "It read 'one' slash 'two'!"

"Weird. But computers can show that, right?"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"What makes you say that?" Misato asked with 'innocence' that was clearly feigned.

* * *

Ranma had watched the thing, he'd listened to the comments from Akane and Kasumi and especially Nabiki, he'd left for frequent snack breaks and hadn't paid attention to some portions.

"Okay, Ranma, strip."

"Hey, c'mon Doc, I hardly know you."

Ritsuko blinked, then narrowed her eyes. "This is a MEDICAL exam. You have to strip down to your shorts."

Ranma thought about that, Doctor Tofu had done something like that once. "Oh, okay."

Ritsuko stared at the results of the strip. Fourteen year old boys should NOT have muscular ripple as they took off their clothes. She nearly dropped the syringe when he dropped his pants.

"Doc? I'm up here," said Ranma after an uncomfortable silence.

Ritsuko frowned again and got a particularly sadistic gleam in her eye as she turned to her instruments. "Now, there may be some discomfort."

There were some bad moments for both of them. When she tested his reflexes, his kick sent a tray of medical instruments to spray off the ceiling - with the scissors remaining stuck up there.

HIS most uncomfortable moment, the only time she got a distinctly uncomfortable reaction from him was after she'd gotten him to lower those boxers -

"Doc, that's an exit not an entry."

"Oh be a man why don't you?" asked Ritsuko, having a certain pleasure out of at last getting a reaction.

"It's cause I AM a guy that I ain't too thrilled with havin' stuff thrust in there," said Ranma. "You sure ya ain't doin' nothin perverted?"

"This is normally part of a physical exam," growled Doctor Akagi.

"Uh huh," said Ranma, remembering that this lady doctor was a real whack job who was gonna snap completely later on in this series. "So what's goin' on between ya and Pop?"

"Absolutely nothing," Ritsuko assured Ranma, convinced that nobody knew about that.

"Yeah, right," said Ranma, grimacing because this wasn't exactly comfortable.

Ritsuko frowned but she didn't want to keep doing this. "Okay, now your front."

"Oh, look, it's an Angel Elvis impersonator!"

"Huh, what?" asked Ritsuko, glancing in the direction Ranma had pointed. "What are you -" _slam_ "- talking about..."

She blinked twice as she realized that Ranma was missing, as were his clothes. "Hey wait a minute. Security!"

Fifteen minutes later, Ranma returned.

"Ow ow ow ow ow, watch the ear."

He was being led ear-first by Misato.

"Honestly, Ranma, security was just doing their job, you didn't need to imbed Agent Higurashi in the trashcan," said Misato, releasing the ear once Ranma was near the exam bed.

Ritsuko blinked. "Isn't Agent Higurashi the ex-sumo wrestler?"

"That's the one," agreed Misato.

"He shouldn't a grabbed me like that," said Ranma, "he kinda reminded me of someone I knew."

"Yeah, well, wrap this up quickly Ritsu," warned Misato. "There's a group of Section Nine people who need some bruises and contusions treated."

"And anybody who goes pullin' a gun on me, that ain't cool," insisted Ranma. "That's just plain askin' for trouble."

"That didn't mean you had to go breaking his fingers like that," said Misato.

Ritsuko's eyes were cold as she snapped some latex gloves back on. "Now, let's continue, shall we?"

* * *

Ritsuko sat in the chair, looking distracted.

Gendo glanced over the reports. "Hmmmm. I see."

"Do you?" asked Ritsuko. "So far the only thing I've seen around here that could reign in your son was Misato. After treating the Section Nine agents who had attempted to stop him, my respect for her combat abilities has gone up considerably."

"You were deliberately trying to provoke a response, weren't you?" asked Gendo.

"Well, yes," admitted Ritsuko.

"He seems very... reactive," pondered Gendo aloud.

"I noticed," admitted Ritsuko.

"I'm not sure that having him live alone is a good idea," said Gendo. "Some measure of control is apparently necessary."

"Right," said Ritsuko, nodding. "No telling what he'll end up doing left to his own devices."

"We'll need to place him with someone whom we can carefully monitor," said Gendo, going somewhere with this.

"Yes, otherwise just getting him to show up on schedule might be difficult," agreed Ritsuko. "That's... no."

"No?" asked Gendo.

"I am not sharing an apartment with that boy," said Ritsuko.

"No?" asked Gendo. "Then come up with another candidate."

Ritsuko considered all the possibilities. A flash of her checking out his package, various scenes of examining Ranma, all passed through her mind's eye - causing a resulting fidget and blush. No, she was NOT inclined to share an apartment with Gendo's son. He seemed slightly more intimidated by women than men, so having a woman watch over him was ideal. Who to stick with this problem?

In Ritsuko's mind, there was only one real option, given what they had to work with. Security wasn't exactly able to combat this boy, as was demonstrated by what had happened earlier. Most of the bridge crew would be too soft to give him the... discipline that he deserved, and Rei was physically a teenaged girl, who just happened to have trouble figuring out some things about the world.

But there was a perfect choice available, and they didn't have to look far to find a suitable candidate. What made it even better was that it would give her both prime teasing material, and would allow her to have him stick around the only thing that had kept him in line.

"I really think that Captain Katsuragi would be the best choice of roommate," she finally answered.

Gendo merely stared back at her. "Is that so?"

"It is. She's the only one who can handle him. In fact, it's almost like he refuses to fight her."

"I see... Then she can control him long enough for the situation to progress in a satisfactory manner?"

"I believe that is the case."

The Commander steepled his hands in front of himself and kept his thoughts inside. Katsuragi might not be the best minder for an impressionable young man, but his concern was not on proper guidance, so far as it didn't interfere with the Plan. He needed that boy if his long term strategy was to work, and replacing him would be... inconvenient at best. It was best if he was controlled, and the Captain certainly seemed able to manage such a feat.

Besides, it wasn't like Misato Katsuragi was aware of anything other than the fight against the Angels. The therapists might have said that she had once had the possibility of becoming a nymphomaniac looking for love, and sex, from a 'father replacement', but she was now quite useful, and likely would for some time to come. If nothing else, he knew that she could be controlled, and through her, the same could be said for the Third Child.

"I will have the Captain come here to inform her of her new duties," he stated without even an emotional inflection.

She nodded, and then raised her brows at him. "And your... the boy, Ranma?"

"He can learn it when she tells him."

"I see..."

"If there is nothing else?"

"No sir," she answered, getting to her feet so fast that the heels of her shoes clicked on the floor.

"Until later, then."

"Later," Ritsuko agreed, and turned to stride confidently out of the room.

* * *

"WHAT?" asked Misato.

"Figures," said Ranma.

"Now that this is settled," said Ritsuko. "Ranma. We'll expect you for synchronization tests after school."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Ranma.

"So, Maya, can you make the appropriate arrangements?" asked Ritsuko. "Maya? Maya? Maya!"

"Ah! I'm sorry, it's just..." the short-haired girl fidgeted, remembering when someone _sans_ clothing, had nearly run her over while he was escaping from the examination room.

"Is something wrong?" asked Ritsuko.

"N-n-no. It's nothing," said Maya. She didn't go that way after all. Nope nope nope.

"All riiight," said Ritsuko, drawing that phrase out and sounding as if she suspected 'nothing' was 'something' but not sure what that 'something' was.

* * *

Gendo considered the scene with his son. Something was wrong, and yet right as well. The crybaby had grown up and was trying to stand on his own two feet. It was right that he did so, this WAS his son however uncomfortable Gendo was in that relationship. Yet it was also wrong as he wouldn't be as easy to manipulate as originally thought.

Push, and this boy would push back. Demand, and he'd be as stubborn as a mule. He might do what was required - but inevitably there would be clashes.

There was Ranma, back to sullen again, hands in his pockets as he exited the elevator in the parking garage with Misato.

His eyes flicked to the report of Doctor Akagi's examination. His father's son indeed in some respects, but more direct and less skilled at subterfuge. Chronologically fourteen, but closer to seventeen in physical development.

Let's see, at that age he was...

Gendo smiled. There was more than one way to lead a wild horse to water. At that age, there were hormones and a young man could be led about by a young woman quite easily.

Now, who should he use for this task?

* * *

Ranma considered what he was going to do. Well, if he didn't want to eat toxic sludge (and he didn't) and instant ramen - that meant HE was going to have to take on some of the cooking duties. As for Misato's domestic skills, she practiced... what was that phrase Nabiki had used? Oh yeah. 'Benign Neglect'.

There was Pen-Pen, the in-genre cute animal mascot. What happened to HIM at the end of the series anyway? Did he goo or stay? Did he use a litter box or did he... Maybe he ought to look into that. Having an apartment smelling of penguin crap didn't sound too good. Seemed fairly smart though - maybe he was toilet trained.

There was also Misato herself. Ranma eyed her. In fairly good shape, great considering some of her habits. Still, instant ramen and lots of booze wasn't exactly good nutrition.

Nope. No way around it. Of course, it was a lot easier to do the domestic stuff if there was no chance of it being considered 'girly'. He was 100% full-time GUY now.

"Nevah gunna be a gurhl again," said Ranma, smiling as he sat back in his seat.

"What's with that anyway?" asked Misato.

"Eh," said Ranma. Say or not? Well, why not. It wasn't like he hadn't already spilled some of it to her. "Okay. How long we got before ya get to this apartment?"

"About fifteen minutes if we went there straight," said Misato. "Plan on making a couple of stops though."

"All right," said Ranma. "Just the highlights then."

Misato listened as she navigated through Tokyo-3, the detours from some road damage adding some travel time.

"Mind ya, this is put together from stuff that happened later - I didn't know about some of this stuff until recently like Ucchan bein' a girl and all," prefaced Ranma. "Still, this is the story of my so-called life."

Misato listened, keeping herself from interrupting too many times. "A seppuku contract?" "So your father told you to steal food as a martial arts exercise?" "Starving cats? Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this." "I was right." "How could ANYONE have a direction sense that bad?" "You did WHAT?" "He did WHAT?" "Chinese curse?" "a panda?" "a girl?" "a PIG?" "Chinese AMAZONS?"

* * *

If there was one thing that surprised Ranma about kitchens in the future, it was that they didn't seem to be _from_ the future. To be honest, he had thought that there might be some sort of new thing to use in the kitchen. But it seemed that the only difference between Misato's kitchen and Kasumi's, other than looks, was that the eldest Tendo had actually _used_ hers.

Still, he hadn't exactly been aiming to be all that impressed by such a room. Even if he was now a guy all the time, he wasn't too keen on doing activities that were 'girlie'. The truth was that he had to know his way around a cook pot, since he and his father hadn't had anyone else there to make them meals. Now, he knew that there were plenty of very good guy chefs, but he wasn't about to be 'domesticated'. As it was, he did feel comfortable about using one appliance in the room.

After all, a microwave had been described by one guy that he knew as 'the stove of a bachelor', and he didn't have much of a problem using one.

That made it easy to wait for the 'beep' of the timer, and when that came, to open up its door. Lightly pulling out the bag of popcorn, he opened it up, and dropped the contents into a bowl. It wasn't those fancy finger foods that might be served at the homes of rich people, but it would be fine for him. He didn't need to make it special anyway, and his new roommate wasn't about to care about some lavish spread.

Misato wouldn't have noticed it anyway. She was currently curled up on her seat in front of the television, which was currently showing a certain movie that she'd skimmed through only a little while earlier. However, she was now watching intently, her eyes scanning each and every detail before she might miss it. At her side was a battered copy of 'Shinji 1/2' that she'd insisted on buying on the way home, and that now had several bookmarks in it like it was a reference manual.

It was a bit different than the cheerful way that she'd swatted him on the back and nearly shoved him through the apartment when they'd arrived. She hadn't exactly been trying to run right over him, but it was clear that she was being a little too... loose. In fact, she seemed to have no problem with wearing only a light short sleeved tee and cutoff jean shorts around him, both of which would give him rather... 'nice' views of her form.

"This is gonna be bringin' a lot of stress, right?" he muttered to himself.

Raising one wing almost as if in an acknowledgement of the point, Pen-Pen took a sip from his own drink.

Sighing, Ranma took the popcorn over to Misato, and held it out to her, as she dug one hand into the bowl to grab some without taking her eyes away from the screen.

* * *

There were those who would say that Gendo was evil, but he never really cared about them. As far as he was concerned, he was merely amoral, as he used what tools he had available to meet his needs. Should that lead to someone getting hurt, it didn't matter to him. He had a plan, and everyone else just happened to be pawns in it, even the ones that he actually was showing some sort of... affection for.

Not that someone could claim that he was doing that in his son's case. The boy was going to be a means to an end, and that would mean that he'd have to be controlled. Of course, one couldn't force a mustang to do something, but it could be... guided into doing what was desired of it, until it realized that such behavior was its only option.

As such, he would need a girl to use as his son's... companion. She would get him to have feelings and a connection to her, both of which would direct the boy's loyalties and attention towards her. With that being the case, she could be used to point his son in the direction that he needed to go, no matter if she wanted to or not.

As he sat behind his desk with his hands steepled in front of him, he considered his options. The chosen girl would have to be attractive enough to pull in the boy's desires, and be bright enough to know how to handle a male of that age. On the other hand, she couldn't be 'too' smart, as he didn't want her getting 'ideas'. Loyalty to him would be a plus, but he knew that there were ways of getting even the most recalcitrant person to work for him. All he had to know was what that girl would desire, and he would be able to use it against her. Even a simple push would be useful if he could use her own reactions against her.

Illuminated by the blood red light coming from the mural on the wall, he smiled, knowing that he would be using one Asuka Langley Soryuu. Unstable perhaps, but she followed orders.


	5. Chapter 5:Only You

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.

Chapter Five: Only You.

* * *

The problem was that he had no idea what his son's tastes in the female form would be like.

Security camera footage showed him...

Gendo Ikari saw how quickly trained professionally nasty intel officers had met his son, and been thrown around like rag dolls. He saw Agent Higurashi, all 6'3" and 480 pounds of him, try to tackle his son. He saw Agent Higurashi slam-dunked into a wastebasket. He saw Agent Sumizu draw a gun and... ouch. Apparently his son had felt threatened. Threatening his son physically was bad.

Having seen the injury occur, Gendo decided to OK the man's medical leave. It was quite likely that hand would be useless for a few months, so he was no longer of use in the current situation.

Yet, despite this newfound prowess in combat, Ranma was quickly disabled and pulled along by Captain Katsuragi.

Gendo went through the capture process twice, but his only conclusion was that Katsuragi somehow got Ranma to lower those defenses.

Gendo pondered. There were a number of women and girls around here that he himself, were he still a teenage boy whose hormones were a barely controlled wild horse pulling his intellect into all sorts of situations, would have found attractive. Of course, he'd quickly learned control and self-discipline and that sex was merely another tool to be used. There was no such thing as love, merely the human need to abate their own loneliness combined with cultural conditioning and mind-affecting hormones coming together to produce such an effect.

Understanding that humanity were mere meat-sacks, doomed to die and be lost, was one of the reasons he'd gone into his particular research fields. His was a purely Darwinian moral code, centered upon his own success.

When he triggered Third Impact and became a god, he would change a few things.

For now though, he had to rein in his son, who was apparently living up to his name. He remembered where fifty yen in coins of assorted denomination had been imbedded in safety glass. Yes, he would have to use methods less direct than he used on Ritsuko and others. Less stick, more carrot.

Hence the 'Operation: Ranma's Girl' but the first question was who to use.

Rei would follow any order he gave her, and while physically attractive - even looking similar to Yui, her skills at personal interaction were sorely lacking. She might manage to accomplish that mission though.

Katsuragi was someone he himself had less control over. She had her own reasons for going up against the Angels, her own personal vengeance quest. One of Akagi's duties was to keep an eye on her longtime friend, and Ritsuko would hesitate all of five minutes to have Katsuragi killed if it was ordered. The age difference, even if Ranma looked much older than he was, and her self-destructive tendencies complicated the situation.

Ritsuko Akagi was already in a relationship with him, it was his major control over her. Requiring her to seduce and control his son might actually fit in with her kinky streak. Yet Akagi had her own flaws, like an ice-cold diamond that would shatter if you struck it just right. She knew the most of anyone in the Geofront, with the exceptions of himself and the Vice-Commander. Fuyutsuki loved Yui, and the thought of Yui reborn and humanity surviving its current straits were enough to motivate HIM. Akagi though - she could be a bit more fragile. He already planned that when Third Impact loomed close that she would be in a holding cell, something to keep her out of the way. Until then though - she was an indispensible part of the plan. No, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi was not a good choice.

Maya Ibuki was attractive enough, and didn't have Doctor Akagi's grasp of what was going on. She was besotted with Dr. Akagi in fact, though Gendo knew that the "admired sempai" scenario between two professional women was more often completely non-sexual. In Ibuki's case though - Gendo and Dr. Akagi had discussed the matter and they'd agreed that it went a bit further. She had a strong moral code, which was being eroded away slowly by Akagi. Akagi actually found the younger woman's hero-worship somewhat amusing. If her "sempai" asked, she would object but probably go along with such a plan, but the woman was unlikely to be a sufficient actress to pull off that role.

Which brought him to the case of Asuka Langley Soryuu. Fragile mental state. Knew nothing of what was really going on. Her desire to be #1 in all things, to constantly prove herself, made her almost laughably easy to manipulate.

Yes, she'd have to do.

* * *

Ranma watched the video with Misato, making faces at various points in the movie.

No, this was not fun. Oh, Nabiki and Akane and even Kasumi had all debated various meanings and stuff, but Ranma took a far far simpler approach. This was a movie about a bunch of people, and how they'd been screwed over right royally.

Ranma was an individualist. The idea of turning into goo and losing your identity to become part of some literal tide of humanity did not have appeal. What was it that Nabiki had said? "Socialist heaven, Capitalist hell" or something like that? Kasumi had said something about never hearing that "Just Imagine" song and being able to get that image from the end of the movie out of her head. Whatever. It was taking every accomplishment he had managed and throwing them out the window.

He might be stuck as Shinji here, but hell if he was going to let himself get led around like Shinji did.

"Why are they acting like that?" asked Ranma. Everyone was so happy to be turned into goo. Except for that guitar-playing guy who was one of the bridge operators, who apparently saw what was really coming after him.

Misato paused the tape and considered her co-conspirator briefly. "They see what they want to see. If everyone was turned into that stuff, then the most pleasing face was put on it. Don't you think they would have embraced it if, for example, they saw a naked Mao Tse-Tung offering to be one with them?"

"Bleah," said Ranma.

"Exactly," said Misato. "Now look at this."

"Yeah, that's Shinji, aw man," said Ranma, looking as Misato held the manga up and he compared the kid on the video with the kid in the manga. "This guy's in MY life?"

"I was an anime character in your world, you're a manga character in mine," said Misato. "Though I'm suprised you'd want to go back with this kind of life."

Ranma began flipping through. There was the Tendo house, arrangement the same, but - "waitaminute, Akane BEAT him in that 'friendly sparring match'? This guy..."

"Gets beaten on by nearly everyone for forty-three volumes," said Misato. "His father tried to raise him to be a martial artist, but he just never had any talent for it. Damn near indestructible though."

"Whoa," said Ranma. "Man, Akane comes in when he's... what IS he doing there?"

"Masturbating," said Misato after a glimpse. "They don't show it directly, but it's pretty obvious."

"Akane never beat me THAT violently," said Ranma after a minute. "Well, hardly ever. Not that often."

Misato nodded absently. "Then Mousse shows up, having been engaged to Shinji..."

"BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"It isn't funny," said Misato with a scowl. "I remember this series because Shinji is clearly shown to be bisexual and he's fully into yaoi by the end of the series because all the women treat him so rotten."

Ranma stopped laughing abruptly. "Say what?"

Ranma quickly found the last page of the last volume. There was Shinji, walking off to school in the early morning, with... "ick. double ick. triple ick."

"The series was considered ground-breaking in Japan," said Misato. "Started out as slapstick with Shinji getting beaten on regularly by nearly everyone, then he ends up with this Konatsu boy-that-thinks-he's-a-girl because of various factors. People thought he'd end up with Ryoga, but that was just hinted at for awhile then Ryoga found Akari."

"This is just so WRONG," said Ranma, putting the book down when he flipped back to a page that didn't show anything too objectionable but only because drifting flower petals blocked off certain parts. "ick."

"So did you come in before you met Konatsu or after?" asked Misato.

"I've met him, he's UKYO'S kunoichi," said Ranma. "He's always over there doing... oh man."

"So in the original series, at least in the movie," said Misato, pointing at the screen. "Shinji ends up falling for Asuka except she falls apart, then he turns to this guy named Kaworu?"

* * *

Ranma liked girls.

That was something of a clear cut thing for the pigtailed boy, as he'd never questioned his interest in them. To him, the idea of being with one wasn't something that he would at all avoid. After all, he'd always assumed that he'd eventually have kids, and one needed a girl to be the mother of said children. But it was not only that, as he could see the appeal of dating and spending time with a girl that he liked. Having been educated right along side other boys, he'd been companionable with guys who'd had no trouble in sharing their, sometimes absurd, ideas, thoughts, and rumors about such activities. His problem was just that he wasn't someone who could express his emotions very well, along with the fact that he had girls who would want to hurt him at times, and would want to pop up in rather embarrassing situations at others.

However, the idea of being with a boy held about as much appeal as would sucking down Akane's cooking. It could happen, but he couldn't see why someone would _want_ to do it. Both were distasteful at best, though he wasn't about to put down those people who 'bent' that way. He certainly didn't go in that direction, and had plenty of experience to dislike the concept.

"Nope, nuh uh, nothin' doin'," Ranma muttered, scowling darkly the whole time.

The expression that Misato favored him with was a cross between interest and sympathy. "What's the matter?"

"Think 'bout it. That could have been _me_. Gah..."

"You have a problem with that."

"Only with me bein' the one involved," the pigtailed boy admitted. "See, I've been approached by guys before. It wasn't fun."

"You were?"

"Yeah. But I was in my cursed form then. Y'know, as a girl. 'Course, Kuno wouldn't know much 'bout reality if it hit him with a comet. And that French jerk Chardin? Starving myself, and getting my head sucked as a show of affection weren't my sort of thing at all."

"Then what are you going to do? Go after girls? There are plenty of those around," she told him, a sly smile tugging at her mouth.

"Well, I ain't too sure as ta what gonna happen. That Rei girl's pretty, but she ain't exactly a real fun date. And that doctor gal?"

"Ritsuko?"

"Yeah. Her. She's kinda... scary, ya know."

"Oddly enough, I think that I do know."

"Good ta hear."

"But what about Maya? Short haired girl. Assistant to the doctor?"

"Dunno. I think that she's too busy with hangin' 'round her boss ta really see anyone else."

"You have no idea," the officer muttered, ruefully shaking her head.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Anyone else?"

"Not sure. I mean, there's gotta be a lot of girls nearby, right?"

"True enough. And it looks like we'll be getting some others soon enough."

"I just hope that she's someone that has some life to her," Ranma grumbled. "And ain't exactly been lookin' ta do somethin' nasty ta others."

"Me too. And you know what?"

"What?"

"Watching that movie made me feel kind of... grimy. I'll be taking a bath."

"Enjoy yourself," he replied, absently flicking one hand.

Blinking, Misato wondered if he was too caught up in other things to notice that she was a girl too. Fortunately, she wasn't looking for him to give her some sort of attention of her own, and put his reaction to her as something that happened due to his distracted thoughts.

As the soldier moved, he saw the rise of her breasts, and remembered that she was female too. Not only was she a woman, but she was also quite pretty too.

"Okay, this is gonna be strange," he muttered to himself, images of himself living, in close quarters, with a beautiful woman who would likely dress in simple outfits that'd show a lot of skin. Sighing to himself, he covered his face with his hands.

After a few minutes, Ranma got up and checked around - finally finding a place where he could exercise.

He was entirely too wound up to get any sleep tonight, and he had a practical reason for it as well.

He had slowed down. When he had run and leapt he hadn't gotten quite as much speed as he'd thought he would. When he had dug his fingers into the wood of that train car, it had been really difficult. When he had stuffed that fat agent into the trash can, the can had split along the sides.

Things were different here. A cut he'd gotten on the side of his hand had taken a whole HOUR to heal. His chi felt "off" and if he was going to fight, he'd have to know how badly BEFORE he got into some life or death situation.

No Fierce Tiger Ball. He suspected he couldn't pull a Sky Dragon Ascension either. He still had Mousse's Hidden Weapons technique, and if anything it was even better than he remembered it.

Ranma stopped a kata as he narrowed it down. It all came down to chi. The way chi operated was different. More at the lower end of things than at the higher, but it was one of those things where the divergence shifted the whole path. Projecting chi just didn't seem to work, at least not in the same way. That meant something, but what?

* * *

Asuka flopped down on her chair, took a deep swig of coffee, and scanned the e-mail from NERV Japan. Hmmmm. Transport task later this month during her reassignment. OK. And there was... what the hell?

_SPLURSHHHHHHHHHHH!_

Asuka stared at the message partially concealed by spit-up coffee. They wanted her to do what?

* * *

Misato sat back in the tub, considering. She might go so far as to say pondering.

Overall, the whole thing was ludicrous. Except too many details jibed with what she knew. She knew Asuka, not very well but well enough. She could see Asuka acting that way in those situations.

She could see herself acting in similar manner in those situations depicting her. Much as she'd like to deny it. Much as she'd prefer to say how different she'd actually be in those situations. If she didn't know in advance, COULD she have done such and so? It was likely.

Ranma Ikari. Fourteen going on, what, seventeen? Not the brooding introvert she'd expected, but a martial artist capable of doing things that seemed superhuman.

Yet he didn't defy physics. When he leapt up on one occasion during that chase with the Angel, she'd seen the pavement he'd leapt FROM. He'd crushed the pavement. Equal and opposite reaction.

Same with the fight with the Angel in the Eva unit. He'd torn up the streets making tight corners and dodging. There was also a mailbox that had been flattened pretty darn thoroughly when a foot bigger than most cars came down on it.

What did it all mean?

She'd have to listen to the 'commentaries' track next. Try to ferret out more meanings.

That would have to wait for another night though. That was just too much to take in over one night.

* * *

Some might have said that Rei didn't have much in the way of a will of her own, as she didn't tend to do much on her own. If she was instructed to do something, she would do it, but otherwise she would simply sit around and do nothing else. That kind of creeped others out a bit, given that she didn't even seem to try to pass the time, which would have driven anyone else nuts, given a similar position.

But as she sat waiting in the medical office after her session with the doctors, she did something that some of the students in her class wouldn't have realized that she would do.

She listened.

Normally, she wouldn't have done this, but given that even her own attention could be caught by some things, hearing her name spoken by the Commander as he stood outside the slightly open made her take notice. "Of course I considered having Rei do this. Having someone like her, someone who would do what had to be done would be an asset."

"Even if what she is being asked to do is what you've decided to do here?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"Especially then. I know where her loyalties lie, old man. As it stands, she wouldn't be caught up in petty diversions, and would understand that getting close to and creating a relationship with the boy would be what she had to do."

"You do realize what you would be asking her to do with the 'Third Child', don't you?"

"That is the point of the mission."

"I see," the Vice Commander murmured thoughtfully. "Then, you wouldn't mind her acting on it as you wish."

"Obviously."

"This could prove to be rather uncontrollable..."

"Which is why I decided on this course of action," Gendo replied, shutting the door, and starting to walk away with his second in command.

Not that Rei thought that she needed to hear any more. The Commander had been discussing a plan to have a female form a bond with the 'Third Child'. Her name had been mentioned in association with this strategy, which meant that she had been considered for implementing it. That meant that she was going to have to see what she could do to have relations with the pilot of Unit-01.

She would just have to find out how to accomplish that first though.

* * *

"After all, if we use the pilot of Unit-02, then we won't need to worry about the fallout if she gets too emotionally involved," Gendo continued as he and his subordinate walked down the hall after his visit with Rei. "We can even use that, if it should come up."

Fuyutsuki raised a brow at the other man. "Manipulate them through their affections for each other?"

"Exactly. And we could do the same if it goes the other way."

"As for Rei..."

"She doesn't have the knowledge and experience for that sort of work," the Commander commented, his face showing no sign if he found that fact disagreeable.

"But this 'Langley' girl would have more in that area. Except... Can you rely on her actually trying in this?"

"She may consider it to be something that she doesn't like, but that doesn't matter to me. As far as she is concerned, she is supposed to 'befriend' the boy, with an option open to use any 'feminine tool', including romantic advances, to keep the boy under control."

"With just enough information about him to make her know that he tends to be a bit... untamed."

"Exactly."

"Should prove to be interesting," the Vice Commander commented dryly.

* * *

Mihoshi had been the wish-granter. Ranma had translated to this world. Chi didn't act the same, it was philosophically linked to AT Fields for one thing.

Mihoshi granting the wish had sent it on to the Council Of Djinn, using her own interpretations and paradigm. Shinji Ikari had therefore been taken out of Evangelion and put into a 'Ranma 1/2' setting that started out as 'martial arts comedy' and turned 'shonen ai' by the time it ended. Shinji Saotome was just plain bad at martial arts, but had an invulnerability factor that Keitaro Urashima would have envied.

By the same factor, Ranma was a main character in Mihoshi's opinion. So she got a little overboard in some respects, but that was pretty much a Mihoshi trait anyway.

* * *

Rei Ayanami blinked as she went over the records.

"Are you sure this is OK?" asked Maya, well aware that medical records were normally confidential.

"I am pursuing a directive from the Commander," Rei stated. "These results seem atypical."

"Atypical," said Ritsuko at her desk and trying to concentrate on other matters. "Hah."

"Yes, well, he's not exactly your average fourteen year old boy," said Maya.

"Is it related to his being the Third Child?" asked Rei.

"No, none of the others have manifested these sorts of symptoms," said Maya.

"Angel contamination?" asked Rei.

THAT caused both Maya and Ritsuko to stop what they were doing and look towards Rei.

"There's no direct evidence of such," said Ritsuko as she mulled the idea over. "It would have to be an angel manifesting in some manner that it could normally pass unnoticed through human society."

"Protective camouflage? Mimicry?" asked Maya, thinking along similar lines.

"It's definitely Ranma Ikari there, but his performance on these tests indicate something major happened," said Ritsuko thoughtfully. "Sullen and introverted? Not even close."

"Hey, the MAGI are reporting an AT field being generated near Katsuragi's apartment," said Maya, seeing a window pop up on her computer. "Just for twelve seconds. Pattern is unknown?"

* * *

Ranma smiled as he mopped sweat from his forehead. THAT would certainly get a few people next time he had to fight some Angel.

Now though, he could see Misato looking for him. 


	6. Chapter 6: My Boyfriend's A Pilot?

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea.

Okay, LOTS of bizarre. Hopefully lots of fun though too. ^_^

Chapter Six: My Boyfriend's A Pilot

* * *

From what Ranma could tell, things were progressing from where that series had started from, and that could be a good thing in his eyes. Knowing what was coming next would certainly be a big help, since he would be able to handle it before something bad happened. Of course, a whole lot of this mess was actually pretty bad, but this gave him a fighting chance, which he enjoyed.

Besides, it was nice to be ahead of the game here, since he'd always been playing 'catch up' in Nerima.

Seeing Misato reminded him that he had to consider what would be coming next. With his inconsistent memory of the show, and since he didn't want it to go by the plans of the creeps trying to turn people into goo, he wasn't going to always have it there to fall back on. For the time being though, he had stuff to work with, and hopefully he could handle the next big dust up. He just had one problem with it all.

Right then, he couldn't exactly remember what it was that would be happening next. Near as he could remember, there would be some fights with those kaiju, but then that was a given. On the other hand, there would be an appearance by those other pilots, which would mean that he'd meet some girls. That was something that he'd have to watch out for, since he didn't want to mess it up before it started. Oh, and yes, there was going to be some attempt to send him to school, but he wasn't all that sure about when that absurd little idea would be coming along.

"Aw man," he groaned to himself as he laced his fingers behind his head. "What good is it ta start preparin' for stuff if ya don't know what it is ta that ya have ta get ready for..."

Nothing answered him, and he hadn't expected that any response would be forthcoming. It wasn't like anyone would just pop up to explain anything to him, since that didn't to happen to anyone at all. But vocalizing it made him feel better, and let him brush off the pressure of the idea as he turned towards where his nominal 'guardian' was looking for him.

Fortunately, he didn't mind being around her, given that she wasn't like some of the girls that he'd known. She was nice, friendly, and didn't give a damn about a lot of 'protocols' and such. Having someone female around who wasn't out to yell, bash, or date him was also a plus. However, it just didn't feel right to go running to her, so he merely strolled along, certain that she'd find him sooner or later.

As it turned out, 'sooner' was the appropriate term, as she spotted him from a walkway and scowled at him. "There you are! What were you thinking, disappearing like that?"

"Don't worry 'bout it," he told her and shrugged. "It ain't like I'm gonna be runnin' away or somethin'."

"Then what was this?"

"Practice."

"'Practice'?"

"Well... _yeah_. I mean, it ain't like ya can be a good fighter simply by sittin' on your ass and eatin' chips. Ya gotta train, and train hard."

"Then this was..." Misato replied, the light of understanding starting to come into her eyes.

"Me tryin' ta get a bit of trainin' in."

"I see, but you really should tell someone before you go off on your own. Who knows what could happen?"

"I can handle myself..."

"I know that. But if you get into trouble that isn't just going to be dealt with by simple fighting?"

"Oh, right... Gotcha."

The captain smiled and nodded resolutely. "Good. Now that we have that settled, you need to get some rest."

"What for?"

"School, of course."

"Well... WHAT?" he blurted, looking at her in disbelief.

"It's really simple. Have you graduated from school yet?"

"No, not really. But..."

"And are you past being a minor?" she asked, blithely ignoring his started protest.

"No..."

"Well then, you're going to school. And I'm sure that you'll make friends there. You are going to learn though."

"Ya do realize that this isn't exactly a real big joy, right?"

"Sure, but think of it this way. I get to know where you'll be during an attack, and you get an education, such as it is."

"Meaning that you aren't exactly a major fan of schoolwork either."

"Oh, shut up," Misato muttered sourly, glancing over at him.

* * *

Rei prepared for bed, with a final eye around her apartment. It had the same comforting disarray as the place of her earliest memories, which was inside Terminal Dogma. However, it might need to be adjusted for cohabitation.

Her mission was one she knew little of. It was not a straightforward military objective after all. She was to 'get close to' and 'create a relationship' with the Third Child - Ranma Ikari. What was involved in such a thing though - this was a difficult task to plan.

She took a moment to examine herself in a mirror, contemplating what another might see when looking at her. Pale skin and hair, red-tinted eyes, slender. She did not fit traditional images of beauty, so far as she could tell. Those standards were easy to determine - just looking at the female forms displayed in the majority of advertisements would indicate that there were many areas she deviated from that concept.

Rei frowned, to such a degree that only someone familiar with her would notice but it was a frown nonetheless.

She understood the concept of a 'cover identity' and she understood keeping secrets. Considering the secretive manner her mission had been dropped upon her, she was to keep this concealed to some degree - from Fuyutsuki and likely her target.

Initial research material, obtained after familiarizing herself with target's medical records, indicated that there were a variety of methods for initiating a 'close' 'relationship' that were potentially applicable. Having evaluated the tactics and strategies within these 'shojo manga' had determined that her best bet was the direct approach.

This would assist in her cover role as a schoolgirl of her current age and development cycle. It was perfectly normal for those within her age group to seek out companionship of the opposite gender and develop interpersonal relationships.

She was also supposed to 'rein in' Ikari. Studies of boys who had girlfriends tended to support this concept, as most of the boys who had an active relationship seemed to settle down - though the degree varied wildly and Rei could not determine why without more data.

As she watched a rented DVD on a rented player, Rei frowned at the antics involved. Schoolgirls apparently found being tied up to be pleasant, which did not strike her as being quite right. Nor did she understand why some of those actions were considered desirable.

After considerable thought, Rei decided that her best chance of success was in the direct method as she'd earlier concluded. Though she hadn't time to check deeper within the research materials known as shojo manga, there were too many unknown variables to utilize some of the approaches within. She would approach Ranma after school, then declare her intent to pursue a relationship with him. The video seemed to indicate that she should bring him to her apartment, but an exact copy of tactics involved would not seem viable. For one thing, she didn't think she'd have any particular skill in cooking - having never practiced it beyond the most basic of fare.

Rei nodded as the female utilized her mouth and tongue in a manner that seemed fairly ridiculous, but caused the male to apparently become helpless to resist.

The appearance of a second female was unexpected. As was her contribution to the continuing activity. This was also unlikely to be something she could duplicate. After all, where was she to find an accomplice for such endeavors?

* * *

"ACHOOO! ACHOOO!"

"Gezundheit."

"Danke," said Asuka, wiping her nose. Damn allergies.

* * *

Meanwhile Ranma merely tried to relax from the rigors of the day and get some sleep. He kept getting this weird chill though.

Finally though - Ranma slept, and wondered why he was having a dream like this. Especially as he knew the blonde genie but didn't know any of the others present.

* * *

"So let me see if I have this straight," said a young redhaired girl, rubbing her forehead as if she was getting a headache. A blonde one named Mihoshi. "When the experiment contacted a high-energy subdimension known as the Land Of The Djinn, you actually expressed a desire to be a genie like on that American TV program."

"That's right," agreed the blonde disaster area.

"You went to the person in this manga," said the redhead, holding up a 'graphic novel' with a picture of both female Ranma and male Ranma on the cover.

"That's me," said dream-Ranma.

"Yes it certainly is," said the redhaired girl. "Then YOU went to Nabiki Tendo, whose wisdom in that series is not exactly reliable and her morality questionable, whom you counted on as being able to word such a wish correctly."

"Yeah," said Ranma. "Well, who ELSE around here would I go to?"

"If Doctor Tofu were available, that's who I'd suggest," said the redhead. "If you were from the anime, I'd suggest Kodachi if Tofu wasn't available. If manga - you're screwed, though your mother might have been able to manage something. Unlikely but better than your current situation."

"Can I ask something?" asked Ranma. "This ain't a normal dream is it? Who are you?"

"I am Washu," said the little girl proudly. "The greatest scientific genius in the universe! Well, in several universes!"

"Yay! Washu! You're the greatest!" said a little puppet.

"Yay! Washu! You're the smartest!" said another little puppet.

"okayyyyyyyy," drawled out Ranma.

"I'm Sasami," said a little pink-eyed blue-haired girl, bowing politely. "Pleased to meet you."

"Back to the synopsis," said Washu. "You were exchanged with Shinji Ikari of the series 'Evangelion' - anime version and the movies in particular. There was a reality adjustment, Class IV, that followed that - which was handled mainly by the djinn."

"If ya mean that 'Shinji 1/2' manga, I already seen it," said Ranma with a scowl. "Don't like yaoi. Never have. Ain't going there."

"I take it you read volume 15," said Sasami. "Actually I thought the 'Princess Shinji' arc was very funny."

"no," said Ranma, who'd skipped over that, but the name was sufficient to have this crawling tendril of horror work its way up his spine.

"I don't know why anyone's upset," said Mihoshi. "I granted his wish. He's bound to have fun with this setup. Giant robots. Alien invasions. Multiple girlfriends. Lighthawk Wings. Secret underground bases with menacing figures in the shadows. Super secret special manuevers. Psychics. Time travelers. All that stuff."

"She calls this 'fun'?" asked Ranma.

"Well, it's done, and Shinji has integrated into your old life and doesn't want to leave despite being a punching bag for everyone else in the series," said Washu.

"Waitaminute," said Ranma, "go back. 'Special Manuevers'?"

"AT Fields and Chi fields are related concepts," explained Washu. "Not quite the same, so you can't pull off a Dragon Ascension Spiral, but you can manage a few things."

Ranma smirked. "Like this?" _Fshhhhhhhhhhhhht!_

"See? See?" said Mihoshi. "He's got a lightsaber. That's got to be fun."

"Ranma? I know you're frustrated and in a bad situation," said Washu, "take some solace from the notion that her second wish-granting went even worse."

"I'm in NEON GENESIS EVANGELION," said Ranma. "I'm looking at a future as orange jello here. How could it be worse?"

"Because you've got a good chance of avoiding it, especially with everything Mihoshi threw into the situation," said Washu. "Besides, her next customer was Keitaro Urashima from 'Love Hina' who wished that he could make all the girls in his life happy when he found his promise girl."

"Uh oh," said Ranma, guessing that could have worked out very badly.

Mihoshi seemed to shrink in on herself. "Well, he's making them happy..."

"Or her THIRD customer," said Washu.

"It wasn't my fault," said Mihoshi.

"Yes it was," said Washu, rolling her eyes.

"I don't remember Shinji as having multiple girlfriends," mused Ranma with a scowl. "And alien invasions? You mean those kaiju right?"

"Looks like you're about to wake up," said Washu, checking something on a machine. "I'll check in on you later."

"Waitaminute, what about..." Ranma blinked as the picture suddenly went to a field of flowers with a "Please Stand By" logo.

Akane came strolling down a path. "Hast thou-est slain the Jabberwok? The jaws that catch, the claws that bite? O! framtuouis day, little guppsuppy!"

"Aw shaddup," said Ranma, finding a nice rock to sit on. This dream again. Shampoo, Akane, and Ukyo would all start quoting nonsensical poetry at each other. One of these days he'd have to figure out what that meant.

* * *

"Lighthawk Wings?" asked little Washu.

"Well, I checked ahead, and eventually he forms not only the sword but a shield, so it's kinda like Tenchi's Lighthawk Wings," said Mihoshi.

"So it's his chi, not real ones. Well, he's not a priority," said Washu.

"He's the only one going into battle regularly," pointed out Ryoko, fading into view.

"Compared to Keitaro, he's got it easy," said Washu. "In the meantime I think it's lunchtime."

* * *

Ranma got up before dawn and began his exercises, noting the presence of the flunkies and mainly ignoring them. They weren't a danger and he wasn't doing anything that would be giving away what he could really do anyway.

The problem was that school would be today, and he expected that something was gonna hit the fan later. He didn't even know how to use those computer-thingies and they did their schoolwork on those - that was gonna be a major pain.

* * *

Despite what his ego may have said to some, Ranma was aware of at least some of his faults. He knew that he wasn't really suited to 'book learning', and would never be one of those students that schools held up as marks of excellence. To him, that sort of thing had never been all that important, given that he had always known that he would be a martial artist, and that his schooling was spotty at best.

Arriving at class that morning had reminded him of those facts, as he discovered that it wasn't exactly made to be fun. When he came and took his seat, he'd already been rather put out by the fact that he was actually older than his new classmates, and had wondered if he'd been forced to go someplace where he'd actually be ahead of the class. However, the droning lecture of the teacher reminded him that he was in a 'future time', which meant that a lot of the stuff that he'd learned was out of date. So, for the first time in his life, he tried to actually pay some attention to a lesson, even if it was beyond dull. Of course, given that it kept him from noting the appreciative stares of the girls, and how the guys were obviously comparing themselves to him, he was a bit more appreciative of the lesson than he might otherwise have been.

Not that the method of classwork was helping him. His classes in Furinkan hadn't exactly been full of computer courses, and he hadn't done as so much as played with a typewriter. That unfamiliarity left him stuck, hunting and pecking for keys to type words, which he wasn't even sure that he was getting right. He could spell, but he didn't know to open programs, never mind use them.

The messenger program worked quite well though, as it kept on popping up with sentences every few moments. At first, he'd drawn back his lips in a grimace of surprise and dismay when he'd seen words just show up uncontrollably on his display. Certain that he'd been doing something wrong, he had nervously looked around for some sort of sign as to what he should do... until he spotted students glancing over at him, and recognized what the words were saying.

Is it true that you're the pilot of that giant robot?

It's true, isn't it?

Why don't you answer?

Some kind of elite, aren't you?

What kind of robot pilot can't use a computer?

This one, obviously.

But you are the robot pilot, right?

He has to be! No one else new has shown up!

Come on, tell us!

Don't keep it a secret!

Maybe he's been told to keep it quiet.

So?

They might want to shoot him if he talks.

Still...

We just want to know!

Tell us already!

PLEASE!

In the end, he'd merely given off a loud groan, scribbled 'robot pilot' on a piece of scrap paper, drawn a 'down' arrow under the words, and held it over his head.

"EHHHHHH!" went the other students as they recognized the confirmation that the sign was giving them.

About the only benefit that came from that little 'success' was that he wasn't being prodded about his status anymore. Instead, he was able to slouch in his chair and stare moodily at the screen, idly wondering if the technology was specifically designed to screw with his comfort levels, even past the sounding of the bell. As it was, he knew that he was going to have to learn how to deal with the damned thing, but he wasn't all that sure how long that would take. Perhaps he could get a lesson from someone at NERV, since they used more complicated versions of the electronic patience tester. Hopefully he wouldn't have to resort to asking Doc Akagi for help, since she was rather creepy and freaky, not to mention the fact that she blew her top entirely too easily.

"Pilot Ikari," came a soft voice right at his shoulder.

Glancing up, Ranma saw the very person that he'd thought had spoken, and realized that he was in trouble. If he knew anything, he knew that dealing with girls was problematic for him, what with him never really understanding them, and them tended to see things in the light that they wanted to.

Then again, he wasn't exactly sure what Rei Ayanami would be thinking of doing.

"Um... Hi," he mumbled uncertainly, eyeing her still bandaged form. "Feeling better?"

"I am well enough," she responded, ignoring the stares that the other students were giving the two of them.

"Ya wanted to say something?"

"Incorrect. I wish to talk with you."

"About what?"

Rei turned her good eye towards him. "About associating with you, now and in the future."

"Excuse me?"

"I believe that we will pair well."

"I'm not sure that I get what you're sayin'..." he trailed off, blinking up at her in confusion.

"We can begin with small acts."

"Okay..."

"Your acceptance is welcome. Let us begin."

"Hey, whaddya think you're startin'?"

"As I understand it, giving assistance is what companions do for each other."

"And..."

"You need help with your computer skills, which are currently lacking," she stated, with a distinct absence of any trace of sarcasm or mockery.

Without any harsh comments about his computer abilities, he could only rub the back of his head. "Ya noticed that, huh?"

"Yes. And I thought that it would be helpful for us to use this opportunity."

"Really? 'Cause I don't know all that much."

"Do not worry. I have been studying such activities."

"That'd be a big help," Ranma admitted, turning back to his machine. "I dunno how ta make heads or tails of this thing."

"Teaching you will accomplish much. I look forward to what it will bring."

"Thanks."

"It is no problem. Let us begin," the blue haired girl told him, and leaned in to guide him.

In doing so, she made Ranma's eyes open up wide, but not through direct touching of his face. Instead, he stiffened as he felt her breasts mold to his upper back as she pressed them against him when she leaned over his shoulder. Her breath was warm against his cheek, and her arm wrapped around his side just a bit as she reached over to balance herself. As her slim fingers covered his hand on the mouse, he realized that this was a rather intimate position to be in.

What made it even more strange was that he wasn't all that sure that she wasn't doing it all accidentally, which didn't seem like it fit.


	7. Chapter 7:Great Balls Of Fire

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea.

Okay, LOTS of bizarre. Hopefully lots of fun though too. ^_^

Chapter Seven: Great Balls Of Fire

* * *

Toji Suzuhara had a brain. He was not stupid, and managed to pass his courses without too much trouble. Just because he was the biggest person in the class, some people tended to equate that with a lack of intellectual capacity.

He WAS prone to bull ahead even when he had reason to suspect that his current course of action had a relatively small chance of success.

"So, you're the pilot," said Toji, sizing up the new kid and NOT grabbing his shirt and making demands. Ranma Ikari gave off the sort of image-presence of a drowsy lion. Fine unless you prodded him to full wakefulness and then things would get exceedingly painful. One of the reasons he had waited till everyone was in the hallway. "My sister got hurt in that little fight yesterday. She was in a shelter that was damaged."

Ranma winced. Some little girl got hurt in that? "Sorry about that. You might want to check with..." hmmm. who to stick with this. Oh - that would work. "Ritsuko Akagi."

"Huh? I thought you were the pilot." Toji turned confused briefly. He also noticed that the crowd nearby was edging closer now that immediate violence seemed to have gotten tabled.

"Yeah I was," said Ranma. "She's the one who decided I had to go pilot that Eva-thingie when I hadn't even seen one before yesterday, and didn't even put in a freaking weapons system!"

"No weapons?" exclaimed Kensuke Aida. "What kind of giant robot doesn't have any weapons?"

There were murmurs among the crowd too. They were Japanese after all, and a giant robot without weapons just wasn't right.

"They tell me they're getting me something called a 'prog-knife', but if you ask me that's nearly as lame as no weapons!" complained Ranma. Saotome NEW special technique - Blame The Gal Who Stuck Her Hand Up Your Butt Yesterday. "Pfeh. Oh. And I get trained to use some kinda guns when they get the bugs out. What kinda secret underground organization goes about giving you knives and guns AFTER you've started fighting?"

"Secret underground organization?" asked Kensuke.

"You should see the place," grumped Ranma. "A bit more high tech, but it could'a fit right into an old anime as the villain base. Ain't got no... what's the word?"

"Class?" asked Toji, sucked in despite himself.

"Dramatic impact?" asked Hikari, giving up pretense of not listening.

"Artistic merit?" asked Kensuke.

"YEAH, That's it!" said Ranma, not indicating who he was agreeing with.

Rei frowned ever so slightly as she considered part of the reason for Ranma's balking at following NERV directives might be resulting from first impressions of design.

"So how come you don't know how to use a computer?" asked one of the girls, not understanding how anyone couldn't use a computer. Or cellphone. Or SDAT. How could you live without text messaging?

"I been real focussed on martial arts training," said Ranma, lashing out with a casual punch that took a divot out of a brick wall. "Now I've got this NERV stuff. Not gotta lotta time for any of the other stuff. Which is why Rei offering to help is gonna be so... helpful."

Rei blushed slightly as everyone turned their attention towards her. This was simply due to embarassment at being the focus of attention, but it was freely interpreted by many of those watching.

"Rei, are you sure you should be doing all that while you're injured?" asked Hikari.

"There is unlikely to be any strain on my injuries as a result of tutoring Ikari," said Rei.

* * *

"I can't believe you did that to poor Keitaro Urashima. I'll never be able to look at 'Love Hina' the same way again."

_Clap clap clap_ "Better him than me," intoned Tenchi. "Much better him than me."

"I don't know about that," said Washu. "You might get Ayeka and Ryoko to stop fighting."

Ayeka turned green. "Eeeep. That is. No. I really don't think so."

Ryoko was paler than usual. "Much as I hate to agree with the princess, that's a bit much."

* * *

Ranma followed Rei, frowning slightly at all the noise from the pumps and nearby construction. Even if the city was supposedly new - this area looked like a dump. Somehow the episodes he'd seen had glossed over all the trash like the cigarette butts piled up around the stairwells in the apartment complex.

The area was not the best one, and seeing it in person rather than brief images in a television series gave it a whole different impact. The smell was unpleasant, having the quality of areas that were frequently flooded and then drained again. Mud, mold, dead fish, and other things that Ranma didn't quite want to identify.

Then there was the sound of the pumps and of construction nearby.

That Rei had NO neighbors and that this part of Tokyo-3 seemed dirtier than the rest was quite noticeable as well.

Then they arrived at her apartment and Ranma noted the lack of door unlocking that took place. Not that leaving a door unlocked was that uncommon in rural areas, but here in the capital?

When he followed her in, he wasn't talkative himself, because he was trying to figure the situation itself out.

The situation was one that Ranma was rather uncertain about, given that he was unused to such things. It wasn't that he had not had experience around girls, but the fact was that the girls tended to be rather... direct in their actions. So, he had some instincts on how to deal with girls who'd either want to bash, or get into an immediate romance, with him, but he had little to go on when dealing with a quiet girl.

Of course, he didn't doubt that she was an attractive girl. Even he could see that with a proper wardrobe, and some care, she could have been quite appealing to a lot of guys. However, she was also silent almost to the point of being mute in a lot of ways. That made it hard to make a connection with her, and he didn't particularly understand why she'd seemed to take an interest in him. Still, it seemed that she was turning out to be rather nice, all things considered, even if he didn't know what she wanted.

He did think that she had complete access to electricity though. "Ummm... What's with all the candles?"

"They have been placed here to improve the 'atmosphere'," Rei admitted, her expression matter of fact as she led him inside. Candles sat on every available horizontal surface, save for the bed and the floor, and their flickering light set the whole room in a warm glow. "From what I understand, this is one of the approved ways of decorating when a girl and a boy are to spend time alone together, especially in a personal space."

"Hold on... Ya did all this cause ya thought that I was comin'?"

"That was the idea."

"So, from the start, ya planned on havin' me come here."

"Such a consideration was included in my initial advance."

"Gotcha. Didn't think that'd be the case, 'xcept..." He raised his head a bit and took a couple of quick sniffs. "I ain't all that sure that this is for the best."

"And why would that be?"

"Smells like smoke's comin' from over there."

Rei's eyes widened just a bit, and she quickly twisted to look at where he'd indicated. Just like he'd said, there was a scent of burning materials, and when she moved just a bit closer to look, she saw a lick of flames come out as the room started to burn freely.

"Okay, that's not good... HEY!"

Rather than discuss things with him, she merely pushed the surprised boy out the door, and from the apartment. However, the creak of the structure gave her a bit of warning before the ceiling just before the exit crashed down to the floor, blocking her way out. At the same time, she fell to her knees from the surprise.

A glimpse of that was the last look he got of her before the smoke and debris blocked his vision. Not that it was particularly heartening to see something like that, as it meant that she was in mortal danger, and he had a distinct urge to do something to save her.

Though, oddly enough, he couldn't ignore the part of him that was noticing that, for a dump, someone had really designed the place well, considering that the fire was contained only in her place.

* * *

Normally Gendo was unflappable, but even he was unable to ignore the situation at the moment, as was shown by the way that he looked at his second in command. "There was a fire at the First Child's quarters?"

One that rendered the place uninhabitable," the Vice Commander confirmed. "Even by her."

"And that means..."

"That her simple needs and lack of decorating won't be satisfied by staying there."

"Which means that she will have to be moved," the Commander grunted.

"Perhaps we could move her in with Captain Katsuragi."

* * *

She wasn't one for any show of 'drama', but Rei found it hard to get up from her seated position, and that had nothing to do with any more injuries to her person. In fact, other than the singed nature of her clothing, the smudges on her cheeks, and the wisps of smoke rising from her person, there was no mark on her that hadn't been there before. Basically, she was fine, which was odd, considering the fact that she'd just come up against a rather sizable fire.

"This is most... fortunate," she murmured to herself, putting aside her earlier thoughts of being replaced by another clone.

Since she was going to be dead, that made it clear that she wouldn't need a replacement for herself. Still, she was going to need to get a number of other things, and that didn't just include her personal care items. As it was, her apartment was no longer an actual structure, what with the currently empty nature of it. Even the walls themselves hadn't survived, as they were black and charred where they still stood, having gaping holes in spots. Light fixtures creaked as they swung barely attached to the remnants of the ceiling. Her books were now burnt bits of paper, and what little furniture was now merely blackened skeletons of their former selves. And about the only thing that had survived, albeit in a rather dirty form, was her kitchen sink.

"Okay, this place isn't going to be usable," Misato Katsuragi muttered as she tried to step where the heel of her boot wouldn't slip on the debris on the floor. "Looks like a total loss..."

"Which begs the question, how did this happen?" Ritsuko Akagi idly asked as she tried to maneuver in her own high heels.

"You're the scientist. I'd thought that you'd know. There's a fire, things burn, and you wind up with an extra crispy room."

"Ha, ha. Very funny. What I meant was that she shouldn't even be here. 'Alive', that is. And it shouldn't have gone out so easily."

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yes, and I'd like to know how the fire just went out like that. Doesn't seem like falling pieces of the apartment should have smothered it enough..."

"Maybe it's divine intervention. Or magic," Ranma drawled, grinning at the scientist. "Could be that some tanuki or a kitsune decided to help her. Hey, it might have been aliens!"

"Really."

"Little animal friends joining together for a common cause?"

The look that the woman with the falsely blonde hair gave him was icy at best.

Ranma just let his smile grow that much larger.

"In any case, she can't stay here," Misato put in, dragging the conversation back to the matter at hand. "In the mean time, do you have even any clothes saved?"

"My only set of street clothes is what I am wearing," Rei reveled, looking steadily at the Operations Director.

Taking in the state of the clothes, which happened to smell like smoke, the officer shook her head. "That simply won't do at all."

For once, both Ranma and Ritsuko both were left wondering if they should be concerned about the same thing.

* * *

Rei wasn't used to a place this clean, or this occupied. It was the latter that concerned her current mission. The presence of Misato was also going to make her seduction of Ikari difficult.

"You don't have ANY other clothing?" asked Misato.

"My school uniform, gym clothes, and swimsuit were sufficient for all required functions," stated Rei in her quiet voice. Her forehead furrowed ever so slightly as she considered the functions of a girlfriend. Other clothing options would seem to be of use in such a role.

"That won't do," said Misato, a gleam entering her eyes.

Ranma shrugged. Didn't have anything to do with him. "I'm gonna go practice some. Y'all do what you want."

"We'll be a little late, so why don't you fix dinner?" asked Misato, revealing that she had other motives.

"Yeah, yeah," said Ranma, figuring it was probably the only way to avoid the barely edible sludge Misato tended to fix. It was nearly as bad as Akane's sort of thing.

Oh well, at least he knew Akane and them were doing well without him. Though he really didn't want to think about Nerima, as that had him thinking about Konatsu and Shinji and... No, he didn't want to think about that at all.

* * *

"We may have to rearrange things," said Fuyutsuki, standing and facing a display in Gendo's office.

"Indeed, this was not foreseen," said Gendo, not liking it. "Did she shield herself with an AT field?"

"That was my thought as well," said Fuyutsuki.

"She shouldn't be able to do that," said Gendo. "When Asuka arrives, I was planning on placing her with Katsuragi."

"There isn't that much room," pointed out Fuyutsuki.

"If it becomes a problem, I'll have someone attend to it," said Gendo. "For now, I have other matters that are more pressing."

* * *

Ranma was just finishing up with something he'd thought a clever idea. By making extras and sticking them in the freezer - he had an alternative on nights when Misato's efforts were particularly loathsome.

"So, what do you think?" said Misato as she came in the door.

Ranma winced without turning around. That was one of THOSE questions. No good answer really. Lots of wrong answers.

"This feels... strange," confessed Rei.

Ranma debated potential answers before turning around, figuring he'd stalled enough. He ended up staring, however.

Rei was wearing a black pants-turtleneck combination that offset her pale skin dramatically.

"I'd say from that reaction, we have a 'win'," said Misato.

* * *

Rei sat back on the bed and considered the way the day had turned out, not feeling particularly sleepy despite the late hour.

She had been trapped, the flames gouting outward as something caught and burst. She had realized what it had been from a glimpse of the mechanism. There had been an incendiary device built into the wall, most likely from long ago. Conclusion: her apartment had been rigged to remote-detonate sometime in the past. It had been those hidden incendiaries which had accelerated the fire to the extent it had.

Ranma Ikari had not known of the device or that he was even to be there. He also had only been in the area only recently. Conclusion: Ranma Ikari had charged into the fire without knowing why the flames had developed to that extent, regardless of the heat level.

Then he'd done... something. Something with his own AT field, much like she could do except he'd practically radiated cold. The air had exploded around them, blowing out the remaining windows and tearing holes in the walls even further.

Then Ranma had slumped, whatever he'd done had apparently exhausted him and hurt in some way.

Ranma Ikari had not only risked his life to save her own, but he had personally endured pain and suffered for her sake.

Rei was used to thinking of herself as disposable. Replaceable. A tool to be used. Thinking of someone who would go to such lengths for her left her confused.

A glance towards the case with the glasses in them, retrieved from the aftermath of the fire did not evoke the same reaction it had previously. This was also noted for later contemplation.

Rei simply willed herself to sleep, thinking that it would be easier to understand these things with some rest.

* * *

Ranma was a little confused himself. He KNEW that Rei was one of several, that she wasn't exactly human. He knew there was an excellent chance she was only getting close to him because of his "father" ordering something to that effect. She might end up as an enemy if he tried to avoid that whole "goo ending". He'd reacted to her getting surrounded by the fire as if she was simply a normal girl.

He'd worked out that chi and the AT fields were similar, and that he couldn't do everything he could back home. He had to invent new techniques because a few old ones just wouldn't work. As back home, he tended to work out his new techniques on the fly when he had his back against the wall. Or in this case surrounded by fire. He'd ended up doing something like the soul of ice and something like the dragon ascension spiral, but it had HURT forcing things out like that. Instead of a tornado, he'd lost control of the spiral of ice and fire and ended up with something like a bomb blast.

Now Rei was next door to his own room. Keeping secrets was gonna be REAL hard now.

* * *

If he could have had his way, Ranma would have been perfectly happy to lay about in bed for as long as he felt like. Getting up had never been something that he'd been terribly driven to do with any speed, and he'd never had any desire to become some sort of perky person. Rather, he'd have liked to lay about, relaxing in which ever way that he could find, until he could find something fun to do, like get in a good fight, or handle an enjoyable trip.

But he was also not a stupid boy, and despite his dislike of early rising, he wasn't exactly going to give up on getting up relatively early. With the need to practice, he had to get up at a time which would allow him to fit in his training along side his other tasks for the day, like getting a good meal. And despite the fact that he was seriously disliking the idea of having to go to school, he didn't think that he'd try ditching it, as NERV would give him such a headache about it that he didn't want to bother with the hassle.

That didn't mean that he was about to rush into what he had to do for the morning. Instead, he merely rolled out of bed and strolled over to do his morning bathroom routine. Scratching his back under his undershirt as he went, he yawned, and prepared to relieve what a night's sleep had left in his bladder.

With his eyes bleary, and his mind still addled by the remnants of his rather uneven night of rest, he reached out, with one hand heading to open the door, and the other ready to help push it out of the way.

He never had to do it, as the door swung open before he could touch it.

However, he was able to touch Rei, who was coming out of the bathroom just then. It seemed that she'd had a similar idea to his, but she'd gotten up earlier than he had. This normally wouldn't have been a problem... save for the fact that his hands were still moving. The one that had been head to do the actual opening hit only air, but the other one went to brace against hitting into her.

Unfortunately, this also resulted in his palm covering over her chest and resting there. As a result, he got to feel a soft resistance that had nothing to do with an active response on her part, but had to do a lot with her anatomy. Looking down, he saw that, yes, she certainly was female, yes, she was nicely endowed for her age, yes, she was wearing a man's dress shirt that was open in front due to only one or two buttons at the waist being fastened, and, no, she was quite clearly not wearing a bra.

Recognizing the feel of the supple mound that was being rolled about by his hand, and the nub that was pressing into his palm from under the white improvised pajamas, he could only come up with images of physical violence coming upon his person. "GAH!"

"Is something the matter, Pilot Ikari?" Rei asked as calmly as if they were fully dressed, a room apart, and discussing the weather.

"Huh? Wha? Sure!"

"What is it?"

"Eh? This..."

"I do not take your meaning..."

"Uh... Ya ain't bothered... Ummm... This is..."

"What's all the racket about? And what is going on around here?" an obviously sleep addled Misato grumbled as she opened her door and stuck her head out into the hall.

"Actually..."

"Pilot Ikari was taking the opportunity of our accidental meeting to enjoy a groping of my breast. As plesant as it may be, continuing this will have to wait. There are classes to attend to later," the First Child answer, seemingly ignorant of the frightened and panicked look on Ranma's face. Nodding politely to the both of them, the teenaged girl turned and walked back to the room she'd been given, as if nothing untoward had happened. "Until later."

For a long moment, Ranma could only stare at her door as it closed serenely, leaving him with only the 'phantom weight' of what he'd touched of her in his hand.

"Is that what was going on, hmm, Ranma?" the military officer asked, giving a narrow eyed look towards him.

Right then, the pigtailed boy recognized that he'd also been also left in a rather awkward situation with someone who wasn't exactly known for being dismissive or easily forgiving.

Pen Pen merely walked by, gave a penguin shrug, and headed off for a beer.

* * *

Sets of numbers passed by Ritsuko's eyes and she turned from her computer display to rub her fingers under her glasses to ease the ache from her tired eyes. The data had long gone into becoming a bit of a blur, with data sets becoming smeared mixes that she couldn't really focus on. Fatigue had set in, and she knew that if she just let it happen, she could fall asleep right there and then.

A small bark of laughter escaped from between her lips as she remembered her days from college, where she had been able to pull all nighters like this one before. Yet, despite having shown herself to be able to get the work done, she'd always been something of a mess the next day.

Of course, that likely meant that she'd be sleeping in whenever she did get into her bed.

Leaning back in her chair, she crossed her shapely legs and let one foot idly shake in its high heel. Her pose would have appealed to many of the men who worked at the Geo-Front, but the fact was that the only male on her mind was the one that she couldn't see herself being with. However, her focus wouldn't leave him, as she had a puzzle to solve, and she didn't like leaving such things unsolved.

By everything that she could tell, there should have been no way that Rei should have been able to survive in that inferno. She'd done exactly that though, as the clone had apparently managed to find someway to not only avoid death or serious injury, but had actually extinguished most of the flames that were threatening her. Now, considering what she knew of the First Child, it should have been unlikely for that to happen, if it could have occurred at all.

What nagged at her though was that Ranma Ikari had been there as well. Something told her that he had a hand in this... event, but just what that could be, she couldn't even begin to tell. From his personal data, he shouldn't have had any way of managing to do anything all that out of the ordinary, save for a few little tricks. By what she could tell from the evidence seemed to bring that into question, as it was clear that _something_ odd had happened there. To tell the truth, she didn't even know why she thought that he was involved, other than her irritation with the boy.

'I need coffee,' she mentally sighed, and slid out of the chair, grabbed her cup, and strolled off in search of a fresh pot of java.

* * *

Rei would have been the first person to admit that she didn't know much about clothing. To her, practicality was key, as she had only used money to purchase what she'd needed. By what she knew, her clothing needs were simple, falling into the three main outfits for school use, her plugsuit, and the simple bras and panties that she'd use at all. Until recently, it had seemed to be rather pointless to do anything more.

In contrast, her closet at the Katsuragi residence had a number of new outfits hanging and waiting for her to wear them. Had she had no other reason, she would have merely let the Captain guide her into the purchases, as she didn't see any reason to buck a superior, especially when that one was apparently pleased to have an unlimited NERV credit card. The thing was that she had also seen that it was apparently expected for a girl of her age, especially one with a boyfriend, to have many outfits.

And to be honest, she could see the reasoning behind a number of the clothing selections. Beyond the replacement of what she'd lost, she also had some new garments, many of which were in dark colors, like blue, black, and purple. Having a kimono was new, but she knew that there were observances and events that would call for that sort of garment. Just in shoes, she was fully stocked, from simple school footwear, to sneakers, to sandals, and to even some dress shoes, she was ready. Boots alone represented a good portion of her footwear, as she had basic ones, ankle boots, ones to knee high, and, for reasons that escaped her, thigh high ones.

On the other hand, she had plenty of things that she could easily come up with occasions to wear them. She now had pants for casual wear, along side simple blouses, an orange skirt that went with a tank top that bore orange, white, and blue stripes, as well as red and white checked jumper that she was planning on wearing with a long sleeved black shirt. Three dresses that ended just above the knee were now hers, including a black one that had a neckline to give a hint of cleavage, but had a pair of shoulders and sleeves in a see-through material that gave it a 'sophisticated' look. With the simple blue one, and the shoulderless, high necked one, she was ready for any formal dating opportunities.

Her troubles came from the fact that she didn't particularly understand all of the reasons for having certain garments. Despite her lack of motivation to 'show off', she could tell that the one laying on her bed did expose her body in quite pleasing ways. The front zippering bustier did much to present her breasts for viewing, and left her flat belly bare. That came from the tiny black skirt that barely brushed over her backside, and allowed one to see the frilly white tops of her lavender thigh highs. With above the elbow leather gloves that had several around the arm belt fasteners on each of them, and the shiny high heels on her feet, she understood that she was looked rather like the girls that the boys in class tended to gaze at in magazines, or stare raptly at on game screens.

The difficulty that she had came from the odd insistence that Captain Katsuragi had in deciding that they would get the outfit. Something about being 'naughty' was the apparent reason, although she wasn't too clear on what that was supposed to mean. Its saving grace did come from a remark that the operations director had made about it 'knocking the socks off of Ranma'. He didn't seem to wear any sort of socks, but if it did cause him to see her with desire, then that was welcome.

It just didn't seem that she could figure out a reason to wear it, or the other ones, like the poofy shouldered black and white dress with the mid-thigh skirt and black stockings that Katsuragi had declared had made her look like a 'doll'. All that she knew was that she had a hat that seemed to serve no logical purpose, and not a lot of understanding as to what the style was supposed to be. Apparently, it had something to do with a popular sub-culture during the Captain's youth, even if the woman had not been involved in it herself.

Fortunately, she didn't have to wonder about what she should wear for school, as a uniform was the only allowable clothing choice, so she merely had to get hers out so that she could dress once she finished her morning absolutions.


	8. Chapter 8:Online

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea.

Okay, LOTS of bizarre. Hopefully lots of fun though too. ^_^

Chapter Eight: Online

* * *

Rei Ayanami glanced at the boy walking along the top of a fence and considered things in her usual silent manner.

She put her observations within the framework of her own experiences.

Ranma was walking atop the fence, and from what little she'd seen - he seemed to orient towards high ground when possible. The reasons for doing so were quite clear to her - with the elevation came a superior line of sight to potential dangers and targets. The downside of which was that potential threats had an easier time spotting Ranma. Conclusion: Ranma expected threats and was sufficiently confident in his own abilities that he discounted danger to himself in such encounters.

That he was able to walk along such a narrow path, and able to hop/flip from ground to wall and back when such paths were necessarily abandoned, also told Rei a few things about her erstwhile boyfriend. He almost seemed weightless at the time he was making such leaps. Which was certainly odd enough for consideration. Was he using an AT field projection?

"Round One - FIGHT!"

Rei blinked as Ranma paused, looking towards the sound of that voice. It was merely the game arcade located a block away from the school. Rei had known of its presence but had not travelled along this path particularly often, and such activities had never demonstrated a particular appeal to her.

Rei considered the arcade herself. Was this not something that couples did? Schoolmates often came to such places, but she had initially discounted potential combat training via the simulations within. Now she was unsure. Were such things of actual value?

Ranma himself had merely hopped down and regarded the screen of the one placed upon the sidewalk at the door. Some odd detail had caught his attention?

"SHIRYU SHOTEN HA!" said one of the characters in the game, again drawing a slight reaction from Ranma.

"Pfeh," said Ranma, reacting to Rei's presence and making a gesture to the game. "They got that move all wrong."

Rei blinked and observed the game further. Ranma was indicating that the manuever of the digital character was something real? "How could that be real?"

"Oh, that's just a chi blast," said Ranma, walking away from the machine. "No big deal."

Rei frowned ever so slightly. What was the appropriate response to such a statement for a potential girlfriend to make? Was he indicating that the game's unrealistic portrayal of melee combat had some basis in reality? Perhaps an indication of admiration layered with skepticism? "That would be 'cool' to see."

Ranma merely glanced back and seemed to go off into some thought.

Rei increased her stride slightly to catch back up. Her response obviously wasn't sufficient. Then again, what about the fires in her apartment? He had done something there.

"I would like to see you do that," tried Rei.

Again Ranma glanced back at her, his expression indicating some inner turmoil. Finally he put a hand out, palm forward, and pointed it at a trash can.

_WHUNG!_

Rei stopped as she came next to the trash can. She'd observed at least three feet of distance between Ranma's hand and the trash can. Yet now the metal pipe that served as the lip of the trash can was now bent inward as if hit by a hammer.

"You're so cool, Ranma-kun," tried Rei, remembering odd details she'd seen in those videos. Praise of this sort seemed common within such relationships.

"Uh, yeah," said Ranma, who wasn't averse to praise but also knew this was NOT what he had expected from Rei.

* * *

There was much that Asuka knew that she should have been happy about, what with her transfer to Tokyo-3 coming up. Being sent to the center of the defense of humanity was a major step and she'd taken it as a signal that she was needed there. That did a lot to convince her that she was being seen as a major asset in the scheme of things. Sure, it also suggested that she was only being brought in due to the other pilots hadn't proven to be enough to do the job, but that just made her be like the calvary in those old cowboy films.

Instead, she'd been reluctant to pack some of her prettier outfits. Not that she was bothered by dressing to show how sexy she could be. Heck, she wanted to truly show Kaji that she was becoming an adult. And being able to impress Misato with how lovely she'd become would be a bonus.

However, that'd also be what she'd have to use in that stupid mission that NERV Japan had given to her. Certainly, Misato hadn't sent it, and no one was going to pretend about that fact, since the woman's name hadn't shown up as anything resembling a contributor to the message. Yet, that was only a little comfort, as she had still been given the 'mission' to seduce the idiot Third Child. Sure, they put it down as 'assisting in preventing emotional outbreaks from the pilot of Unit 01' and 'creating a comfortable and pleasing atmosphere for the Third Child', but she knew what it meant. She had no doubt that she could wrap this idiot around her little finger, but it made her wonder just what sort of a pathetic loser would have to resort to having secret paramilitary organizations assign 'friends' to him. More than anything else, she was sure that he had to be some sort of scrawny weakling who wouldn't be able to bend rubber, rather than some athletic stud who could outdo the stunts in the movies.

So, it was with an already annoyed state of mind that she stood in her room, amongst the boxes and packages of her packing, and glared at the message on the paper in her hands.

"What the hell is this anyway?" she snarled, not caring that she wasn't about to get an answer. "You've got to be kidding me! 'Living arrangements will be made upon arrival'?"

No matter how many times she looked at it, the words did not change. Instead, they still told her that her original plans were not going to come to fruition quite as she'd thought. She'd liked the idea of staying with Misato, and had thought that it would give her the chance to put some distance between her and Kaji, so that he wouldn't think that she was a kid, or something silly like that.

Instead, she only _might_ be able to stay with the elder woman, and that would only happen if the captain's own situation changed, unless they changed their minds back to their original thinking. Of course, it didn't matter to Asuka, as she wasn't exactly pleased by this latest... hiccup in her life. _She_ was the pilot of the first production model of the Evangelion series, not some piece of equipment that was supposed to be stored wherever it was easiest! What was worst about the whole deal was that she didn't even know if she'd have someplace to live when she got to the city, and being homeless simply did not appeal to her.

Going from a frustrated growl to a yelp of disgust, the redhead crumpled the paper and threw it against the wall, not that it made her feel all that much better.

She did hope that everything, including the likely wimpy Third Child, was going to be worth all this hassle.

* * *

Leaning back in his chair, Kaji looked at the screen in front of him, and smirked. It seemed to be almost amusing that he was getting even more work sent his way now, seeing as he had a lot of people might have thought that overseeing the transport of Unit 02 and its pilot would be worth enough effort. Besides, it was also clear that there was no doubt that he'd succeed and get to NERV without any undue delay.

But then, he'd have expected such... confidence from Gendo Ikari. The man was nothing if he wasn't sure of himself, and what he could do. As it was, the guy already had him doing several things at once, on top of what others expected of him. Work was nice and all, but the truth was that it seemed to be a lot of fuss and bother at times.

Still... the fact that he was being asked to check around the Commander's son seemed to be telling. Apparently, according to the projections, the boy was supposed to have become some sort of 'shrinking violet', incapable of standing up for himself. Instead, he was a more than capable martial artist who was cocky and not afraid to mouth off. This 'Ranma Ikari' seemed to be rather interesting in that respect, although he was going to have to see what made the boy tick before he made any real decisions.

Taking the time wouldn't be that much of a bother, of course. Hell, if anything, it'd give him plenty of time to enjoy himself while he was there. Flirting with Ritsuko would be nice, but he really couldn't wait to see dear old Misato again. No matter if she was still mad at him or not, he liked the look in her eyes when he got her... excited.

His smirk turned into a full blown grin, and he gave off a loud chuckle.

* * *

Ranma was doing something unusual for him. The rest of the class was completely uninterested in the subject, which was the teacher droning on about Second Impact and the effect on the world situation.

So the rest of the class was dozing while Ranma paid attention and took notes. On a piece of paper, as he hadn't had more than basic lessons with the computer yet. Though before class he'd managed a little preparatory study.

(Knowing Asuka was going to show up, he was trying to learn a few handy German phrases to throw out. Strudelkopf. Spast. Wichser. Du kotzt mich an. He didn't know what all of them meant, as he'd just had a few minutes before class, but he had hopes for a really devastating one to reward Asuka with when she started in on something. Auf die knie, und heul um vergebung - sounded complicated but was probably a really nasty one to unleash.)

For now though - he had to learn more about this world. What exactly had happened and how had it altered the world.

They'd dropped a nuke on the Tokyo he'd lived in, part of that war that had ended with this 'Valentine Treaty.' So, from what he remembered of those movies - SEELE had caused both the Second Impact and had been directly responsible for the war.

Which meant that paying back those old bastards, or at least depriving them of their prize - THAT was a goal to go after.

* * *

Rei pondered. This was nothing new, she was easily the most introspective member of her class.

Rei was, among other things, evaluating her orders. She had been groped this very morning by her new boyfriend, and that had been quite odd. Though he had not intended to, apparently, it was a sign that she was taking as hopeful.

Apparently what Ranma-kun was capable of passed beyond what she knew to be possible, which was a sign of incomplete briefing or merely insufficient data on the parts of those who had prepared her for normal life.

Rei was unclear on a wide variety of things involving this situation, and getting more data was mandated at this point. The problem would be determining where she could actually go for information on such things.

* * *

Misato let the people work as she leaned back in her chair and tried to pop a vertebra between her shoulder blades that was informing her she'd been stressing of late.

Shopping for Rei had been surprisingly fun, but the situation as it was - rife with possibilities that could not only go wrong - but end in her meeting with a fatal accident if it turned out to be anything as indicated.

The Babel Fish was in a bowl at home. Having it in her ear was not only disgusting, but distracting. It turned out that lots of things had basic communication but not exactly a huge vocabulary.

Having listened to birds chattering at each other, with a single word or phrase repeated past the point of irritation, had been enough for that particular experiment.

"Man, we'll be cleaning Angel spatter off for days at this rate," complained a worker.

* * *

Staying in quiet and isolation wasn't something hard for Gendo, as he did it all the time. In fact, he rather preferred it that way, as he didn't feel all that connected to his fellow man, and never wanted to have that change. Rather, he preferred to sit behind his desk in his empty office, and keep his thoughts to himself.

It made plotting ever so much easier when one didn't have someone prattling at them.

At this time though, he was doing more along the lines of troubleshooting, as he had a problem that had not been expected. He had been told that his son would be biddable, antisocial, and easy to use in his plans by the files sent to him. However, what he got was an arrogant fighter who could quite likely cause the medical expenses of the security department to rise. As this sort of 'hiccup' was of the sort that could have been spotted earlier, he knew that something had happened that made the files invalid.

All he had to do was to figure out what, or who, had given him bad information, and handle it appropriately.

Fortunately, he didn't foresee any sort of future issues with any other personnel coming up.

* * *

For Ranma, it was lucky that some things were still the same, even if he was in a different time. Computers might have taken up even more of a role in daily life, but school was still the same in a lot of ways. The time in between breaks was nice enough, and even if he was back in junior high, it didn't feel as bad as he might have thought to simply sit around.

And even dealing with Rei was proving to be something that was easier to handle than he might have thought. From what he'd experienced before, he might have expected some sort of harassment or violence, but even when she was in a terribly embarrassing situation, she was rather... calm about the whole thing. Not that it wasn't kind of odd to think about, but the fact of the matter was that it was also nice to not have to deal with a girl who was about to whap him for accidents. In fact, other than seeming to read a book even when she started coming over to him, she didn't do much of anything.

"Hm? Whatcha readin'?" he asked as she stood next to him. "It any good?"

"I am unsure of that. My ability to judge its worth will come from trying it out," Rei answered, her red eyes never looking from the page.

"'Trying it out'? It ain't a novel, or somethin' like that?"

"No, it is a guide to the interactions between males and females of compatible desires."

"Huh? Guess that's good..."

Her brow furrowed just a bit. "Unfortunately, the only way to prove its worth is in the application of its techniques."

"Well, maybe I could help..."

"That was what I was desiring to be the case."

"What _are_ ya thinkin' 'bout tryin', anyway?" the pigtailed boy asked, blinking in confusion.

"According to this, kissing is acceptable normally with the second date. However, as we are living together, it may be permissable to skip to chapter five."

"'Chapter five'?"

"See here?" the blue haired girl told him, tilting the book so that he could see as well, her slender finger following the lines of text. "This is what I am talking about."

"Oh, I see. It's... It's... Ya gotta be joking..."

"Why would I do something like that?"

"Because... That's... It's just not somethin' that ya do with someone that ya just met!"

"But we have not 'just met'. We have spent time together, and share both a class and housing accommodations," Rei commented.

"Ya wanna actually _try_ this?"

"Certainly. Attempting such activities with you would be no burden upon me, and would be done without reservation."

What she said left the martial artist rather unable to make coherent sounds, and he grunted and squeaked for a bit.

* * *

Ritsuko sat back and contemplated the ceiling.

Gendo finished going through the report and summed up his reaction to it in a simple and direct manner. "You're sure of this?"

"It has to be," said Ritsuko. "It's the only explanation I could find after the results of the various tests came back taken after the Angel attack. I spent most of the afternoon trying to test him as a followup."

"The only pleasant thought about this is that the old men of SEELE are likely to be even more annoyed than yourself," said Gendo.

"He has to be reinforcing his physical parameters with angel-level AT fields," said Ritsuko, "and for that to happen it has to be a form of angel contamination."

"Yet he can be used," said Gendo. It was not a question.

"Well, yes," said Ritsuko. "We had to build specialized equipment, but we have a measure of his strength and speed. His ability to heal and recover are... astonishing."

"Useful traits for someone who is to be sent out to fight," pointed out Gendo. "I see he burned out your treadmill."

"He was running over forty-five miles per hour and his heartrate only went up marginally," said a frowning Ritsuko. "Though if you want to discuss broken equipment, there's the weight machine."

"Deal with it, Doctor," said Gendo. "Unless you want to negotiate a better budget?"

* * *

It was on its way.

Shamshel had been "born" at the moment that Sachiel perished, however it had evolved a little based on things that had occurred to Sachiel.

There was an Other. This had to be seen and verified. Where there was an Other, their Purpose might need to be re-evaluated.

That there might have been further alterations in itself was not of a concern.

* * *

Asuka grumped to herself as the plan to take her Eva unit, the only one designed for combat, was loaded onto a ship. She was watching from a distance, but it was only proper she should be around for such a thing.

Mainly though she was brooding.

Ship travel was SUCH a pain.

Her mission was SUCH a pain.

Being away from Kaji was SUCH a pain.

Being told her living arrangements were apparently still being worked out was SUCH a pain.

"Could this day get any worse?" asked Asuka.

She wasn't sure if that was thunder rumbling or just another jet passing overhead somewhere.

* * *

As he spent much of his time sitting at his desk, people tended to think that he had taken root there. Although he had been seen in other places, most people always thought of him sitting, either behind that piece of furniture, or on his command chair. No one knew if he had private quarters, or if he even took time to sleep or eat. They knew that he had to do such things, since he was technically human, but as with thinking about demigods and demons, bathroom activities were shied away from.

Not that standing with his hands clasped behind his back as he stared at the red lit diagram on the wall of his office was much different. Still, even he needed to stretch his legs sometimes, and he felt like doing it. Despite what it might have seemed, not everything that he did had a meaning... though he did have to admit that there was a certain... effect that came from creating an imposing figure like he was doing right then.

Plotting was what he did best, and the fact was that he knew that he constantly had to do that sort of activity. Strategies had to be adapted, and he didn't want his plans to get derailed by whatever new events were coming up. Events were still progressing how he wanted them to... but he wasn't about to ignore how certain developments could cause issues in the future.

His son's abilities were one such 'problem', but weren't of the sort that could simply be gotten rid of. If he removed the one posing the threat, he'd lose the boy, and that was not workable at all. At the same time, the boy's talents were proving to be useful against the Angels, which _was_ welcome. The giant creatures' activities had to be stopped in order for the controlled activation of Third Impact to be done according to his plans, and so they had to be destroyed. Honestly, the Third Child's abilities were helpful in that regard, and it almost made him wish for more pilots like him.

And then a thought hit the Commander's mind, with only a slight tightening around his eyes showing any sort of indication to the outside world. Certainly all of the boy's powers couldn't be duplicated, but the fighting capability could be taught. Having the other pilots learn how to fight with even a fraction of that strength could make things much easier in the combat situations, allowing him more time and energy to apply to his real plans.

Besides, it would have other benefits as well. Being in close contact was just the sort of situation that would make it ever so much more likely that the German girl would be able to get into... intimate encounters with the boy. Rei would have the ability to keep an eye on the Third Child, since she would have a legitimate excuse for staying around him. It'd allow her to pass on the knowledge to others as well. And on top of it all, it would keep the boy occupied, and out of trouble in the mean time.

Allowing a small smile to curl his mouth up, Gendo congratulated himself on his plan, and considered its usefulness to be a good allocation of resources that would benefit him in the long run.

He just hoped that someone, like those old men at the table, wouldn't bumble their way into his plans.

* * *

Keele Lorenz had never been someone who hid from any sort of conflict, and sat tall at the long table in front of him. It was a solid structure, built out of a single piece of material, with the room giving off a similar 'monolithic' feel. The visual representation of the other contributors to this meeting didn't help in that regard, with each using the usual 'black slabs' as representations of themselves.

Considering the fact that this was a collection of the most powerful individuals on the planet, that 'overwhelming power' concept seemed to fit. At the very least, they could wield enough power to make small nations vanish, and were expecting to control the evolution of the human race. They were used to having dominion over the planet, and expected that to continue.

"The boy is not what we expected," commented SEELE-04 in a tone one might expect from a doomsayer. "He is an unstable element."

One could almost hear SEELE-07 nod. "Not only has he shown both accomplish feats beyond human norms, and an inability to follow instructions, but has not hidden that fact."

"If the public finds out that such a person can exist, then the uproar will be massive."

"Which begs the question as to where Ikari got the boy," Keele murmured, frowning thoughtfully.

"What did you say?"

"Are you saying that I misspoke?"

"Actually... no. What I was thinking was that it was simply unnatural for the boy to be this capable. Do you agree?"

The cybernetically enhanced man nodded. "Yes. And your point is..."

"That is that his son _had_ to be created somehow. Human bodies simply can _not_ do the things that he has managed to, and we know that Ikari's offpring has managed to do just that."

"And so you suggest that he might have had some sort of gene engineering in his past," SEELE-09 suggested.

"Exactly. We know that such things can be done. Look at what has been accomplished with Ayanami and our own experiments."

"But we know that the boy was born. He was clearly birthed by Yui Ikari."

"True, but who is to say that he hasn't done something to the boy."

"Not just Ikari. His wife was also a brilliant scientist. They could have adapted the boy to suit their needs as they had the chance to," SEELE-02 put in.

"Basically, yes. They could have decided that rather than following in their intellectual pursuits, he would be better used by having powerful physical capabilities."

"I rather doubt that either one of them could become an accomplished fighter."

"Be that as it may," SEELE-03 grumbled, "what we need is to figure out what we can do about it."

"You're suggesting that we act."

"Why not? If left unchecked, Ikari will use this power to his own advantage, and I don't think that any of us want to see him gain from this sly use of his son."

"True, but we must take care in what we do."

"We may want samples of the boy's DNA," SEELE-05 drawled.

SEELE-08 hummed a bit. "Having an agent there to monitor and manipulate the boy may also be good."

"If nothing else," SEELE-07 commented, "we may want to remove this boy as a threat to our plans... permanently."

As he heard the discussion over their plans really get underway, Keele thought of Gendo Ikari, and wondered what the man was really up to.

* * *

"WHERE is my luggage?" asked Asuka.

"As near as we can tell, it's in Turkey," said the stewardess.

"'as near as we can tell'?" repeated Asuka.

"Except for your red bag, we definitely know where that one is," said the stewardess.

"Well, let me have it!" demanded Asuka.

"It'll be in Tokyo no later than Tuesday," said the stewardess.

"Next week?" asked Asuka. "That's the one with all my clothing!"

"It's the weirdest thing, our computerized baggage service has NEVER had this problem before," said the stewardess. "We put barcode stickers on everything and it is scanned at every terminal and routing station. It's always worked perfectly before."

"Why is it going to take a week for my baggage to get to Tokyo?" asked Asuka, wondering if EuroAir's recent restructuring were at fault. She hadn't ever HEARD of this happening.

"It's currently on an oil tanker heading to Tokyo from Egypt."

"How? Why?" asked Asuka, her rage draining away as curiosity hit. "How could that happen?"

"As near as we can tell, a server crashed in Tokyo-3, some programmer named Hibiki says he found the problem, and your baggage is the only one affected," said the stewardess, bowing her head in apology.

"Well, at least I'll be in Tokyo soon," said Asuka.

* * *

Kaji watched from the bridge. Asuka was apparently back to yelling and screaming at the poor stewardess.

It had been odd, as they'd been prepared to go with a military convoy. Instead they were here on a commercial yacht with a military escort.

Unit 3, Asuka's EVA, was loaded on a military ship - but the sleek little yacht they were on could go a LOT faster if it was needed.

He glanced down at the paperwork. He was to get genetic samples of Ranma Ikari. Somehow. Well, he'd have to figure that out after meeting the guy.

* * *

"Do we have confirmation?" asked Ritsuko Akagi as the lift took her onto the NERV bridge area.

"It's kinda obvious," said Makoto as he pointed to the screen. "What else looks like a kaiju and flies slowly over Japan?"

Ritsuko glared at Makoto briefly, but had to admit he had a point. Big floating weird-looking creature going about 15kph as it flew over the coastline. If it wasn't an Angel, it was doing a pretty darn good imitation. "It. Is. Not. A. Kaiju."

"Should we get the Third Child?" asked Makoto. "Rei's not ready to pilot yet."

Ritsuko smiled. Why not ruin HIS day? "Do it."

On the screen continued the image of the Angel dubbed Shamshel.


	9. Chapter 9:Shamshel

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea.

Okay, LOTS of bizarre. Hopefully lots of fun though too. ^_^

Chapter Nine: Shamshel

Leaning back in his chair, Makoto looked over his instruments and knew that he had to keep himself on the ball in this. Despite any sort of humor that he might have found in how things were going, he knew that there was a time for that sort of thing to be focused on. Right now though, little jokes or observations could suffice, as they were there for a very important reason.

As such, he kept an eye on what was going on, and took note of just how big a problem they had facing them. These creatures, whatever they were, didn't happen to fall under the 'weak and piddling' category, so he knew that a strong response was needed. From what they already had seen, it would come in the form of a giant monster that would be aiming to do some serious damage to the city on its way to come after its target. So far, it'd been rather blocked by smoke, flames, and attacking military vehicles, which made it hard to see. But it had a fast cutting weapon, and... didn't look how he expected it to when the screen cleared long enough for him to get a good look at it.

"Those are some really big boobs," commented someone in the back.

Ritsuko ground her teeth and promised herself that she would find that person and punish them appropriately. However, she couldn't refute the observation, seeing as the breasts in question certainly were gigantic. To be perfectly clear, they were attached to the Angel, which happened to not be playing by the rules, such as they were.

Had things been going on as expected, Shamshel would have been a giant inhuman monster designed for a specific mode of attack, but what they were seeing was certainly humanoid. She was still taller than some skyscrapers, but now she was walking towards them on long legs clad in thigh length high heeled boots. A barely there thong was all that protected what looked to be a very private spot, and the breasts in question were held in place by a single strip of material that just ran over where the nipples would be. The blonde hair was decorated by what seemed to be two pieces that had what looked like an antenna sticking up out of each one. On each arm was a sleeve of material that went from just under the armpit to cover the backs of the hands.

And the only way that anyone could tell that she was a fighter was that she had a bar coming out of her back that had a glowing tentacle coming out of either end, with her hair going from blonde to that same sort of appendage at the end.

All in all, this looked less like a grotesque creature out to commit genocide, and more like a curvy blonde out to put on a sexy show of combat.

"What the hell is this?" the scientist muttered as she let her brow twitch at the sight of a jiggling bosom on the screen.

Makoto frowned thoughtfully. "Maybe they decided to follow through with being more like an 'Angel' stereotype..."

The look that she shot him was very clear in its intent.

"I'll be quiet now."

"Good. We have better things to do than to ogle the Angel."

"Like what, sempai?" Maya asked.

This time, the woman in the lab coat just let her shoulders tense as she growled under her breath.

On the screen, Shamshel continued onward, apparently intent on following her path.

"Why does it look like THAT?" asked Makoto.

"Camouflage?" tried Ritsuko Akagi.

"If so, they missed some important details," noted Makoto. "Like, I dunno, height?"

_WHIP-CRACK WHIP-CRACK_ went the figure on the display. "Oh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh!"

"AGHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed most of the bridge crew.

"Kami-sama," said Maya, shivering. "What WAS that?"

"Some sonic field paired with a transmitted AT field," said Ritsuko, shaking a little herself though trying not to look affected. "It uses the sound as a carrier wave to manifest the effect."

"That laugh was terrifying," said Makoto. "Oh. Absolute Terror field. Right."

"They're getting smarter," said Fuyutsuki. "An attack like that will require some other measure to defend against."

_WHIP-CRACK!_ went one of the whips wielded by the floating young girl, slicing through a building.

"Get the pilot of unit 1!" demanded Ritsuko.

* * *

Rei checked her pager. "There's an alert."

"Hmph," said Ranma, picking up the phone as it was getting ready to ring. "Yeah? Yeah. This IS Ranma, Misato. Yeah, yeah. Angel coming to attack. Got it. Be right there. Saddle up Unit One wouldja? Nah, we been watching some old 'Western' movie because Rei came up with some idea about going to see a movie being a 'date' or something except neither of us got no money. How would I know? Ain't sure I want to know. Right, see ya."

"An angel?" asked Rei quietly, putting the alcoholic beverages back where she'd found them. It appeared that her experiments in that regard would have to wait.

Letting Ranma go back to the Geofront wasn't something that Rei was about to stop, even if that did mean that her strategies would have to wait until later to be followed. There was a mission to complete, and as he was the only available pilot, her concerns were secondary. She could have gone with him, but given her status, and the incident with the previous test, she was at best a back up, which meant that she'd just be taking up space, which would not be efficient at all.

At the same time though, the blue haired girl found that running away from the truth felt wrong to her, and she recognized that she was a bit... lost in the silent apartment on her own. An odd feeling of discontent over having to wait to advance her relationship with Ranma tinged her thoughts, and as she considered the quiet of the room around her, she saw that she had little to do, save waiting for him to return. For some reason, she disliked the concept of having him distracted away from her, and noticed how different the room was with the absence of his presence.

Wondering about how one would go about handling such a dreary atmosphere, she considered what Captain Katsuragi had told her over time. Some of it did not make sense, and she wondered if what was said was supposed to be a 'joke', but as she looked at the liquor bottles that she had been putting away, she remembered something that the elder woman had mentioned. As she recalled, alcohol was supposed to be a multi-use beverage that could be found in many situations. What she'd seen on the television had reinforced this image, and she could hear the Operations Director's voice commenting about drinking in celebration, 'downing' in companionship, sipping to relax, and, most importantly, 'gaining comfort' from a bottle.

Just what a non-sentient liquid apparently designed to induce states of inebriation would do to help one handle being alone was unclear to Rei, but as she looked at one bottle of liquor that her 'guardian' had saved for a 'rainy day', she knew that one couldn't find out without trying it out for herself.

* * *

Ranma's specialty had always been fighting, but as he felt Unit 01 shooting up to the surface, he gritted his teeth as he tried to figure out what exactly he was supposed to do. It wasn't that he was unwilling to do battle, as he'd always gotten a rush in such a physical pursuit. Nor was he scared to be hurt, as he understood injuries were just part of a fight.

No, his problem with this particular battle was what came up as he stopped at the city level.

"OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" cried out the Angel, its voice echoing out across the landscape.

Almost as if he could feel it on his skin, Ranma shivered. "Is this for real?"

"Of course it's real!" Ritsuko snapped. "It's standing right in front of you!"

"Yeah, but..."

"What's the problem?"

"That laugh, for one," he grumbled.

"It's an attack, most likely meant to create fear in others. Besides, it looks like it's focused on you already."

The pigtailed boy glanced over at the figure of the Angel, and saw that, yes, she seemed to have gotten a gleam in her eye at the appearance of Unit 01. In fact, he was almost certain that he saw the giant girl _smile_ and seem ready approach him in the most direct way possible. "Oh great, just what I needed. _Another_ girl outta get me. And this one's just like..."

When a glowing whip came down to block his movement to the side, he found that action a bit familiar.

"Ah hell, gettin' stuck with _her_ comin' at me like this would be even worse, not that it couldn't happen. Damned blonde ditz..."

"EXCUSE ME?" yelped a voice over the intercom.

"What's got your panties in a knot, Doc?"

"You just casually insulted me..."

"Nope. Didn't do that."

"But you just called me a 'blonde ditz'," the scientist muttered.

"Huh? You're not blonde. Not really. Ya dye your hair, right? There's ways of tellin', like with the eyebrows, though some people insist on checkin' if the 'carpet matches the drapes', whatever that means."

* * *

Calm under pressure was something that Doctor Akagi usually prided herself on, but at the moment her jaw was trying to meet with the floor in a most unbecoming way as she stared at the massive screens before her.

"Now, that's somethin' ta bother with later," Ranma's voice came echoing through the chamber. "Gotta fight now."

"What do you think you're going to do?" asked Misato, shooting a glance at the dumbstruck scientist next to her.

"Simple. I'm gonna go at it how it should be done. FORM BLAZING SWORD!"

"You don't have a blazing sword!" blurted out the faux blonde scientist.

"VUMMMMMM!" went the very air in front of the Evangelion as a cylinder of blue white light rose up right above Unit 01's right fist like the blade of a rapier.

"Err, Doctor Akagi? How did he just form a lightsaber?" Aoba mumbled.

Ritsuko would have answered him, but she was currently staring at the screen with wild eyes and hair that seemed intent on going into wild cowlicks.

Seemingly ignorant of what was going on with her superior, Maya's hands tapped over the keys of her console like a dancer doing a ballet. "As far as the data says, he's apparently condensed part of his own AT field into a blade useful in combat."

"Thanks for the info, Lieutenant," Misato commented, and smirked slightly at how things were going. Couldn't say that Ranma was particularly boring, after all. Or incompetent.

* * *

The Angel didn't look much like Kodachi. It was also big and throwing out attacks that would be fatal if they hit.

Ranma figured it was one of those Angel things and any resemblence to Kodachi was purely frightening incidental.

The whips slashed out, Eva-01 yawned as it dodged.

"Oh Hoh Hoh Hoh Hoh Hoh Hoh Hoh Hoh!"

"Hey, ya ain't got NOTHING on the real thing," said Ranma, thinking how he could tell if this WAS the real Kodachi. Yeah. That might do it. "Look! It's someone doing Rhythmic Gymnastics Martial Arts - and they're doing it WRONG!"

The Angel didn't so much as blink, continuing to slash away.

"Right," said Ranma, continuing to dodge. "That's all I needed to know."

* * *

"What did he mean 'real thing'?" asked Ritsuko, her voice rising in pitch and volume with each question. "What did he mean 'Rhythmic Gymnastics martial arts'? What did he mean 'damned blonde ditz'? HOW DID HE FORM BLAZING SWORD?"

"I don't know," said Misato. "I don't know. He might have meant the Angel - she's blonde after all. And I don't know and aren't you supposed to be the hotshot scientist type?"

"WHAT DOES HE DO - TWENTY IMPOSSIBLE THINGS BEFORE BREAKFAST?" exclaimed Ritsuko, beginning to twitch and shake.

"Nah, only four or five," said Misato. "Gotta admit though, the Blazing Sword thing is a pretty good idea. Extends his reach."

_Twitch twitch twitch_

"SAO- err Sayonara! RANMA SPECIAL MODIFIED ANTI-KAIJU TECHNIQUE! Slashwave!"

"Whoa! Just the air pressure knocked the kaiju off her feet!" said Misato.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh," said Ritsuko.

_Slash! Slash!_

"He's disarmed the kaiju? He cut right through the little wing things on her back!" noted Makoto.

"Ya wanna surrender?" asked Ranma of his foe as she tried to pick herself up.

Everyone knew that the next move was up to the Angel, as she was the one who would decide which way the fight would go next. If she tried to attack, then Ranma would no doubt have to strike back, which would likely destroy the Angel in a massive explosion. On the other hand, if it tried to run away, he'd either have to chase it down, or they'd have to wait and see what options would be available to them.

The white flag was a surprise though.

Yet it didn't seem to be an illusion as Ranma's eyes widened at the sight of it. Clear as day was what looked to be a cloth banner which was being waved so that he could not miss it. Instead of a self destruct, or some sort of retreat, she seemed to lose any sign of combat readiness, and gained some sort of... anxiety.

"Ya give up?" he asked, his own uncertainty echoing in his voice.

Sitting up fast enough to set her bosom jiggling, the Angel nodded quickly.

"This ain't a trick, is it?"

She shook her head this time.

"How do I know that ya really mean it?"

Seeming to understand what he meant, the oddly shapely Angel twisted about so that she could kneel down on the ground and bow to him so far that her forehead touched the earth, and the smooth curves of her backside nearly rose up in response.

"Okay... Guess that means that you're tryin' ta be sincere. If that's really how it is, I guess that I'll accept your surrender. But that means that you're my prisoner, and so ya gotta behave, understand?"

Between smiles of joy, the Angel set upon bowing to him as much as she could.

* * *

The sound of her clipboard falling to the floor was the only sound that Ritsuko made as she stared at what was going on the so called battlefield.

Misato tapped her nominal 'friend' on the forehead and when she got as much response as she would from a statue, she turned back to the 'bridge bunnies'. "What's going on?"

"Apparently, the Kaiju is trying to show submission," Maya reported. "From what we can tell, it's trying to make its surrender clear and complete."

"And how do we know that?"

"She seems to have taken to hugging Unit 01's leg. She's even pressing her breasts into it," Makoto answered.

"This isn't turning out how we would expect," Gendo murmured behind his folded hands.

The vice commander shrugged. "How could have _anyone_ anticipated this?"

"True."

"This does leave us with a dilemma," commented Lieutenant Ibuki as she swiveled her chair so that she could face the Operations Director.

"Which would be..." Misato began.

"What _do_ we do with a giant moster woman in skimpy clothing?"

Opening her mouth to give a quick answer, the captain stopped herself as she realized that the younger woman had a point. Trying to figure out an answer for that herself, she wondered about what she should make of it, Rei tried to take another swig from the bottle, only realizing after sucking on it briefly that it was empty. She spent another few seconds staring at the bottle as if it had somehow surprised or deliberately betrayed her.

This was followed in turn by her placing the bottle carefully and neatly on the stack of empty cans and bottles. She found disarray comforting but while drunk was finding a certain degree of order to be pleasing.

"I really donsh see whatsh Katsuragi shees in thish shtuff," muttered Rei as she searched through the apartment for something else to drink. "Whash good ish it an how dosh it helpsh the misshin?"

"What mission is that?" asked the penguin.

"I hash to be Ranma's girlfrien'," answered Rei. "Ish secret mishin so don't tell 'em."

"Oh, my beak is sealed," Pen-pen assured her. "Maybe you need to drink more."

_THUD!_

"My legsh jush gave out," noted Rei.

"Maybe you ought to go lie down then," said Pen-pen reasonably in a British accent whilst juggling herring and riding a unicycle around the room. "Ranma's bedroom is closer, so you should use that one."

"Thasha gud idear," agreed Rei, pulling off bits of clothing. "Jesh a quickie."

* * *

"So... how do we imprison a kaiju P.O.W.?" asked Maya.

"Ranma had no authorization to take prisoners," said Doctor Akagi. "We can simply kill the Angel and end the problem."

"Uhm, are you sure about that?" asked Misato. "Can't we learn more with a live one around to study?"

"But... we can't let that thing into the Geofront!" exclaimed Doctor Akagi.

"That is correct," allowed Gendo in his usual hands-steepled position at his desk. "Yet we cannot allow this opportunity to completely pass by either."

"I have an idea," said Makoto after a few minutes.

* * *

"HE DID WHAT?" demanded Asuka Langley Soryuu.

Kaji merely looked amused. "He formed a sword of a folded AT field, defeated an angel, demanded its surrender, and captured it. It, or she I suppose, is being held in a drydock facility in New Osuka."

"What? How? What? WHY?" asked Asuka.

"Because we've never been able to study a live Angel, though for some reason they keep calling them 'kaiju' in some of the reports," said Kaji easily.

"But... but... but..." managed Asuka. "A SWORD?"

"They gave him a prog knife and a rifle, apparently he felt the need for a close-quarter weapon with greater reach," said Kaji. "Quite skilled, wouldn't you say?"

"Just watch!" declared Asuka. "I'll manage it myself now that I know it can be done!"

Exhaustion wasn't something that Ranma particularly liked, but he was familiar enough with it. He was a martial artist after all, and training could be rough on even the most experienced and skilled practitioner. Being through enough fights had made him able to take that sort of hassle over the years, not that he particularly _liked_ going through it in the first place. But he knew that relaxation was simply the best medicine, which was what he needed at that moment.

That was why he wasn't complaining all that much as he shuffled into the apartment that he was sharing. Oh, there was the requisite grumbling and groans, but he didn't have much of a reason to to make a production of it. Rather, he just felt like slumping into his room and getting a _long_ nap in. If anyone deserved it, it was him, seeing as all that he'd gone through. Piloting that giant robot did take some stamina, and that had been a battle where he'd tried some new stuff out. Then had come the hassles afterward, what with the effort of the post fight settling taking place.

Of course, he might have had less exhaustion to handle if he hadn't had that scary doctor lady to deal with after the fight. Not only was she really uptight over his victory, but it seemed like she just had to get him naked every time that he saw her.

Fortunately, he was at his current home, and could get some private time in. Tugging off his shirt, he headed over towards the bedrooms, and tried to brush off all that the day had given him. Seeing as the place was quiet, that wasn't too hard, and it wasn't like he was trying to do anything that would get him into trouble.

But then he saw stuff on the floor, and frowned slightly as he recognized the sight of a discarded blouse. He did have to wonder where this had come from, but as he looked, he noticed that it wasn't alone. Peering down as he walked, he stopped himself before he stepped onto a bra, though he didn't know what else he should do about it. There was a moment where he considered picking it up, but he stopped himself before he could even try it. As it was, he'd likely get into enough of a hassle with having seen this stuff, never mind picking it up. Then again, given Misato's lack of housekeeping skills, and what he remembered of Rei's old place, he wondered if they'd actually notice that it was there.

Putting that stuff aside, he decided that he'd wait until later to worry about it. Right now though, he just wanted to go crash, pressing his face into his pillow, and snoozing for the next couple of days. Sure, it wasn't likely that he'd be able to get quite that much time to rest, but at the very least, he could get a couple of hours in. With a yawn, he headed straight for his bed, dropping his shirt off to the side as he got ready to plop right onto it. He might not have the cushiest bedding around, but at the very least it was soft enough to keep him warm and comfortable for his nap.

His eyes were already drooping as he went to go lay down, and he spread his arms out as tried to go prone as quickly as possible. Grace was falling down onto the wayside as he tried to go relax, with the allure of dreams pulling him to his sleep. Smiling to himself, he leaned down, judging which direction would allow his body to fall onto as much bed as possible... and froze in place as he realized that there was something most definitely keeping him from getting complete use of the bed.

Laying there, in nothing more than what was already on his bed was a rather familiar 'visitor', not that she didn't look appealing like that. Her body was attractive in a fragile sort of way, sort of like a china doll, what with her pale skin and delicate features. Feeling something like a pervert, he found that he could see that her breasts did match his memory, with their small nipples seeming to point out how her cleavage rose and fall with her even breaths. For some reason, she had snuggled up to his pillow, and had her nose pressed up against it. And he could see that she had small feet, as they were currently peaking out from under his bedding.

"Rei? What the hell are ya doin' here?" he choked out, his voice strangling on each word.

"Hmm?" the pale girl murmured, sending up a bleary look at him. "Is that really you?"

"Damned straight, it's me. But the real question's why you are here!"

"Needed to sleep. Had to get a rest after drinking."

The pigtailed boy's eyes went wide as confusion and frustration warred within him. "Okay, sure, but here?"

"This is where I have to come."

"Is it that important that you sleep in my bed?"

"Exactly. It is of absolute importance."

"Mind teling me why that is?"

"Simple. I need to be your girlfriend," Rei told him as she rose up uncertainly towards him.

Jerking as he got a glimpse of a sight that proved that she had naturally blue hair, Ranma had a distinct urge to bolt before he realized that she was going to fall back down. Taking the small hand that she'd been using to reach out to him in his grasp, he caught her before she collapsed. Instinct drove him to cradle her, as she seemed unable to keep steady, though he immediately began to wonder about the logic of such an action.

For her part though, the blue haired girl simply gave a satisfied sound and snuggled up against him. Apparently, she was entirely satisfied with cuddling and letting him support her totally. This wasn't exactly made to help Ranma's comfort level, but he had little choice at that point. Instead, all that he could do was try not to get into trouble, which did look like a fleeting prospect as he thought about it.

However, she wasn't looking to avoid anything, as she glanced at his mouth, apparently measuring the need to kiss him. Well, she even shifted up a bit, alternately pressing together and parting her lips as she went. Each brush of her body seemed to send a flush through her, which set her normally ivory skin aglow with a rather flattering shade of pink.

As she got closer, scents came drifting up from her breath, and the pigtailed boy slowly began to notice that she was quite drunk. Smelling such a thing really put a damper on his romantic desires, as a girl that smelled like a distillery wasn't exactly on his list of fantasies. Due to that, he was able to admit that even if she was appealing enough on her own, there was something really distasteful about even being accused of taking advantage of her like this.

Recognizing the pinch that he was in, he wondered how he could get Rei, who now had a light hold on his undershirt, dealt with. 


	10. Chapter 10:Undercover Angel

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea.

Okay, LOTS of bizarre. Hopefully lots of fun though too. ^_^ Things get even more bizarre and divergent real soon.

Chapter Ten: Undercover Angel

* * *

"The Angel is doing something," reported the tech. "Energy spikes in electromagnetic, gravitic, and AT field strength."

"If I wake the Commanders up for nothing, I'll be lucky if I'm able to work in this hemisphere again," said their somewhat harried shift commander. "Record everything for later analysis. Is she breaking free?"

"No, she's..." the tech switched several views. "It's some old game system she's examining."

"Technically, despite appearances, it's not a 'she'," said one of the other operators.

Both the original operator and the commander decided to ignore the rules lawyer. "Where'd she get it?"

"It was one of the things left behind when we comandeered the shipyard for use," said the operator. "We didn't exactly have time to clean everything up."

"Understood," admitted the commander/team leader.

"Got it, it's an old videogame, looks like one based on some anime," said the operator. "The screens are flicking through too fast for me to get a good idea."

"It's the 'Negima Al Abra' game, I got that one, oldie but goodie," said the third operator.

"'Negima Al Abra'?" asked the commander. "What language is that?"

"It's a videogame that combines 'dating sim' with 'fantasy RPG' and aspects of 'harem comedy'," said the third operator. "You're playing the part of a wizard who has to rescue these girls who got scattered across a world of magic and fight off this typically nasty big boss and his minions. Not to mention slavers, pervert mages, wandering monsters, and such. A couple of the minigames were really good so people keep buying up the old copies of it on eBay."

* * *

Finally the screen flicked to an expanded menu, with character screens unlocked now that the game had been beaten.

Without physically touching the tiny game system, the Angel continued to flick through the various profiles until one in particular was displayed.

Yes. This one would do.

* * *

"Gravitational spike. AT Field imploding? Thermal energy decreasing? What the heck?"

"Steady now," said the Commander. "Am I seeing this right? Is the kaiju shrinking?"

"Confirmed, mass decreasing rapidly," said the second of the operators as she got busy. "I'm detecting... this can't be right."

"What particular part of this insanity isn't right?" asked the Commander in a quite reasonable tone.

"Capillary action? The Angel is..." the second operator stared at the readings. "It's approaching human values. Heartrate, respiration..."

"More than that," said the third operator, looking at the big picture and zooming it in on the shrinking kaiju. "I recognize her. She's a character from that game. The kaiju is turning into an approximation at least of Makie Sasaki."

"And that is supposed to mean something to the rest of us?" the Commander asked.

The third operator looked sheepish and ducked his head before turning to face the others. "She's one of the girls in the game that you have to rescue."

"Which makes her a little girl?"

"A teenager, actually."

"Which means that our kaiju is shrinking into the form of a junior high student," the third operator commented.

"Which matches our pilots, doesn't it?" commented the first operator.

Something about the idea made the Commander twitch at the corner of his eye.

* * *

Anyone watching the Angel would have seen the massive figure shrinking down, both in height and bulk. Almost as if shedding the huge weight that had given the kaiju her size. Still holding onto the humanoid shape, the creature slowly began to lose that which separated it from those whose from it imitated. Pink began to seep through all the locks until the hair was one solid color. Curves were quite evident, looking less like a bombshell than an athletic figure. Grace showed in her movements as she easily went to balance with her new shape.

Then, as the changes settled down, what looked like a nude Makie Sasaki stood there where a giant alien being had been only moments earlier.

Blinking at the shift in perspective, she looked around as if seeing with new eyes. Once she began to gain some sort of focus back, she looked down at her new body, poking and prodding at it, especially at the soft and squishy bits. At the same time, she bent about, showing a flexibility that many girls of her apparent age would have envied. And then she simply posed a bit, almost looking as if trying for a cheesecake photo, as she tried to get a look at her reflection.

* * *

"Is she really doing what I think that she is?" the Commander asked no one in particular.

The second operator gave a small shrug. "Well, lots of teenagers are curious about their bodies."

All the others just turned to stare at him.

* * *

Gendo steepled his hands in front of him, elbows resting on the desktop, while Fuyutsuki simply stood behind him and to the side.

"This has gotten... odd," understated Gendo eventually.

"You're developing a gift for understatement," said Fuyutsuki quietly.

On the screen, the girl in the room was trying to keep a desk between her and Ritsuko Akagi. Occasionally squealing in apparent fright as the syringe-toting doctor closed the distance or lunged at her.

"Interrogation seems to be in keeping with the information we pulled off that game's background," said Fuyutsuki. "As far as the Angel is concerned, she is Makie Sasaki. Age 14, recent attendee of Mahora Academy, enthusiast and practitioner of Rhythmic Gymnastics, brown eyes, pink hair, blood type O. Sort of the Genki Ditz archetype."

"Hmph," said Gendo dismissively.

"The gymnastics ribbon behaves almost like a tentacle," said Fuyutsuki. "However we managed to substitute a normal one, only to find her able to manipulate the new one just as well as the old one."

"So the ability is within her, not within the objects," said Gendo as he watched what was going on in the doctor's office. That it resembled a scene from some comedy series was not lost on him despite his distaste for the genre.

There was a moment of silence from both men as Ritsuko physically tackled Makie, wrestled her to a standstill, then proceeded to draw blood.

"Doctor Akagi seems... a bit on edge," noted Fuyutsuki.

"Hmph," said Gendo dismissively as Makie teared up and began crying at whatever Ritsuko was saying.

"I mean really on edge, ever since your son showed up," said Fuyutsuki.

"I can still use her," noted Gendo as Makie continued to squirm and protest and Doctor Akagi continued to wrestle her patient. Now she had one of "Makie's" arms in a scissors lock as she drew another vial of blood.

"So... what do we do?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"This was NOT in the Dead Sea Scrolls," said Gendo after a full minute's silence. "Enroll it in the school. We can keep an eye on the angel there and potentially make use of it."

"Not a holding cell?" asked Fuyutsuki as Makie managed to twist and throw off Doctor Akagi.

"No, I think further away from Doctor Akagi would be better for all concerned," said Gendo as he watched Makie running away from a ribbon-shibari-tied Doctor Akagi.

* * *

Dragging herself home wasn't exactly the most enjoyable thing that Misato had gone through, but she did look forward to it. This wasn't due to some sort of masochistic desire, but through the delight over the idea of being able to get to her bed. After having to go through all of the work of securing the Angel, there had still been piles of paperwork to struggle through. And as much as she had fulfillment and pleasure with the command aspects of her job, she absolutely hated all the forms that were sent her way, especially since every single department seemed to have some sort of document that needed her personal attention.

That was why she was so happy to see her entrance to her apartment in front of her. Smiling to herself, she opened the door with the mental image of relaxing with some snacks and a beer before plopping into her bed. "Hi, I'm home!"

Rather than the silence she'd used to experience or a greeting from a roommate, the sound of agitated voices reached her.

Confused, she moved further in, wondering as to what was going on. There seemed to be some sort of problem, but she couldn't see what that could be. She didn't even have enough information to make a guess, so she could only go and directly find out... although that did seem to be a bit disturbing as the voices became understandable.

"C'mon! Ya don't gotta do this!" came his voice.

The volume of the feminine voice was raised even if the tone wasn't. "It will help."

"How?"

"Do not struggle..."

"Okay, what's going on?" Misato asked as she entered fully into the room... only to stop and cross her arms over her chest as she stared down at her two charges. "Mind explaining what is going on?"

Not that the two teens really needed that much help in laying out the facts. A hunched over Ranma was looking rather like he was trying to pull himself to freedom, but Rei wasn't having any of that. She had his shirt pushed almost over his head, and was apparently trying to get it the rest of the way off. With his pants making a valiant effort to stay on, it was clear that he was soon going to be very naked very soon. On the other hand, the blue haired girl was most certainly naked, although their guardian couldn't see it all. But considering the fact that the reason that the breasts weren't immediately visible was due to the fact that her chest was pressed into his back made that kind of silly to argue about.

"You guys weren't trying anything before I got here, were you?"

Ranma wildly shook his head, and then looked pleadingly towards the older woman... seeming to mouth the word 'help' as he did so.

Then again, Rei was looking to help his trousers leave his body, which had the effect of sending her hand down his shorts.

"AH!" he yelped, obviously more than a bit put out over the sudden intrusion.

"Are you enjoying yourself there?" the Operations Director murmured as she looked them over.

Cocking her head to the side, Rei took a moment to answer. "That was my aim."

"Obviously, since it smells like you... Ayanami, have you been _drinking_?"

"Yes. According to my information, it was my duty, although the taste at the beginning left much to be desired."

"That isn't the point!"

"True enough. But then the aim did seem to be to present an image and give a solace for a lonely woman who has been left behind and is in need of comfort."

For some reason, Misato had the distinct impression that she'd been unwittingly insulted.

* * *

There was a lot that Kaji had done over the years, and some of it wasn't exactly the sort of thing that he was proud of. Fortunately though, he hadn't had to do anything on this trip that was all that troublesome. Nominally, he was supposed to be the guardian on this trip, but since he wasn't having to do much of any watching, it had been a fairly calm cruise, all things considered.

And now he was here in Tokyo-3, ready to get to work. A lot of his work would actually be fairly above board, since they did have giant monsters trying to smash humanity into oblivion. Then again, he would also have to see a certain lovely woman and see if she was as fun as she used to be. That would have to suffice for a control on the other stuff, as he wouldn't be able to really go for the calm stuff, even among this amazing example of human ingenuity and effort.

Though, it did seem that there would still be some sort of entertainment straight off from the beginning of their arrival. "Like what you see?"

"If you mean to ask if I am happy to finally get here, then yes I am," Asuka snapped, as she marched over to gangplank. "If I have to stay stuck like this, I am going to have to kill someone."

"There's no rush."

"Yeah, right. I am beyond the need to rush!"

"You know, you really should relax," Kaji told her with a fairly disarming smile.

It didn't work on her this time though, and she whipped her head around so she could glare at him. "Everything has been one screw up after another, and I'm not going to let it get any worse! As it is, I'm already going to have to go shopping!"

"Wanting to see what styles you can try out?"

"Yeah right! My luggage has gone to who knows where, which leaves me only with what I've carried with me. It's not like I've packed extra underwear, and do you know what happens to panties when you've washed them too much?" the redhead snapped... and then flushed heavily as she realized what she'd said.

"I'm sure that we can spend a lot, given the circumstances."

"Good. I don't want to look stupid, though I hope that little boy doesn't think that I'll be getting outfits to impress him."

"Somehow, I doubt that has even crossed his mind."

"It'd better not have," she grumbled, pressing her lips together. "He's probably nothing more than some pathetic wimp, only doing what he's told, and stumbling his way into fortune."

Something told Kaji that it might not be best to remind Asuka about the data in the files right about then.

* * *

She'd been on edge since Ranma Ikari had first shown up. He was irreverent, obnoxious, and so damn impossible that she'd decided to give him a measure of payback. Unfortunately, to her at least, he'd met her payback and raised her a major annoyance.

"Doctor? You got an espresso machine for the lab?" asked Maya on seeing the new device.

"I'm putting in pretty long hours," admitted Ritsuko as she took a long draught of her coffee and looked over the morning reports. Hmmm. There was an update on the captured angel. Everything so far was showing normal human values, or close to it. Similar to Ayanami in many respects. And here was another report, this one indicating that the angel was...

_SPLURSHHHHHHHH!_ went a mouthful of chocolate-mocha double-whipped espresso.

_FZZZZZZZZZZK!_ went her computer as some wetness apparently found something inside the computer and sent fat sparks out.

_THUNK!_ went a circuit breaker somewhere in the area.

Maya blinked at the sudden arrival of dark. "Uhm."

"Don't. Say. A. Word," warned Ritsuko, each word being pronounced distinctly and with a certain aura of doom involved.

"Uh, right," said Maya, retreating from that.

_CRASH! THUD!_ went a chair and Maya as she managed to fall over something in the dark.

"Owie," quoth Maya Ibuki.

"You might want to wait for the emergency lights before you go moving around," helpfully pointed out Ritsuko.

"Uhm, right," said Maya, sprawled out on the floor in the darkness. "What was on that report anyway?"

The emergency lights finally came on, their red flickering somehow appropriate.

"That angel has not only taken a human form and identity, but she's enrolled in school." Ritsuko's voice indicated her full disbelief in the situation. "All references to Shamshel are now to use the name Makie Sasaki."

"Oh," said Maya as she slowly got back up. "I see."

"You 'see'?" asked Ritsuko, slowly turning, her eyes staring at some inner horror. "What do you see? Do you actually think you have ANY clue what's going on?"

"Errr, Doctor?" asked Maya, backing away.

"Did you see THIS?" asked Doctor Akagi, whipping a report off the stack and shaking it at her assistant. As it still had some espresso on it, this sent little droplets flying.

"Errr, uhm, 'no'?" asked Maya, continuing to back away.

"It seems Rei Ayanami has been shopping," said Ritsuko, advancing on her assistant. "WHO is she planning on having sex with that she would NEED things like this?"

"Uhm, I'm sure it's nothing, she might not even understand what they are..." said Maya hopefully.

"Do you know WHO she begins to look just like?" asked Ritsuko.

"Uhm, well, I was kind of noticing that she sort of looks like..." began Maya, giving a little eep when she ran out of backing-up room.

"And THEN there's his SON," said Ritsuko Akagi, twitching. "Do you know how many needles I bent trying to get his blood?"

"Seven," automatically supplied Maya before she realized that maybe it was a rhetorical question.

"Any time he twitched so much as a muscle he'd break another one," said Ritsuko, grabbing something off a desk so she could just have something in her hand. "Do you know how frustrating that infuriating boy has made my life?"

"Doctor Akagi, please put down the scalpel," said Maya, her eyes quite large now and sweating a lot.

"Now there's THIS!" said Doctor Akagi, making a few gestures to emphasize how unhappy she was with current events.

"You mean the kaiju turning into a fictional character?" asked Maya. Who then clamped her hands over her mouth when she realized what she'd said.

"It's. Not. A. Kaiju." Doctor Akagi declared.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" shrieked Maya, bolting along the wall and through a door.

"What got into her?" asked Doctor Akagi after a moment. "Yeesh. Wish they'd get the regular lights back on."


	11. Chapter 11:Bardiel jumps the gun

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: As mentioned earlier, this is one of the threads me and Kender Sci wrote over at the Anime Addventure. There will be slight changes to better fit the different format. This catches up with our current episodes, so things will slow down because the scenes are written on a rotation and weekly basis along with several other threads we juggle.

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Bardiel jumps the gun.

* * *

"You know, it's not like the city is going anywhere," Kaji commented as he looked towards the girl that was his charge.

Asuka spared him a hard glare before turning to face the cityscape passing by the window she was sitting at. "Hardly, although with all these attacks, who can be sure?"

"Well, isn't that why you are here?"

"I'll give you that much," she groused as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Until now, they've probably just been stumbling by."

"More than that, it seems."

"Humph. Like some newcomer can do better than _I_ can."

"You have had more practice, it's true..." he allowed, recognizing that it just might be more trouble than it was worth to argue with her.

"Good to see that _someone_ around here has some sense!"

"You're still not mad that the car didn't arrive when we did, are you?"

"Why would you think that?" the redhead sarcastically drawled, and then gave off a small 'humph'. "I mean, how hard could it be? They knew we were coming, and they were in radio contact with our boat. On top of that, they had to know that one of the important pilots was on board. Then why not have someone there to meet us?"

"I don't know. But right now I've got some things to handle."

"What? What's that?"

"I've got to make some phone calls."

* * *

It did not have a consciousness as the local population would have it. What it was able to understand was that it was in a major hub of travel for the Lilim. From there, plenty of places could be reached, and it would be done by the very species were its targets in this situation. That would make things much easier for it, and it would be allowed to move forward with less trouble than what might have otherwise been called for.

Yet, it needed something to travel in, and one package called to it. Something about the container seemed to resonate with it, and so it slid its formless self into the cracks to find what that was. Inside it discovered materials that not only had that which came from the Lilim, but had some contamination from forces linked to the Angels themselves. It was not that the fragile being that had packed this case was truly related to the being invading at the moment, but that it had been exposed to material that sang to the shapeless entity.

And that made it a perfect vessel to move into the outside world of this physical scape.

So, it was such that the case bulged and twisted in unnatural shapes until the material could no longer take it. Once that limit was reached, the container burst open, sending the contents that had not been changed across land like seeds from a pod. But life had been given to one item in particular, as something was moving on its own. In fact, it had such strength in its motion that gusts of wind were created so that items of great bulk were being slammed into walls, or were tumbling about. Not a sound was heard from the newborn menace, but it didn't need to vocalize anything, as it was showing enough to catch anyone's attention.

* * *

"Perhaps I can just rest until the... ache dissipates," Rei murmured, half to herself.

Misato caught the First Child's wariness and gave her an admonishing look before returning to rifle through the cabinets. By the way that she was going about it, one could tell that she really was looking for something. However, the sound of her clattering about was kind of troublesome for a girl unused to such agony.

"Having you force yourself to go to such lengths might just be unnecessary."

"Don't be silly," the older woman commented, waving off any concern. "It'll just be a little bit. Once I've gotten my patented 'hangover cure' finished, you'll be as good as new."

"Are you certain about that?"

"Of course. I've taken it, and look at how I've turned out."

There was a moment where the pale girl just stared at the Operations Director, but once the phone started to ring, she moved off to answer it without a word.

"This is just so stupid. Why is it always that they are so worried about these sort of thing? They always complain when I do it, but never have a problem when Ritsuko puts in an idea. I mean, damn it, I should have some experience with this sort of thing."

Silence met her words, but perhaps then that was an answer of its own.

Grumbling under her breath, Misato stuck her head back in the cabinet and then began to rummage through the contents to see what she could find.

"Captain, I believe that you should stop," Rei stated.

"Oh, really? Why is that?"

The teenager held out the phone towards her. "This call is for you."

* * *

The older soldier had obviously seen more than a few years in the service. His uniform was worn with the familiarity of long use, he didn't have the stiffness of some of his younger comrades, and he clearly knew what he was doing. Such a man wasn't the sort to put out on recruiting posters, but he was good when one needed someone who'd get the job done.

"Just how are we supposed to fight _that_?" the younger soldier put in.

But right now, he was as lost as his subordinates were at the moment. "Not quite sure myself. This hasn't come up in the training drills before."

"I kind of doubt that they had ever thought that _this_ would be happening."

"That's easy to see, kid."

"Unlike this. Not that I can believe this." Blowing out a breath, the younger soldier shook his head. "Of course, I don't know if anyone would really think of seeing giant flying panties being on their list of possible threats."

As he was currently looking at what the other soldier had said, the older man found that he couldn't dispute the statement about the panties... because there really was a giant pair of panties flapping its sides like wings. Now, they were pretty panties, but that was besides the point. Each move of its improvised 'wings' were making gusts that were blowing everything in their path away. At the same time, anyone trying to do anything near it was blinded by being covered in that soft fabric.

Somehow though, he rather doubted that he'd want to know just what sort of huge ass fit into that garment.

Wondering if this would constitute a good time to get drunk, he let that be.

* * *

"A giant set of panties is attacking Tokyo-3?" asked Ritsuko Akagi, ignoring the coffee cup which had just shattered at her feet. "If this is a joke, I am NOT laughing."

The bridge crew looked at each other before Aoi clicked a switch and changed the display.

Silk they were, shimmering softly in the morning light. Flying along with apparently no concern for the missiles and bullets that were being fired on it.

"Why does it have Asuka's name stenciled on it?" asked one of the bridge operators when a view from a helicopter was transmitted.

"Asuka's panties are attacking Tokyo-3?" asked Ritsuko, because she was really really really having trouble with this situation.

"The Magi agree, it's an Angel," said Aoi without looking towards Doctor Akagi. Mainly because the Doctor was not really looking her best at the moment.

"Asuka's panties are an Angel that is attacking Tokyo-3?" asked Ritsuko, still trying to wrap her mind around the idea.

"Though Caspar seems to think it's more of a kaiju than anything else," said Aoi.

"Kaiju panties?" asked Satsuki.

"What are we going to call it? Pantiel? Pantizilla?" asked Aoi. "Silkthra?"

Ritsuko twitched several times, lit a cigarette, began to smoke it, and realized she already had a cigarette in her mouth. "Where's Unit 1?"

"We've already contacted Ranma, but he says he can't go hand-to-hand with a pair of panties," said Satsuki. "Even kaiju panties."

"Why not?" asked Ritsuko as she tried to concentrate on the emergency at hand.

"Because he would expect some 'uncute tomboy' to appear out of nowhere and use some blunt instrument to smack him around for being a pervert," said Satsuki.

"What?" asked Ritsuko.

"I don't get it either, but that's what he said," explained Satsuki. "Also that some 'old freak' should really love this."

Ritsuko's anger was suddenly almost a tangible presence in the room. "He called me WHAT?"

"I don't think he was referring to you, Doctor," said Satsuki.

Ritsuko was apparently not listening. "That boy thinks his last exam was a problem, just wait till next time."

There were a number of NERV personnel who had a sudden flash of sympathy for a certain son of Gendo Ikari.

* * *

"WACHOOO!"

"Please. Not so loud, Ranma-kun."

"Sorry, Rei."

"Here we go!" cheerfully interjected Misato. "Misato's Number One Sure-fire Hangover Cure!"

"It looks dubious somehow."

"Hey, I've got a lot of experience with hangovers. Trust me on this."

* * *

Asuka walked past the TVs in a huff. Then came to such a complete stop that she actually stumbled on forward momentum for a moment. Slowly she turned and stepped back towards the TVs that had been set up as a display at the train station.

Yes, that was a pair of her panties. Even had her name written there from when she'd been sharing a room with that twit girl.

"WHY IS A PAIR OF MY PANTIES ON TV?" demanded Asuka.

"They appear to be attacking Tokyo-3," noted Kaji. "You really need to be more careful with your choice of detergents you know."

"WHY ARE MY PANTIES ATTACKING TOKYO-3?" demanded Asuka.

* * *

Her grip was so tight on her replacement coffee mug that it seemed to creak under her hold, but Ritsuko didn't seem to notice. Of course, given that her attention was locked onto the screen, that was only natural. Every bit of her body was tensed, as if she was ready to move on a moment's notice. However, she was also as still as could be, making her look as if she were made of porcelain.

"It looks like it's not hiding where it's been going," Satsuki murmured.

Aoi gave a small snicker. "Not that we didn't already know."

"The only question is how its going to attack us."

"You want to try guessing?"

"Yeah, right."

Listening to their banter, Ritsuko ground her teeth together, and couldn't fight the rising annoyance growing in her. None of them seemed to be aware of just how serious this really was. For her, this wasn't just some silly game to watch, but was an emergency that had to be taken care of right now. Someone had to be the sensible one here, and she was damned well going to make sure that it was her.

"Snap it up, all of you!" the scientist declared. "We have a job to do!"

"Well, sure, but..." Aoi started.

"No 'buts'!"

"Actually... we don't know what it can do."

"On top of that," Satsuki put in, "we don't know how to hurt it."

"Exactly. What do we do then?"

With a twitch going on in her eyebrow, Ritsuko hunched her shoulders before going to glare mightily at all of them. "Stop with the gossip!"

"Ummm... Ma'am?"

"Get to work already! Bring up the defenses!"

"We can't. Not completely..." admitted Aoi.

"Why not! We have a fight with an _Angel_ on our hands."

"Captain Katsuragi isn't here."

"So?"

"Doctor," Satsuki put in. "She's the Director of Operations, and is the only one with the codes and authority to get everything running to one hundred percent."

Looking sheepish, Aoi ducked her head. "And we've only got secondary officers available for the job."

As she heard the words, Doctor Akagi let out a low growl that came from deep in her throat as she began to realize that things were building against her.

* * *

In the still of the air above Tokyo-3, the sound of something flapping could be heard, and was echoing through the canyons made by the towering buildings. Gusts charged down the streets, with anything loose being blown away without mercy or thought. It seemed that the very air itself had become the city's enemy.

But what was really attacking the metropolis was the giant pair of panties currently hovering over the landscape. It had slowed its advance, but it was also clearly not about to stop. Almost as if it was trying to figure out something, it wobbled from side to side. Going from that, it took a leaning towards the ground, trying to crash through the surface, but its body wasn't hard enough to manage it.

Then it pulled back, and seemed to flutter just a bit, almost as it was trembling. For a moment, it seemed as if nothing more was going to happen, but in a flash, the giant set of panties just... exploded. That wasn't to say that it disappeared in a blast of smoke and fire, but that it popped into many pieces that were apparently falling towards the concrete below. Yet, as they went, they did not float down as might be expected by the cloth. Rather, they sailed down, in very specific trajectories, heading along in ways that were simply not natural.

However, nothing about this was natural, and this was just one more part of it. Instead of just being torn pieces of fabric, these were fully set pieces of lingerie that were moving just as the larger original had been. Simple white cotton flew between the towers, skimpy bits of lace glided past windows, and even bits of satin could be glimpsed in the cloud of panties now crowding the streets.

And each and every one of them was heading for any entrance to the underground structures that they could find.

* * *

"How can this be?" Ritsuko asked as she dropped her mug with one hand and reached for her pack of cigarettes.

"What is that? Her third cup?" Satsuki whispered to her fellow 'bridge bunny'.

Speaking just as lowly, Aoi shook her head. "Her fourth, I think."

Fortunately for them, the object of their discussion was not listening, and was currently heaving great puffs from her latest cigarette. (Which had joined the unlit one already in her mouth.)

* * *

Fortunately, someone had realized that Misato could call in an order.

"Everyone to shelters! Use all means of destroying Asuka's panties... You know, that just sounds so completely wrong."

"Wow," noted Makoto as he watched the carnage on the screen. "Other than they're moving around on their own power, they seem fairly normal. I think this is the first time the NORMAL weapons have had any effect on an Angel."

"It's... working?" asked Ritsuko.

"Confirmed, each has a weak AT field," said Maya from her own console. "Correction - the invading panties are now evading the emplaced weapons. We're still getting a few though."

"Misato, where are you now?" asked Ritsuko of the speaker-phone.

"On my way, Rei is sobering up," said Misato's voice.

_BLEARGHHHHHHHHH!_ went something else heard over the speaker.

"AGHHH! Don't throw up in my CAR!" said Misato's voice.

"She's probably driving like a maniac again," noted Ritsuko.

"What are those panties doing?" asked Maya, pulling up and enlarging a picture.

"Isn't that two of the boys from Shinji's school?" asked Ritsuko. "What are they doing out of the shelters?"

"Looks like they're running like their lives depended on it," said Makoto. "With about thirty panties in pursuit."

"Well, of course," pointed out Shigeru. "I mean just think about it. If you were killed by a pair of panties, that would just suck. Even your ancestors would be ashamed of you. Even if you survived, you'd never live it down."

There were a few stares at Shigeru for that. Not that anyone was disputing it, perhaps. Just that the subject had come up was sufficiently worthy of a few stares.

* * *

Asuka watched as panties fluttered around the glass doors even as Kaji dragged another chair over to become part of the barricade.

"My panties are invading Tokyo-3," said a disbelieving Asuka. "How can this day get any worse?"

_CRASH!_ went one of the windows as a flock of silk, rayon, and cotton came in.

"AGHHH!" said Asuka just before she was inundated.

Kaji stared as Asuka was engulfed, though it was obvious she was going down fighting. He stood near the restroom for a few moments as the attack occurred, not attacking the panties himself because they had apparently not noticed him yet and he was kind of unsure as to how to go about actually damaging the things anyway.

When the panties finally cleared away, Kaji could see that Asuka now looked kind of zombie-ish?

* * *

Years of experience had taught Kaji to be really careful about keeping himself safe. He knew that one misstep could result in him losing his life, and he had little desire to even go with the 'survivable' encounters with dangers. Being maimed held little attraction for him, and he really didn't want to tempt fate any time soon.

Still, Asuka was not only his charge, but he kind of liked her... in a 'little sister' sort of way. No matter how much she tried to act all grown up, she was still a teenager, and was a young one at that. Someone had to watch out for her, and he figured that he was the best choice at the moment.

Besides, someone had to see what those panties would be doing to a person.

He had little to worry about in being able to see her, as the panties fluttered off almost as quickly as they had come. It was like they were merely a force of nature that would quickly swoop over anything in their path. If anything, they didn't seem to be physically dangerous, as he could still see her body was intact. Whatever they had been trying to do hadn't been a direct attack, as they hadn't even tried to use their momentum to do any real damage.

What he discovered though was that not all of the panties had left. From the rumpled state of her clothes, she was showing much more of herself than she normally would have allowed, so he was able to see that the panties that she had put on were still where she'd slid them onto. Yet there was another pair of panties... which were on the wrong end. Almost as if she was trying to be a stereotypical pervert, she had a pair of panties over her head, pulled down so hard that the elastic had been hooked onto her nose. This allowed for the leg holes to be positioned to be almost able to let her eyes be uncovered.

From her slack jaw and her glazed eyes, it was clear that she was out of it... if she was even in control of her own body. This didn't seem to be the case, as she jerked up to a sitting position, heedless of the bedraggled state that she was in would take any dignity that she had. Instead, she shuffled to her feet, twitching and moving stiffly, as if she was trying to telegraph in her movements. She didn't seem to care though, as she merely gave of a low moan, which was apparently the limit of her vocabulary right then. When she got somewhat steady on her feet, she stopped for a moment before turning back to him. Her hands went out to reach for him, and somehow, he rather didn't think that it was for a simple hug.

Near as he could tell, she was under the thrall of the panties, and as bad as that sounded in theory, it was even worse to see in person. Seeing as he really didn't want to go through that himself, he figured that it would be best to beat a hasty retreat. Despite how much he might have had been fond of that girl, he was not about to fall to their enemies.

With that in mind, he beat a hasty retreat until he could figure out how to make this better.

* * *

"AGHHHHHHHH!" screamed Kensuke Aida. "They got me! Help me, Toji!"

Toji Suzuhara glanced back, then switched back to forward. "Sorry. Fighting flying panties is NOT something I've trained for."

"SUZUUUUHAARAAAAA!" screamed someone as the panties swirled around the figure in their midst.

* * *

"Are you recording this? Fascinating!" said Ritsuko Akagi.

"That he abandoned his friend?" asked Makoto Hyuga.

"No, he probably realized he had no chance against a swarm of that size," said Ritsuko. "No, I mean the data."

"Lucky it happened where we could monitor," said Maya, her tone indicating some sarcasm involved in that statement.

A scream sounded inside the swarm, quickly cut off.

"That... sounded like a girl's scream?" asked Makoto.

"The boy's gone, instead that... looks kinda like Asuka," noted Shigeru Aoba as the security cameras caught another panty-zombie shambling off as the swarm dispersed.

"Hairlength's the same as the boy, tentative ID is Kensuke Aida. Eyes are a different color, so is the hair. Less massive though what I've got on Aida indicates not much of a difference."

"I'm sure HE would beg to differ," pointed out Makoto. "If he weren't zombied-out."

"At least they're not wandering around eating brains," said Maya, trying to find a bright side in all this.

* * *

"I am experiencing some difficulties in ambulation," stated Rei.

"We noticed," said Misato as she watched Ranma walking Rei along the corridor to the elevators.

"So, Ritsuko?" Misato asked of her cellphone. "What's the sitrep?"

"Uhm, this is Maya Ibuki. Ritsuko won't give a situation report right now because saying that there are panty-zombies trying to get into NERV would be... troublesome."

"'panty-zombies'?" asked Misato.

"Ya know, if they were trying for surprise, they certainly got it," said Ranma. "How many people would expect flying panties and panty-zombies to assault our hidden-sinister-looking base in some panty-ocalypse."

"'Panty-ocalypse'?" asked Misato, wondering how much RANMA had been drinking.

"You prefer 'Panty-aggedon'?" asked Ranma, trying the term out.

"Stop that. Stop right now," warned Misato.

"Well," said Maya on the phone, "at least we've found effective countermeasures. If you wash down the panties they can't fly. The panty-zombies are also repelled by Fabrezetm."

"Just when I think the situation can't get much more bizarre," said Misato as they got on the lift to take them to Unit 00.

"Story of MY life," quipped Ranma.

"I thought you were drunk," said Misato. "No tolerance for alcohol."

Ranma shrugged. "I also get over it fast. Good metabolism I s'pose."

* * *

"So everyone who gets zombified ends up as a red-haired blue-eyed girl vaguely resembling Asuka?" asked Makoto.

"That's what it looks like," said Maya, bringing up a security camera showing dozens of panty-zombies trying to use another panty-zombie as a battering ram on the security door of the subway station. "Though I don't think she looks much like Asuka, especially with those glasses."

"THERE!" said Shigeru, bringing up another camera's footage. "That's the Core."

The various NERV personnel looked over the single pair of red panties amongst the various beige and white and pink and other colors.

"That's got to be it," admitted Ritsuko.

"So now what? Do we launch Unit 00 and Rei?" asked Makoto, looking back at where Fuyutsuki and Gendo were in their usual spots.

All those in the chamber seemed to hold their breath at once. What would be said next would determine what course of action events would take, and so they waited for the sign of the coming situation. It was going to be of such great import that none of them could afford to miss it, and so only the bleating of alarms and beeping of sensor panels could be heard. That silence would be needed to hear whatever series of instructions that would be needed to explain the depth of the plan that their bosses had come up with.

"No," stated Gendo.

There were several moments when the staff all thought that they had missed something, but then it became clear that nothing more was coming.

And for his part, the Commander didn't seem to be in a hurry to elaborate.

"Is that it?" Makoto asked, glancing over at his fellow operators.

Maya gave a small shrug. "Don't look at me."

As confusion began to reign, it became clear that someone had to explain, and Fuyutsuki had to step in to bridge that gap. "It would be counterproductive to have someone, even in an Evangelion, try to directly face off against those things."

"Okay... If you say so."

"He's right," Ritsuko admitted, closing her eyes and sighing. "If we put Rei out there like this, we could put her out as a possible target. We'd be in trouble if they got to her, and we don't know how it would affect Unit 00 itself."

"Plus, it would be troublesome to having to target so many small attackers," the vice commander added. "That would be akin to trying to hit a fly with a tank."

"Then that would be a bad thing," Ibuki allowed.

"What else can we do though?" asked Makoto.

Peering over the computer operators, Ritsuko raised a brow at them. "We keep on with long range attacks. Water guns should help, and hoses might be even better. Though, we might just have to use the automated guns on those things."

"We're going to shoot panties?"

"At the very least, we can thin the numbers until we can get a real plan to get to that core."

"So... all we have to do is to make it easy to get at the panties."

Several sets of eyes turned to look at the man in the glasses, with the feminine ones more wary than the others.

Makoto squeaked in a panic. "What? I didn't mean it that way!"

"Really..." Maya murmured.

"In any case, we have work to do," Ritsuko reminded them all. "Get all barrier systems prepared to prevent unauthorized intrusion."

"Keep the First Child on standby. We may need to send her out later, if the opportunity presents itself," Gendo instructed.

"Of course, sir."

Each of them turned back to their work, glad to have some sort of plan for this... oddity.

* * *

Asuka-zombie joined the other zombies as they came to a crosswalk, waited patiently for the Walk light to come on, crossed the road in a shambling gait, and then began their way to the train station.

"They... waited for the light to change?" asked Maya.

"Well, that's just kind of..."

"COMMANDER! They've infiltrated Shelter 5!" said one of the bridge bunnies, Satsuki. "They made it through the air shafts somehow."

"Oh, that can't possibly end well," commented Fuyutsuki drily into the intervening silence.

"Indeed," said Gendo Ikari.

On the screen, Asuka went up to the gate and swiped her NERV ID badge through the card reader.

_BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!_

"Whoever had the presence of mind to invalidate her card, well done," said Makoto.

"Thanks," said Maya.

Asuka continued swiping her card through the reader a few times.

The other panty-zombies milled around while she was doing that.

Finally Asuka-zombie had enough and simply climbed past the turnstile and began beating at the door with the others.

"They can't possibly break through like that," said Shigeru.

"That might be why they're making a battering ram out of that bench," pointed out Makoto.

"Panties reported swarming in Koreatown," said Shigeru, referring to a section of Tokyo-3 that had a large immigrant population.

"They're in the hangar bay!" reported Maya, wondering how they'd managed that - wasn't it hermetically sealed? Oh right. Repair operations on the refrigerant lines today.

"Seal off the hangar bay," ordered Gendo. "Where are the pilots?"

"Ranma and Misato are entering the Entry Plug of Unit 1, Rei is already in the Entry Plug of Unit 00," reported Maya.

"What about the technicians?" asked Fuyutsuki, dreading the answer.

"Mostly trying to lock themselves in equipment lockers and otherwise out of panty range," reported Maya. "I can't believe I just said that."

"Guards with super-soakers are responding to the hangar," reported Shigeru. "Meanwhile there's a panty-line forming around Shelter 6! Huh. I see what you mean. Can't believe I'm saying that."

"This is like one of those old 'movie of the week' things they used to show on the Sci-Fi Channel," said Fuyutsuki with a tone of nostalgia.

* * *

Misato sat in the dark behind Ranma and tried not to think about a great many things.

Ranma sat with Misato in the dark and listened to the occasional tap or sliding noise that indicated that panties were attacking his giant robot.

"Why aren't the lights on?" asked Misato after awhile.

"One of the techs would have to turn it on, right?" asked Ranma. "Besides, then we'd end up with the cockpit full of that LCL crap."

"Oh, right." Misato was silent for a few moments.

"You know, there's just something WRONG about this situation," said Ranma.

"What is?" asked Misato, thinking about being in a darkened room with a buffly toned young man who did NOT look at all like he was as young as he was. As he'd gotten a shower while sobering up, she could smell freshly scrubbed male flesh and... was that a citrusy sort of scent?

"We're in a giant robot, in a hidden underground base, surrounded by the enemy, and defending the world... from panties," said Ranma.

Misato blinked, though her eyes weren't processing anything beyond dark. "Isn't there supposed to be emergency lighting in these?"

"I think someone has to turn that on," said Ranma.

"Great," said Misato. "Maybe someone on the bridge can turn them on. They have to know we're here."

* * *

On the NERV bridge, they were dealing with another problem altogether.

When considering the work around the Instrumentality Project, much of it was still unknown. That wasn't to say that those were keeping that part secret, as they lacked the knowledge to completely understand what was going on with those materials. Much was still beyond human comprehension, and only a combination of having learned enough to make some use of the processes, and plain old blind arrogance got them as much headway as they had gotten. Now, even those doing the high level scheming knew that there were massive gaps in their knowledge, and had always tried to plan accordingly.

Right about then, Gendo Ikari was trying really hard not to wonder if there was more in Heaven and Earth than even _he_ knew.

"It seems that we have a... problem," Makoto commented on what he'd put on the screen.

"I can see that," the Supreme Commander murmured. "How did it get loose?"

Maya didn't look up from her terminal as she spoke. "Apparently, there has some sort of infiltration... issue in the containment area. What's not clear is if there was some sort of intrusion there, but it seems that some, if not all, of the staff ran for secure cover, and... 'left the door open', so to speak."

"Which made for what we are seeing now."

"Yes, sir."

"Wonderful. So now we have to deal with something like double the enemy power," Doctor Akagi griped, with her teeth clenched and her brow twitching.

"No, it seems that she's fighting on _our_ side."

* * *

Being stuck in this sort of situation had not been something that Makie was all that keen on. After being locked up by those mean looking adults, she'd been left alone with the door open. At first, worry over being yelled at had kept her from seeing what was outside, but then it got too creepy to stick around. So she'd slipped through the door, hoping that she wouldn't get into too much trouble for doing so.

What was outside was even _worse_ as she'd been chased after by moaning people with _panties_ on their heads. If that hadn't been bad enough, flying pieces of said lingerie had tried to dive bomb her several times. Every instinct in her body told her that she did _not_ want those icky pervert drones getting their hands on her. As it was, they were a lot of blind drive as they never wavered from their course.

On the other hand, she wanted their paths to go far away from her, and so she tried to keep them away from her. Thrusting out her hands to shove them away worked pretty well, considering that they tended to go flying backwards as she did so. Her ribbon helped, as she used it to not only grab and toss troublemakers, but was able to whip opponents down. Then she could use her long legs to kick them, which she actually did with some flair as flipped over one zombie and dropped her heel onto the head of another. And the biggest help was that the gymnastics knowledge that she had helped her twist and bend out of the way of all the grabbing hands.

Besides, she had other things to do, since she knew that there were some nice people around who could use some help.

* * *

The words that Ritsuko Akagi used were not pretty, printable, or all that calm.

Makoto pushed his glasses higher on his nose and gave a small cough. "It seems that the combat effectiveness of the... captured and transformed... enemy is high."

"From these readings, it looks like she is subconsciously using her AT-Field for assistance," Maya put in. "Also, the interactions between them makes it look like the wavelengths are wrong for one... enemy's abilities to work on another, at least like this."

"Isn't a bit odd that she looks really cute doing what she is?" Shigeru drawled as he watched one of the transformed girl's smooth legs as she went for a jumping point.

All the others there just stopped and _stared_ at him.

"What?"

"A-hem," coughed Ritsuko. "I believe that we have other concerns at the moment."

"Quite," Gendo agreed.

* * *

As far as SHE was concerned, she was Makie Sasaki. A young girl who was interested in several things - rhythmic gymnastics being one of them.

As far as the bridge personnel were concerned, she was an Angel who'd apparently switched sides and was now fighting the Angel that had come after her.

"If we defeat this Angel, and it surrenders," began Shigeru.

"Ungh," said Ritsuko Akagi, looking as if she had a headache which was about to upgrade itself.

Shigeru had paused at that soft exclamation from Doctor Akagi, but then forged on. "Do you suppose we can get better use out of them? I mean, even if she doesn't remember being an Angel - we have to be able to get better data on AT fields and how to use them. Just look at what she's doing with that ribbon."

"You mean how it goes from being a prehensile weapon to something that can slash through panties to then form a spiral defense around her?" asked Makoto, his voice speculative.

"Well, it's better than dealing with panty-zombies," Shigeru pointed out.

"I would debate skrlenx," said Ritsuko.

Everyone on the bridge immediately looked towards Doctor Ritsuko Akagi. Everyone on the bridge immediately noticed the pair of panties on her head. Everyone on the bridge immediately looked up at a ventillation shaft, the grill for which was now seriously skewed away from the shaft.

Later on, Gendo Ikari swore that anyone who reported he'd screamed like a little girl would be quickly discovered to be a traitor and shot.

Right now though, everyone was busy scrambling to get away.

* * *

Ranma took a deep breath, calming himself.

"Don't do that!" exclaimed Misato, you'll use up all our air.

"Don't talk," said Ranma. "Uses up more air."

Misato stared at the darkness where Ranma was. No lights, no noise other than breathing and the occasional sliding noise as something moved across the Eva's armor, nothing to do except wait.

Ranma had just counted to twenty when Misato asked the question he'd been expecting.

"How long do you suppose..."

"Misato, meditate if you can. It'll use less air."

"I don't know how to do that."

"Learn."

* * *

Getting into a fight had not been what Makie had been aiming for, but then that was what she had gotten. It wasn't that she wanted to _hurt_ the people, as they weren't exactly trying to be mean. They were just acting really strange, and she couldn't blame them. There was just something about those strange panties that made it so that things were twisted out there.

That was probably due to the fact that the pieces of lingerie that were not on people's head were flying around on their own like little birds.

Still, if she was going to have to fight, then that was what she was going to do. Twirling about, she swung her ribbon in an arc around her, using it to whip several zombies around her. Then she went into a crouch, one leg stretched out long in front of her. Doing so gave her some breathing room, and allowed her to take the panties by surprise, as she twirled her ribbon in a spiral, making the lingerie hit into each other, and get all tangled up.

However, the zombies weren't about to let her go with that, and they tried to grab at her. One even wound up groping her backside, and she didn't take too kindly to that. With a shriek, she used her ribbon to grab hold of the apparent pervert, and then launched him away. Not wanting a repeat grope, she did a couple of quick whippings so that those around her wound up being knocked to the floor.

Taking a step away from the group, she looked up to see a flock of panties making a dive bomb at her... until they were knocked away by several streams of water.

After a moment of surprise, she glanced over at the source of the attack, and saw a group of uniformed figures carrying squirt guns, shooting at the various flying bits of cotton and lace. The new arrivals were intent on soaking the mobile garments, which was good, but the best thing about them was that they had no panties on their heads. Instead, they seemed to have clear thoughts as they went about shooting wherever they saw flapping lingerie. That did send the bits of fabric into disarray, but there was one thing that she did notice.

"You keep on missing them," she complained.

One of the non-zombies scowled at her. "You think that you could do better?"

"I don't know, but... Can't you hit where they are _going_ to be? Or at least hit the entire area, so that they can't go anywhere?"

At first, it had seemed that the officer who had spoken earlier was going to snap back, but then he stopped himself. He and his comrades looked at each other for a long moment, and then seemed to grudgingly agree to something. They didn't say what they had decided... but it became clear once they set up a mist that soaked bunches of panties at once.

With that being the case, it set up an area effect that cleared airspace of underwear attackers. Then again, the panties weren't going to let that go unanswered, and tried to buzz the defenders several times. It didn't really work, as Makie got them close together as she used her ribbon to create a mobile barrier to block attacks.

One young soldier did trip though, and he wound up falling outside of their perimeter. Getting a new headdress might have been in his future, but Makie reacted without though, and wrapped one end of her ribbon around his ankle and pulled. As she did that, one of the others took a bottle from a supply cart and heaved it right at the panties heading for him so hard that the container burst as it hit the wall. Their combination helped get him back to safety... and gave the ribbon user a surprise when she saw the panties fluttering to the floor.

"Why aren't they flying?" she asked no one in particular.

"Can't tell for sure..." began one of her impromptu allies. "But I'd guess that they don't have enough stiffness to make for good wings."

"What was in that bottle?"

"Fabreze, I think," the thrower from earlier answered.

"We gotta get more of that stuff," Makie murmured, as she looked around her group at the combination of zombies and flying panties.


	12. Chapter 12:Send In The Clones

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: As mentioned earlier, this is one of the threads me and Kender Sci wrote over at the Anime Addventure. There will be slight changes to better fit the different format. This catches up with our current episodes, so things will slow down because the scenes are written on a rotation and weekly basis along with several other threads we juggle.

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Send In The Clones, There Ought To Be Clones...

* * *

A ribbon lashed out. AT field met AT field.

Makie faced off against a red pair of panties.

* * *

"The core has an AT field, she can't cut through it!" declared Shigeru from the auxiliary control room.

"Dude, chill, it's just us three," said Makoto.

"Sorry, force of habit," apologized Shigeru.

"Besides, Makie's on our side, and she doesn't give up that easy," pointed out Makoto.

* * *

Makie frowned at her nemesis. "I won't let you hurt them any more."

The panties merely dodged another stream from a water gun and circled in the air, looking for an angle of attack.

"Maybe you need to call out your special attacks?" asked one of the Section Two people armed with super-soakers.

"Why?" asked Makie, sending her ribbon out to cut off an attack from the panties.

"Well, you're an..." The Section Two operative bit off the part about her actually being an angel that transformed into a fictional human girl. "You're sort of a magical girl, I guess."

"Oh, okay," said Makie, deciding to humor the guy. "Makie Sasaki, Special Attack! Ribbon Bind!"

Makie's ribbon seemed to lengthen, wrapping itself around the errant pair of panties, then contract itself.

"You've got it?" said the agent, genuinely surprised that had worked but not going to argue with success. "Oh. Well done. Now you need a finishing move."

"I suppose," said Makie, who was now thinking the agent apparently DID know what was going on as that had seemed stupid but it had worked. 'Stupid' + 'It Worked' = 'Not Stupid.' "Slice Of Life!"

It took some effort, but she broke through the panties' AT field and the ribbon sliced the panties up a moment later.

* * *

_Deep in Terminal Dogma:_

BAMF! went the air as space curved.

"This doesn't look right," said Mihoshi as she looked around the room. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

The little doll perched on a shoulder opens its mouth. "Mihoshi. Pay attention. Now turn slowly around so I can see what the room's like. Okay. Now go over to that computer terminal and set me down."

"Are you sure about this, Little Washu?" asked Mihoshi. "I fixed all sorts of things before I left."

"Trust me, the situation you left Ranma in will most likely end up with him killed by one of the two groups," said the doll as the computer apparently turned itself on and didn't finish a bootup sequence before something seized control of it. "As long as you still retain some of those genie-powers like traversing alternate realities - we can tweak at least SOME of your disasters."

"Well..." said Mihoshi, losing interest as Washu was doing something too fast for her to really understand it. Oh, what did THIS switch do?

"Just don't touch anything," said the doll. "Uploading. Uploading. Uploading. File complete! Okay Mihoshi."

A rumble sounded in the room.

"Mihoshi?" said the doll in a voice so dry it approached dessicated. "What did you do?"

Mihoshi backed into the desk, then reached around to pick up the doll and face it towards the wall.

"Okay," said the Washu-doll. It might have been a rushed together device with an imprint of Washu's mind and personality, only designed to last for a day or so, and with limited capabilities. However it DID have an imprint of Washu's personality. Which would have been quite concerning for those involved if they'd had any sort of clue. "This is kind of creepy. But I think we can do something here."

* * *

All across Tokyo-3, panties fell to the ground. Most of them immediately went splurt as they turned into LCL. Some remained, having apparently gained more solidity.

"AGH! WHY AM I A GIRL?"

As Kensuke was discovering, some effects were more persistant.

* * *

The first thing that Ritsuko recognized after her senses cleared was that the top of her head was being squashed by some sort of cloth. Feeling rather uncomfortable with what seemed like cotton pressing her nose down, she was glad that it came off of her head pretty easily. With the lack of pressure on her skull, she had a sense of relief that she hadn't had since Misato had taken her drinking in college. At the very least, it did seem that things had quieted down, though she did need to get to work.

But as she went to take her first step, she almost tripped as her heels started to wobble on her feet. Confusion set in, since she'd brought the heels only recently, and hadn't had problems with walking in such shoes for years. Wondering if there were some aftereffects from what had gone on, she looked down... and immediately saw that her shoes didn't fit on her feet any more.

As she began to realize that something odd was going on, she stepped out of her shoes, and didn't get away from having to deal with something ill fitting. _Everything_ seemed to be falling off of her, and the problem was that she hadn't been dieting. Still, the waistband of her skirt was trying to go around her hips, her bra was drooping, and her blouse was like her lab coat.

"What the hell is..." she began to say... and then put a hand to her mouth as she found that her voice didn't sound right.

"Doctor Akagi?" started an agent asked as he stepped into the command center. "Is that you?"

"Of course it is. Who else would I be?"

"Well..."

"What is it? What has you incapable of talking?" Ritsuko snapped.

Instead of answering, he pointed right back at her.

Annoyed by this point, she growled under her breath, and whirled about to face the console for the security feeds. Using one hand keep a hold on her clothing, she used the other to tap in some commands. Immediately she got a response from the equipment, and an image came up from a camera pointing at her.

What she saw left her blinking for just a moment... until she recognized what it was showing. From the youthful features, to the body with the promise of appealing curves to the clear fact that it was her made her know what had happened to her. Just _how_ it had come about wasn't quite clear yet, but then she was still dealing with the situation as it stood right now.

"Umm... are you alright?" the security officer asked.

"In all the ways that matter... somewhat. Of course, I seem to be fourteen years old again, at least in body. So I'm not quite myself right now. But there is something very important that overrides most of everything else," she ground out as she tried to march off.

"And what's that?"

"Getting some new clothes to wear before I give you idiots a show."

* * *

Misato looked over at Ranma as she tried to shift her position. "It sounds like it's all quiet now."

"True. Probably means that things have settled down," Ranma answered.

"Then maybe we could get out of here now."

"Yeah, but we probably should wait for an 'all clear' first. Don't want to get attacked by flying panties, right."

"Now that I'll agree with. But I'd want to get out of here as soon as we can," she suggested.

"Why?"

"Do you want to be here when Ritsuko comes around?"

"You've got a point there," Ranma allowed with a wince.

* * *

Although she wasn't quite sure as to why she had been relegated to the task, Kaede Agano merely waited outside the door that she'd come to about ten minutes earlier. As far as she was concerned, she had no reason to stay once the package that she'd brought had been handed in to the occupant of the stall, but she'd been told to stay. Something about it made her want to get away, but she also had a feeling that she could get into trouble if she wasn't there.

So the short haired young woman was present to jump a little when the door swung open, and a feminine figure stepped out.

"Now this is better," a fully and properly dressed Doctor Ritsuko Akagi murmured as she tugged on her new lab coat. "I should be able to work like this."

"Are you sure that you should? I mean, we don't know what you are who you are supposed to be..." Kaede began.

"Of course I am myself. If you don't remember, I still had the codes for access, and if necessary, we can match DNA samples. Other than the fact that I am apparently been... rejuvenated back to being a fourteen year old, I am fine... and I'm a natural blonde now."

"How do you know that?"

The responding glare that the new teenager gave was dark and foreboding.

"Never mind..."

"Fortunately all that's over and we can settle back down to normal operations."

"Doctor Akagi?" the relief operator murmured. "Isn't that tempting fate?"

"Absolutely not! It's getting back to doing what we're supposed to," Ritsuko snapped as she stalked off.

Distant thunder rumbled.

* * *

The 'Little Washu' doll was a very complex device built by 'The Greatest Scientific Genius In The Universe.' It was only supposed to last a day or so.

Mihoshi, still with genie powers for a day in her home universe, had listened to Washu explain the problems that had been left behind by Mihoshi's time as a wish-granting genie. Not that she remembered all the details. One thing though, had been to carry the Little Washu Doll using her current ability to move from dimension to dimension. The Little Washu Doll was to fix some errant details that Washu herself had noticed that apparently had NOT been addressed by either Mihoshi or the Djinni responsible for her little quest.

The download had completed, her task finished with virtual-life still remaining.

Faced with several Rei Ayanami floating in LCL tubes, the doll with an imprint of Washu's knowledge and personality considered the possibilities in front of her.

* * *

"I am concerned about this boy Ranma's special abilities, especially now with this Angel having defected to our side," said Gendo in his office to Fuyutsuki.

_CLICK!_ went something in the office.

An image flickered into place on a computer screen. Both individuals in the room immediately recognized the person showing on the screen.

"If you are viewing this recording," said Yui Ikari's image, "that means that Ranma has manifested the genetic upgrades I put into place and is now fighting the beings dubbed 'Angels.'"

* * *

The three bridge personnel, and their back-ups, stared at the computer screen.

"Isn't that...?" asked Satsuki.

"Uh huh," said Shigeru.

* * *

"So THAT'S what you've done Ikari," mused Lorenz Kihl as a little spy-feed showed him the same imagery.

* * *

"Facing the Angels with a single plan to defeat them and have our race survive was less than ideal," confessed the Yui-image. "So much depends on everything going exactly off, one detail meshing with the next, that anything at all could collapse the whole chain of events. Therefore this project, Project WaShu, my backup to the main scenario."

Images flashed by at high speed, showing DNA and RNA sequences - breakdowns of proteins and less easily identifiable graphs and displays.

"Ranma Ikari is genetically engineered to be human, but human plus," said Yui. "I had to use my own son for this, as secrecy in the early stages was paramount. The upgrades themselves might never manifest, so this message was hidden unless certain key elements occur."

Yui Ikari's image frowned. "I can only hope Ranma can forgive me for this."

The screen dissolved into static, finally ending with a "file not found" message.

* * *

Gendo's mouth hung open as he stared at the now-blank screen.

"Okay, that makes sense," said Fuyutsuki. "Why did we go with a single scenario?"

"Why didn't she tell me?" asked Gendo eventually.

"She kept it secret," said Fuyutsuki, speculating. "Obviously she realized that no one could get the answer out of her after her 'death' even with the methods of chemical interrogation currently available to SEELE. Once Ranma manifested those abilities, he'd be harder for SEELE to turn to their own agenda."

"But why is it named 'Washu'?" asked Gendo.

"The 'feather of an eagle'?" asked Fuyutsuki. "A feather is a part of a wing, like an angel's wing. An eagle is a raptor - and frequently used in military squads and banners."

"So that Ranma would be like an angel, and better able to fight them," mused Gendo. "Yui. You were always fond of little secrets."

* * *

Illness wasn't something that Rei had much experience with. Her life was one that was usually free of the sicknesses that her classmates would tend to suffer from time to time. There were certainly reasons for that, but, as with many things, she didn't tend to dwell on it unless she had to. However, she _could_ be injured, as human flesh was not immortal, and so she had spent some time in the medical wing at NERV that didn't have to do with normal tests.

Right now though, she was sitting on a bench in the girls' locker room with her legs spread, and her head trying to not dip between her thighs. Even she knew that this was an awkward position, but the dry heaves pushing her stomach at the moment wouldn't listen to reason. Instead, all that she could do was to try to keep her body out of the line of fire, and feel some sort of... sympathy for the janitorial staff.

"Are you feeling okay?" the operator sent to check on her asked, almost reaching out to pat her back.

Rei's head tilted up a bit. "I will be fine. Captain Katsuragi assures me that this experience is... limited."

"Oh... okay. But do you really have to go with all this?"

"What do you mean?" the pale girl asked.

"Well, do you really want to drink this stuff?" the older woman commented, glancing at the bottle that she was holding. "And I really don't think it's healthy to take all this Excedrin."

"Satsuki Ooi."

"Yes?"

"Give me the pills."

A frown crossed Satsuki's features. "But it looks like you're going to go over the recommended dosage."

"Give them to me."

"Still..."

The look in Rei's eyes were as still as they usually were, but there was something behind that red stare that somehow felt like the edge of a blade.

Satsuki gave a small shiver and meekly handed over the bottle.

* * *

Although she wasn't meant to do much beyond acting as an extension of her originator's plans, Little Washu couldn't help but turn her attention back to the pale girls floating in the tank near her. As it stood, she almost felt a kinship with them, though her creator was cheerful about her presence. However, they were quite obviously different than her, and not in the way that had to do with physical build.

Pursing her lips, she considered what she could do about them, as there was a great deal of possibilities. None of them had been given a chance on their own, and were being left like some sort of ... spare parts. Well, as the shadow of the Greatest Scientific Mind Ever, she could certainly cobble something together with them. The question was just what she should do with them.

"Oooh," Mihoshi murmured. "Little Washu, these lights are blinking so prettily."

"That's what happens when science hits its stride sometimes," the mini-Washu commented.

"Yes, but what do they do?"

Somehow, the doll construct got a chill down her spine.

* * *

The plasteel retracted, causing the oxygenated nutrient-water to flood the floor. Mihoshi leapt into the air, where her remaining genie powers allowed her to stay up. Plastered against the ceiling, she watched.

One of the red-eyed girls moved slowly forward, regarding the little doll shape.

"Now just calm down," said the doll. "Mihoshi didn't mean any harm."

The girl cocked her head to the side in a birdlike mannerism, making an odd trilling noise that sounded like some sort of question.

"That's right," said the doll. "Now I don't have any-"

Rei then shoved the doll into her mouth, choking and hacking as she forced the thing within her - her body distorting in order to take the toy in.

"M-m-mecha-Washu?" asked Mihoshi in a trembling voice before she abruptly vanished, heading back to her own universe to inform the real Washu of this event.

The Rei which had moved forward splashed around in the fluid on the floor, in a manner very reminiscent of an epileptic fit. After a few minutes it ended, and the Rei slowly pulled herself to a seated position next to a chair where she could keep her head above the flood.

"Well now," said the Rei, speaking for the first time and blinking green eyes as she observed the world around her. "Verrry interesting. Very interesting indeed. These primitive devices are just toys, at least when you're the Greatest Scientific Mind In This Universe! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

A weak splash sounded from elsewhere in the room.

"Oh yeah," said the green-eyed Rei. "I probably ought to do something about you guys."

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi was handling things pretty well, all things concerned.

She HAD dyed her hair blonde. Now she was a natural blonde. She HAD been 30 years old. Now she was 14. Mind you, she would have liked having this figure back then - she estimated the differences were only a few centimeters here and there - but it was definitely not a perfect reproduction of her first time at this age.

"S-sempai?" asked Maya, staring.

Ritsuko Akagi raised an eyebrow at her subordinate, took a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket, and tapped the box in a familiar gesture that should have advanced the top one enough that she could casually pluck it free. She'd done it a thousand times after all.

Instead she ended up with six cigarettes littering the floor.

"Great," said Ritsuko in a voice that indicated she thought this was nowhere near great actually.

_Pluck!_

"I'm sorry, Doctor Akagi," said Maya, holding the cigarettes. "But you're a minor now and shouldn't indulge in such things."

"Maya," said Doctor Akagi. "Give me back my cigarettes."

"It should at least wait until a full medical exam," came the unexpected statement from Fuyutsuki.

"But that'll take at least two days for the lab tests," noted Ritsuko, who then froze. "You're not serious."

"You should stay away from strong drink too," said Maya.

"You're NOT serious," stated Ritsuko again.

"Since you're the same age as the pilots, perhaps we should test..." Fuyutsuki speculated.

"No. No. Absolutely not," declared Ritsuko Akagi.

"But Doctor Akagi," said Maya, puppy-eye-no-jutsu going.

"Absolutely, positively NOT," said Ritsuko Akagi. "Not going to happen. No. Never."

* * *

"Wow, I'm so glad that's all over," said Misato in relief as she and Ranma left the Entry Plug finally.

"I s'pose," said Ranma, attempting to look in all directions.

"Aw c'mon, we got the all-clear," said Misato. "What could happen?"


	13. Chapter 13:There ought to be clones

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: As mentioned earlier, this is one of the threads me and Kender Sci wrote over at the Anime Addventure. There will be slight changes to better fit the different format. This catches up with our current episodes, so things will slow down because the scenes are written on a rotation and weekly basis along with several other threads we juggle.

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: There ought to be clones.

* * *

"What could happen?"

"You really shouldn't tempt fate like that," said Ranma Ikari, looking around nervously.

"Oh come on," said Misato, walking briskly along. "That's just superstition. What could possibly be more screwed up than what we just went through..."

Misato came to a stop as she saw a figure in a blue plugsuit walking along one of the other catwalks. The stride and body language were all reading "highly agitated" which did not fit Rei all that much.

Neither did the blonde hair or the red lipstick.

"R-Ritsu?" asked Misato as the girl stalked past them.

"What?" demanded Ritsuko Akagi as she stopped and half-turned towards her associate.

"You're..." began Misato, her eyes flicking over the various changes.

"I've been ordered to undergo synchronization tests," said Ritsuko Akagi.

"Ah, I see," said Misato, her voice indicating she really did NOT understand the situation.

"The Angel had a transformative attack, most of the victims ended up being redhaired girls the age of the pilots," said Ritsuko. "You might want to check into it, Captain, as the Operations Officer has been missing for a good part of this operation."

Ranma started mumbling prayers of thanks for having missed out on this one.

Misato stared at Ritsuko's retreating back as her "college buddy" was now apparently ready to go back to high school. "That's... not how it was supposed to go, was it?"

"Nope," said Ranma. "That genie said she'd shifted a few things around. I'm guessing this is her screwup."

"Go ahead and get to the ready room, I'll go to the bridge and see what's going on," decided Misato. "At least things can't get weirder."

"I really wish you wouldn't do that," said Ranma, now eyeing the dark recesses in the ceiling and vents in the walls.

* * *

The Rei brushed back her hair, adjusted her labcoat, and decided that was good enough for now.

The tank was put back in place, most of the Rei were back in place, and things were otherwise progressing quite satisfactorily.

The problem with the two Rei she had NOT put back in place was that they were still "empty vessels" for the most part, but some echo of her own existence had carried over to them. So they were really not suitable for using as "dummy plugs" when that part of the current scenario came around.

Nor was Washu/rei (Reiwa?) really inclined to let that particular scenario advance when Mihoshi had screwed with it to the extent that she had.

Fortunately, she could plan "on the fly" as it were.

* * *

Asuka was quite unhappy with recent events, as anyone overhearing the muttered cursing would be able to tell.

Not only was her luggage missing, her panties had attacked Tokyo-3.

When she'd woken up, having apparently been sleepwalking or something, she'd discovered herself apparently just wandering around the building in a daze.

"This way, please," said a guard, motioning to her.

"About time," muttered Asuka, stalking past the guard and into a room with...

Another stream of German invective was put to good use.

"WHAT IS THIS?" finally demanded Asuka.

"Oh hi," said an Asuka wearing a pair of glasses near the door. "You've been Asuka-ed too. Don't worry about it."

"WHY IS THERE DOZENS OF ME HERE?" demanded Asuka.

"Oh, you're one of those that thinks you're the real Asuka?" asked the glasses-wearing Asuka. "I'm Kensuke Aida, by the way."

"Like I care?" said Asuka, brushing off the her-with-glasses-and-a-bigger-bust. She stopped, stared at the difference there. "You..."

"Yeah, some of us are bigger there," said Kensuke, shrugging and causing those large orbs to move around. "I see why girls wear bras now. Gets pretty uncomfortable with these shifting around like that."

Now that she'd been forced to note that the various Asuka in the room DID have differences, it was easier to see. There was an Asuka with smaller breasts, a trio that had to be eight at the oldest, one with a rack even bigger than this "Kensuke" bimbo, a taller one, a shorter one, some with longer or shorter hair, even one of her with an eyepatch! What was she supposed to be, an Eva Pirate?

"First thing you should do is examine your memories," said Kensuke. "You'll find some blank area, that'll be your indication that you're not the real Asuka."

"But I AM the real Asuka!" declared Asuka.

There were a few laughs and pitying looks from some of the Asuka.

"I AM!" declared Asuka, slapping her chest. "I'm the real Asuka!"

"Oh man, this is such a pain," said Kensuke. "They're probably going to make me use the GIRL'S bathroom and all now."

"Y-y-you're a guy?" asked Asuka, her attention now swinging back to the glasses-wearing version of herself.

"Well, was," said Kensuke. "I hope they can fix this soon. Oh man, how am I going to tell my father about this?"

Asuka turned on her heel and began marching back out, only to find security wasn't inclined to let her go.

It didn't help when she found her various identification were all missing.

* * *

There were a few moments before Aoi Mogami caught her mouth stretching into a yawn. Stifling the reflex, she patted a hand over her lips before trying to shrug her tiredness away. Unfortunately, with the monotonous work that she was doing, perking herself up wasn't all that easy. After all, she had pretty much fallen into the rote of 'shampoo, rinse, repeat'.

Still, it was what she had to do, given the circumstances. _Somebody_ had to catalogue who these people were, or had been, and it wasn't like she could just go about with copies of the identity papers of those likely changed. Some were just a little different than they had been, but a number of them were so altered that they were unrecognizable as who they had been.

At first, consideration had been needed, since they had to work out who was who. But then the fact that there were so many of them who acted out that she had long become frustrated. Between the angry ones who had been demanding answers and 'cures', the ones that were emotionally falling apart, and the ones who were overly enjoying their changes, it was a bit much to deal with. Once she had to deal with the third boy turned girl who was liking his 'new parts' entirely too much in public that she found that she was getting past the disgust. Now she was just looking at an endless mass of work and was hoping to get through it as soon as possible.

Pushing her glasses up on her nose, she wondered what sort of strangeness she would get this time. "Next!"

"About time you got to me," the redheaded girl groused as she strolled up to the table.

"I'm sure that you think so. Name?"

"Asuka Langley Soryu."

"Ah, wonderful," Aoi sighed. "Another one."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know who you used to be, but you shouldn't depend on confused memories. What has happened has imprinted you with another set of thoughts."

Lunging forward, the girl slammed her hands onto the table. "Don't lump me in with those idiots! I know who I am!"

"I am sure that you think that you do."

"Of course I do! You are the one who doesn't know anything."

"Calm down. Our situation isn't something that is that easy to take in," the operator told her.

"Not that you lot seem to be able to handle much of anything."

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said. I mean, not only did you lot need to call me in, but when I went to come, you couldn't manage to transport me right. Heck, you couldn't even get my luggage here with me!" the teenager snapped.

"That is an airport..."

"I came on a yacht!"

"But such a thing is more for the... Wait a minute, we did transport her that way..." Aoi began.

"Nice of you to remember that. Then again, it might have been nice if you could have remembered to send a real team to pick me up!"

"Ummm..."

"And poor Kaji had to do everything to help get me here," the younger girl lamented

"That is the agent they sent... oh dear."

"Hmm?"

"Let me see. The blood sample they took when you arrived..." Aoi murmured as she flipped through the papers... and then winced. "They match."

"Told you so," Asuka stated with a self satisfied sniff.

"We have a 82% on blood type matches," said Aoi, double checking. "Fingerprints and retinal scans are a little better. Only 24% on either. If all of them match you-"

"WHAT? They have my fingerprints?" asked Asuka, seeing what a security nightmare this could continue to be.

"We'll do those tests immediately, just follow Security," said Aoi, motioning for a guard.

* * *

As she shuffled along, a part of Misato lamented that she couldn't move all that quickly at the moment. Her body was a bit stiff, and needed to be given a chance to rest in a bed, or a hot bath. But given what had been happening, she wouldn't have been able to do that any time soon. There was work for her to do, and she wasn't going to be able to take it easy soon.

Not that she didn't know exactly where she had gotten her aches. She already had been sympathetic to their pilots, knowing that those kids could get stuck in those small entry plugs for long periods. Then she'd gotten stuck in one of them, and knew that it wasn't comfortable. On top of that, it was not designed for two people, and she'd been in there with Ranma throughout a good portion of the incident.

Luckily, she was out of there, and could stretch her legs. Already it had been shown that things were going kind of oddly, what with Ritsuko. Somehow, she was pretty sure that was going to veering off even more. All that she needed was for nothing else to come up to give her headaches as she prepared to deal with the current likely messes.

"Well, hello there, Misato," commented a familiar, and entirely unwanted voice as footsteps sounded against the floor near her.

Although she didn't want to, she turned to face the speaker, knowing who it was. "This day keeps on getting worse and worse."

"Oh, how funny. Aren't you glad to see me?"

"No, not really."

"Ah, I'm hurt," he murmured, drawing up towards her. "And after I've been away for so long."

"I was kind of hoping that you'd stay away longer, Kaji."

"Didn't you miss me?"

"Like a really bad hangover," Misato grumbled, already lamenting this latest development.

* * *

Asuka Langley Soryuu blinked. "Wha- wha WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?"

"That's what I want to know!" demanded Asuka Langley Soryuu.

"Why did they put me in with you IMPOSTERS?" was Asuka Langley Shikinami's response.

"MECHAKUCHA!" declared Asuka Soryuu.

"Can someone speak either English or German?" asked Asuka Langley.

"Das ist vollig verschraubt!" yelled a sixth Asuka.

"Danke," said Asuka Langley.

"You're all here," said a voice from the intercom, "because each of you has all the memories of the original Asuka Langley Soryuu. Each of you remembers details such as how you came to Japan. Each of you BELIEVES you are the original Asuka."

"But I AM the real Asuka!" declared all six Asuka.

"We are currently working on ways of determining which of you is the original and shich are copies caused by angel contamination," said the voice once the echoes had died out.

"She's the fake-"  
"They're all-"  
"You're just copies-"  
"Can't you see that-"  
"How could you mistake-"  
"That's ridiculous!"  
"..."

"SHUTTUP!" roared the voice from the loudspeakers.

"Well, at least I'm the cute one," said number six.

The lights abruptly cut off and there was brief silence.

"Well, this situation certainly sucks," commented one of the Asuka.

* * *

"Synchronization at... 35%?"

Gendo sighed behind his steepled hands. "Classify Ritsuko Akagi as the Fourth Child."

"Her heartrate and blood pressure just jumped, and she appears to be screaming at the Evangelion," noted Maya.

"Wow, she seems really unhappy," said Natsumi from her own station.

"Wouldn't you be?" asked Aoi, having just returned from dealing with larger numbers of often screaming teenagers.

"I'm gone for just a little bit of time, and so much happened!" exclaimed Misato as she flipped through screens at a workstation. "Ritsuko's the Fourth Child? Asuka's panties attacked Tokyo-3 and... how many Asuka?"

"Keep reading," suggested Aoi. "It gets worse. There are six Asuka who test as 100% Asuka and apparently have her memories up to the attack. There are minor psychological and a couple of physiological differences, but we're hoping that a synch-test will let us figure out which is the real one."

"I am SO glad that I locked myself in that bathroom," said Kaji as he looked over Misato's shoulder.

Misato smirked. "Yeah. Otherwise you'd be a half-Japanese redheaded teenage girl."

Kaji shuddered at the thought.

"Not all of those changed are completely Asuka'ed. Asuka-sized?" asked Aoi, pondering the proper term to use. "Asuka-fied?"

"Yeah," said Makoto, pulling up a screen of a room full of women. "It's only those six who really have the identity issues to that extent. If Ryoji-san had actually been hit, most likely he would just be a teenage Japanese girl."

"You're missing the point completely, aren't you?" asked Ryoji Kaji.

Misato smiled not-so-sweetly at him. "I bet you'd have made a cutie. With your hair in pigtails."

Kaji winced but then recovered and leered at Misato. "So... you're like that now?"

Kozo Fuyutsuki cleared his throat abruptly, then muttered something about how not only the children were acting like children.

* * *

Academically, Misato knew that she had to be there for the synch tests. It was obviously important for the Operations Director to keep herself aware of the status of the pilots under her command. She could have just as easily waited for a report, but to really do her job, there was nothing like seeing the results first hand.

But as she turned her chair around and stretched out one long leg to straddle the seat backwards, she almost wished that she wasn't quite as diligent on some things.

Leaning her forearms on the back of the chair, she sighed and slumped slightly. "Sometimes I wonder what it is that I'm doing here."

"This really is important, Captain," Maya commented from her work station. "We might be able to see which one of them is the real item."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"It's true. Since the original had already demonstrated an acceptable synch ratio, if we find the one that had the correct data correlation, we can isolate that factor as the individual that we needed."

"Oh, I get all that," the Operations Director said, waving off the concept.

"Then what's the matter?"

"Other than the fact that I don't get all that techno speak? It's the fact that I'm sitting here doing nothing, and taking up space around people that are actually working."

"I... can see your point."

"Besides," Aoi muttered, "there are things that make it more... annoying to be around.

"Can we shut off the audio?" Satsuki asked no one in particular.

"(Are you looking to keep us quiet?)" came over the intercom from Test Tube Two.

The redhead in Tube Three made a growling noise in the back of her throat. "(What I have to know is if it's really necessary to have us _naked_ in here!)"

Growled snippets in German came over Tube One's intercom.

All those in the observation room rolled their eyes and heaved a groan.

* * *

As he walked down the corridor, Ranma had his eyes peeled for any sort of danger. There was no warning that there could have been, but he'd already seen plenty of messes going on so far. And given the fact that he was looking for a girl, it wasn't likely that something that was going to go that easily.

What he did find was Rei sitting on a bench with her head hanging down as leaned forward. It was hard to tell with such pale skin, but she didn't look like she was feeling all that well. Her lips were parted, and her eyes were fluttering like they wanted to close.

Coming up to her, the pigtailed boy almost put a hand on her shoulder before realizing how forward that would be. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Are you... concerned?" Rei asked as she turned her head to look at him.

"Of course I am. Why would I ask if I didn't?"

"You didn't have to. There are others who could have taken my place."

"What are you saying?" he grunted, and plopped down next to her. "Even if there were a thousand girls who could take your place, they wouldn't be you. There can only be one."

"I understand your meaning... I think."

"Good... 'cause I'm not sure that I get what I'm saying."

One brow rose over an eye that was red in more ways than one. "What do you know?"

"Well, that we have to get you to somewhere that you can rest. Hangovers are a nasty thing to get through."

"You have experience with such things."

"I've seen them more than once," he admitted.

"Then what do you recommend?"

"Letting you get back to bed would be good."

"Would you like to take me to my room?" Rei asked, her expression almost... expectant.

"Something like that. Though, why you drank is beyond me."

"It was a test. Do you not like such activities?"

"Pretty much... no," Ranma answered. "Now, if I was going to have something, I'd go and eat."

"Then, you would you prefer a home cooked meal?"

"Now that's something that sounds real good. I'd love one that I didn't have to make myself."

Rei frowned to herself for a moment. She already knew that she wasn't all that experienced in cooking. However, it did seem that the tradition of a girl cooking for a boy would work here. That basically meant that she would have to learn food preparation methods.

* * *

There was much scowling going on, as the various 'Asukas' switched between ignoring each other, glaring at each other, and back again. It was almost as if they were trying to deny the existence of the others. But even they couldn't ignore that there were other girls that looked just like them.

When the man in the suit and sunglasses came in, he didn't seem to care about any of that. He simply strode in with his arms full of files and looked over each and every one of them. Whatever he was thinking was hidden by a strict control of his features, and he didn't seem inclined to share his feelings.

Asuka Langley Soryu looked up to see him coming up towards her, and frowned as he went to hand her a folder. "What's this?"

"Your score confirmed that you are the one to pilot," he stated.

"Really?"

"I wouldn't say it if it wasn't the case."

"See? I told you that I was the real one!" Asuka Soryuu called out, smirking at the other redheads.

Another Asuka gave a small snort. "Oh, this is screwed up."

"Oh, go suck your sour grapes."

"I'll make sure that you suck something..."

"Shikinami!" the man barked.

"Yeah. What is it?"

"This distraction is pointless," he told her, and handed her a folder. "Use the energy to prepare for piloting."

"Her? Why?" Soryu snapped.

"She scored high enough to pilot as well. She isn't the only one."

"EH?"

"What do you mean that you are changing my name to 'Asuna Kagurazaka?" snapped yet another Asuka as she opened the folder that she had been given.

"Code names," he simply stated.

"Huh?"

"More than one of you can pilot. But other than Shikinami, there isn't a way to differentiate between each other. And we have to be able to identify you if needed."

"Ah..." chorused the 'Asukas', though fortunately they hadn't noticed.

* * *

"We need to separate them for a time, allow them to develop as different individuals," said Fuyutsuki.

"Agreed," said Gendo after he considered the concept.

"That it might keep the Asuka from beating each other senseless is entirely beside the point," added Fuyutsuki.

"If the original is damaged, we can always send for one of the spares," added Gendo, who then nodded and thumb-printed the authorization. Odd how both female pilots now had spares. Oh well, don't look at a gift horse too much.

"So Ritsuko has a 35% synch ratio," said Fuyutsuki as he checked his clipboard for the next point.

"Indeed, and is now designated the Fourth Child," said Gendo.

"What about..." Fuyutsuki's voice trailed off.

"They are all essentially copies of the Second Child," stated Gendo.

"What about the plan to have Asuka control your son?" asked Fuyutsuki.

Gendo considered that briefly. "There is no reason that particular mission must be postponed. What is her medical status?"

"That last free-for-all amongst the Asuka gave the real one a black eye," said Fuyutsuki. "Other than that - minor damage. It was broken up by security before it could get past one broken arm. Other than some stress and that bruise, and perhaps a certain degree of bottled-up rage, she's been given a clean bill of health."

"Good," said Gendo, steepling his hand in front of him and considering the displays. "Have Unit Two ready for immediate sortie. If an Angel does show, she can take it out on an appropriate target."

* * *

"Maya... stop. Just. Stop."

"But sempai! You need an entirely new wardrobe! None of your clothes will fit you anymore!"

"While I admit that's going to be the case, I am NOT wearing that... outfit. No. Not going to happen."

"It's a school uniform, sempai. Or should that be 'kohai'?"

"No, Maya."

* * *

"I feel... odd, perhaps I will lie down," said Rei in her usual soft voice.

"That's a good idea," said Ranma, patting the girl on the shoulder as she headed to her room. "I'll leave some dinner aside for you and Misato."

"Yes," said Rei, pausing before she closed the door. "Thank you."

Ranma raised an eyebrow at that as the door shut behind Rei. There had been something odd about that. Well, whatever. Misato was going to probably be kept late, what with Ritsuko now a fourteen year old.

This wasn't going too terribly close to how the series had. Ranma just hoped nothing else that ditzy genie did was gonna come around and smack him in the butt.

* * *

Rei leaned against the door and considered things.

The thing was - she DID feel odd. It was hard to tell if it was part of the drunk or after-drunk effects, as she'd never been in this condition before.

If it was, then replenishing liquids within her body and rest would remove the condition. If it was not she would have to consult...

Doctor Akagi was now fourteen and a pilot. Did that mean that she should now report to Maya Ibuki?

Maybe it would be best to consider such things when the pain in her head had receded somewhat.

* * *

Kensuke knew that she should have been thankful at that moment. Given what had happened to her, it was only natural that she should consider herself lucky that she was at least still herself mentally. As it was, she could have been like that one girl who she had met in the holding area. Instead, she was just turned into a girl, with the bits that really interested a boy her age, and the strangeness to not be sure about investigating them.

Still, she had lucked out with the fact that NERV of all groups had her back. Combined with their help, and her father's work, it had been possible to make sure that her father believed that he now had a daughter. Of course, nobody would have believed that someone so different was one's son in another form, but there was just too much to prove otherwise. Those guys in the suits had made sure that it was perfectly understood that the pretty girl really was Kensuke Aida.

Yet, not all of it was settled, as there was talk about how to deal with the aftermath of this Angel attack. No one knew how long the transformations would last, or if they could be reversed at all. That meant that there were all sorts of issues to consider, from whether the transformed students should wear boys' or girls' uniforms, to when should the new girls be sat down for talks about bodily functions.

All that was fine and all, but Kensuke was thankful about the fact that NERV had seen fit to fund a new wardrobe. She had not been the sort of person to who'd been terribly interested in clothing, but, as she noticed before, wearing a bra as a girl was just more practical. Just trying on one of her old shirts at her straining the fabric at the top and floated around her waist. So she needed more to wear, or she would be hobbling around and showing off for others more than she'd ever want to.

She just had to wonder why her father was so keen about what was going on.

For reasons that escaped her, he had decided that they would go on a moment's notice, and mumbled something about her mother. Then he had run into the shop, grabbing all sorts of items that she would need. Not that she had a problem with him helping her find things like socks and proper pajamas. It was just that she couldn't figure out what he was going on about, and that he was decidedly not quite paying attention to what he was doing.

If he had been, then he might have _asked_ if they should go in for more feminine clothing. But Kensuke had been left to hold onto things that she hadn't exactly readied herself for, but that her father had grabbed. She just looked down and admitted that the skirts and sundress would look pretty on a girl... but wasn't too sure if she wanted to _be_ that girl.

And it got a little more... weird.

"Ah, here we go," her father murmured as he gingerly picked up a bit of cloth and passed it on to her.

"But I don't think that I need more of them, Dad," Kensuke protested. "I've got enough of them."

"Can't be so sure. Your mother would have known."

"I guess that she would."

Her father nodded... and passed over another garment. "Besides, who knows what you would need to be ready for."

Letting her brow furrow, Kensuke wondered why her father would think that he should help her prepare her _underwear_. Beyond the fact that she already had several cotton sets and a couple of sports ones like the one that she was wearing now, she didn't need any more. On top of that, as she picked up a bra by the strap and dangled it before her face, she wondered why she would need one as frilly as this.

* * *

The Rei trio were at odd ends. Without a purpose having been set out for them, there was little to nothing for them to do. There hadn't even been mentally prepared for such a situation... and for good reason. Up until now, they had merely been spare bodies waiting to take the position if the current Rei was incapacitated beyond service.

Unfortunately for the serenity of the Geofront, 'idle hands were the devil's playthings'. As such, the blue haired girls began to explore their surroundings for an awareness of their situation. With no outside force guiding them, there was nothing to corral them. And that meant that they were able to do as they pleased.

When one of them found a way out of the room, she made pleased noises that brought the other two to investigate, and all three went to find out what sort of world was out there.

This sent shivers down the back of several NERV employees who wondered if that skittering from the air ducts was real.

* * *

Having decided that her father was being entirely too scatterbrained at the moment to be counted on, Kensuke had taken over the shopping experience. It just seemed to be natural, given that she wasn't all that hot to rush into open toed heels. She had originally been a boy after all, and it just made sense to follow with what she knew. Perhaps once she got comfortable with her new body, she'd experiment more, but she rather thought it might be interesting to with dressing as _her_ sort of girl.

So, after checking in the changing room mirror that she wasn't showing off anything that she shouldn't, she pulled back the curtain and stepped out. Simple sneakers were fine enough, and regular socks didn't really didn't seem that bad. Then there were the cargo shorts, which she rather liked, and did come down to mid-thigh. Added to a simple tank top and an open shirt worn like a jacket, it was a useful outfit that she could actually wear without worry.

"So what do you think?" she asked her father.

Mister Aida looked right at her... and seemed thoughtful.

That worried Kensuke, who began to wonder if something was wrong with this outfit.

* * *

It had started.

Technicians would look at an air vent, thinking they heard a little girl giggle, before moving on and trying to ignore that feeling.

Ritsuko was feeling a bit put off due to current events, hiding in her medical office from an enthusiastic Maya Ibuki. Going over all that had happened to her, she said something that would have had Ranma ducking for cover.

"Just great. What ELSE can go wrong?"

A girlish giggle came from one vent. Ritsuko glanced up to see red eyes and a familiar flash of hair. "Rei?"

When she got to the grate there was no one there.

Another giggle from another air duct, and a glimpse of red eyes and blue hair. This time from the opposite side of the room.

"Rei, this isn't funny," started Ritsuko before she realized that there was no way for Rei to even fit in those vents. Much less make it from this one to that one so quickly.

A giggle overhead and she whipped her head up to catch a glimpse of red eyes retreating.

Ritsuko Akagi's mouth firmed as she rolled a chair underneath the grating, then stretched as far as she could - trying to reach it and look inside.

At which point, for the second time, a large spider dropped out of an air vent and landed upon her.

* * *

Upon hearing the shriek, Maya immediately realized where Little Ritsi-chan was.

They were going to have SUCH fun together shopping for new clothes.

* * *

Opening the door just a crack, Ranma checked. Rei was sleeping off her hangover, the bottle of Refresh Water (turned out Misato had a stash) at her bedside.

That left prepping dinner. He wanted something he could eat, which meant that despite her losses in jan-ken-pon - HE would have to make it. Honestly, her cooking was a little better than Akane's - but that wasn't exactly a glowing recommendation was it?

Then there was figuring out what was going on.

Sachiel had been pretty much what you'd expect from the series. Shamshel had not - instead of some wiggly worm thing it had looked like a girl. A giant girl but a girl nonetheless, and one that had laughed like Kodachi.

He couldn't help but think it had been an attempt at being Kodachi, but it wasn't nearly as bad all things considered.

Instead of that crystal thingie they'd gotten flying panties and the upshot from the people who got paid to figure this stuff up was that this was Bardiel. Which was the one that was supposed to infect Toejam's Eva. Oh, wait. Toji. Right. He couldn't remember what number that one was - but it was a LOT later.

So one of them had jumped the gun, and that meant that... Ramiel? That had been the blue cubie thing right?

Ramiel hadn't shown yet but would be due in a few days at most. That was the one that fired the beam that melted stuff. Like armor, streets, buildings, armor plate, and so on.

He needed to have some plan in case that thing showed up, cause if he remembered right - that thing would really really hurt if it hit him.

* * *

"Ah, you must be Asuka Langley Soryu, the Second Child."

Asuka blinked as she looked up from fitting into her plugsuit. "Ah, yeah. And you are?"

"Makie Sasaki," said the girl.

"And you're here because...?" asked Asuka as she hit the button that tightened the plugsuit.

"Just in case there were stragglers from Bardiel's attack," said Makie. "They want people to pair off so we can watch each other's back."

"I think it's safe," said Asuka drily. "I haven't seen killer attack panties lurking around since this morning."

"Yeah, I suppose," said Makie. "That's just what they tell me though."

Asuka considered the girl for a moment, then nodded. "Nice to meet someone NORMAL around here for a change."


	14. Chapter 14:And the thunder rolls

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: As mentioned earlier, this is one of the threads me and Kender Sci wrote over at the Anime Addventure. There will be slight changes to better fit the different format. This catches up with our current episodes, so things will slow down because the scenes are written on a rotation and weekly basis along with several other threads we juggle.

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: And the thunder rolls.

* * *

Walking down the street was enough for Kensuke to feel a bit odd. That wasn't unexpected, given that she was a former guy that was now a pretty and nicely curved girl. If she actually thought about it, she would have really noticed that her breasts bounced and her hips naturally swayed with each step. As it was, she hadn't even thought about what was attractive, and what was appealing, and wasn't planning on doing so for a long while.

So, as she headed down the street, she tried to act as if everything was the same as it had been. Of course, she was not the same guy that she had been only a little while earlier, but at the very least, she could look like she belonged there. She just didn't want to dwell on the fact that she'd been changed, and that her underwear could now be called 'lingerie'.

But as she stepped around a boy slightly older than her, she got a sense that he was having some trouble getting by her. That surprised her, given that she had been certain that she had given him enough room. In an attempt to make sure that there was no further trouble, she turned to look at him, just to make sure that they didn't bump into each other.

It was then that she saw that he was actually prolonging the movement just so that he could look up and down her body.

Shuddering just a bit, she hurried away... only to become more aware of how people were reacting to her presence. A number of guys were staring at her, several not going above her neck, and a few straying into leering territory. Such things were rather... annoying, but not unexpected.

What did get her wondering was how other people were noticing her. Little children did stare from time to time, though one couldn't blame them for their lack of manners. Then there were the older people who were eying her, seeming to keep a watch about her. A couple even stopped to speak behind their hands to their companions.

This wasn't all of them, or even most of those around her, but it was enough to make her uncomfortable. Having the awareness that her body was changed in intimate and dramatic ways was one thing. However, it was another thing to have other people pay such mind to her.

* * *

In a place where room was still a premium, Gendo Ikari's office was an extravagance. Some might have reveled in the space that he was given, but it was just something that he accepted. His desk tended to look clear, and he never let others actually see him do any sort of physical work.

That wasn't to say that he didn't do anything, as he was constantly ready to adjust his plotting if need be. In the silence of the dark of his office, he had to do so, given that things were so off the course that he'd thought they were heading to. His son wasn't what he had expected, the Angels had gone off the list from the Scrolls, and a number of his staff were not who they had been.

Such a thing had him reviewing what was going on, with the files of the current status in front of him. With his hands folded in front of him, he looked over the data, taking special care to pay attention to the state of those he wished to use. At the same time, he double checked the data that had served as the basis for his plans in the first place.

And it was as he touched one key to open a seemingly unimportant file date stamped from years earlier that he got a surprise.

The video screen before him lit up and showed the Commander an image that he hadn't expected to see unless he had purposely pulled it up. As it was, he had seen his wife's picture only recently, but he had thought that was a surprise that had just popped up on its own.

Apparently, he was wrong.

"If you are watching this, then project R.E.E. has been activated," the recording of Yui Ikari murmured. "This isn't a simple test that has been done on a whim, but may have major ramifications for humanity."

Leaning back in his chair, Gendo wondered what his wife had been up to, and if he'd really known her intentions all those years ago.

"One major issue for the continuation of humanity is the ability to propagate the species, and to help evolution along. The problem is that stop gap measures, such as setting the species into a protective unity is merely a defense. Certainly stepping out of such a thing would be possible, but those who regain their identity possibly would be the same sort of humans that they had been before."

From the shadows, the Commander found that he had to allow her that point.

"In order to let humanity grow and expand, there will need to be aids to help them past their limits. To be able to create life and identity where there is none, and to give them that 'spark' that would give them abilities beyond themselves would be ideal."

He spoke not a sound as he waited for the hammer to drop, so to speak.

"The question is how to do that, and the answer is clear. There are going to be more clones of Rei than would ever be needed for Instrumentality. Instead of allowing them to go to waste, this project will take at least several of them, and give them the ability to move on their own, to make their own choices, and to grow into their own beings. In this way, they will be able to spread out and become part of the world at large. Surely they will be able to contribute to society, but that isn't the end goal."

There was a moment when Gendo was about to ask what that 'goal' was, but then stopped and kept himself silent. Yui was no longer able to answer anyway.

The image of Yui on the video took a deep breath. "Project R.E.E. The 'Rei Exponential Experiment'. It will allow for each clone to grow into her own person, hopefully find someone to pair off with, and eventually have a family. Each of those children will share part of the engineered genes, and pass them on to their own children. With each successive generation that seed will spread until every human being will theoretically have it. Combined with certain other... projects, this will allow humanity to continue on and thrive, using nature to passively cause our species to grow."

About the only sign of his response to her recording was to let his brows rise.

The image flickered for a time, reflected in his glasses as he watched the file play out and then close. After a few moments time, the file deleted itself - insuring that only Gendo saw its revelations.

Gendo sat back in his chair, his eyes pointing in the direction of the one window.

Yui had begun work on the Rei clones before her death. The name 'Rei' had been mentioned if their child had been born female. So... Rei duplicates. Where would you hide them while they developed?

Gendo straightened up and clicked security feeds. After a few minutes he gave a satisfied grunt and sat back again. You didn't hide a needle in a haystack. You hid a needle in a stack of other needles. Some of the Rei clones were missing from their tank.

How had Yui done such a thing when the viable clones had come partially from her LCL-ed remains? Lines of programming imbedded in the proto-MAGI no doubt. Little hidden subroutines. Yui had been quite brilliant after all, one of the reasons that Naoko Akagi had been so jealous of her. Yui had been caught once or twice checking into those seminal MAGI despite Naoko's possessiveness and temper.

So, these Ree were active. Copies of Rei that could potentially accelerate human evolution.

Frowning, he decided he should check on the status of the current Rei Ayanami as the Rei (Ree? Reis?) might be drawn together.

He wasn't sure who was behind it, if it was really Yui and her plans - she'd once said that paranoia in their line of work was part of the job description.

However, he WAS sure that he could bend it to his own use if it came to that.

Though if Yui HAD thought this far ahead, there was sure to be another part of it. She would have appointed a caretaker or...

No. That was wishful thinking surely.

* * *

Kensuke Aida really was trying to come to terms with things. That he had been a geeky glasses-wearing boy that girls wouldn't look twice at, consigned to being a part of the background scenery.

Now the only thing that had not changed were the glasses.

The uncomfortable but familiar feeling of a full bladder had caused momentary panic while shopping, and had quickly evaporated the calm he'd managed to keep up until that point. Not a good thing at all. Especially as he'd gone automatically to the Men's room.

Fortunately there hadn't been anyone on the women's side (after the quick dash from one room to the other) or things would have gotten much more nerve wracking.

Now he had to bathe, but he was transfixed by the first sight he'd had of himself that hadn't been hurried or glancing. The trip to shop for new clothes, he'd managed to maintain an emotional distance. Now, it was hitting in full.

That girl with the frightened eyes behind her glasses was HIM. She turned to the side, showing off that she had the sort of breasts and butt that would have fascinated him if he were still a he.

Kensuke reached out to touch the mirror, duplicated by the reflection. Then shook off the odd mood. Bathing was going to be difficult enough. Just don't think about it, just plow...

Just do it, don't think about it. Try not to notice ANYTHING.

* * *

Elsewhere, a few bubbles floated to the surface of the water as space/time flexed slightly. Then the diamond shape was simply there, displacing hundreds of cubic feet of water in a sudden plume.

Ramiel paused for a moment in its embryonic form before beginning the process that would end in a crystalline octahedron.

_The Lilim have changed.  
The target is shifting?  
It does not matter. The thunder will arrive and pierce the veils that have been drawn.  
Two have gone before and are ended. One has gone before and... has changed.  
One of the Lilim is very very dangerous indeed._

* * *

Makie stuck her head up abruptly, causing Asuka's complaints to falter for a moment.

"What's up?" asked Asuka as the usually ditzy girl focussed on her.

"When the time comes, leap to your left," said Makie, her voice. "There is a time for fighting, and a time for avoiding."

"Eh?" asked Asuka. "I don't get it."

"Eh?" asked Makie. "Don't get what?"

"Never mind," said Asuka, passing the girl off for being the office airhead.

* * *

Asuka was not amused.

Somehow, it seemed like someone was trying to keep her day as annoying as possible. Rather than being able to arrive in the proper way, with everything organized and properly planned, she had to go through a whole lot of hassles. After being treated like a surprise guest, she'd gone through an attack, had her identity be doubted and stolen, and got stuck with whatever they could give to help her out.

As she tugged her suitcase off of the elevator, she grunted and scowled with more than the effort that took. It would have only been proper to provide her with someone to help her out with this. Why, there were plenty of Security agents around as it was. They had even gone as far as to drive her over to the complex that she was currently moving around. Yet none of them had even bothered to help her carry what bags she had. Sure, she understood their need to keep their hands free, but it just didn't seem right that no one could help her out.

Glancing at each of the door numbers, she kept on going until she found one that she thought was the one that she was looking for. Taking a piece of paper out of her pocket, she looked it over, confirming that the information matched. With a single nod, she returned the paper to its holding spot, and pulled out the key that Misato had given her.

That, at least, had followed what she had been told. From the start, she'd been told that she would live with the Director of Operations, who wasn't going to be a surprise to her. It actually wouldn't be all that bad, given what she knew of Misato Katsuragi. All that she would have to do would have to suffer through staying with the First Child, but she was sure that she could handle some inexperienced neophyte.

Of course, she would have liked to be able to live on her own, but they said that even she, a girl who had already graduated from university and was piloting a super powerful combat mecha, was too young to do so. Even though it had seemed to be silly, she didn't really fight it. Arguing would have been pointless, and she didn't want to argue with fools anymore.

The redhead didn't need anymore annoyances, and as she unlocked the door and opened it, she knew that she had enough troubles as it was. Why, most of her luggage was still missing, and most of what she did have was made up of stuff that she'd bought to provide herself enough clothes and toiletries to function. All that she wanted to do was to go plop into bed, and even that was going to be a problem.

After all, it wasn't like she'd even gotten settled into her room yet. In fact, she didn't even know what it was like. What she did know was that it was in Misato's apartment, which wasn't saying much at all. Going down the small hallway, she glanced around in the hopes that it would be better than she feared.

Nothing that she saw really impressed her, but then she hadn't expected it to. It was a fairly normal place, and nothing that she saw seemed to really pop out at her. Well, she did think that she spotted a penguin waddle behind some cabinets, but that was likely the left overs from her exhaustion.

Her day had been busy, but Asuka knew that it wasn't done. One couldn't go to sleep without finding a spot to lay down, so she went to peer at the bedrooms. Spotting the door at the end of the hall, she figured that it was Misato's, and so she let that be. A peek towards one room showed someone's stuff in there, and a dim sign reading 'Ranma's Lovely Suite' on the door, so that was likely the place that they'd stashed the Commander's son. Not wanting to share a room with a boy, no matter what distasteful thing she was supposed to do with him, the Second Child went to check on the other room.

Expecting an empty room, she jerked to a stop as she saw a few boxes that appeared to contain personal belongings disrupting the otherwise spartan feel of the room. That alone was a surprise, but once she actually looked towards the middle of the room, she saw that someone already was in there. At first, she thought that it was supposed to be that 'Ranma' guy, but the figure laying there had curves in places that no boy usually did. Added to the fact that a skirt was included with the uniform hanging on a hook on the wall gave her a pretty clear indication of the gender of the room's occupant.

Leaning down towards the girl on the bed, Asuka tried to work out who it was. Obviously, it wasn't the Third Child, but that left a few candidates out there. Curled up as she was, the sleeping girl made it hard to get a real idea of who she was. Fortunately, she flipped over, which allowed the redhead to lean in and confirm that the other girl looked a lot like what she'd heard the First Child was supposed to appear like.

And then Rei breathed out in her sleep, which sent out a sizable, yet familiar, scent out at the conscious girl.

Stumbling back and gasping for fresh air, the redhead coughed and gasped as she wondered what the heck that was supposed to be. It had certainly smelled like alcohol, but that would have meant that the blue haired girl had been on a serious bender. Just how that could happen wasn't clear, but apparently she had imbibed enough to wind up with stale liquor breath.

Leaning against the wall, Asuka tried to figure out what she should make of all this, and just how she was supposed to stay in this place.

* * *

Ramiel paused as it gathered itself.

The situation was supposed to go without deviation. The Lilim were to be tested by each of its fellows. Destruction of their selves or destruction of the Lilim. Those of the Tree Of Life would contest against those of the Tree Of Knowledge.

Yet the scenario written billions of years ago was already skewed.

Perhaps there was now room to ensure its own survival should the Lilim prove victorious somehow.

* * *

"Hey!" said Asuka, shaking the girl's shoulder.

"Mrfg?" managed Rei, who really wasn't in the best shape at the moment. Not to mention the hangover, the nausea, and the girl shaking her shoulder at this point was further indication that something was amiss. "Ken'ske A'da?"

Asuka blinked and eventually clicked the name together with one of the Asuka-clones.

Did she mention that she was REALLY getting to hate Tokyo-3 with everything that had happened on this trip?

"This is supposed to be my bed, and NO I am not Kensuke Aida!" declared Asuka.

Rei considered her through bleary half-lidded eyes. "Yeh. Too loud be Kens'ke."

"This is supposed to be MY bed," said Asuka, hoping some of this made sense to the girl. Must be another airhead, and a drunkard to boot. Man, none of this was in anything she'd read about the place. The First Child was their little toy soldier who'd do anything they told her, while the Second Child was obviously given that position because he was the Commander's son. Nepotism at its worst.

Except that while the First Child was an albino like had been stated, she was also taking some sort of pills - as indicated by the little prescription bottle at the bedside - and was a drunkard at fourteen.

"Yer b'd?" asked Rei. She looked around and seemed to come to a conclusion. "Kay."

Asuka watched the girl struggle to her feet, then start shuffling off and out the door. Asuka let out a sigh of relief that at last SOMETHING had gone her way.

Wait a minute. Did she steal all the blankets?

* * *

The door shuffed open and Ranma Ikari stirred but didn't wake up. There was no attack aimed at him to trigger his avoidance skills, no hostile intent to register as a threat. No approaching environmental condition that might have triggered the Saotome Secret Technique. (Avoid the immediate danger while assessing what the heck was attacking you.)

So Ranma continued to sleep as Rei Ayanami climbed into bed with him and promptly passed out, only noting that Ranma was indeed warm and comfy.

* * *

Misato stared at the monitor. "Uhm. Section 2 flagged us, but I don't Did I see what I think I saw?"

Makoto nodded. "Asuka just displaced Rei, who went down the hall and climbed into bed with Ranma."

"This doesn't get video does it?" asked Misato.

"Huh? No. It keeps track of presences in the house by air pressure, infrared, and sensors in the doors and floors," said Makoto. "You should know about that, Doctor Akagi had them installed just before..."

"Before she turned into a fourteen year old kid," said Misato. "Yeah, I was just thinking someone might have put in video feeds - which would make me not so very happy considering I live there."

"If there were," mused Makoto. "It would be above my pay grade to even know about them since you did."

Misato nodded. If they wanted some way to monitor inside, the basic alarm system would be okay - but this was a bit much. She knew who to talk to have some of this stuff removed. "Keep an eye out and let me know if you run across them. I need to go chaperone."

"Nothing's happening," said Makoto. "See, because we can isolate the air pressure - we can tell everyone in THAT room is asleep."

"Oh?" asked Misato. "What's Asuka doing?"

Makoto listened briefly. "I don't speak German, but I believe she's cussing."

Misato took the earphones away and listened briefly. Finally she nodded. "Yes. That's exactly what she's doing."

"Well, at least things can't get any weirder for her after this," said Makoto.

* * *

Asuka stripped off the remaining sheets, turned them inside out, and then made the bed again that way. Which lowered the reek of cheap booze. Slightly.

"Ugh," remarked Asuka. _Even as tiring and generally a mess as today has been, how the heck am I going to sleep on a bed that reeks like this? Was she drooling onto the pillow?_

Finally she just checked the sliding panels in the wall, found spare bedding, and swapped them out.

* * *

Ranma got up first and went straight for his pre-breakfast training, using special techniques to get out of bed without disturbing the girl who was spooning him.

WHY Rei was cuddled up against him like that, he didn't know. He decided very quickly he didn't want to know, filed it in a HUGE mental file labelled 'Girl Stuff I Don't Understand' and then proceeded to ignore it.

During his morning exercises, Asuka decided she was NOT getting any sleep here and went off to NERV HQ. Maybe there was some dark corner somewhere she could catch a nap in.

Rei awoke to the smell of food being prepared, frowned ever so slightly at the lack of a Ranma in the bed, and began her prescribed stretches and exercises. During which she realized that she'd had no nightmares and felt a good deal better on awakening than she'd ever had. Also that the bottle of red fluid that Misato kept around for mornings she'd 'tied one on' was apparently a high-electrolyte rehydrating formula that was effective in removing some of the truly annoying after-effects of drinking.

It was a school day though, and that became the next priority to address.

* * *

"The Angel has just appeared right off the Coast," said Makoto, pulling up a view from a patrol boat.

"Looks like a crystal d8," said Maya.

"Yeah, you're right," agreed Shigeru Aoba.

"A wha?" asked Ritsuko.

"Dungeons and Dragons," said Shigeru. "They never really put out a good version after 3.5 so you probably never played."

"Magi agree, Pattern Blue - designating as the Fifth Kaiju," said Maya. She'd just keep to herself that the Magi had also agreed that 3.5 was better than 4 or 4.5.

"ANGEL!" insisted Ritsuko. "And shouldn't it be the Sixth?"

"Should the pilot-candidate even be on the bridge? In a 'Hello Kitty' shirt?" asked Shigeru.

"Don't EVEN start with me," said Ritsuko Akagi. "I may be fourteen again, but I still outrank you."

"Yes, ma'am," said Shigeru, sounding very put upon.

"Oh go bang your drum or something," grumbled Ritsuko.

"Okay, so what does a crystal 'd8' do, other than float menacingly?" asked Makoto as Misato finally got onto the bridge.

"You're late!" exclaimed Ritsuko.

"Sorry, there was traffic, what's the sitrep? And why does that look like a giant earring? It isn't one of Asuka's is it?"

"It's an octrahedron," testily stated Ritsuko. "And I would sincerely doubt it!"

"Well, after her panties attacked Tokyo-3, I'm keeping my mind open as far as that," confessed Misato. "Any Evas ready to launch?"

"I'm ready!" said Asuka's voice. "This is my big chance to show what I can do!"

"Rei and Ranma are on their way," said Shigeru. "They were at school. Of course, there's Pilot-Candidate Ritsuko."

"Good point," said Misato before Ritsuko could reply. "Get into a plugsuit, Ritsu!"

"Squee!"

"And NO Maya, you may not get your camera and get photos."

"Spoilsport," mumbled Maya, sitting back down.

"I'm afraid," said Shigeru, not looking up from his board.

"Indeed," added Makoto.

"Prepare to launch Eva! Which Eva is she in, anyway?"

"Unit 02 is still on the way, Unit 00 was ready early." Ritsuko grumped as she headed towards the lift.

"Ranma and Rei have reached the launching bay," said Makoto.

"Hang on, Ritsu, you might as well stick here," relented Misato. "We've got more pilots than Evangelions at this point."

"Finally, a word of sanity," said Ritsuko.

"Says the 'Hello Kitty' fan-girl," retorted Misato.

"If I'm going to be (deleted) fourteen again, then I might as well get out some of my old stuff," said Ritsuko. "Though it's a little tighter in the chest than I remember. Check this out!"

"Eep!" went Maya, too busy to look and really really regretting that. "Asuka ready to launch. Angel has crossed city boundary."

"Launch Eva. And I see what you mean, Ritsu. If you'd had that back in college..." Misato gave a low whistle.

Kozo Fuyutsuki gave an exasperated sound. "Can we get to the problem of the Angel attacking and leave Doctor Akagi's newfound... bounciness... out of it?"

"Uhm, Maya, you can launch Unit 00?" asked Misato.

"Gah!" said Maya, turning back to her station and turning a shade of red hardly ever seen by man. "Launching Unit 00!"

"Any problems, Asuka?" asked Misato.

"Of course not," said Asuka as the Eva launched. "Anyone can synch with the prototype after all. Not like my Unit 02!"

"High energy reading from the Angel!" called out Makoto.

"What?" exclaimed Misato. "Abort the launch!"

"Too late!" said Makoto, thinking it would be handy if they could do that. Well, it'd give the engineers something to do.

"Asuka! Dodge!" called out Misato.

"What?" asked Asuka as the Eva unit reached the end of its journey just a second before the beam weapon struck. Whatever else Asuka was going to say was lost as she used her breath to scream instead.

"Retrieve the Eva!" ordered Misato.

"We can't!" replied Makoto. "Catapult rails have melted."

"No choice then, eject the plug!" ordered Misato.

"Belay that!" instantly countered Gendo from his position.

"That's right, the AT Field is the only thing keeping the Eva from being overwhelmed," said Ritsuko. "If you eject the plug, she dies."

"Ugh," groaned Misato. "We've got no choice then. Fire off explosive bolts on that section of the city. Retrieve the Eva unit!"

* * *

Asuka Langley Soryuu woke up to find herself looking at an odd ceiling. "Huh? What?"

"You were recovered, your heart was restarted and you can take it easy now," said a familiar voice.

"Eh?" asked Asuka, slowly propping herself up and realizing that she hurt and felt awfully weak for some reason.

"Ranma and myself will take on the Sixth Angel, and so you can recover from your injuries," said the blue-haired girl. "Or is it the Fifth Kaiju? They're still arguing about that."

"You're the First Child, Rei Ayanami," realized Asuka as the blurring in her vision resolved. "You were in my room."

"That room was given to me, but I had alternate quarters available," said Rei, a faint hint of color appearing on her cheeks.

"Alternate quarters?" asked Asuka.

"Yes," said Rei, a soft smile trying to make an appearance. "It was... the most pleasant sleep I've ever had."

Asuka didn't know about flashes of nightmare, of the pains and weakness, that Rei suffered through on a nightly basis. She didn't know that the previous night, spooned up against a warm Ranma - she'd actually gotten a full six hours of sleep. That for the first time in her life, Rei felt well-rested. Naturally she credited Ranma with that, despite him sneaking out at one point to start breakfast, train, and prep for school.

Asuka didn't know any of this, though suspicions were beginning to bloom. "You... slept with Misato?"

"No, I shared a bed with the Third Child," said Rei softly from the doorway. "It... was quite pleasant."

Asuka's jaw had dropped so hard that there was a chance of dislocation. "Gah?"

The door closed softly behind Rei.

"WHAT?" asked Asuka.

* * *

"Look at this," said Maya.

"Ranma's synch ratio is pretty darn good. 86%." Misato nodded.

"No, look at Rei's score," said Maya.

Misato looked, blinked, then grinned. "That's quite an improvement."

"I don't think I've seen her score that high before," admitted Maya.

Misato was still grinning as she punched a button that linked communications to the two Eva units. "Hey, Rei! Your synch ratio is WAY up. Whatever you're doing, keep it up!"

"Thank you, I shall try to do so," said Rei.

"Ranma's just dipped 2%," noted Maya.

"Eh, it's still pretty high," said Misato, wondering what that was about.

* * *

"So, anyway, the plan is to snipe the Angel using a high-powered positron rifle," said Misato as the two got on the elevator.

"Right," said Ranma.

Misato took a small gadget out of her purse and waved it around the walls as the elevator lurched into motion. She stopped at one point and brought a small pen-like device (one of the odd things like the Babel Fish she'd kept from Ranma's pocket-emptying attempt the other day) up to a section and depressed a button before moving on. "So what's the plan for dinner tonight?"

"I made up some fried rice, it keeps and reheats well," said Ranma, concentrating briefly.

"Clear," said Misato, folding up the device and putting it back in her purse.

"Yeah, nothing except the one and you already got that," said Ranma.

"So what have you got against the plan?" asked Misato.

"I'm not really that good with guns, ain't trained with 'em that much," said Ranma. "Rei would be a better shooter. But that's aside the point. Before we go to that, I want to try this."

Misato watched as Ranma concentrated and began his technique, saying something under her breath when he did it. She blinked a few times, processing that until Ranma dropped the technique. "So, can you do that in an Eva?"

"Yeah, pretty sure," said Ranma. "See, the Eva has its own ki field and is a weapon. When I'm using a weapon, I can reinforce it and use it to some extent by infusing it with my ki. It's a little clumsy compared to fighting without all that, and I been getting a little headachey when the simulation goes on too long."

"OK. Change of plan," said Misato. "That a ninja move?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Ranma. "Pops stole manuevers from all sorts of places. Wouldn't surprise me at all if some of the manuevers were stolen."

"When the question comes up, that's the explanation I'll give then," answered Misato.

"If you do, get a pic of Ritsuko after you tell her," said Ranma. "I still owe her for that exam."

* * *

"Okay, Ranma, are you ready?" asked Misato.

"Almost," said Ranma. "Okay. Ready."

"We're going to use 19R for his exit point," said Misato.

"But that'll put him out beyond the city limits," protested Makoto.

"What ARE you planning?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"Anything that gets within visual range of the Angel is immediately attacked," pointed out Ritsuko.

"Are the missile launchers ready?" asked Misato.

"Ready," reported Shigeru.

"What about Rei?" asked Misato.

"Sniper position ready, however she doesn't have the sort of power to penetrate the AT Field with that weapon. Weren't we going to use the whole power of Japan to power the positron rifle?" asked Shigeru.

"Yeah, we've got that as backup in case Ranma can't pull this off," said Misato. "If it comes to that, he falls back."

"He's going to get himself killed," said Ritsuko.

"You almost sound anxious there," said Shigeru.

"Hardly," said Ritsuko. "I just don't see any chance for success."

"Care to place any bets on it, Ritsu?" asked Misato.

"Sure," said Ritsuko after carefully looking over Misato. Misato was clearly planning something but what?

"Okay, if YOU win, I'll give up beer for a month," said Misato.

(GASP!)

Misato wondered if she liked beer a bit too much since everyone, including Gendo Ikari, were now staring at her like she'd promised to arm-wrestle the Angel into submission or something.

"I can't cover anything that drastic," protested Ritsuko.

"You could wear whatever I pick out for you?" suggested Maya.

"Sure I could do that but..." began Ritsuko.

"Okay. Done!" said Misato cheerfully. "Launch missiles. Launch Unit 01!"

"Wait, I didn't agree to..." protested Ritsuko, though nobody was listening to her at that point.

On the screen, Ramiel's form morphed and it began shooting missiles out of the air.

"Wave 2, cruise missiles, GO!" ordered Misato.

Quite some distance away, readied missiles were launched from submarines - which promptly closed tubes and submerged and went into high-speed evasion. Even if it looked like the Angel was stuck with line-of-sight attacks - nobody really wanted to test that.

As Ramiel took out the missile launchers from the first wave, it apparently noticed the attacks coming in from another direction and morphed again to take those out.

"Cruise missiles have engaged in avoidance, three down. Fourth gone. Fifth gone. Number six is coming straight down at it... Number six gone." Shigeru frowned as he had really been rooting for Number Six after it apparently decided to try arcing up and then approaching from directly above. Some of those smart missiles were really getting smart.

"Unit 01 is on the sur... it just VANISHED?" said Makoto.

Misato grinned. "Check again."

"No sign of it, it just vanished," reported Makoto as he checked instruments.

"How could you LOSE a four hundred foot tall war machine?" asked Kozo Fuyutsuki.

"Ranma," answered Gendo in a very tired and somewhat irritated voice.

"Yeah, if I just told you at the start he knew ninja techniques, who'd have believed me?" asked Misato.

Half the bridge crew raised their hands.

"Oh," said Misato. "Well, I didn't think anyone would believe it."

"NINJA DON'T EXIST!" declared Ritsuko, her orderly world view once again coming under assault. "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! YOU CAN'T JUST POOF AWAY AN EVANGELION! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"It's Ranma," pointed out Shigeru.

"Yup," said Makoto.

"ARGH!"

"Doctor Akagi, kindly avoid shouting," said Kozo quietly in the aftermath of that outburst.

"Energy build-up in the Angel! Wait, now it's dissipating. It's building again and... dissipating again. It's stopped drilling and is..." Makoto tried to figure out what he was looking at.

Misato reached over and grabbed a headset. "Ranma, if you can hear me - it looks like the Angel has figured out you are here but can't locate you."

Makoto made an odd noise. "He's confusing the enemy as well as his allies. I should have seen that coming."

"Got him!" said Shigeru. "He's been working his way in from the outer edge of the city. He just hooked into the power supply at the junction nearest the Angel."

"So that's what the Angel detected, but it still can't find him?" asked Shigeru. "Can he teach anyone else how to do that?"

"Erk!" indicated Ritsuko at the thought of LOTS of Ranma Ikari running around turning common sense and reality on its ear.

"SHORYUKEN!"

* * *

Ranma had positioned himself carefully. This was something he'd wanted to do for quite a while, but he'd never really had a chance to try it out. Perfectly calm, cool, invisible, and... right below the eight-sided Angel.

The invisibility technique dropped as he threw everything into the attack, his coiled form springing up and channelling everything into an uppercut that was really a sucker punch. It wasn't like Ryouga would stand still like this while you got into position.

"SHORYUKEN!"

The impact hit and flipped the thing around.

* * *

"Did he just use a 'Streetfighter' move on a kaiju?" asked Shigeru.

"ANGEL!"

"Indeed," said Gendo behind his steepled hands.

"He hit it four more times while it was going up!" pointed out Makoto.

"And formed Blazing Sword to cut off a section of it. Now it's a princess cut kaiju," helpfully added Shigeru.

"A little lopsided though," pointed out Makoto.

"Well, it's kind of a rush job," added Shigeru.

"ARGH! It's NOT a kaiju! It's not a Blazing Sword! It's NOT a Shoryuken!"

"Highly concentrated energy field building up in the, uhm, target!"

Misato punched a button on her headset. "Ranma! It's trying to get a bead on you!"

Ranma came down, held his sword in an obvious kenjutsu stance, moving it in a vaguely circular pattern, then blurred.

"Oh! The glittering sword dance of the crescent moon!" Makoto pointed. "I've only seen that in old samurai movies!"

"I've never seen it performed with a light saber," noted Maya.

"Angel's down, sir, core pierced, body full of sword holes," reported Shigeru.

"Fine, tell Ranma to cut down on the showmanship, but he is at least earning his wages," said Gendo. "I'll be in my office."

* * *

OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE:

"Hi!" said Maya Ibuki, standing in front of a TV monitor. "Welcome to the Omake part of our show. I'm Maya Ibuki."

"And I'm Misato Katsuragi," said Misato. "Today's online poll is: 'What outfit should Ritsuko wear for the next chapter?'"

"We have several lovely outfits chosen for her," said Maya cheerfully but a bit evilly. "Personally, I favor the 'catgirl Ritsu-chan' costume - which is a modified plugsuit. Functional AND fanservicey."

"I am NOT wearing that!" came from somewhere offstage.

"Whereas I prefer the 'Goth' look with its zigzag and half-black/half-white look for Ritsu," said Misato. "It's from the 2008 calendar, and is up on sites like Danbooru so you can find it easy. Just remember that Ritsu is now a head shorter, at least a cup size larger, and younger."

"Then there's the 'Playboy bunny' outfit, oh - and the Touhou cosplay," said Maya, holding up other outfits.

"Bridal outfit?" asked Misato, holding up a gown. "That's a little too impractical, isn't it? I think the harem girl outfit is better than this."

"Well, that's all the time we have, thanks for voting in the comments section," said Maya, "and tune in next time for Switching Places: Eva! when we'll hear Ritsuko Akagi say:"

"What do you mean I can't wear underwear with my plugsuit, who designed these things?"

"Uhm, you did," answered Misato.


	15. Chapter 15:Boy meets girl

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Girl Meets Boy.

* * *

"Ugh," said Asuka, grabbing a couple of pills out of the bottle and swallowing them. Then she eyed the kanji on the prescription bottle. Then at the note on the table. "Double ugh."

Getting back to the apartment wasn't a big problem. Not having anything to wear or much in the way of personal supplies WAS a problem. Japanese stuff seemed awfully overpriced.

"-and why do they have to have FOUR alphabets?" demanded Asuka of the empty apartment. "Katakana, hiragana, romanji, and KANJI."

Kanji was going to be a problem, she could tell. How many slash marks were there on this one on the note? Twenty-four, which meant it was about... here.

Glancing at the dictionary and then at the squiggle on the note, Asuka made a couple of contemplative noises as she worked her way through the note that had been left for her. Which had her name in one alphabet, with what looked like bits of all three others in there as well. The problem, besides making her more frustrated and annoyed, was that whoever had written this note wasn't gifted with particularly great handwriting.

A bleep from her phone indicated a text message, causing Asuka to flip it open and discover... "My luggage has been found! Waitaminute, it's WHERE?"

"Where?"

Asuka didn't quite jump out of her skin.

"Shoes," said Rei, moving past her.

"Wha-wha-what?" asked Asuka.

"You forgot to remove your shoes," said Rei, putting a bag of groceries down on the table.

"Oh," said Asuka, remembering that. Why such a thing was important when the floor was tiled, she had no idea. The whole tatami mat thing never made much sense to her anyway.

"Where is your luggage?" asked Rei as Asuka took her shoes off and moved to place them near the door.

"Three pieces of it were apparently sent to your place," said Asuka.

"Which burned down," pointed out Rei in her usual unemotional manner.

"Oh," said Asuka. "So that's why you're here. That also explains why those boxes are over at some management office."

"I see," said Rei as she began methodically putting away the groceries.

"My carry-on only had a few things in it. Another piece of my luggage was apparently infected by an Angel. Two pieces of my luggage ended up in the Grand Duchy Of Fenwick. I've never even HEARD of the Grand Duchy of Fenwick."

"That was actually covered in class," said Rei. "A breakaway kingdom that formed during the aftermath of Second Impact from a community that already been fairly self-reliant. It's located in the Northern Alps, I believe."

"You're kidding me," said Asuka.

"It'll be on a test later this year," said Rei.

"Huh," said Asuka, finding herself unable to tell if Rei was kidding or not. "The bulk of my luggage is in some other place I've never heard of."

"Where's that?" asked Rei, putting away the last of the beer.

"Fresno," answered Asuka. "Weird name."

"I see," said Rei, closing the refrigerator and then heading towards a room.

"What's for dinner, anyway? It's not octopus is it?" asked Asuka.

"I think Ranma made some fried rice," said Rei over her shoulder.

* * *

Maya smiled as they rode down the elevator and her phone chimed.

"Wow, how many suggestions have you gotten?" asked Misato as the young technician pulled out her cellphone and checked the messages.

"Only a half-dozen," said Maya simply, then flipped the phone closed. "Ever since word about the bet got around, I've gotten them trickling in. No consensus though."

"Really?" asked Misato.

"Everything from 'A Disney Princess' to 'Princess Leia's costume from when she was Jabba's slave girl' to 'Sailor seifuku' has been coming in." Maya sighed. "Though I keep spotting things and thinking how appropriate this or that would be."

"And you're loving every minute of it," noted Misato.

"Well, yes," admitted Maya.

Misato waited two more floors before asking the first question she'd thought of. "Who had the most surprising suggestion?"

"Commander Ikari," said Maya, putting her phone away.

Misato blinked. "You're kidding. Commander Ikari? Commander Gendo Ikari? What was his suggestion?"

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi, who had been thirty years old, now currently fourteen years old, though with her figure looked closer to eighteen years of age, felt a chill down her back as she hacked into a phone and found a list of suggestions which added a level of horror.

Some of the suggestions, such as the Princess Aurora costume from "Sleeping Beauty" weren't exactly risque or anything - but trying to get around in that outfit would have been a right royal pain.

_Delete._

The geisha outfit even more so.

_Delete._

The 'slavegirl Leia' costume likewise was incredibly impractical and she checked who'd sent that in order to properly get her revenge later.

"CASPAR? How could Caspar have sent a suggestion?" Ritsuko stared at the screen briefly before deciding that it must have been a spoofed address somehow.

_Delete_ with prejudice.

A giggling noise from an air vent drew her attention and she shut down her efforts. Slowly she crept up on it, ready to find out who was pulling this prank on her. As quietly as she could, she scooted a chair over to the suspect vent. She had to take her shoes off to get up on it, and then stretch to reach the thing, but she was able to remove the grill and could now look directly into it.

Which was when a large hairy spider dropped down on her face.

Again.

"!"

* * *

Fuyutsuki stood in his usual spot behind Gendo and to the right, watching as various status checks were done and information feeds were displayed.

"Interesting," said Gendo.

Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow and considered whether he really wanted to ask.

Gendo didn't so much as glance at his subordinate as he lifted the report in question and held it in the older man's direction.

Fuyutsuki plucked it from Gendo's fingers with a frown and looked it over himself. "I didn't see anything happen during that fight."

"Nonetheless, the reduction of mass might be negligible - but it was recorded by three entirely different instruments," pointed out Gendo.

"But it's only fifty kilograms," said Fuyutsuki. "When you're dealing with something of the apparent mass of an Angel that's hardly noticeable."

"It occurred while Ranma was using his uppercut attack," said Gendo.

"What of 'Makie'?" said Fuyutsuki. "Has she been able to explain it or find the missing mass?"

Gendo considered that before nodding. "Good idea. We'll have our tame Angel find the missing mass. In the meantime the area will be under quarantine anyway."

* * *

Asuka was rewarded with the beeping noise and took the plate of food from the microwave, sniffing once at the mixture. It smelled edible, but it was fixed by the Daddy's Boy and so it couldn't possibly be tasty.

Ah, here came the doll. She'd changed clothes. "WHAT are you wearing?"

Rei glanced at her. "Clothes."

Asuka let out a disgruntled hiss. "No. Why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?"

Rei considered Asuka for a few seconds, her head cocked slightly to the side, before answering. "Matching outfits."

"Matching what?" asked Asuka, who thought the red top and black pants really didn't suit Rei's coloration at all. "And what's with the towel?"

"Ranma is currently engaged in his evening personal training exercises," said Rei, hefting the towel she'd placed over one shoulder. "I will observe."

* * *

Asuka took a bite of the mixed veggies and rice and made a face. _Okay, it's not bad but it isn't that great either. When 'Daddy's Boy' made this he must have forgotten to put any meat in. Well, at least it's passable with the grilled tofu._

Asuka ate in silence for a few minutes. When finished she rinsed the plate off and put in the dishwasher, considering things in the 'mission' she'd been handed. _If I go out there while Nepotism Junior is doing some lame exercises, I can give him hints on how he can do it better. Ugh. Why do I have to do this? Some lame boy who is never going to be as good as Kaji! Well, once I have the chance to prove myself - Daddy's Boy can be put somewhere safe and sound and I'll take care of the Angels myself!_

Thus heartened and with a solid plan in place, Asuka decided to find out where this spoiled little brat was doing his pushups or jogging or whatever.

* * *

Rei watched as Ranma exercised. She was aware of the hidden Section 2 agents. She was also aware that they wouldn't do a darn thing unless foreign agents, an Angel, or something similar got involved.

Rei was also aware of Ranma Ikari doing things that would have caused a physics teacher to deny that any of this was possible.

When she'd gotten there, he'd grabbed up a scabbarded sword of some European design. Then he practiced a few quick-draw manuevers before doing what looked to her like sword-kata. Except that kenjutsu as she understood it normally involved standing in one spot and not practiced mid-leap in between buildings.

Rei held the towel and observed carefully, memorizing details. There was a distraction though, and she shifted a little. _Why am I getting this warm feeling? It seems oddly... pleasant._

"So where is this... MEIN GOTT!"

Rei glanced to the side and saw that the Second Child had come up to the roof and was now staring with her mouth open as Ranma leapt in midair, bringing his sword up and making a few slashing moves. Something odd occurred though, as the targets placed on another roof abruptly exploded.

"W-w-w-what?" said Asuka.

"As stated, Ranma-kun is practicing his martial arts," said Rei softly.

"N-no way," said Asuka as Ranma leapt from one building to another at high speed, finally bouncing to a halt and then holding out his hand with a scabbard. A moment later the sword he'd been using slid into place in that scabbard.

Rei glanced to the side and saw that Asuka was still staring and her mouth had come open again. Hmmm. Why did it feel uncomfortable somehow to have another woman looking at her Ranma like that? How peculiar.

Then Ranma took his shirt off and Rei found her usual mental dialogue going offline as various unfamiliar sensations demanded her attention. Eventually though she did realize she had a towel, and he was sweating. This was one of those situations that was described as relationship material in one of those how-to manga. Rei stepped forward, still a bit distracted by the odd sensations.

"WAIT ONE MINUTE!" yelled Asuka. "EXPLANATIONS! NOW!"

Rei glanced at her fellow female pilot as she considered the possibility of toweling off Ranma instead of just handing him the towel. "Loud."

"Lemmee finish my workout, wouldja?" asked Ranma from where was balancing by one hand on the butt-end of his sword.

"THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!" declared Asuka.

"That's what Doctor Akagi keeps insisting," noted Rei.

"BECAUSE IT IS!"

"Nah, it's just martial arts," said Ranma as he pushed off with one hand so that he could switch hands and balance himself with the other one.

"WHAT?" asked Asuka.

Ranma flipped back and took the towel offered him by Rei.

_What is this feeling?_ pondered Rei. _Is this disappointment? Why does the sweat highlighting his musculature cause this odd set of sensations?_

Asuka stared some more, her gaze occasionally flicking to the First Child and then back to the Third Child. There seemed to be some things about the situation that had not been covered in her original information.

* * *

She'd just expected to find some spindly little boy who was doing push-ups or some other lame exercise. The Third Child could only have been selected on the basis of his father being the Commander - nepotism at its worst!

Not spindly - she could see that he had lean wiry muscle in place.  
Little - not at all as he was taller by a head than she or the Teacher's Pet.  
Push-ups were not being done unless you counted one-handed while balancing on an upright sword.

"LET ME SEE THAT!" declared Asuka. _It has to be a trick._

Ranma Ikari gave ground before her feminine wrath, as was proper. The sword, however, seemed to be a perfectly serviceable sword.

"Okay, what's the trick?" asked Asuka after she'd tried to figure out how he'd done that.

"Training. Years of training. Plus, I'm just that good," said Ranma, shrugging and spreading his hands.

Asuka gave a flat look towards Ranma then regarded the sword again.

"It would really be best if you just accepted it," said Rei softly.

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" asked Asuka.

"Doctor Akagi has the same difficulty in dealing with Ranma-kun's abilities," said Rei in the same soft emotionless voice. "According to what I have overheard, there is a belief among some personnel that she will eventually crack from the strain."

"Huh?" asked Asuka AND Ranma.

Rei considered how to put this from overheard comments, and in keeping with her reading material and understanding of the role of 'girlfriend' and came up with one. "Ranma is simply too awesome for Doctor Akagi to deal with."

"Oh, okay, THAT I can understand," said Ranma, nodding. Made sense. There were a lot of guys at Furinkan who'd been the same way. Even that one physics teacher that had to go off on some kind of occupational stress thing when Miss Hinako had shown up.

Asuka rounded on Ranma after that statement. "Ha! Anything you can do, I can do! And better!"

Ranma frowned. He really didn't want this going downhill, and it was already going downhill way too fast.

"Oh!" said Rei, blinking. "I understand."

"I am really doubting that somehow," mumbled Ranma.

"You're the martial artist protaganist, and therefore you have to have a rival," said Rei. "I've read several series and they all have that pattern. So Asuka is your rival. Or a tsundere."

"Oh," said Ranma, thinking about that. "You know, maybe you've got something there."

"What does that make YOU, First Child?" asked Asuka.

"Romantic lead," said Rei matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Okay," Asuka began... until Rei's words filtered through her thoughts. Then her head whipped around to stare at the blue haired girl. "What? Did you say what I think I heard you say?"

The First Child gave the redhead a flat look. "It was not my understanding that your hearing was not disabled."

"My hearing is just fine!"

"Then why did you ask for the confirmation?"

"Because how could someone like you even think of being romantic with anyone?" the Second Child scoffed.

"But it is odd that you care so much about my romantic prospects."

"That is true," Ranma allowed, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. "You do seem put out by that."

Asuka scowled at them both and wondered why they would think of something like that. She couldn't figure out why the doll faced girl's romantic interests would be of any interest to her... and then she remembered the mission that she had been given. So then, of course she would have a reason to pay attention to the big lug's relationships. That had to be the reason, and she had been considering what she was going to have to do with him after all.

Not that she was at all agitated about the matter. Glancing at the pale girl, it just didn't seem that someone like Rei could be romantic with anyone. That would have taken some sort of awareness of such things, and it just didn't seem like she had it. Why, if there was an award for 'poker faces', it would have gone to the First Child. Added to her seeming passive behavior in hanging around the boy, she didn't even seem to understand how to be romantic.

Almost laughing to herself, Asuka let one side of her mouth curl up. "Sorry if it seemed that way. I'm just surprised that the ghost here could be so forward."

"She's no 'ghost'," Ranma protested.

"Come on, I'm just saying that she's so quiet, that having her speak is odd."

"Well, she does tend to not talk much."

"Exactly," the redhead drawled. "But fortunately, I've finally gotten here."

He blinked at her. "And what are you supposed to do?"

"Well, what _can't_ I do? At the very least, I can bring some life around here."

"It's not like things have been all that bad before. Okay, so it's not quite what I expected, but I figure that it's been going alright so far."

"Letting it be is fine for someone who wants to be boring. Hanging around with me can only make things better. Don't you worry," Asuka told him, jabbing one finger onto his chest... and then quickly pulled her hand back.

"What? Something wrong?" the pigtailed boy asked.

"No. Nothing," the redhead murmured, but she shifted her position as soon as she realized that she was holding the finger that she'd touched him with. Obviously, that had to do with the fact that she'd gotten dampness on her her finger. That had to be why she was watching the sweat drip along the hard muscles of his torso. Well, he was damp, so that was probably how his hair was hanging down over his forehead and over his eyes a little. Such a thing couldn't be really distracting her though. She was too mature to fall apart just from seeing an attractive face and bright blue eyes.

At least this whole idea of her being assigned to hang around him wouldn't be such a chore anymore.

Noticing Rei giving her a very flat stare, Asuka smiled back at her and tried to figure out why the other girl just seemed unable to perk up.

* * *

Rei regarded the other girl in the situation with a flat look. Only one very familiar with her would recognize that she was actually fairly annoyed.

Which meant that Ranma, oddly enough, picked up on it a bit. Asuka missed it entirely though.

On the other hand, Ranma didn't understand most of the references Rei was throwing around. He didn't want to admit that, but he knew martial arts movies and such. There WAS always a rival - he figured Ryoga was that way back home but here he didn't really have one. Unless, as Rei indicated, that was Asuka.

Asuka didn't understand a lot of what was going on, but did know most of the terms and phrases that Rei was using. However - she'd also been off balance ever since she'd gotten the notice to leave nice safe and sane Germany to come to the considerably less so Japan.

Following Rei and Ranma back to the apartment, Asuka found her eyes straying to a well-developed male butt and wondered what all hadn't been covered by her briefing. Clearly she had to do her own research, because the information she'd started out with had some serious omissions.

* * *

Rei had been curious about the role she'd chosen to play and had no problem admitting her own lack of knowledge regarding such things. Ignorance was curable though, so she could research such a thing.

She had read through a few manga described as dealing with the complex web of social interaction which was found under the title of 'romance' and 'relationships.'

To that end, she had requisitioned a laptop computer from NERV and had several websites bookmarked. She even had one dating-sim on there, which she'd already failed at twice. She had a number of potentially useful events planned out.

She double-checked what was quickly becoming a useful reference for such activities. TV Tropes Japan.

She therefore waited outside the door to the bathroom with her bucket of bath-things.

"Uhm, question from the back of the room."

Rei's eyes went to Asuka.

"Why are you naked?" asked Asuka.

"To go in and use the bath," said Rei.

"Well, that explains the towels and such. Ranma's in there," pointed out Asuka.

"Yes he is," agreed Rei.

"So... you're waiting for him to come out?" asked Asuka.

"No, I am waiting for a sound that would indicate it is the proper time for me to accidently walk in on him and then make the 'offer to scrub backs'," Rei informed Asuka.

"Uh, right," said Asuka. "You are accidently going to walk in on him and you're just waiting for the right time."

"Indeed," answered Rei.

Asuka twitched once. "You know, I don't think you're supposed to do something 'accidental' like that on purpose."

"My research on the matter reveals that this is a common step between couples," said Rei, considering Asuka briefly. "Unless this is a 'harem' situation and we're supposed to walk in on him together."

"A 'harem'? Like one guy and a lot of girls?" asked Asuka. "Whose idea was this?"

"TV Tropes dot jp," said Rei. "They go into detail on such incidents."

"TV what?" asked Asuka.

* * *

Maya Ibuki could, among many talents she rarely could demonstrate, sew. She was also very fond of cars and engines and could take apart a typical small car and put it back together in an unusual location. Which she had done once in her early college years after four beers and a wager.

Maya found that in her current situation, her ability to sew would allow her to alter much of Doctor Akagi's clothing so that it would fit her now-youthened state.

Doctor Akagi, Maya felt, would truly appreciate that. Especially once she found the altered plugsuit. With the functional tail and catear-shaped Interface Headset.

Yeah, after wearing THAT for a little while - Doctor Akagi would probably appreciate something a little less fanservicey.

* * *

Rei walked in, bath-things ready. "Ranma, would you mind... he's not here?"

"What do you mean he's not here?" asked Asuka, curiosity engaged as she peered around the corner and then determined that the bath area was missing a male teenager. "But... I heard him in here."

"Ah," said Rei. "This is his ninja technique that he used to attack the latest angel."

"WHAT?" asked Asuka. "'Ninja'? Ninja don't exist."

Rei considered the apparently-empty bathroom. "Most likely he was forewarned by your interrogation of myself directly outside the bathroom door. Since his technique is stealth-oriented, one might predict his likely location as being - there!"

A towel whipped out and slapped into a suddenly-there Ranma.

"Erk!" said Asuka on suddenly being confronted with a naked boy who was trying to grab a towel a few feet away from her.

Rei watched silently as Asuka tried to intercept Ranma and catch the towel, and she grabbed... something else altogether.


	16. Chapter 16: Go Fish

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Go Fish.

* * *

Rei experienced an emotion. Not a pleasant one, and she filed the sensation away for later inspection and identification.

_We walked in on him together, and therefore this indicates that this is a 'harem' situation after all._

Rei made a note that she would have to send money to because they obviously knew how to interpret such things and had been a big help in educating her on such situations.

She would have to research this further when she got a chance. For now though, it would seem - with neither Ranma nor Asuka moving (other than the slight clenching of hand and silently mouthing something in German from the Second Child) - that it was up to her to react to the situation.

"Hmmm," said Rei, noting that Asuka's "handle" had responded to the grip. "Larger than normal I think. What do you think Asuka?"

Asuka stared down at her hand, sliding up and down. "Well, I certainly think that... GOTT IN HIMMEL WHAT AM I DOING? RANMA IKARI! YOU PERVERT!"

Rei's hand swept out as Asuka released her grip and attempted to kick Ranma in the face. "Pilot Soryu. You are the only one in the bathroom wearing all your clothes, and you are the one who grabbed him. How does this make Ranma the pervert?"

"IT! IT!" Asuka stared at her hand, then at Ranma, then at Rei. "IT JUST DOES! IT'S DIFFERENT WHEN A GIRL LOOKS AT A GUY."

"Ah, I see," said Rei.

"Somehow I really really doubt that," said Ranma, grabbing the dropped towel and quickly fastening it into place.

"Asuka is the tsundere," said Rei. "Therefore she is also the pervert. She transfers any guilt or social/cultural dissonance between her inner pervertedness and the face she chooses to present to the world to you - the male."

"Eh?" asked Ranma AND Asuka as they tried to follow that.

"So, by generating feelings of tenderness or sexual attraction - you become the target of her hostility to cover such feelings," said Rei.

"NO I DON'T!" declared a rapidly reddening Asuka.

Ranma stopped, opened his mouth, closed it, thought about certain relationships, and finally spoke. "You know. That kinda thing would explain a lot."

Rei nodded. "I shall have to go to that website and research further."

"Is it okay if I scream and run out of the room now?" asked Ranma.

"I do believe that IS the required response," said Rei with a slight nod.

"Oh good," said Ranma. "AAAIIIIIIEEEEE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" responded Asuka, finally deciding to go shut herself off in her room.

Rei nodded as she was now alone in the bath. Wasn't there something she was required to say in such a circumstance? Oh yes. "Exactly as planned."

* * *

The black tie and sunglasses crowd on a nearby rooftop all looked at each other.

"Okay," said Agent Smith. "Normally, I don't gamble. On the other hand, this has gone straight into the Twilight Zone."

"You want to bet that things get weirder?" asked Agent Jones. "I don't think anyone's going to take that bet."

"Didn't think so," said Agent Smith.

"Another bird entered the perimeter, seems to be a real bird. No AT field detected," said Agent Seito.

"Ikari Junior there seems to get panicky around women," noted Agent Sato.

"You still mad about him kicking you into a wall?" asked Seito.

"Of course not," lied Sato.

"Because if you WERE and as a result Ranma Ikari had a lot more girls suddenly associating with him, I would totally and completely swear that I'd never heard the idea mentioned or had an idea who was responsible," said Seito.

"Just as long as it doesn't affect his ability to pilot," reminded Smith.

"Of course," agreed Sato.

"Better make sure it's nothing he can trace back to you either," pointed out Seito.

* * *

Rei logged on, quickly going through the various screens as she performed research. She took her mission very seriously and would do well. That there seemed to be personal benefits and odd feelings about the whole thing was beside the point.

"Oh, it takes three romantic interests to make a 'harem story'?" asked Rei of herself as she read. Well, then this was just a 'love triangle' then. Which, according to the sources she was accessing - most often ended badly for all concerned. Why adding more romantic interests would actually decrease the severity of the end was completely unclear to her.

So.. who to acquire as the third?

She would have to consider this carefully.

* * *

"This has to be the most STUPID, nonsensical, lame, idiotic plan to destroy an Angel. EVER!"

"I dunno," said Ranma. "It's a fish-kaiju, kinda makes sense you can't just walk up to it and stick a prog knife in it."

Asuka glowered at Ranma Ikari's image in the monitor. Ranma smirked back at her, hands folded behind his head.

"I hate you," said Asuka.

"I hate to interrupt your tsundere comic relief affectionate banter," said Rei.

"WHAT?!" roared Asuka.

"-but I'm unsure how you'd rather deal with this particular kaiju," said Rei. "It just swims up and down the coast menacinig fishing vessels."

"I'd find out where it was, throw a few N2 mines into the water until it rises to the attack, and THEN fight it." Asuka pointed at Ranma. "I can't believe you are going along with this farce!"

"Why not?" asked Ranma. "Doesn't sound that bad."

"It sounds like Captain Drunkard was drinking when she came up with this!" said Asuka.

"Ahem."

Asuka blinked. "She's right behind me, isn't she?"

Ranma nodded.

"Well, it's still a crazy plan," said Asuka.

"Meh," went Ranma, walking away. "We'll see. If it's crazy but it works..."

"Then it's still crazy!" said Asuka, raising her voice.

"Ahem," said Misato from where she was still standing behind Asuka.

"Honestly, if this plan works I'll..." Asuka paused trying to find something suitable to indicate her ironclad belief that this was insane and stupid. "Run completely around Tokyo 3!"

"How about a lap of the Geofront's farm area instead?" asked Misato, who thought this was still an awfully big lap.

"HAH!" said Asuka, wanting to top this because obviously it was given out of not considering how great she really was. "I'll do a lap in an outfit more ridiculous than THAT!"

Misato blinked and looked at where Asuka was pointing.

"It's not my fault!" indicated Ritsuko Akagi in her new plugsuit with the cat-ear-shaped connectors and the tail-antenna.

"Looking good, Ritsu!" indicated Misato.

"That's not the point!" indicated Ritsuko, her tail sticking straight up.

"Whoa, servomotors on the tail that react to your emotional state?" noted Misato, sounding quite impressed. "Maya did pretty good work."

"That's also not the point!" indicated Ritsuko.

Asuka blinked and realized she MAY have put her foot in it this time. Time to make the other back off. "But! If your plan fails, then YOU have to wear an outfit like that!"

"I dunno," said Misato. "I think I got an inch to lose off my waist before I wear something like that."

"Actually it lifts and shapes when it shifts to form-fitting... ALSO not the point!" said Ritsuko.

"So what IS the point?" asked Misato.

"I... " Ritsuko paused, then slumped a little. With her tail and ears also drooping. "I forget. Damn teenage hormones affecting my brain chemistry!"

"Well, whatever Ritsu," said Misato.

"Well, then you don't have any excuse not to wear one," said Asuka brightly.

"Meh, I've worn worse," said Misato, dismissing the threat. "So, do you have a better plan?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," said Asuka. "This plan can't fail."

"It can't?" asked Misato as Ritsuko came over.

"I guarantee it," said Asuka.

* * *

_ker-plunk!_

Ranma sighed at the controls of Unit 01.

_whzz-whzz-whzz-whzz-whzz-whzz._

"Problem, Ranma?"

"Nah. I'm cool." Ranma shrugged. "Only problem might be is if I fall asleep here."

"Well, you don't have to worry about running out of power," said Aoba from where he was monitoring things back at Nerv HQ. "So, that might not be a problem."

"THIS IS THE MOST INSANE THING I'VE EVER SEEN!"

"Standing on the deck of a Russian tanker with a spear was YOUR idea for catching the kaiju, I mean 'Angel', Asuka," pointed out Aoba, safe from immediate reprisal for pointing this out. Or so he thought.

"Not so loud, Asuka," said Ranma as Unit-01 continued to sit back on the shore and give occasional twitches to the Eva-sized fishing pole in its hands. "You'll scare the fish away."

Asuka said something long and involved in German.

Ranma thought back to the phrases he had memorized for impressing Asuka and decided now was the perfect time to try one or two out. These should break the ice. "(Your struedel cannot compare in magnificence to my bratwurst.)"

There was absolute dead silence following that statement in badly accented (almost indecipherable) German.

"Wha-wha-what did you say?!" demanded Asuka, as soon as she'd managed to unmangle Ranma's sentence into something comprehensible. "(You idiot! You don't even want to get started with me! And your bratwurst is limp and flaccid!)"

Ranma cocked his head. He didn't speak German, but she SOUNDED as if she were surprised at his gesture. And smug about something. Well, how about this other phrase he'd written down for just such an emergency. "(Tell the Black Forest we found their witch.)"

"WHAT?!" roared Asuka.

Aoba couldn't help it, he started laughing until he was able to fumble the comm channel closed.

"I wanted to make you feel welcome so I studied some German, Rei helped," said Ranma. Friendly banter was something he understood at least. "Oh, and 'you have a magnificent moustache'."

"Urk. I... You... Ergle. Wait till I get out of this entry plug!"

"I'm impressed the Technical Division made this in three days," said Ranma, focussing on the positive as the German pilot sputtered away. "This is pretty neat."

Aoba was perfectly happy to steer the conversation away from the previous topic. "Eh, turns out three of the staff there used to be fishing enthusiasts prior to Second Impact. The chance to make a graphite rod and reel combination was something they were fairly enthusiastic about."

* * *

In the grand scheme of things, he was a nobody. Just a member of NERV Technical Division.

His name was Daihaku Sugimoto and he remembered fourteen years previously when he'd last gone fishing with his father for his twelfth birthday. Those times had been very precious prior to that, his father often being too busy for any kind of family time - but the fishing trips had been a tradition passed down through the generations.

Then had come Second Impact. Fishing in Lake Biwa was no longer going to happen. Fishing anywhere in Japan was an iffy prospect. One of the UN laws passed a few years after their takeover had severely wounded an already crippled fishing industry in Japan, and sport fishing was completely eliminated even after the ecosystem had begun recovering.

If the timeline had not changed, he would never have confessed to fellow technician Kyoko Mihara that he'd always been attracted to her. Particularly after reading her college dissertation on the feasibility of Gundams versus Armslaves for orbital construction work.

If the timeline had not changed, Daihaku would have tried to shield Kyoko from a UN soldier, not realizing she was already dead. He would have died after being sprayed with a flamethrower, lingering for minutes that would seem an eternity. Even in death he would have failed to find peace as Third Impact would occur and his death would have been recent enough that he couldn't escape.

He knew none of this though, and so merely watched as the giant-sized rod and reel he'd built from memory of his father's fishing equipment was used, and reminisced about happier times long past.

* * *

"Stupid Ranma. Stupid Misato. If it's anything like the size of the other Angels, clearly a fishing pole isn't going to work," said Asuka. After all, when you're going after a fish several times your own size - you should treat it as a whale. Which was why she had a roll of high strength cable and an Evangelion-sized spear. All she had to do was wait by the sonic "lure" and as soon as it came close - BAM.

Of course, she'd had to go get a boat sufficiently sized to support Unit-02, and she was plugged into its power. Which would be insufficient for combat but the little trickle of power WAS sufficient while she was mainly inactive like this.

"Damn it! This plan isn't working!" said Asuka after about fifteen minutes. "The fish isn't coming!"

Which, of course, was when a large fish lifted up underneath Asuka's ship before closing its teeth and swallowing whole both ship and Eva.

"Oh, that can't be good," said Ranma, still sitting inside Unit 01, which itself was still sitting upon the shore with an enormous fishing pole whose line ran out to the ocean.

A popup window of Rei, monitoring from back at NERV Central, foreshadowed her own comment on the matter. "I would not count her out just yet."

Proving her point, the giant fish-angel leapt up out of the water and momentarily hung there, with Asuka's Unit-02 visible in the process of forcing its mouth open again from the inside. The fish hung in midair for a moment, and then was gone again under the water's surface.

"Cables's cut," said a tech monitoring nearby. "She's down to five minutes of emergency power."

"Hang on," said Ranma, standing up and watching carefully at where the float marking his fishing line was bobbing on the water. The four empty oil cans abruptly dipped beneath the water.

Ranma played the line out, tugged it, waggled the line, and otherwise fought the big beast at the other end of the line as if it were some more typical large fish.

The fight went on for roughly four minutes before the fish finally breeched again.

"FROM HELL'S HEART, I STAB AT THEE!" proclaimed Asuka as she repeatedly stabbed at the fish-angel, apparently wedged in its mouth and using her unit's free hand to jab the progressive knife into every portion of flesh she could reach.

Still far away in Tokyo-3, Rei offered a bit of commentary after using the free German-Japanese translation program she'd found to try a little German herself. "(I think you need your glockenspiel hammered.)"

For some reason Misato excused herself during the middle of the operation as she seemed to have some difficulty breathing.

Ranma continued his tug of war briefly, waiting for his chance as the fish-angel submerged again.

"FOR HATE'S SAKE, I SPIT MY LAST BREATH AT THEE!" declared Asuka as the two emerged from the water again, still stabbing away.

"Overdramatic much?" mumbled Ranma as he dropped the rod and reel, kicked the rifle up to chest-level, fired three shots, and then grabbed the fishing pole before it could fall the rest of the way to the ground.

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING!" shot back Asuka before she and Moby Dick Gaghiel submerged again. "And Rei? As to my glockenspiel..." Unfortunately, whatever she'd planned on saying was lost as she submerged again and lost power simultaneously.

Ranma slowly reeled in his line, finally giving a big tug and pulling the angel's corpse and Asuka from the water.

"Not one word, Third Child. Not. One. Word," cautioned Asuka over the radio, her Eva currently half-in and half-out of the angel's mouth. Then even that amount of power cut out.

"Hey guys, can I get a couple pictures?" asked Ranma, marching towards the fish angel. "I think this one might set a couple of records."

"Uhm," said Aoba over the comm channel after remembering to turn it back on. "This is all classified, you know."

"So?" said Ranma. "Hmmm. I wonder what angelfish tastes like."

"You're not serious, are you?" asked Aoba.

As Ranma advanced on the fallen angel, Aoba could have sworn that the beast's expression had turned to horror.

* * *

"Stop complaining, I got you out of there, and you DID get to repeatedly stab the sucker," said Ranma.

"That's not the point!" complained Asuka.

"I can't believe you ate the Angel," said Misato, looking a little green.

"Nah, Unit 01 ate some, I was feeling kinda hungry and figgered it was one of those sensations being fed to me through the link," explained Ranma. "Besides, I didn't eat the whole thing. Just a bit."

"Maya threw up," said Misato. "Twice."

"What, she got something against sashimi?" asked Ranma. "Needed soy sauce."

"Hurk," said Maya, looking ill again.

"There's enough left you could feed a small country," pointed out Ranma.

"Ick," said Maya, covering her mouth.

"Don't think about that, Maya," advised Misato. "Think about the outfit you're going to get for Asuka to wear as she runs those laps."

There were a few muttered German swear words in response to that statement. Or it could have been something to do with her glockenspiel. Hard to tell, really.

"Ah," said Rei, propping her elbows on the table from where she'd been watching the debrief, and adopting a familiar pose. "Exactly as planned."

Asuka stared at Rei for a moment. "Okay. THAT is seriously creepy."

"Also as planned."

"Gott in himmel, am I the only sane person in Tokyo-3?" asked Asuka of no one in particular.

"Well..." said Aoba.

"Maybe a loli-goth look?" asked Maya, looking over Asuka.

"Hah! I'd rather go naked than... what in the hell am I saying?" said Asuka, realizing she'd been about to dig herself in deeper and averting that at the last moment.

"Hmmm," said Rei. Not laughing, just making a sound in that general direction. Honestly, she'd wondered why the Commander often did this with the exact same pose so often - and now she suspected it was due to the psychological effect on his underlings. Most curious.

"So, anyway, found kaiju and killed it," said Ranma. "We even recovered that piece of the laser-kaiju..."

"Ramiel!" yelled Ritsuko, fidgeting with her plug suit's tail. "And they're Angels!"

"Speaking of that, what did you find out, Ritsu?" asked Misato of her blonde associate.

"We're still running tests," admitted Ritsuko. "It certainly seems inert, otherwise we'd never have risked using it as a bait."


	17. Chapter 17:Lord of the dance

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Lord Of The Dance.

* * *

She looked sort of like Yui, or like a more grown-up Rei with different hair and eye color.

She was also as hidden as well as she could manage given the paranoid security level to be expected of a hidden underground base run by mad scientists. She was helped by being the number one mad scientist here, being at least partially a copy of Washu.

Fingers danced over a keyboard, she paused and then hit enter. She'd need a remote access, and to leave here to avoid being caught.

"Now if I could just figure out where those two Ree went," muttered 'Yui' to herself.

* * *

The air vent jiggled a bit.

"Any luck?"

"I can almost reach it."

The air vent jiggled a bit more.

"Not quite."

"Well, this certainly isn't fun."

* * *

The three Magi supercomputers were tied into a variety of sensor systems and equipment.

When a technician named Kyoko Mihara was pushing a cart and hit a section of uneven flooring, Balthazar noted that the case containing the silver-crystalized chunk of Ramiel had cracked upon impact.

All three Magi were monitoring when the young technician wrestled the case back onto the cart and it tilted. All three therefore noted when the technician's hand came into contact with the chunk of Angel.

Balthazar noted that the temperature of the crystal rose rapidly.

Caspar noted the cracks running through the outer crystalization.

Melchior brought up a full analysis, noted that this was not a full angel, and questioned what to term this new lifeform.

"!" declared the cube as it levitated up over the screaming technician.

* * *

Gendo Ikari facepalmed. He didn't do such things often, but felt that this occasion merited it.

"So we've got a mini-Ramiel floating about," said Fuyutsuki. "Plus Little Miss Shamshel. What next?"

"If nothing else, this gives us further opportunities for research and understanding," said Ritsuko. "Though the creature is too small for much understanding of events."

"We should simply destroy it," said Gendo.

"We can always destroy it later," pointed out Fuyutsuki.

"How do we know it isn't going to suddenly run amok, grow to giant size, and kill us all?" asked Gendo.

"More reason for analyzing it all," said Ritsuko. That this would keep her so busy that she wouldn't be put in a plugsuit and forced to take "backup pilot" as her occupation was just a happy little coincidence. Not part of her plans, no not at all.

* * *

Lorenz Kiel was not prone to facepalms. He was also not prone to reaching for a bottle of Excedrin Migraine Formula. He was currently facepalming with one hand and reaching for that bottle with the other.

"This was not in the Dead Sea Scrolls, was it?" asked Monolith #2.

"NOTHING is going by the Dead Sea Scrolls!" yelled Monolith #3, his voice beginning to climb up the register. "What in the hells is going on with our scenario?!"

"Everything is still on track for Human Instrumentality," said Kiel. "On the other hand, this gives us the chance to possibly learn more and refine the plan accordingly."

"THIS IS COMPLETELY INSANE!" declared Monolith #3.

"We've noticed," said Monoliths #4, #7, and #8 in a completely deadpan and somewhat snarky tone.

"What's the next Angel according to the schedule?" asked Monolith #6.

"If our interpretation is correct," said Kiel, checking his notes. "They have defeated Sachiel, defeated and recruited Shamshel, and defeated Ramiel and made a pet of its spawn. Gaghiel was killed by Langley-Soryu and Ikari. The next Angel will be either the Angel Of Dance or the Gender Angel Sandalphon."

"I need a vacation," grumbled Monolith #3.

"Yes, we quite agree," said Monoliths #4, #7, and #8 in a fairly deadpan and snarky tone.

"Have I mentioned I'm really beginning to hate you guys?" asked #3.

"Yes, you have," said Monoliths #4 through #8. #6 sounded tired of the whole thing.

* * *

Mini-Ramiel (MiRa for short), flicked through a few shapes as it floated in midair.

"It appears to like 'I Love Lucy' and the 'Three Stooges'," noted Ritsuko Akagi as she observed the mini-Angel. "It also responds positively towards certain types of music."

"What kinds of music?" asked Maya.

"Euro-Classical, particularly Baroque, Classic Rock, and Fusion," said Ritsuko absently, her attention mainly on a display. "She also apparently likes Big Band. She does not, however, like Polka."

Maya blinked and stared at the ceiling. "So what are we calling Angels that defect to our side? I mean, we can't still keep calling them 'Angels' can we?"

"No idea, I'm just hoping we can figure out how to turn me back to normal," muttered Ritsuko.

MiRa formed a question-mark shape as a commercial came on for a robot dog-replacement.

"People miss dogs and cats and similar pets since they were wiped out in Second Impact," said Ritsuko, thumbing on the intercom.

MiRa went through a couple of other shapes, though whether it was a reaction to the explanation or something else was completely unclear.

"Uhm, there are still dogs and cats, sempai. It's just that they're all fourteen years old or older," Maya pointed out.

"And how much longer are those going to hold out?" asked Ritsuko. "Point taken though. I think the cat my Aunt is taking care of may be one of the last."

"How much do you suppose it actually understands?" asked Maya, a nod indicating where the crystal was shifting around in the air while an ad for a late-night Superman marathon played.

"Probably not much," said Ritsuko confidently. "Look at her tastes in television."

* * *

Asuka grumbled under her breath. _It's all Ranma this and Ranma that. Pure luck. Yeah, and that bit with the rooftops had to be wires and mirrors. Or something like that._

Lesser beings (mainly technicians) scrambled to get out of her way as she stalked towards the bay where Unit 02 was being repaired.

_Repairs to take another week. Bah. That leaves the stupid Third Child to get all the glory if another Angel attacks! Damn it!_

Still, there were the chew-marks where her Evangelion had gotten chewed on. _They're also talking about strained sections that need reinforcing or replaced entirely. Honestly, it was just ONE Angel._

What REALLY got under her skin was that she hadn't killed it on her own. No, that Daddy's Little Boy had gotten in on HER kill. And she still thought fishing for an Angel was just plain wrong and stupid.

"Asuka!" came a cheerful hail.

Asuka blinked and glanced to the side. "Oh. Makie. Now really isn't a good time."

The other girl smiled and shrugged. "I saw the video of your fight against Gaghiel. That was really impressive!"

Asuka paused and considered the apparently sincere girl. "Okay. What part exactly was impressive?"

"You managed to take on the kaiju like that despite it being so much bigger than you," said Makie. "Then you stabbed it enough times that you weakened it for your team-mate to be able to take it down. That was so cool!"

"I could have taken it down myself," protested Asuka.

"Oh yeah, eventually, I'm sure," said Makie, nodding and making a little agreeable noise while doing stretches. "Bad luck that it managed to get your power cord though. Really, can't they come up with something better than extension cords?"

"What would you expect them to use, a nuclear reactor or something?" asked Asuka, quirking an eyebrow at the girl in the leotard.

"No, that would be as silly as trying to use solar power," said Makie, who was now stretching out while doing a handstand.

Asuka tried to picture an Evangelion carrying a building's worth of solar panels around and shook her head. _Well, there goes a good sulk. Trying to sulk around Makie is just futile I guess, she's too damn cheerful._

"Well, at least you got to see action," said Makie. "I still can't go out anywhere. Oh huh."

"What?" asked Asuka.

"Israfel just manifested, but is inactive," said Makie, rolling to her feet and pulling out her cell phone. "They want me to let those weird computer things know about that."

"'Israfel'?" asked Asuka.

* * *

Ranma stared at the little crystal d8 floating in the air without a concern. "How does it do that?"

Ritsuko Akagi blinked, looked in the direction of the little angelspawn and studied it for a moment. Since each facet was completely devoid of marks and identical to every other facet, it was hard to tell whether it was looking back but she got that impression anyway. "Do what?"

"MiRa is floating in midair without any support at all," said Ranma. "I wonder if it's like Herb's trick..."

"Herb?" asked Ritsuko.

"Hmmm," hmmed Ranma, who sat down on the tiled floor and pulled his legs into a lotus position.

"What are you doing?" asked Maya.

"Trying to figure it out," said Ranma as he went still, eyes closing.

"Meditating?" asked Ritsuko, returning her attention to a waveform analysis of sonar readings around the little crystal. _At least he'll be quiet._

Ranma appeared to be meditating, occasionally flicking open his eyes and looking at MiRa before returning to whatever he was doing.

MiRa made a brief series of tones that sounded vaguely like an old Alka Seltzer jingle as she set herself up in an orbit around the martial artist.

* * *

"I'm glad you could make time so quickly," said Fuyutsuki, not looking up from his paperwork.

"I wasn't busy," said Asuka, though she sounded annoyed.

"Are you sure you should be associating with 'Makie'?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"Why not?" asked Asuka. "She seems nice. One of the saner people I've met around here actually."

Fuyutsuki actually looked up from his paperwork in order to stare at Asuka.

"What?" asked Asuka.

Fuyutsuki stared for a few seconds more at the Second Child, then turned his attention back to his paperwork.

"What?" repeated Asuka.

"Never mind. Too much trouble. I get quite enough trouble," said Fuyutsuki. "Just... remember that she's not officially a member of NERV and much of what we do is classified."

"I understand what 'classified' means," said Asuka, sounding somewhat miffed. _So that's what this is about. They think she's a spy or something? Wait. No, that's ridiculous. She's too much a simpleton to be an effective spy._

"Good, now we have word that the next kaiju... I mean 'Angel' will arrive in roughly four days," said Fuyutsuki.

"Oh, yeah, Israfel. I got an e-mail alert on that. Who names these things anyway? I looked it up and it came up with 'Angel of the Dance'," said Asuka, making a disgusted noise. "What's it going to do, challenge us to 'Dance Dance Revolution IV' or something?"

Fuyutsuki blinked, lifted his head again to regard Asuka with a thoughtful expression.

"What?" asked Asuka.

"If it would work, that would be the cheapest solution to an attack we'd ever faced," said Fuyutsuki. He then shrugged and went back to paperwork. "It's a pleasant thought though."

Asuka went away from that meeting with this ball of dread in her stomach. Mainly at the thought that the next sortie against the enemy would involve musical accompaniment.

* * *

Rei was not entirely sure what the duties of a girlfriend in such a setting was. However, she DID have a few suggestions from the forums and had extrapolations based on what she found on tvtropes-dot-jp. Ranma Ikari was obviously the Hot Blooded main character who was the Hotshot Pilot and...

Rei Ayanami sighed as the timer went off and she logged off from that particular site. Ever since that one day where she'd glanced up at the clock and found that six hours had passed, she had to limit her time researching on that site.

She was obviously the Emotionless Girl, which was good as that conferred moe points. She wasn't entirely sure of the definition of "moe" as it appeared to be something that was inferred rather than set out in precise terms. However, having such points was clearly beneficial.

_Whereas the Second Child is clearly the Tsundere and my Rival. Therefore it is necessary that I better my position. I wonder if I should acquire some secondary aspects of this 'moe'? Would it not further my position?_

Rei considered that, then nodded. She would have to consider the possibilities.

For now though, she had training.

* * *

MiRa shifted to a shape more resembling a Mobius strip, then zipped over to Maya. Maya blinked, then looked over at where Ranma was still apparently meditating. Had he gotten taller? Maya's gaze drifted down as she sipped a bottled water.

_SPLURSH!_

MiRa made a little displeased noise as the water dripped off of it, then drifted off somehow conveying that it found this all quite beneath her dignity.

"Doctor Akagi?" asked Maya in a weak voice.

"Speak up, Maya, you're in a position of authority here at NERV," said Doctor Akagi. "You can be a little more assertive."

"You know when Ranma said he was studying MiRa's contra-gravity field?" asked Maya.

"It's just an effect with an AT field, and he'd never use terminology like that," said Ritsuko.

"He's doing it," said Maya.

Ritsuko stopped studying the field data on her screen, going absolutely still.

"Sempai?" asked Maya as Ranma bobbed up into the air another inch.

"Not listening," said Ritsuko.

"Sempai?" repeated Maya.

Ritsuko put her hands over her ears. "Not listening. Lalalalalala."

"Sempai?" asked Maya, getting a bit weirded out.

"When I asked if he did impossible things before breakfast, I didn't expect him to take it as a challenge," said Ritsuko. "But I'm not listening. It could absolutely not be happening therefore it is NOT happening."

"But he's doing it," attempted to point out Maya.

"Still not listening."

MiRa made a chiming noise that sounded vaguely interrogative.

"You're right, MiRa-chan!" said Maya, brightening. "I know exactly what sempai needs!"

"So very much NOT listening."

MiRa made another set of musical notes that sounded like a question somehow.

"A makeover!" declared Maya.

MiRa made the same sort of sound one might expect at the start of a horse race.

"I'll be right back, I left the gas on in the main EVA hangar," said Ritsuko, standing up abruptly and leaving.

Maya blinked. "There aren't any gas appliances in the hangars. Come on, MiRa-chan. We're in hot pursuit!"

* * *

It moved, the water forming no barrier to its passage.

Unfortunately something had shifted. Something had shifted a lot. Therefore Israfel had manifested off the coast of Mackay in Queensland Australia. Dubbed the "miracle city" shortly after Second Impact, it had survived despite now being part of an island as there were flooded areas to the North and South and a big rift to the West.

Israfel had manifested, struggled ashore, terrorized the populace as it approached, and abruptly realized it was on the wrong island.

Byrne's Pie Factory declared they'd be having a 'We Chased Off A Kaiju/Angel' sale just soon as anyone figured out HOW they'd managed to chase it off. It was pointed out that during the chaos immediately after Second Impact, some people had raided various armories or otherwise produced weaponry that was not strictly legal. It was pointed out to those people that Old Man Byrne with an M1918 Browning was indeed formidable, but not exactly up to running off a kaiju.

That statement was circulated, and so more and more people started using 'kaiju' instead of 'angel' because honestly they DID look a bit more like giant monsters than the sort of statues one saw in a Christian church.

* * *

Gendo sat behind his desk, fingers steepled in front of him. The lighting, the ambiance, the way the small platform left him looking down on potential visitors - all calculated to have a psychological effect on those called to his presence. All of which was completely wasted on his current visitor. "Ranma."

"Yo, Oyaji. This about the new kaiju heading our way?" asked a perfectly relaxed and at-ease Ranma.

"You will stop doing impossible things in front of Doctor Akagi," said Gendo.

"What about when I'm fighting one of those kaiju?" asked Ranma. "I mean, those things are pretty darn impossible on their own, ain't they?"

Gendo paused as if deep in thought. "The kaiju... Angels are to be defeated by any means possible."

"Can you just try to tone it down in front of Doctor Akagi?" asked Fuyutsuki from his own position in the room. Oddly enough he sounded both exasperated and amused. "She's having a difficult enough time on her own."

"Oh," said Ranma. "Uhm. I s'pose."

"Did you actually figure out a way to copy the levitation property of some kai... Angels?" asked Fuyutsuki.

Ranma's body didn't budge an inch as he lifted his legs and brought them up as if sitting on a cushion. The distinct lack of falling was well noted by both of the adults.

"I see," said Fuyutsuki.

"Very well. Dismissed," said Gendo.

Fuyutsuki was silent for a few moments after Ranma had sauntered out of the office. "Weren't we supposed to have flying cars by now?"

"Indeed," noted Gendo.

"So he can fly, or at least hover," said Fuyutsuki. "If he can get Unit 01 to do that."

"It would be a very large kite floating at the end of its power cable," noted Gendo. "It doesn't change anything at this point."

* * *

Zettai Ryouiki was an obvious moe to use, and so Rei moved to acquire the necessary materials with her usual efficiency.

An old-fashioned sailor fuku might be suitable, but considering the school uniform was rated rather poorly on the forum she found it listed on - unlikely to be something she could utilize without being obvious.

Rei Ayanami considered before purchasing some of these 'thigh high' white socks. Perhaps a pair of these 'fashion glasses' would enhance the image she was attempting to put forward.

Perhaps.

_Oh, is that Maya Ibuki leading Doctor Akagi into the store? Perhaps they were attempting to upgrade their own moe factor. I should observe in order to better understand the subtleties involved._

* * *

"She's shopping for what?" asked Asuka.

"Apparently she's shopping for 'moe'," said Misato, loading beer into her fridge.

"What's a 'moe'?" asked Asuka, wondering if she needed some.

"It's a Japanese mangling of a term in an old song, I think. Mony Mony by Tommy James and the Shondells," said Misato, not knowing the answer herself. "Mony Mony. Moe Moe."

Asuka considered that, but old songs were hardly her area of expertise. _More Japanese weirdness no doubt. They find an idea they like, then adopt it as their own and mangle it in some way._

"Oh by the way, I ran into a couple of you down at the market," said Misato. "One of them was complaining about how so many of the other Asuka were bustier than she was."

Asuka growled slightly and accidently crushed the juice box in her hand. Which sent the contents spraying down on Pen Pen as he waddled by.

Pen Pen merely directed a flat look at Asuka before turning around and heading back towards the bathroom.

"You're going to clean that up, right?" asked Misato of Asuka.

* * *

Fuyutsuki was finding his "ignore distraction" talent taking a hit.

MiRa was currently making a series of trills as it/she orbitted his office, and he had just finally placed the tune.

It was "And The Merry Go Round Broke Down" - which did very little for his peace of mind.

"Shouldn't you go be bothering Doctor Akagi?" asked Fuyutsuki finally.

MiRa stopped and the "d8" shape shifted around to a series of other geometric forms.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand you," said Fuyutsuki, who also didn't understand how MiRa kept getting out of containment either.

MiRa flitted over to a TV monitor, which turned itself on.

Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow at that display. "You can manipulate electromagnetic fields... oddly enough that makes sense with the big version able to do a particle beam."

Darth Vader's image appeared on the screen. "You have no idea of the power of a Darkside."

"Oh really? Around here?" asked Fuyutsuki.

The TV image changed. Ricky Ricardo slapped his forehead. "Ay caramba!"

Fuyutsuki nodded. "Agreed. What about Ranma Ikari? Perhaps you could go visit him."

MiRa spun rapidly and the image on the screen changed again. "Up up and away!"

Watching the little thing go zipping off, Fuyutsuki shook his head. "Kids."

* * *

Ranma would be quick to point out that the Saotome School emphasized manueverability and mid-air attacks. That wasn't the real reason he was doing what he was doing though.

His new special manuever was COOL!

Not to mention he could save money once he got his speed up. Buses? Trains? Boats? Bypass the whole thing. Proceed directly to awesome, don't bother with the mundane stuff.

And if he ever got home after this, just imagine the possibilities!

"!" said a crystal d8 as it came alongside him.

"Yo, thanks for the help figuring this out," said Ranma, thinking that might be what the little guy was after.

MiRa sounded off a quick series of notes, but Ranma didn't recognize what it was supposed to be.

"Hey, big Rami had that blast attack," realized Ranma. "You got anything like that?"

The noise from MiRa sounded interrogative.

"Well, who am I to complain if you want to keep a secret manuever secret?" asked Ranma.

MiRa made a noise vaguely like a raspberry.

"Whatever," said Ranma, whose expression went mischievous. "How about a game of tag?"

MiRa made an interrogative noise, then shot a quick bolt of lightning at nothing in particular.

"Uhm, here," said Ranma, diving down and then coming up with a sheet. "You can try to grab this. I'll just tie this in place."

MiRa tried to tag the cloth, missed, then gave something akin to a squeal of delight as Ranma got serious about evading.

* * *

"I'm not that fond of Yebisu," said Asuka as she stood on the rooftop, looking across the roofs at Tokyo-3.

"After what we've been through, we need a good beer," said Ritsuko Akagi.

"Well, that's just it. This isn't a bad Japanese beer, but I prefer a good German lager if I can get it," protested Asuka.

"Just be grateful for this," said Ritsuko, who then stopped talking to down a good half of the can at once.

Asuka wasn't about to come in second place and chugged at least three quarters of it.

"Oh hey. Didn't see you there."

Asuka and Ritsuko lowered their cans of beer to stare at Ranma. Hovering in midair for a moment, before taking off at high speed again - with a red cape fluttering behind him.

Asuka and Ritsuko stood there for a few moments, getting another glimpse of red caped streak flying amongst the buildings.

* * *

A/N: "Mony Mony" is a real song, but i'd always thought they were saying 'mo-ay' and then when 'moe' became a real term - it became hard for me NOT to hear that word used.

Someone ought to do a music video.

Byrne's Pie Factory and Mackay Australia are likewise real places. Never been there, but i've listened to one of their radio stations when i'm at work in a clean room a few times. Thought i'd toss them in since i get a few readers from that part of the world.


	18. Chapter 18: Asuka's Run

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Asuka's Run.

* * *

Asuka Langley Soryu was quite intelligent, when she applied herself and wanted to be. Ever since she'd come to Japan, she had been trying to make sense of a world that had made less and less sense.

A rational explanation for her world getting thrown upside-down or at least seriously sideways was something she wanted very much.

Asuka lowered the can of Yebisu carefully onto the railing outside of the apartment and considered what she had just seen. "You know. That was completely impossible. On the other hand, it makes sense."

Ritsuko grabbed the can that Asuka had just set down and drained it in a very rapid manner.

"So, Ranma Ikari is a strange visitor from another planet," said Asuka thoughtfully. "That would explain why he can beat my synchronization scores."

"Ranma Ikari is NOT from Krypton. Krypton doesn't exist," said Ritsuko. "I can draw blood from him. The needles don't bend... well except for the first three times I tried but once he relaxed some..."

"Uh huh," said Asuka thoughtfully. "Okay. Where's my Batmobile?"

"Excuse me?!" asked Ritsuko. "I am not nearly drunk enough for this conversation."

"I can drive you know," said Asuka.

"You're too young for a license," noted Ritsuko, who then hung her head. "For that matter, so am I now. Damn Angels."

"So... no Batmobile?" asked Asuka.

"No," said Ritsuko.

"I suppose an Invisible Plane is out of the question," said Asuka.

"Why are you going on about this?" asked Ritsuko.

"Can I at least get a decent beer instead of this post-Impact Japanese stuff?" asked Asuka.

"I know a place that has German beers on tap," said Ritsuko.

"Will they let us in?" asked Asuka.

"We'll have to find out, won't we?" asked Ritsuko.

"Lead on," said Asuka.

There was silence for a few minutes as the two left. It was only after they were on the bus that Asuka broke that silence.

"I suppose that exposure to an Angel's AT field could trigger super powers is too much to hope for."

"Ranma Ikari is NOT Superman!" shouted Ritsuko, raising her head to face the ceiling of the bus.

When she brought her head back down, she was aware that everyone else on the bus was staring at her.

* * *

"I remember when Japan used to be a lot more crowded," said UN Corporal Grace Dimore.

"Whole world used to be a lot more crowded," said UN Sergeant Naomi Jefferson. "Smoke?"

The Corporal rummaged in a pocket and pulled out her pack.

"That's one thing about Japan at least, no anti-smoking laws to speak of," said the Sergeant, taking one cigarette and passing the pack back.

"Just be sure you don't drop the butt somewhere," said the Corporal, thumb jerking towards one of the 'hidden' cameras stashed throughout the city. "The fines are nearly criminal in and of themselves."

"Yeah, I know. I..."

Corporal Dimore heard her immediate supervisor's voice trail off and glanced at her. On seeing her supervisor staring at something, she also looked in that direction.

"It's... a bird?" asked the Sergeant, sounding almost hopeful.

"It's a plane?" asked Corporal Dimore, sounding resigned.

Corporal Dimore glanced away from the Absolute Impossibility and over at Sergeant Jefferson. Sergeant Jefferson looked back.

The two sighed and just went ahead and said it in unison. "It's Superman..."

There was brief silence as the two watched the red cape flutter behind the flying youth until he ducked behind a tall building.

"Are you going to call it in?" asked the Corporal.

"Me?" asked the Sergeant.

"You're the ranking officer," pointed out the Corporal.

"Why not you?" asked the Sergeant.

"They'd just assume I'd gotten into the Scotch again," said the Corporal.

"But..."

The radio crackled briefly. "Uhm. Did anyone else see something that was a flagrant copyright violation?"

Corporal Dimore picked up the radio and spoke into it. "Post 34. Unidentified Flying Object?"

"Post 33. Hi, Corporal. No, the problem is that I could identify it," said the voice over the radio.

"Roger that," said Corporal Dimore.

"Uhm. That's not an Angel is it?" asked Post 33. "Because I tell you, if Godzilla shows up next, I'm going AWOL."

"Don't. Tempt. Fate." Corporal Dimore shuddered.

Another voice came over the radio. "Post 35. Uhm, guys. Did anyone else hear the rumors about that Ikari guy's son?"

Another, more authoritarian, voice sounded over the radio. "All posts, cease chatter. Either report or keep silence."

Dimore set the radio down and looked in the direction the caped guy had vanished behind a skyscraper. "What do you think, Sergeant?"

"As soon as we're relieved, I'm going to get so drunk I won't remember this day," said the Sergeant.

"Besides that," said Corporal Dimore.

"If this is a new anti-Angel weapon," said the Sergeant, "I'm gonna feel a lot better about our chances of winning. Also, that it's a good thing New York is under water. Otherwise DC would be levelling lawsuits on NERV so fast even a Superman couldn't keep up."

* * *

"What?! I'm missing six cans of Yebisu! I'm down to twelve! Someone's going to pay for this."

"Wark!" protested Pen-Pen.

* * *

Her name was Kensuke Aida and she was a military otaku.

"Damn it. I think they're still growing."

Her father seemed to retreat a bit further behind his newspaper somehow without moving at all. Unless you counted twitching.

"This is so screwed up," said Kensuke, adjusting her glasses. "And what's with the cramping?"

The newspaper twitched again.

"Bleah, I'm fourteen, I guess, it's just I didn't really expect this thing to happen." Kensuke glanced at the paper. "I'm gonna need a little money for some supplies."

Twitch again.

"Unless you want to come with me," said Kensuke.

The money appeared as close to instant as made no difference.

Kensuke pocketed the money and went to her room. Since she had been a he not too long ago, that she was just fumbling her way through things wasn't too unexpected.

An airvent creaked open and a young Rei Ayanami stuck her head out, looking around briefly before turning her head back towards the crawlspace. "Not the right apartment."

"Well," said Rei Ayanami's voice from within the ductwork. "Okay, let's try the left turn this time."

"Right," said young-Rei, meeting Kensuke's eyes and then holding one finger over her lips. She vanished within the air duct, the vent closing behind her, and there was the sound of someone moving around briefly.

"Oh hell," said Kensuke, facepalming. "Nobody told me you got hallucinations too!"

* * *

Rei watched as Ranma Ikari settled to the ground. "Can I learn that?"

"Uhm, yeah, eventually," said Ranma. "It's an advanced technique though."

"Then it is something to look forward to," indicated Rei softly.

"What's with the glasses anyway?" asked Ranma.

"Trying to change appearance and determine the optimal set required to fit roles designated by the chain of command," said Rei.

Ranma considered that, taking the words apart and trying to make sense of them. "So... it's a disguise?"

"Not quite," said Rei. "Optimizing appearance."

"Oh," said Ranma. _Well, at least she's opening up some._

Rei considered this development in regards to her research. Ranma's general behavior pattern was not The Cape, as she had yet to hear of any code of behavior from him. Nor was he the Cowl, though he could sneak in and hit hard as Ramiel could well attest.

"You!" said Misato, coming out of the apartment and finding Rei talking to Ranma. With Ranma standing on the other side of the railing from Rei, and apparently standing on absolutely nothing at all. "Inside!"

"Huh? Why?" asked Ranma.

"Apparently Ritsu saw you flying. Produced her old ID to get into the Gilt Trip."

"Guilt Trip?" asked Rei softly.

"The Gilt Trip - it's a bar," said Misato. Shaking her head at having gotten off topic, she resumed fussing at Ranma. "She got drunk off one bottle of German beer, went crazy, started chasing Asuka around and yelling something about how they're not kaiju and not superheroes and that if Ultraman showed up at some point she's not responsible for her actions."

"Who is Ultraman?" asked Ranma.

"I'll tell you later," said Misato. "Inside before anyone else sees you doing stuff like that. We get enough complaints from the city as it is."

* * *

Israfel didn't actually think in a human manner. As a child of Adam's Egg, it was a being of power that was drawn to Adam. For it to experience human reality at all was literally unthinkable for it.

Nonetheless, it was experiencing something very human. Confusion.

The universe had been changed, shifted, altered. Like a single rock shifting and becoming an avalanche, the changes continued to shift and multiply.

It paused in the ocean depths, unrelenting purpose momentarily lost as one of those changes flicked across senses both more profound and more limited than those of a human.

Above it, unknowing of the leviathan lurking below it, a single fishing vessel drifted. Without knowing that the music blaring from the speakers had found an audience.

Israfel listened, feeling unfamiliar stirrings form within. Something that was not Purpose nor was it Instinct.

What it was, Israfel could not define.

* * *

"The Angel's progress has stopped at this location."

"Do we have any idea why?" asked Fuyutsuki, looking at his computer's monitor as the speakerphone went momentarily quiet.

"No sir, as far as we know there's nothing particularly noteworthy about that section of ocean," said Maya.

"Huh, there must be something though," said Fuyutsuki. _As far as we know, the Angels typically have no higher functions but are supremely creatures of instinct. Except that now, with one surrendering and becoming Makie and another forming a spore/seed that became MiRa, they are developing as something other than simple unstoppable juggernauts. Why, and how, remain._ "What about Doctor Akagi?"

"Safely retrieved from the police drunk tank, sir," said Maya. "She's sleeping it off."

"Good, I'll want to see her as soon as she's recovered," said Fuyutsuki. He regarded the ceiling briefly. "You know, I would have expected the children to be an embarassment to NERV in public if anyone was. Being children after all."

"Well, she is technically a child now," said Maya.

"True," agree Fuyutsuki. "That'll be all for now, Lieutenant."

* * *

The site Television Tropes Japan was something that had been revised several times since Second Impact. No, perhaps it would be better to say that it was in a state of constant revision.

Rei Ayanami did her research while cooling down from the latest set of exercises from martial arts practice.

She had already determined that Asuka was the Rival and the Tsundere. Ranma Ikari was the protaganist.

There were certain requirements for the genre Rei felt that she was in. Which was obviously a Mecha show where the main character was a martial arts hero with Unwanted Harem.

"You've got to be kidding me," said Asuka from behind her. "'Martial Arts And Crafts'?"

"Hmmm," said Ranma from next to Asuka, the two having gotten curious enough by this point to have Rei show them this website. "Martial Arts Tea Ceremony - been there, done that."

"You're kidding me," said Asuka.

"No kidding," said Ranma. "Though that monkey was just plain annoying."

"'Monkey'?" asked Asuka, twitching a little.

"'Martial Arts Cookery' - done that too, but I generally didn't do the higher end stuff. I just adapted what I already knew to the new tools," added Ranma, pointing down a little further on the webpage. "The 'Rhythmic Gymnastics' stuff was mainly tricks using camouflaged weapons. Yeah, and 'Bathhouse Fu' was pretty much the same thing. Using your martial arts skills with different tools and in the different setting. Once you're good enough in the Art - anything can be martial arts."

"'Anything'?" repeated Asuka, disbelief obvious in her tone.

"Yeah, pretty much," said Ranma.

"What about computers?" asked Asuka.

"Hacking, anti-virus, and firewalls take the place of physical manuevers, but the principles remain," offered Rei.

"Whoa," said Asuka, considering that for several moments. "So most of these styles could simply be specializations for highly skilled martial artist types?"

"I wouldn't call all of 'em that skilled," hedged Ranma.

Asuka nodded. Put THAT way, it made sense. And frankly, the way life had been lately - anything that made sense was to be appreciated. "So where's this 'soon dare' thing?"

Rei had a feeling this was going to get loud.

* * *

"So have you decided what outfit to get Asuka to wear for her lap around NERV HQ?"

Maya nodded with a smile that would have concerned Asuka greatly had she been present for it.

Ritsuko thought for a few moments. "Can I help?" No reason for all the suffering to fall on HER after all.

"Well, I suppose..." said Maya.

* * *

"I AM NOT!"

Ranma looked at the description, looked at Asuka, looked thoughtful, and didn't say a thing because he was busy going through all the women he knew and trying to figure them out with regard to this new information.

"I AM NOT TSUNDERE!" insisted Asuka. "I am perfectly aware of my feelings on any subject and capable of addressing them honestly!"

"Denial is the mark of a tsundere," whispered Rei.

"What is THAT supposed to mean?!" declared Asuka. "I-"

Asuka's cellphone began to ring.

"Yeah? This is she," said Asuka into the phone. "No, I was just telling them that I'm NOT tsundere no matter what this weird website... Eh? You're ready for my what? Oh."

Ranma reached past Rei and clicked a link, making a "hmmm" noise as he read the description.

"'Shinji 1/2'?" asked Rei, wondering if that was a clue to something about Ranma.

"Oh, just curious about something," said Ranma.

"Fine, tomorrow morning it is," said Asuka, not sounding too happy about whatever it was she was discussing.

* * *

"WHAT?!" asked Asuka, loudly enough that Ranma and Rei could hear from where they were waiting.

"This does not bode well," said Rei, remarking on the half of the conversation they could hear.

"Uh huh," agreed Ranma.

"Or it could just be expected behavior from a tsundere," noted Rei.

"Well, maybe I guess," agreed Ranma.

"NO! I CAN'T POSSIBLY WEAR THAT!"

"Does she require assistance?" asked Rei.

"Good idea, Rei. Go do it," said Ranma. Not that having Rei holding onto his arm was painful or anything. Just he kept looking for someone with a mallet or other blunt object of opportunity.

"I see," said Rei, taking out a notebook and jotting something down.

Ranma tried to peek at it, but wasn't sure what half the terms were. He was betting they were on that one website, and that it would result in more problems than he really wanted to contemplate if he DID understand them.

"Very well," said Rei finally. "I shall attempt to pursue this girl-bonding moment. Do you suppose I should massage her mammaries? That seems to happen in some of the reference materials."

Ranma stared at the girl who'd just suggested that in a flat monotone. "Ah. No. I don't think that'd be a good idea."

* * *

The room was in an undisclosed location. It was connected through a labyrinth of electronic connections to several similar rooms hidden across the world.

Around the table, holographic monoliths formed one after the other - with only numbers to indicate something of identity of those meeting. Because, at this level of conspiracy, paranoia was simply a part of their being for so long it was hardly noticeable to them.

"You have something to call this meeting, 06?" asked Keele Lorenz, one of the few who showed his face. The others might occasionally use one of their minions as their face, but when you'd survived as many assassins as he had - he was quite prepared to show his face just to spite such enemies.

"Yes. Quite troubling. Physics on the quantum level is showing a change. A small one, barely noticeable at even our technological level, but measurable and worldwide."

"How could that be?" asked 05. "Some Angel attack?"

"No. The first readings were made about the time that first attack on Tokyo-3 occurred," said 06. "Those involved simply flagged it as an anomaly. With my own connections, I was able to determine the scope of the shift."

"If it occurred at that time, perhaps it is related to the appearance of the Angels and the regularity of their appearance since that time," offered 07.

"Negative," said 06. "Oh, I thought the same thing. We get similar shifts when there is a strong enough AT field activated. This is different though, and it does not fluctuate when Angels DO appear."

"What does this mean then?" aksed Keele.

"I believe it is related to Third Impact," said 06.

"But Third Impact hasn't occured yet," noted 05.

"There was always a chance in the math that ripples from such an event could backtrack in time," said 06.

"So you're saying this means we won, and Instrumentality occurs as scheduled?" asked 07.

"Perhaps," admitted 06. "Though I'm wondering if perhaps it wasn't another outcome that did this."

Keele considered that for a moment, weighing the data now streaming across his monitors. "Stay vigilant. If this does indicate our success, best we do nothing to subvert that."

One after the other of the monoliths vanished, recognizing the dismissal in the tone. Soon it was down to Keele and 06.

"I know you've never favored the Instrumentality concept," stated Keele. "Is this all true?"

"I have signed on, and serve to the best of my ability," said 06. "That I think melding humanity together as a single entity is insane is beside the point. This continuing fluctuation on the quantum level is... concerning."

"Then get back to your research Doctor," said Keele. "Get me answers."

* * *

"AAGHHHHH! Let go of my boobs!"

"I slipped."

"This is something off that website isn't it?"

Ritsuko looked at Maya, saw she was doing the Gendo pose, and knew exactly what was coming.

"Exactly as planned."

"Pfeh, yeah right, like you could have planned this," said Asuka, hitting the button that cinched the suit up tight against her. "What exactly is this?"

"A replication of a costume from a Pre-Impact series called 'Sailor Moon' specifically the costume of Sailor Mars," said Maya.

"I can make this outfit look good, but running in it is another story," said Asuka.

"Well, what about this?" asked Maya, holding a different outfit out.

"Oh," said Rei as the uniform was taken off and tossed into a trashcan. "I liked that."

"Not your color," offered Maya.

"A plugsuit with armor?" asked Asuka, poking at one of the plates. "Kevlar?"

Maya nodded.

Asuka got a momentarily evil expression. "Vunderbar."

* * *

Fuyutsuki looked at the report, checked the design specs, and made a grunting noise. "At least she's doing this on her own time. Hmmm."

The way the plates were made to adjust to the user, and the integral plug connections within the cowl, and with the utility belt having its own power supply...

"How long was she planning this?" asked Fuyutsuki.

* * *

"Honestly?" asked Maya after Asuka had asked the same question. "Ever since I realized that the Entry Plug's life support could be compromised and battery power depleted. I also came up with some of the secondary systems over the past few months - but there was never any budget and everything got shot down in the approval process. I gave up after the first three tries."

"Well, honestly, it isn't bad," said Asuka after adjusting her hair. "Though the cape is kinda corny and feels thick."

"I was going to make it deployable as a parachute but ran into some problems with the materials," said Maya with a shrug.

"See, Wondergirl?" Asuka asked Rei. "I can make anything look good."

Exiting the locker room, Asuka was well aware of Ranma staring and if anything preened a little more at the attention. _Not that it means anything, of course!_

At which point, wearing the Batgirl costume, Asuka began stretching out prior to her run.


	19. Chapter 19: Tsundere

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
Chapter 19: Tsundere

* * *

Asuka strode into the bay as if she owned it.

"WHAT are you wearing?!" asked one of the techs.

"A modified armored plugsuit," said Asuka. "Why, what does it look like?"

"The Batgirl costume from the 1960s TV series," answered the technician, eyes wide as she looked it over.

"Well, that too, but this modified suit has this utility belt with extra gadgets," said Asuka, pointing proudly at it. "There's an extra oxygen supply and mask. Grapnel and line for if the Eva loses power and I have to get out. Little medical kit with single dose over-the-counter meds sealed in airtight plastic, just in case..."

"Oh," said the technician, looking more interested now and less shocked. "Were those changes approved of?"

"Get this sort of thing through the various approval boards?" asked Asuka, giving the tech her #4 "Are You Stupid Or Something?" look.

"Right, the ones that are still arguing about progressive swords versus naginata style weapons versus just sticking with knives," said the technician with a nod. "Never mind."

Asuka had already moved forward and regarded the monitors. "So the Angel is finally here? Where?"

The tech wasn't sure if this was a rhetorical question or not. As the images on the monitors were all from beachside cameras and just showing water, she allowed that it might be serious. "Under the water. Sonar has it located, it was going quite quickly for something so massive - apparently expending considerable energy to attain those speeds."

"So naturally, the displacement of water and pressure waves made it even more obvious and easy to find," said Asuka, a slight frown appearing in place. "Any energy drop in the target?"

"Above my paygrade apparently, though that was my first question too," admitted the tech. "Hey, if it's winded from 'sprinting' - that'll make your job easier."

Asuka considered that before nodding. "Doesn't seem right, but this IS all about survival."

"Unit 01 and Unit 00 are standing by, Unit 02 will deploy," came a voice from the overhead speakers.

"All right!" declared Asuka with predatory smile. "Time to show what I can really do!"

* * *

"I thought the original plan was to deploy all three EVA since all three of them are working at the moment," said Misato, turning to the Commander.

"Due to information which has recently come to my attention," said Gendo. "We will have only Unit 02 engage at the beginning, holding the other two units until needed."

"What information?" asked Misato.

"Classified," said Gendo simply, turning his attention to the screen.

* * *

"All right you," said Asuka in Unit 02, beginning a running leap that ended with her axe coming down and chopping the Angel in half. "Clean and elegant. Like a fight should be."

At which point the Angel became two Angels.

"WHAT?!" demanded Asuka.

* * *

"Shouldn't we launch the remaining Eva now?" asked Misato.

"What happens if both of those halves split?" asked Ritsuko.

"What is that one Angel doing to Unit 02?" asked Hyoga.

"It looks like tag team wrestling," noted Shigeru.

"Launch Unit 01 and Unit 00," said Gendo, sounding reluctant. "Instruct him not to cut the Angel in half."

"Yeah, that might be bad," admitted Misato. "If each piece became another Angel, that might be a problem."

"There's only two cores," pointed out Ritsuko.

"Shouldn't you be in your plugsuit?" asked Misato innocently. Well, maybe not so innocently.

"She's right," chimed in Maya.

"But..." Ritsuko looked around for any support but everyone was even busier at their consoles.

"Whoa," said Maya suddenly as one of the kaiju did something unexpected. "The Human Metronome Attack. I've never seen it done before. Except in old American cartoons."

"Poor Asuka," said Misato.

"BLEARGHHHH!" interjected Asuka over the intercom.

"Did she just throw up in the entry plug? Now that's really going to be a pain to clean," said Maya.

"Unit 01 and Unit 00 have just arrived," noted Makoto. "Moving into position."

* * *

"Okay, you two," said Ranma in Unit 01. "Nobody likes a bully."

Asuka groaned in the currently prone Unit 02. "Don't interfere in my fight."

"Tsundere," said Rei.

* * *

Makoto blinked. "Did Rei just call Asuka a tsundere?"

"I heard it too," said one of the other techs present.

Several technicians thought about it.

"I don't see the relevance of Pilot Soryuu being a tsundere on the operation," pointed out Fuyutsuki.

"Well, no, it's more the novelty of REI making such an observation," said Makoto.

"And currently the two Angels are just facing off against the two remaining Evangelion," pointed out Shigeru. "It's like a samurai duel with everyone waiting for someone to move."

"Misato! This is the 'Angel Of The Dance' right?" asked Ranma over the radio.

"Uhm, yeah," confirmed Misato, checking. "Israfel is the name the Magi designated. Kaiju Wiki says the twin angels of Poetry, Music, and Dance."

"It's not a kaiju!" automatically protested Ritsuko, who then frowned. "There's a wiki?!"

"Well, I'm no good at poetry, that's more Kuno's thing, but Dance is movement synchronized to a beat," said Ranma. "We got loudspeakers in the area to do the alerts and evacuation stuff, right?"

"To see if music can soothe the savage beast?" asked Misato. "Well, if it keeps the damage from escalating..."

* * *

From various loudspeakers and public address systems in an area of Tokyo-3 came Beethoven's "Pastorale."

The two Angels/kaiju blinked, turned towards each other, and blinked again.

Finally, one of them raised a claw and the nearest loudspeaker exploded.

* * *

"Okay, we got a reaction - but maybe not Beethoven," said Shigeru.

"If we can get it to react to music," mused Fuyutsuki out loud, "it may be possible to lure it outside the city for the actual fight. Thereby sparing millions from our budget."

Gendo had been frowning more and more but suddenly relaxed as he considered the potential goodwill this might generate. Not to mention the better press when the inevitable conflict between NERV and SEELE occurred.

"Let's see," said Shigeru. "Dance? Maybe this..."

"That's not... are you serious?" asked Ritsuko Akagi.

* * *

The Angel(s) was/were not the only ones staring at the Jumbotron and speakers that were broadcasting. Ranma, Rei, and even Asuka (who'd recovered somewhat as the Angels were no longer playing Tag Team Beatdown on her) were all staring.

"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,  
I'm a woman's man, no time to talk."

"I'm being saved by disco," muttered Asuka into her radio microphone. "What's next, am I going to be menaced by rabid kaiju gerbils?"

"Music loud and women warm.  
I've been kicked around since I was born.  
And now it's all right, it's O.K.  
And you may look the other way.  
We can try to understand.  
The New York Times' effect on man."

"Hey I know this one," said Ranma, beginning to dance.

"What?" asked Asuka, clearly not sure how to deal with the situation.

"One of them random challengers with a weird martial arts style," said Ranma, continuing to move in time with the music. "Capioera based but with Martial Arts Ballroom Dancing and knives hidden in the shoes - stuff like that."

"Ah, the 'Martial Arts and Crafts' trope," said Rei, her Eva crossing her arms in front of her and nodding.

The Angels seemed to get mad and responded by... moving in time to the music and copying Ranma.

Which lasted until Asuka lost her temper and lashed out with her legs, sweeping the two Angels off their feet. Oddly enough, it looked like a breakdancing move.

In perfect synch, Rei and Ranma drew progressive knives and jabbed them into the cores.

"See," said Asuka, a bit shakily. "Clean and elegant. Just like I said."

* * *

"What part of that was clean and elegant?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"Well, we got the kaiju..." began Misato.

"ANGEL!" insisted Ritsuko.

"... and that has to count for something, right?" continued Misato.

"How come one of them turned into LCL and the other just sort of crystallized?" asked Shigeru.

"More research projects," said Maya.

* * *

"What is it?" asked the one in back.

"I think, these are what they call 'toys'," said the one in front.

"We should investigate," said the third.

"Yes, we should," agreed the other two in perfect harmony, nodding once.

"What are these?" asked Ree-1 in a breathy voice, going over the collection of "action figures" from the "Negima" game that had come out recently.

"What is this?" asked Ree-2 curiously, poking with one index finger the large stuffed bear.

"What is this?" asked Ree-3, going to a battery-powered dog.

"Oooh," ooohed all three Ree as they tried to figure out the flashy game console currently doing a demo of Dance Dance Revolution VI.

"Ahhh," ahhed all three Ree as they observed another one with the logo "Grand Theft Auto XIII: Tokyo-3 Edition."

"Where's your parents?" asked the store manager on seeing three unattended girls in the stores. Triplets obviously, but there was some sort of Unearthly quality he couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't the weird hair color, they were quite close to Harajuku-3 and he'd seen far stranger. It wasn't the odd eye color or pale skin, as he had spent four years in a college where such things were certainly unremarkable. Possibly they were "ai no ko" - the child of a Japanese parent and someone from abroad. More common after Second Impact than had been previous.

"Daddy's not here," said Ree-1, which the store manager interpreted as meaning he was dead or had fled Tokyo-3.

"Mommy's pinned to a cross in a lake of LCL," said Ree-2, which the manager wasn't quite sure what to make of.

"Second Mother is working on a plan to save all mankind," said Ree-3.

"Ah," said the manager, interpreting that last as meaning that the 'second mother' worked for NERV and was probably called off unexpectedly on business. Terribly irresponsible to leave the kids behind, but he'd met a few absent-minded professorial types over the years and it was entirely too easy to see such a thing happening. "Do you know how to read?"

"Yes," said all three Ree.

"Here's the manual," said the manager, noting that there were no other customers at the moment. He made sure the game was locked on "Parental Filtering" and entered a quick password. Then he pointed to the manuals. It would be boring at that level, and so they'd move on to the dance game or something else soon. Which was really for the better.

At which point a customer entered the store and the manager became severely sidetracked.

Ree-1 blinked, went into the parental controls, bypassed the Parental Filtering, and began playing while the other two looked on.

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, several people who had minor esper abilities laying latent within them experienced a pronounced feeling of doom.

* * *

"Ryoji Kaji. It's been years. How are you doing?"

"Oh. I'm sorry, have we met...?!" Ryoji Kaji could usually smooth over things quickly. He tended to act like a womanizing jerk, all the while his mind was working on taking things apart and analyzing. He was also somewhat scruffy and that caused many to underestimate him. He supposed that was because it gave him a certain lazy and careless air, and it was easy to overlook that he'd survived as a spy for years associating with VERY dangerous and paranoid people around.

To startle him took some doing.

The appearance of Yui Ikari, here in a back room where communications cables crisscrossed each other amongst dim inadequately maintained lighting? Yeah, that was enough to cause him to stop and re-evaluate a few things.

"A Toshiba TN-4750?" asked Yui, glancing at the device splicing two of the cables. "Old but serviceable. Surprised you wouldn't use a TN-4810."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," lied Kaji.

"I'm sure," said Yui. "Be careful, Kaji. The game is very dangerous, and the rewards not really worth it in the end."

"They seldom are," admitted Kaji. "Not that I know what you're talking about, or how you're even here. Aren't you dead?"

"Not quite, and the question is actually more complicated than you realize," countered Yui. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got two hundred and fifty seven things on my 'to do' list."

"Something like that myself," admitted Kaji.

"One thing though," said Yui, stopping as she was ready to exit the utility room. "The passcode is 'Also sprach Zarathustra' the 'Sunrise' portion."

"'Passcode'?" asked Kaji.

"You'll know it when you find it," said Yui. "Gendo always did have a fondness for the dramatic."

"I've seen his office," said Kaji drily. "I noticed."

* * *

Kyoko Mihara glanced to the side at her coworker, but kept her main attention directly upon her task.

Some had commented on her appearance in the past. She was unusually tall for a Japanese woman, her hair was more brownish than was strictly normal, she had a large bust, and she typically wore her hair in a ponytail. She stood out amongst the various workers in Technical Division #2 in more than one respect, even when wearing an orange safety suit that basically concealed everything below her neck.

"Beginning initial drill in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1."

Kyoko flicked the switch that started the appropriate process, keeping an eye on the monitor to make sure everything went smoothly. This was largely automatic though, so she could ponder something that had been bothering her.

_Daihaku Sugimoto. One of the biggest geeks in the admittedly nerdish Technical Division #2. Who keeps trying to start up a conversation with me for some reason. What is going on with him? _

"And... we're at proper depth. Take five people, we're collecting initial data and forwarding to Research Division. Probe insertion in ten minutes."

Green eyes flicked to the side. Here Daihaku came again, obviously nervous about something. _I hope he actually gets whatever is bothering him out in the open. Does he know I grabbed the wrong lunch the other day? Does he know I've got a vintage tankubon collection of the Sailor Moon manga and used to cosplay as Sailor Jupiter when I was a __lot__ younger? Does he know my doctoral thesis involved the practicality of Gundam's mobile suits versus the Armslaves seen in series like "Full Metal Panic"? Do I have spinach on my teeth or something?_

Taking a glance at the large crystallized kaiju in the bay, Daihaku took a deep breath before speaking. "Mihara-san. Kyoko. I just wanted to ask if-"

_CRACK!_ went the large crystalline statue of Israfel.

_BOOM!_ went a large sphere as it slammed into the flooring way below the catwalks.

Alarms began blaring, lights began flashing.

Daihaku slumped in place, staring at the flooring for a moment before sighing and going back to his station.

* * *

Theia, also known as the Black Moon, had arrived four billion years previously and brought the Seed of Life to this world.

The White Moon had already been present. Both moons were not to be on a single planet, which set the conflict to begin with.

The children of the White Moon, Adam's progeny, had no minds or ability to build or create. They had Power and could evolve to new needs and abilities.

The children of the Black Moon lacked Power. They had minds, individuality, and the ability to manipulate their environment. They were able to overcome difficulties and obstacles in their way by creating ways around such, or ways of overcoming such through their minds.

Something had changed in the world. The values were no longer absolute.

In the depths of the ocean, it had experienced awe. It had experienced stirrings which should not have been. It was imperfect. The Song of the Brethren was different.

So it had prepared. Just in case.

Now it had spawned a smaller version of itself. One that was easier to hide. There was value in these Lillim. They could make things and take different paths.

Now it wanted a path of its own. To no longer be bound to the single path before oneself, that was the greatest strength of the Lillim.

The music that it had heard had spoken to it. That perhaps, just perhaps, it could find another path itself.

And now there WAS a path that it must find and it must take. After all, to find that path meant life must continue.

"There it is, get it!"

Israfel danced, leaping and twisting among the catwalks and scrambling up a cable. Tools of the Lillim, they served his needs now.

"We've got it now, those ventilation ducts are too small for it to fit through!"

An opening protected by a barricade. The barricade fell to its strength and the opening was small but manageable.

"How the hell did it fit through that?! It's maybe two feet across and one foot high!"

"Go around! It's gotta come out somewhere!"

"Uhm, shouldn't we ask if it wants to defect? I mean, look at how Makie turned out."

"We can't just... ok, maybe."

"Too late now, we better find the kaiju spawn..."

"What's wrong?"

"Did you hear some feminine voice in the distance scream something about 'angels'?"

"Nah, you're imagining things."

* * *

"Israfel has escaped?" said Gendo Ikari, his voice sounding completely unsurprised.

"Yes, it is currently in Harajuku-3," said Fuyutsuki, placing a few photos down.

"It has mutated into a somewhat female creature with purple hair?" asked Gendo.

"Uhm, no, that's one of the humans," said Fuyutsuki.

Gendo blinked. "Which one is Israfel?"

"That large shape in the background playing a guitar," said Fuyutsuki.

Gendo blinked for a moment, took off his glasses, then rubbed his eyes.

"Section Two operatives caught up with the mini-angel at 2100 hours last night," said Fuyutsuki. "After determining that the Angel is playing lead guitar in a power metal band, they decided to keep the subject under observation."

"I see," said Gendo, still rubbing his eyes. "Their conclusion is?"

"A quick learner, very skilled, and 'Animetal II' apparently has a record deal now," said Fuyutsuki. "A member of Section Two managed to contact the studio and negotiated a deal where NERV is now poised to get a substantial cut of revenue."

Gendo stopped rubbing his eyes for a moment. "One of our operatives negotiated a contract involving an Angel playing in a power metal band in Harajuku-3."

"Yes," said Fuyutsuki. "I'm debating whether to fire him or commend him for extreme cleverness. This does give us the opportunity for further observation of the Angel. We even have their concert dates."

Gendo put his glasses back on and stared at Fuyutsuki for a few moments. Fuyutsuki, used to such things, merely raised an eyebrow.

"Can we leak this to SEELE?" asked Gendo thoughtfully. "This might cause some of those old farts to have a heart attack and quietly pass away."

"I'll try to arrange that," said Fuyutsuki.

"Other than that," said Gendo finally. "This doesn't change our scenario."

"No, it doesn't," admitted Fuyutsuki. "From samples of blood and skin scrapings left behind, Israfel is no longer completely an Angel and has begun mutating to a human or at least near-human existence. Albeit it still looks very different."

"Perhaps the data obtained would actually be of benefit," said Gendo. "What's that?"

"A tape sample," said Fuyutsuki, hitting the 'Play' button and letting the music go.

"Israfel is 'tapping'?" asked Gendo.

"Quick learner," repeated Fuyutsuki.

Gendo frowned after the music shifted and became more recognizable. "A heavy metal cover of 'Silent Survivor'?"

"Strangely appro, isn't it?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"If needed, a sniper can take care of the Angel at this point," said Gendo. "Therefore, I see no reason to waste more resources than absolutely necessary on this."

Fuyutsuki nodded. "Repairs on the Evangelion units were minor and are expected to be complete at 0900 hours. Rei will be undergoing backup operations today, starting at 0930 and continuing on for the standard twenty-four hours. You have a video conference at 1000 local-time with SEELE. Should I hold off on leaking the information on Israfel until after the meeting?"

"Indeed," said Gendo. "The rest of my day I'll be unfortunately attending to various matters out of the office and will not be able to be reached. That would be a good time."

"Understood," said Fuyutsuki.

* * *

"So, can you teach me to fly?" asked Asuka.

MiRa made a plaintive bleep.

"I think you've got something wrong," said Asuka over her shoulder to Rei. In her opinion, that had not sounded like encouragement from the little floating Christmas-tree-ornament.

"What error have you observed?" asked Rei.

"Look, I'm not saying something silly like we're in some TV series or manga or something," said Asuka. "I'm just saying that if we WERE though, I think you've got the wrong kind of series!"

"Really?" asked Rei. "What kind of series?"

"We have giant robots defending Earth from a menace," said Asuka, holding up one finger. "We have a hotshot pilot, myself of course."

"Self-delusions are typical of the tsundere role," noted Rei quietly.

"What was that?" asked Asuka.

"Accumulating further data," said Rei. "You were saying?"

"Uhm, right," said Asuka, adding another finger. "You've got the Emotionless Girl, that's you. We have the Skilled Rival, that's Ranma."

"My hypothesis was that we find ourselves within a niche best explained as a 'giant robot' series with the recent subcategorizations of 'harem comedy' and 'martial arts' as of Ranma Ikari's arrival," said Rei.

"Hah! As if!" retorted Asuka. "Clearly you missed my third point!"

"That would be because you haven't made it yet," noted Rei.

"In any case, this would clearly be a shojo series - starring as it does a strong female lead," said Asuka.

"I had Misato typed as the 'Bottle Fairy' actually," said Rei.

"Well, she certainly drinks enough," noted Asuka. "Though I don't think she's into girls."

"An interesting theory," said Rei, making a note to research this aspect of Misato's past. Could she and Ritsuko Akagi have been more than friends? Were benefits involved? And if so, was it for the health care package?

"No, I meant myself as the strong female lead," said Asuka. "Isn't that right, Ranma? Ranma? Wait a minute. When did he disappear and where did this Ranma-plushy come from?"

"Kawarimi no jutsu," noted Rei. "More support for the 'Ranma is actually a ninja hero in a mecha show' theory."

"Wha? 'Ninja'?" asked Asuka. "Whatever. I'm going to my room. I think my 'weirdness tolerance level' has been exceeded."

Rei continued to type for a few minutes at her laptop, then a faint smile appeared on her face. "Exactly as planned."

* * *

"Dude, where's my car?"

"Would you believe three identical little girls came out of nowhere, jimmied the lock, hotwired it and drove it off?"

"It's Harajuku-3, man. Of course I'd believe something like that. I just hope they don't scratch it. I just finished getting an Itasha paint job on there."

"Yeah, I been wanting to talk to you about that. Ain't Itasha supposed to be cute anime babes and such? Stormtroopers? Darth Vader?"

"Don't forget the TIE fighters flying over the Death Star, man. It was bitchin'."

* * *

"Sir, we're getting intermittent AT Field generation within Tokyo-3. Magi have not been able to determine a pattern."

Fuyutsuki looked into the depths of his teacup, ignoring the bridge personnel for a moment as he contemplated the beverage. He wasn't sure how or why, but the automated dispensers had suddenly begun producing really high quality beverages instead of things which simply tasted "cheap" and he'd wanted to have his sublime little moment enjoying it.

"Sir?"

"We have surveillance cameras all over the city," said Fuyutsuki. "Coordinate footage from those with the readings of the AT Field generation. Find out what we're looking for first."

"Right!" said Makoto, turning to the task.

Fuyutsuki sat back in his chair, sipped at his tea, and smiled. Ah. Perfect.

* * *

Ryoji Kaji held up a small tape recorder and clicked a button. Music played, a tune familiar to anyone who'd seen the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey" and wasn't completely tone deaf.

The door slid open.

"Damn, he really does like the dramatic doesn't he?" whispered Kaji to himself as he slid into the revealed room.


	20. Chapter 20: Sandalphon

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
Chapter 20: My Little Poniel?

* * *

"A black obelisk? Really?" asked Ryoji Kaji. "You've got to be kidding me."

The Black Obelisk didn't respond. Fortunately.

Kaji then checked for a door opening switch. After locating one, he closed the door behind him and concentrated on trying to find the hidden door or latch.

It took him nearly five minutes, but then it slid open without much effort.

"Ah," said Kaji, looking through the small window into a bay filled with reddish fluid that had a large cross with a white shape bolted onto it. _Okay. Now why have a window looking out at Seriously Creepy there? Not Adam. Lake of blood from that thing? Maybe to gloat in private? I could see Gendo doing that from time to time._

Kaji spent several minutes in thought, then made sure that everything was exactly as he found it before leaving.

* * *

Wheels screeched as the car zipped through the streets of Tokyo-3.

"Car 15! I is in Hot Pursuit! Transmitting coordinates."

"Car 38, in transit."

"Car 50, on my way!"

"Car 54?"

"Car 54?"

"Car 54, Where Are You?"

"Car 15, 38 and 50 are en route. Decribe vehicle."

"It's a Daitan Escort, got one of those fancy annie-may kinda paint jobs."

"An Itasha paint job?"

"Looks like Darth Vader though."

"Car 15... You are in pursuit of Darth Vader?"

"That's 'Hot Pursuit' there, Dispatch."

"We have three cars in hot pursuit of Darth Vader."

"Dispatch, I see it too. It just blew through that intersection, did a bootlegger reverse and blew through the same intersection again. And a little girl mooned Car 15 all the way."

Outraged and mostly incoherent spluttering came from Car 15.

"'Little girl'?"

"Dispatch, this is Robinu-san. I got a look at it. Three severely underage girls in the car, no adults spotted."

"How underage?"

"Eight or so I guess. I had to climb a phone pole to get away, they were doing donuts around me."

"Dispatch? Is this situation getting weirder by the minute?"

* * *

The great monoliths all fell silent.

Except for one, which managed a holographic sweatdrop.

"05? How did you do that?" asked 03.

"I got an animated emoticon app from the app store," said 05.

"Never mind that," said Lorenz Keele. "Apparently one of the Angels has defected to our side, another has left off the attack on humanity to take over lead guitar in a power metal band, and a third is making like some cutesy mascot character in a manga series."

"You forgot that apparently Gendo's son is not only an exceptional mecha pilot and genetically engineered, but a ninja," said 05.

The monoliths fell silent for a moment.

"Is this situation getting weirder by the minute?" asked 05.

* * *

Rei stepped out and addressed the group. "I believe the proper term to use is 'ta daa' in such situations."

Misato had just taken a good drink of beer. It came spraying out in a geyser that left Asuka a great deal more soggy than she had been just a minute ago.

"Gee, thanks," said Asuka, unable to see because the beer to the face had gotten in her eyes.

"Wha wha what are you wearing?!" asked Misato, aghast.

"Ranma is Superman, Asuka fits the Batman or rather Batgirl role, therefore I should go with Wonder Woman," said Rei, currently wearing a Wondergirl costume.

"Here, rinse your eyes out with this," said Ranma, handing her a sports bottle of water.

"What?" asked Misato.

"Not looking," said Ranma.

"That is quite disappointing," noted Rei.

Asuka finished blotting excess moisture from her eyes to turn and regard Rei. "Hmmm. More Wonder Girl than Wonder Woman, but nice cosplay outfit. Except the top is supposed to be red and gold, not blue and gold. How'd you do the metal bracers?"

"I was able to access the metal fabricators that Section Two keeps," said Rei, holding up one arm. "It was actually the simplest part to manufacture."

"No golden lasso or invisible plane, but it's not bad for a first effort," admitted Asuka.

"Gold is somewhat expensive and difficult to acquire in large amounts, and I am uncertain how to proceed on acquiring an invisible plane in any case," said Rei.

"Oh my god, they're getting along," said Misato, her eyes flicking from Asuka to Rei and back.

"I'll freak out later," Asuka promised Misato. "Right now the day has been too weird for me to deal with, so I'm just putting off any reaction until later. Can I get another plate of stirfry? This one got beer in it."

"Right up," said Ranma, already sizzling items in a pan.

"This day is just getting weirder and weirder," said Misato. "What's next? Well, at least it can't get any stranger."

The phone began to ring.

Misato noticed that everyone in the apartment, including Penpen, was now giving her a particularly flat look.

"Eh heh," said Misato, not actually chuckling but saying those two syllables. "Uhm. I better get that."

* * *

It had all the fascination of a train wreck, Ranma decided. Not because he was currently sitting on the bench of a train opposite Rei and Asuka. No, it was that the manga was so horrible that one just couldn't look away from it.

Such was the manga "Shinji 1/2" and Ranma decided very quickly that he was pretty much stuck in the Eva-verse. After all, what would happen if he went back and found himself dealing with situations like this. Especially the "Princess Shinji" arc. The "Girl Magnet" arc might look amusing, but then came the "Hot Springs Of Confession" arc. No, no, that would not do. At all. Ever.

The rescue of Konatsu from the "Tea Shop Of Terror" was worse than Ranma remembered. In fact, from what Ranma remembered, it had been more like the "Tea Shop Of Tacky" or something like that.

"Ugh," managed Ranma.

"If the series is that bad, why are you reading it?" asked Asuka, preparing to say something about Ranma being a moron or a masochist.

"It's so horrible it makes facing the kaiju seem tame," said Ranma absently, turning a page and making a face at the fate of poor dumb Shinji.

"Huh," said Asuka, pondering the idea of facing distasteful things in order to handle other distasteful things. Of course, she didn't find fighting the angels (or kaiju, whatever) to be all that bad. "Just watching your expression makes it kinda amusing. How could it be that bad?"

Ranma deliberately shuddered, then turned the manga so that Asuka could see the page in question.

Asuka stared for a moment, her mind trying to process the image and accompanying text. "I'm not sure what those kanji are."

"Which ones?" asked Rei, raising an eyebrow.

"The short haired girl who has apparently ripped the sink off the wall and is now beating on the wimpy-looking boy with it," said Asuka, pointing. "Japanese comics sure are weird."

"Ah, that is 'role' in this case she's asking him if he's so eager to be 'uke' to her." Rei noted that Ranma twitched several times and looked a little green about something. And he'd just dropped the book.

"What's an 'uke'? Like ukelele, those little guitar things?" asked Asuka, frowning as she grabbed the manga before it could hit the floor.

"Ugh," said Ranma.

"Ah, as to that," said Rei.

"Gee, this is our stop," said Ranma, slipping out the open window and flying off.

"The train hasn't even stopped yet," protested Asuka.

"It appears that Ranma is not interested in yaoi," noted Rei.

"Is that bad?" asked Asuka.

"No, that's good," softly replied Rei.

"So this yaoi-stuff is bad?" asked Asuka.

"It apparently has a market niche, so some would consider it good," answered Rei.

"Huh," said Asuka, putting the manga into her backpack. She'd just research it later on. If nothing else it might help her learn this damn kanji stuff.

* * *

"They didn't get flat tires in the game," pointed out Ree-1.

"Well, pooh," said Ree-2.

"Understandable as the stress on the tires was entirely outside the design specs," offered Ree-3.

"So what else can we do?" asked Ree-1, walking up to the half-wall of the parking garage and looking out at the city.

Ree-3 looked over the dented and scraped car. "I could try converting this vehicle into a suit of power armor. Does anyone have any duct tape?"

"No, no duck tape," said Ree-1.

Ree-3 didn't bother to correct 1. She was playing the smart one for now, though they might switch roles later on. Besides, she had absolutely no idea why duct tape was necessary when it would require a full scale set of fabricators and parts they didn't have to convert the vehicle.

Ree-2 pointed. "Lookit. Lookit. We could go there!"

"Ah," said Ree-1. "The JSDF is recruiting."

"All three of us could play the 'mad scientist' role," suggested Ree-3.

"Oh, I wanna be the cute one," said Ree-2 with a pout.

* * *

"Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin,  
Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!  
Ahrk fin norok paal graan fod nust hon zindro zaan,  
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!"

Fuyutsuki cut the music off on his monitor, frowning as he looked over the police record. Why the Magi supercomputers had flagged it for him was obvious. The places and times matched entirely too much with the flickering AT fields that had been detected the night before.

"Vice Commander?" said an orderly.

"Yes, Honda isn't it?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"The spy took the sample of Ranma's genetic tissues," said Ryo Honda. "According to best guess, it should be there later today."

"The real one or the fake one?" asked Fuyutsuki, wanting to confirm earlier statements.

"The fake one marked 'Ranma Ikari genetic sample' not the real one marked with Misato's name."

"I see," said Fuyutsuki. "Very well. Carry on."

Ryo paused for a moment. _I couldn't have heard what I thought I heard, could I? The Vice Commander couldn't possibly be on the Elder Scrolls MMO. No. Must have been hearing things._

* * *

"The genetic sample from Ranma Ikari has arrived and is undergoing analysis, initial results are... intriguing," said the monolith marked "05."

"Good, nothing must be allowed to interfere with Instrumentality, but something making sense of recent events would be appreciated," smoothly stated "03."

* * *

"What happened?" asked the guard.

"Three little girls came up to the gate, asked if this was the JSDF secret elevator, and then one of them took pictures of the other two doing sentai poses."

Guard #1 blinked at the one currently manning the security post in front of the door. "We have a secret elevator?"

"Not that I know of," admitted Guard #2. "If we do, then it would follow that I'm not high enough level to know about it."

"Someone confusing us with MI6 maybe?" asked Guard #1, sitting his thermos and lunchbag under the counter.

"Maybe. Might be one of those TV shows where they have giant robots running around, that'd explain the posing," said Guard #2. "They never let things like accuracy or consistency bother them when they're writing the stuff."

"Ain't the 'Jet Alone' thing a giant robot?" asked Guard #1. "I suppose that qualifies."

"Oh, they scrapped that. Don't know why, other than something got the higher-ups in a tizzy," said Guard #2.

"Did you hear something in the air duct just now?" asked Guard #1, looking at the grate in the ceiling.

"Been a little chilly lately, they're probably working on the heat," said Guard #2. "It'll be nice if they get it going tonight."

* * *

The scientist came bustling into the headquarters. "What's going on? I got the emergency page."

"Jet Alone is being scrapped," said one of the others, handing off a clipboard.

"What? How could they... oh this is bad," said the newly arrived scientist on seeing what was on the clipboard.

"Anonymous dropoff, signed 'a friend' but indications are that it came from a public access terminal near NERV's central rail exit," said the second scientist.

"Pass codes, security precautions, firewall specs, operational... even I'm not high enough level to see all this," summed up the scientist.

"Right," said the second scientist. "Major security breach right there. Now check out the second packet."

Flipping back through the stack, the scientist looked it over and when he realized what he was looking at - it was obvious. "Whoa."

"Yeah," said the other scientist. "Outwardly looks like something the JSDF would use in a Gojira film. It'd be a lot more effective though. Not able to take on a kaiju by itself, but very well built for support fire. Even useful for crowd control and infrastructure repair with the right mods."

"What about the power source?" asked the first scientist.

"Page 653," said the second scientist.

The first scientist turned to that section and nearly dropped the clipboard.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too," said the second scientist.

* * *

Washu/Rei/Yui plugged in her recently acquired laptop to let it recharge, sat back on the bed, and smirked to herself.

Everything indicated the bait had been taken, and things were moving in the direction she wanted.

Now, if she could just remember what niggling little detail she'd forgottten. She knew there was one, it being one of those "on the tip of one's tongue" sort of feelings.

It was truly quite troublesome.

Soon the "Jet Alone" project would be scrapped and instead the JSDF would begin an accelerated program to produce the MBT-92.

* * *

"WHY are we scrapping Jet Alone?!"

The lead scientist adjusted his glasses. "You're not an idiot. Stop acting like one."

"What?!"

"You have sufficient clearance to know what this means. Because this 'friend' just demonstrated that our major rivals have all the plans and the security accesses. If we change the codes, so will NERV. Someone VERY high ranking is either a mole or otherwise compromised. Until we find them, we can't simply continue on."

"But..."

"And we STILL don't know how to generate the AT Field," pointed out the team lead, cutting off the junior. "With that, and not counting the design flaws our 'friend' pointed out in Jet Alone, we've got major roadblocks on OUR giant robot program."

"But..."

"And that doesn't even get into those design flaws, how all the various engineers and system specialists like yourself MISSED all these," the lead threw his hands up in the air and seemed to be beseeching the heavens for an answer.

"Testing of beam cannon in 3, 2, 1," said a tech who'd been silent and in the background all this time. "Looks good. Beginning capacitor charge for next test."

"'Test'?" asked the one scientist. "'Beam cannon'?"

"Beam cannon for the MBT-92," said the lead. "We have to make up for time squandered on Jet Alone. Stupid name for a giant robot anyway."

"MBT-92?" asked the scientist.

"Your new assignment. We're saving millions by using the frame from large cranes, a tank engine, and wheel designs from farm tractors." The team lead shrugged. "It's also speeding up production considerably. The main thing is the capacitors, beam cannon, and remote driving control. You're working with the team on the remote driving control. We need this operational within a month."

"But..."

"Besides, once we've got that operational it'll serve as a show piece to investors and we'll be at least able to harass invading kaiju THEN we can ignore our 'friend' and build... this!"

The new head of remote-driving tried not to wince at the Dramatic Reveal and simply took in the details. Three pilot seating. Lasers. Armor plating. A detail moved on the screen, slightly to the right, and the airconditioning system was uprated as he watched.

"Who's designing this anyway?" asked the remote-driving head scientist.

* * *

"Ah, we should put in a mini-fridge here," said Ree-1.

"Indeed, hydration is important," agreed Ree-2.

"Sir, you're letting little girls design a war machine worth at least a percentile of the GDP?" asked a technician.

"Can you design a palladium reactor?" asked the director.

"Uh, no," admitted the tech.

"Can you design megawatt lasers?" asked the director.

"Not so much," admitted the tech.

"How about a refractory coating that's ten times more resistant to heat than anything we've currently got?" asked the director.

"I begin to see your point, sir," admitted the tech.

"Good, your job is now to see to it that our new consultants are provided whatever they need," said the director.

"But isn't this against child-labor laws?" asked the tech.

"Save the world first, worry about lawsuits later," said the director, waving away the point. "Besides, they snuck into a top secret facility and started work without any prompting from us. We can press legal action of our own if necessary. We'll compensate them as soon as their responsible party is found."

"Got any yogurt?" asked Rei-3 in the following silence. "I saw a commercial. It looks most tasty."

* * *

"Now," said the Professor, closing the book shut with a snap that woke about half the class. "Question. Mister Ikari."

"Snxxxxxxxxx," snored Ranma Ikari.

The teacher threw an eraser.

Ranma caught the eraser.

"Snxxxxxxxx," continued to snore Ranma.

The teacher threw the other eraser.

Ranma dropped one eraser, caught the new one, and dropped it exactly on top of the other eraser.

"Snxxxxxxxx," snored Ranma some more.

The teacher threw a piece of chalk, his book, and a plushy Totoro. Then blinked as he had no idea where that had come from and those were worth serious money post-Impact.

"Snxxxxxxx," snored Ranma as he blocked the chalk, caught the book, and used the book to deflect the plushy.

Rei stared at the Totoro that had landed in her lap and considered all the possible responses she could make to such an event.

"Snxxxxxx," snored Ranma again.

"You know," said the teacher, adjusting his glasses. "Despite him sleeping in class, that's mildly impressive and keeping with his reputation as a ninja giant-robot pilot."

"Uh huh," agreed most of the class.

"Even when he's asleep he's showing off," grumbled Asuka, slumping at her desk.

* * *

Sandalphon stirred.

Things had changed. Destiny shifted.

Yet Sandalphon still slept deep within a volcano, stirred about by the currents.

Something not-natural impinged on developing senses by adding a faint pressure wave from its own movement, disrupting the natural rhythm of the flow.

It didn't matter and soon perished under the heat and pressure that was entirely natural.

Sandalphon continued to develop in its embryonic state. Soon it would rise and fulfill destiny.

* * *

"You didn't know that? Vice Commander Fuyutsuki used to play RPGs a lot."

"He... doesn't seem the type."

"What's the type? You should see my level 90 freetrader on _Diaspora 2400_. Patterned his visuals off of Sephiroth from an old Final Fantasy game, even though _Diaspora_ is a space-based trade and ship-to-ship PvP game."

"YOU?!"

"Yeah, even got the phone app so I can monitor my sales during the day."

"But you..."

"Have no sense of humor? All business? Yeah, pretty much in the game too - I'm known as pretty ruthless. But yeah - Fuyutsuki used to play some pre-Impact MMO. One of the ways he knew Yui Ikari as something other than one of his mass of students. Other thing was she was freaking brilliant. I knew 'em both way back then. One of the reasons I work here, I think."

"That's so weird."

"Nah. Think about it. Fuyutsuki is mainly known as Gendo's lapdog, second in command, chief flunkie, bottle-washer. Has damn little that isn't under scrutiny twenny-four and seven. It was either something like this or he'd be a heavy drinker. Heck, I hear he even still has some of his old game systems and most of the Final Fantasy series as collectibles."

* * *

"What are you doing, Wondergirl?" asked Asuka.

Rei had gotten up, leaving the Totoro plushy grinning on her desk. "Ranma must wake up. In my research, I discovered the proper method for a girlfriend to waken her boyfriend."

The room grew completely silent.

"WHAT?!" squealed/yelled most of the girls present.

"I knew it," said Toji, nodding.

"Yeah, it makes sense," said Kensuke.

"Well, I don't think that makes ANY sense at all!" declared Asuka.

"Well, they're both pilots," said Kensuke, adjusting her glasses with one hand. "They're staying together. He's a ninja hero slash giant robot pilot out to save the world. Developing a relationship with one of his co-pilots was only slightly less likely than with one of the bridge crew."

"You've been on that damn website too, haven't you?" asked Asuka.

Rei had reached Ranma by this point, and was considerably more red in the face than usual. Nonetheless, there was no hesitation as she reached gently down, turning Ranma's face slightly up.

The teacher just sat down, threw his hands up and shook his head. "Honestly, they don't pay well enough for this sort of thing."

Her head slowly descended, her eyes open because she couldn't figure out why the girls closed their eyes in those videos.

She did notice when Ranma's eyes abruptly shot open. She also noticed when Ranma managed to go from sitting at his desk to all the way outside the window.

She also noted the scream of utter terror.

"That scream didn't sound very much 'ninja hero'," noted Toji.

"Can we get back to the lesson?" asked the teacher, his voice appropriately dry.

_Ding dong ding dong_

"Never mind," said the teacher, dropping his head to his own desk. "Just get going before I come up with punitive homework assignments over the class trip."

* * *

Sandalphon stretched, growing within the chrysalis. Had things remained as they had been, it would have altered to become more fishlike.

As had Shamshel though, the original path was no longer being followed.

Settling deep into its volcanic womb, it continued to develop in heat and pressure that destroyed the probes sent to observe it directly.

Those above had to be satisfied with radar mappings.

* * *

"Class trip?" asked Asuka as people gathered in front of the school.

"Yeah, I hear it's Okinawa this year," said Toji. "Man, that'll be great!"

"I thought Okinawa would be submerged," said Asuka. "Didn't sea levels rise worldwide after Second Impact?"

"Well, most of it WAS submerged and the tidal waves pretty much wiped everything off the map," admitted Kensuke. "The sections above water are mostly rebuilt and the submerged sections are kinda an animal sanctuary now. It HAS been fourteen years after all. Nowadays 'Okinawa' just means the surviving sections of the Ryukyu Islands."

"Oh," said Asuka. "Well, that'll be kinda nice I suppose."

"It is unlikely you'll be able to go," said Hikari. "Giant robot pilots."

"WHAT?! That's an outrage!" said Asuka. "I could get a new swimsuit and impress Kaji with it!"

"You mean 'impress Ranma'?" asked Kensuke slyly.

There was a large whacking noise as Asuka indicated her displeasure with that concept.

"Leave me outta this," said Ranma, pushing up from the ground so that he was hovering a good body length in the air. "Later. Gotta practice."

"You know," said Kensuke, retrieving her glasses from the ground. "Getting used to that sort of thing isn't nearly as hard as getting used to being a girl."

"It's weird from the other side of things too," noted Toji.

"Show off," said Asuka, watching Ranma fly off.

"You mean you can't do that yet?" asked Kensuke.

"I have better uses for my time," said Asuka.

"I heard the trick about flying is that you have to throw yourself at the ground, and miss," mused Kensuke aloud.

"I do not honestly believe that would work," said Rei softly.

"Well, if you still need help with your kanji, Asuka, I can help," offered Hikari.

"Thanks! I'll take you up on that and we can leave Abbott and Costello behind," stated Asuka.

Toji glanced at Kensuke as the two walked off. "Which one of us is Abbott?"

"Why Abbott and Costello?" asked Kensuke.

"Don't mind her, she's tsundere," said Rei in her usual quiet and emotionless voice.

"Oh, point," said Kensuke.

"I heard that!" called out Asuka.

* * *

"So, is it a kaiju?" asked Misato.

"No idea, right now it's just a solid lump on radar maps, but one whose size has changed," said Satsuki, going over the data on her computer. "Perfect ovaloid."

"So what about sending down a probe?" asked Misato.

"It sunk deeper after the first probe, now we don't have anything capable of taking that pressure and heat," said Satsuki, bringing up the data on that. "It's molten rock, not water, so penetrating it is a bit more difficult and its really not transparent enough to see details even if you got up close."

"Maybe Ranma could fly down and take a look," mused Misato out loud.

"Molten rock," repeated Satsuki.

"Eh, I'll ask him. Maybe he's got a ninja technique for it," said Misato.

* * *

"Uhm, yeah, actually I do," admitted Ranma. "I don't think it's up to SWIMMING in lava."

"Meh, it was a thought," said Misato.

"Okay... REI?!"

"What?" asked Rei, coming into the room.

"That's NOT how you wear makeup," said Misato. "Unless you're planning a career as a circus clown."

"I performed the procedure incorrectly?" asked Rei.

"Yeah, pretty much," agreed Misato, taking the girl by the shoulder and turning her around towards the bathroom again. "Less is more."

"Isn't that against the laws of physics?" asked Rei.

"Around Ranma, who's going to notice a little of that from you? No, seriously. Let me show you how it's done."

* * *

In the depths of the lava, there was Sandalphon. Had nothing changed, it would have been a thing of Power with no intellect. A creature of depths and pressure and heat that would have faced the Evangelion units in that volcano where it gestated.

Things HAD changed though. And so it was a different path that Sandalphon followed.

Slowly, gaining definition bit by bit, Sandalphon ascended.

* * *

Ranma had tried some of Misato's cooking the day he'd arrived in this new place. Since then, he'd ended up taking over many of the kitchen duties out of a sense of self-preservation.

Misato's cooking wasn't quite at Akane's level, as she wasn't angry or self-absorbed when cooking. That was a long way from saying it was any good as she usually combined instant meals into something that might be considered edible if you were truly starving.

Ranma HAD considered the possibility that Misato's lack of cooking skills had been a deliberate act in order to get out of cooking. If so, she was a rank amateur compared to his real father who had managed to become a master of Dodge Responsibility Fu.

Rei liked his cooking, as long as he cooked all meats seperately and then just added meat to the portions others ate. Asuka made a few comments about the taste but ate anyway. As Asuka was more used to a European-style diet, that could be expected. Misato's taste buds were suspect and she tended to accompany everything with beer anyway.

"This is great!" chirped Makie.

"Err, thanks," said Ranma as he settled himself down with his own plate.

"It's not bad - for Japanese food," admitted Asuka, sounding as if the comment were being forced out of her.

"Ah, I'd forgotten what a Japanese diet actually tasted like," said Kaji, sounding a lot more enthusiastic.

"I wanted to make something," said Rei quietly. "In the source materials, the girl is supposed to cook for the guy."

"Don't worry about it," said Misato, using one beer-clutching hand to wave away the point. "The best chefs are usually guys anyway, just go to a restaurant or something and you'll find guys all over the kitchen."

"Besides, Wondergirl," said Asuka. "No offense, but the one time you tried to make a bento lunch - most of it was bland except the rice balls. Ghost Peppers do not make a good filling. Ever."

"Duly noted," said Rei, who'd gotten the basic idea after Asuka had stuck her head in the sink and started trying to drown herself if the way she'd been inhaling water had been any indication.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Ranma. "This school trip thing?"

"Not happening, not going," said Misato.

"WHAT?!" began Asuka.

"You honestly think that we're leaving Tokyo-3 defenseless so you can cavort around in the sun?" asked Misato.

"Not fair," grumbled Asuka.

"I'm sure that Ranma and myself would be more than capable of dealing with any kaiju attacks," said Rei.

"Yeah!" said Asuka, brightening for a moment before glaring at Rei. "Nein!"

"Not happening," said Misato. "If anything happened to Unit 01 or Unit 00, we'd need you here. Besides, I've seen your grades. Ranma, are you even trying?"

"Meh," said Ranma, shrugging. "Save the world first. Do makeup tests later if it comes to that."

"While I can't say much for your academics, you do have your priorities," noted Kaji.

"Well, I'm going to cut off your videogames if you don't bring those grades up!" threatened Misato.

"When have I ever played video games?" asked Ranma.

"That's beside the point," countered Misato.

"Oh," said Ranma, who then shrugged. "Oh dear. Whatever shall I do with my time? I might have to spend extra time training in the martial arts or doing Eva combat simulations. Oh boo hoo."

Asuka nodded to Ranma. "You know, if you could put a little more sarcasm in your tone there - you could weaponize that."

"Hmmm," hmmmed Ranma. "Voice based fighting techniques? Snarky fu? That might..."

"Ranma. Don't. Seriously don't." Misato shook her head. "If you tried using that around Ritsuko, she might snap completely. Yesterday she had snuck away from Maya and was smoking two cigarettes and drinking espresso. Didn't work out at all well."

"Is that why Doctor Akagi was choking?" asked Rei.

"Yeah, swallowed one cigarette and got the other stuck to her tongue," said Misato, shaking her head again.

"That was actually fairly amusing," remembered Asuka.

"She started choking and snorted espresso out of her nose," stated Misato, frowning at the end of the statement at Asuka.

"I repeat," said Asuka. "That was fairly amusing."

"Just don't let the crazy doc-lady hear you say that," said Ranma. "You hear those rubber gloves getting snapped and then the vengeance starts."

"Ah, you've noticed," said Misato.

"Kinda hard not to, with the crazy laugh and all," observed Ranma.

* * *

Sandalphon decided the time was now, and immediately shifted from embryonic form to a different form. Still in the depths of the volcano, uncaring of the lava surrounding it, it began to move towards its target destination.

Ranma would not recognize it from the viewing of Evangelion as it had been. The situation had changed, the rules had changed, and so too had Sandalphon.

* * *

There was a volcano in Japan, simmering lava since Second Impact had awakened it.

So when it blew up - it was unexpected but there weren't a huge number of people nearby.

There were also redundant systems so that communication was only lost for about fifteen minutes.

* * *

"-and contact! We have connection with the control room of Mount Asama Volcano Observatory," said Aoba, checking various connections.

"Uhhh," said Makoto Hyuga. "Are you sure that's what you got?"

"Eek," said Maya Ibuki.

"Why, what are..." Shigeru Aoba looked up at the main screen. "Wha?"

"You didn't get a porn channel did you?" asked Fuyutsuki, sounding quite vexed.

"No! I don't understand this," confessed Shigeru as he checked connections.

"Look at the background and not the inappropriate behavior in the foreground," said Gendo Ikari in an irritated tone. "That IS the control room for the Center."

"What the heck is going on?" asked Shigeru.

"Ain't it obvious?" asked Makoto.

"Well, WHY then. Why is everyone... doing that?" asked Shigeru.

"Not looking. Absolutely not looking," indicated Maya, who had apparently covered her face at some point.

"Simple. The Angel is somehow responsible," said Ritsuko, frowning at the antics onscreen.

"Switching to external cameras," said Shigeru, glad of something else to focus on. Pictures of countryside began flicking on, replaced with similar ones, replaced finally with...

"Oh, that is just WRONG," indicated Shigeru.

"Agreed," said Ritsuko.

"Seconded, thirded," said Makoto.

"No argument," said Fuyutsuki.

Gendo considered the image on the screen briefly. "For the first time, I am considering officially renaming the Angels to 'Kaiju' in this instance."

"It's a Hentai Tentacle Monster," said Shigeru, figuring SOMEONE had to say it.

"Magi agree, Pattern Blue. Codenamed Sandalphon," said Ritsuko, not wanting to argue while something like that was on the main screen. "And can someone change the bloody picture!"

* * *

"All right! My chance to shine at last!" said Asuka enthusiastically as she strode towards Eva-02. "Just stand back and watch me work!"

"Is THAT the kaiju?" asked Rei, stopping in her own strides forward to point to a display.

"Well, of course it would be the..." Asuka glanced in that direction, slowed to a stop, and went absolutely silent.

"Ick! Is that some sort of slime it's dribbling below it?" asked Ranma.

"Uhm, change of plans," said Asuka. "Ranma. You're on point."

"ME?!" asked Ranma. "Why me? You're the one who wanted to go on the offensive here."

"It's a mass of suggestively shaped wiggling tentacles with a slimy goo," said Asuka. "I've only got the axe and a progressive knife. I'm going hand-to-hand with that? I don't freaking think so."

"Hmmm, what tropes are involved here?" asked Rei, pulling out her smartphone.

"Who CARES what... actually, what tropes ARE involved here?" asked Asuka, starting out outraged and sliding into speculative as she went.

"I can't tell, there's security blocks in place," said Rei, who might have sounded faintly disappointed but it was such a slight tell that Asuka couldn't be certain.

"Well, not important anyway," said Asuka. "Anyway, go ahead Ranma. We'll follow at an appropriate distance and provide covering fire."

"Uh huh," said Ranma, considering the two girls. Then he just shrugged and got on with it.

* * *

"Preparing defenses, elevators taking the Evangelion units to the edge of the city, monitoring kaiju's progress," said Shigeru.

"Angel!" corrected Ritsuko.

"Look, it passed over that area and it looks like some people didn't make it to the shelters," said Shigeru.

"Is the fluid dripping off the kai... Angel responsible for this?" asked Makoto. "Just saying - if it IS and we can bottle it - we'll never have a budget shortfall. Ever."

"First we defeat Sandalphon, then worry about clean-up," said Gendo, his voice indicating a certain amount of reproach.

"Sorry sir," said Makoto. "Evangelions are arriving at city edge. With the projection of Sandalphon's course, it looks like it will pass near the power outlets at point 38-B."

"Very well," said Gendo.

"Commander! Movement in the streets," said Shigeru, changing monitors. "What is that?"

"Didn't I see that in a Gojira movie?" asked Makoto.

* * *

"Prototype in place," said one of the scientists.

"Robot vehicle MBT-92 prototype is ready for testing against the kaiju," announced another scientist.

"Kaiju is... is that a hentai tentacle monster?" asked the first scientist.

"Okay, THAT is seriously creepy," said another scientist. "It's kinda yaoi too, the way it's moving around and-"

"That's enough of that," said practically every other scientist in the room, who really did NOT want to hear the rest of the description.

"You know, I think this one is actually more concerning than the attack of Asuka's panties," said the first scientist.

"That reminds me, I've got to send an e-mail to Doctor Akagi over at NERV," said the project head.

"Doesn't she hate the JSDF and everything we stand for?" asked one of the other scientists.

"Yes, and I make sure that in every interview I give I use the term 'kaiju' to describe these attackers," said the project head. "It irritates the hell out of her."

"Ah, that explains why the term is catching on so much," agreed a scientist.

"Well," said the first scientist. "That and we're Japanese. There's the whole politeness concept - and insulting three major religions by calling attacking giant monsters 'Angels' just kind of goes against the grain."

"It appears to be ignoring our attacks," said the second scientist, sounding quite disappointed. "All we've managed is an 8% decrease in speed."

"Well, that's something at least," said the project head.

* * *

Ranma stood in Unit 01, aware of Unit 00 and Unit 02 behind him. Power cords were connected, weapons were readied.

Why did he have a feeling the situation was going to go completely FUBAR?


	21. Chapter 21: Is this a bughunt?

**Switching Places/Eva!**

by Greylle and Kender_Sci

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
Chapter 21: Is this gonna be a bughunt?

* * *

The mass of wriggling tentacles moved closer, hovering at roughly power-line level.

Ranma moved forward and took a stance in the middle of its path. "Yo. You ain't getting any closer."

The tentacles shifted, revealing that there was actually a center of mass. In that mass opened a single eye.

It screamed and abruptly reversed course and accelerated.

"Huh?" said Ranma, echoed by most of NERV, the JSDF, Asuka, and various others observing this confrontation.

* * *

"Damnit, Ranma," said Ritsuko over the radio. "Why is it that nothing can go as planned around you?"

"It took one look at him, screamed, and ran away?" asked Makoto. "Why him and none of the people who it affected earlier?"

"Maybe it's a lover and not a fighter?" suggested Shigeru.

"Uh oh, it's going over one of the shelters!" called out Maya.

"Don't worry, those shelters have full environmental enclosure," said Ritsuko. "At least the thing is fairly slow."

* * *

The JSDF's little robot truck tried to keep up with the target, but they had to stop at intersections and eventually collided with an illegally parked car.

At which point the kaiju pointed several tentacles behind it and started firing off streams.

"It's increasing its speed?" asked Ranma, trying to line up a shot.

"Jet propelled, both clever and disgusting," said Asuka. "Send up the sniper rifle!"

"I already have it," said Rei, Unit 00 trying to get a bead on the racing Angel/kaiju.

Her rifle fired. The kaiju screamed and changed direction.

"Uhm, you missed," said Asuka.

"The kaiju appears to be trying to avoid direct confrontation," noted Rei.

"And it's running away too fast for us to catch 'em when we're using extension cords," noted Ranma. "Do we have any idea why it's running away?"

* * *

"Not so mindless, is it?" asked Makoto, bringing up details of the tentacle monster.

"Maybe, the 'fight or flight' instinct is pretty basic," countered Ritsuko.

"If it knows it can't beat Ranma, and is running away because of that, then it isn't mindless," said Makoto.

"That would indicate it has a sense of self," said Maya. "The ones who did that surrendered or tried to come up with a way of adapting to our presence peacefully."

"So far," indicated Ritsuko.

"Right," said Maya. "But... I'm going to recommend we just shoot that thing."

"Because a hentai tentacle monster is going to be a hard one to fit into normal society?" asked Makoto.

* * *

"Is this the Angels trying to give us the Human Instrumentality that we have been working for?" asked floating monolith #6.

"This is not the definition of 'becoming one' that we had in mind," drily reminded #7.

"They couldn't be altering the data to mess with us, could they?" asked #3.

"Impossible," said Keele. "Our spies have spies. Someone would have noticed if our network were compromised."

* * *

Ranma spoke up finally. "You know. The extension cords and batteries thing? It really sucks wind if the enemy doesn't come right to you."

"We noticed," said Asuka.

"Have you thought about air-lifting extra batteries every so far to maybe extend the range a bit?" asked Ranma.

"Which would leave us trying to swap out batteries in a fight," pointed out Asuka.

"That would not be an optimal situation," agreed Rei.

The radio clicked and Misato's voice came on. "The kaiju is apparently trying to go around your position, get on the elevator platforms and we'll move you back here - and then to a position in its approach path."

"I dunno," said Ranma as he trudged towards the elevator. "When that thing does that jet thing, it can move pretty fast."

Misato's image appeared on one of the displays. "Can't be helped. Five minutes of power and facing it with progressive knives, or more time and better weapons on your power cables. It's just one of those things that-"

"The kaiju is jetting!" said Makoto's voice.

"Angel!" Ritsuko corrected automatically.

"It's a tentacle monster! Ain't no description of any angel I've ever heard of." Makoto again.

"Can we just get going already?" complained Asuka as Unit 02 settled into the elevator. Some muttering in German followed that.

"Ah, the tsundere rushes to face the tentacle monster," said Rei softly from her position in Unit 00. "A classic situation. Will she get what she needs in the end?"

"Would you get OFF that damn website?" asked Asuka. "Or I'll give you a boot in your end!"

"You do realize that was a classic tsundere response, right?" asked Shigeru's voice over the line.

More muttering in German followed.

Ranma was actually glad when the elevator briefly cut off radio contact.

* * *

It took a few minutes, but here they were, standing in identical positions as the kaiju/angel/hentai tentacle monster floated there in midair.

"Okay, Third Child," said Asuka, striding forward. "Watch and learn."

Tentacles extended out, stretching to at least four times their previous length and drawing a startled squawk from Asuka. They grabbed her legs, wrapping around them.

_WHAM!_

Asuka realized she was on her back with tentacles still wrapped around her legs. "What the ?!"

"Hey, that almost looked like an aikido throw," said Ranma brightly.

"If an octopus could know aikido," put in Rei.

_WHAM!_

"I don't think I've run into one of those yet," mused Ranma. It certainly didn't sound that impossible to him. Probably be the Combat Pet of a Sea-Based Improbable Martial Arts style.

_WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!_

"Someone just shoot the damn thing!" indicated Asuka after being repeatedly slammed into the street.

Ritsuko's voice was curious. "It seems to be able to change the length and rigidity of its tentacles."

"I noticed," said Asuka, noting that her Eva-sized shotgun had gone flipping away from her and hitting the release for her progressive knife as a result.

One tentacle sprayed a bunch of gunk all over her Eva's head.

"Oh great, now I can't see," said Asuka.

"Relaying external cameras to your display," said Makoto.

"Payback time!" said Asuka, twisting and stabbing at the tentacles on her legs.

Sandalphon screamed again and released her Eva, obviously preparing to flee.

Rei began shooting. Tentacles blocked most of the shots.

"Stupid, hentai, damn, thing. DIE!" called out Asuka, causing her Eva to roll to its feet and lunging forward with the knife.

* * *

The knife shot forward, backed by the full power of the outraged tsundere. Make that the 'full power of the Evangelion fighting machine'.

A tentacle blocked. The knife penetrated about one-quarter of its length.

Another scream was heard from the kaiju, this one of even higher pitch. Other tentacles shot out to wrap around limbs and pull the struggling Evangelion away from itself.

"I have a clear shot," announced Rei, firing the sniper rifle.

She really hadn't expected the tentacle-monster to use Asuka's Evangelion to block.

"STOP SHOOTING ME!" yelled Asuka, as Rei continued to try and fire around Unit-02 and the kaiju continued to wildly move around that Eva to try and block the shots.

"I am attempting to hit the kaiju," said Rei.

"ANGEL!" insisted Ritsuko over the radio.

During one of those high-speed moves, Asuka's progressive knife flew briefly free before bisecting an illegally parked SUV on the street.

"ARGH!" yelled Asuka, lashing around. "RANMA IKARI!"

"Yeah?" asked Ranma. "If you're gonna ask me to take a shot, I don't know how to do that when it's moving you around like that."

"Just get on the side opposite from Wonder Girl and pull out your sword. Cut the tentacles holding onto me, preferably before I get sick."

Ranma flinched. It was like when Akane used that calm reasonable tone that she had passed beyond rage and gone into something truly apocalyptic that she was at her most angry. "Okay."

_Vshmmmm_ went a chi/AT-field blade being formed.

Nobody expected the tentacle-monster to hurl Unit-02 at Unit-01, though in retrospect it seemed fairly obvious.

The two went down with Unit-01 trying to catch Unit-02 and Unit-02 flailing around wildly.

Rei wasn't paying attention, as the tentacle-creature was now heading for her and she had a clear field of fire. She put three shots in it before it had closed to grapple with her.

* * *

"This is embarassing," said Fuyutsuki as the two Eva units on the ground started sliding around in the blood and goo that the kaiju had sprayed around. One would try to get up, only to lose balance and collide with the second. Or one would partially get up, the other would try to brace on the first, and both went down.

"Interesting that the goo viscosity seems to exhibit both stickiness and slipperiness," noted Ritsuko as she tried to get readings.

"Depends on the material it bonds to, I guess," offered Makoto. "The Eva armor seems to be 'sticky' while the pavement seems to be 'slippery'?"

"Hmmm," said Ritsuko, leaning close, her breasts bouncing into the back of Maya's head as she looked over her subordinate's shoulder. "Maya, increase the resolution on camera THX-1138 there."

Maya froze.

"Maya?" asked Ritsuko.

"Here," said Makoto, reaching over and adjusting a control. "There."

"That's it," noted Ritsuko, fascinated. "It looks as if the goo soaks into the substances it comes into contact with and alters their surface qualities. Fascinating."

"It'll make cleaning up after this fight troublesome," said Shigeru.

"No doubt," agreed Makoto. "You recovered yet, Lieutenant Ibiki?"

"O-of course," agreed Maya, adjusting a camera angle.

* * *

Asuka finally got her feet under her and lunged again, this time grabbing some downed power lines and bringing them around.

_WHIP-CRAK!_

"This is a concerning development," said Rei in her usual tone of voice.

"Stay there and take your punishment!" yelled Asuka, whipping the high-tension cables back and forth on the target.

"I'm ducking and covering," seconded Ranma as he stayed as far away as he could from the flailing around that Asuka was doing. Yeah, she was hitting the kaiju, but she was also hitting buildings and anything else nearby.

The kaiju went down, welts and cuts appearing everywhere on it as the assault went on.

Asuka only broke off the assault in order to stomp down on the kaiju a few times.

* * *

There was a great deal of staring in the NERV bridge area.

"Man, she is SUCH a tsundere," said Misato. "I never realized."

"Next time someone calls her 'Princess Asuka' I'm going to have trouble keeping from thinking about this interpretation of that nickname," said Shigeru.

"She's dominating the Angel," noted Ritsuko, twitching.

"All she needs is to have high heels on her Eva," said Shigeru.

"Oh thank you!" said Makoto, sitting back and rubbing his eyes. "I SO did not need that image. Someone pass the Brain Bleach."

* * *

It finally ended, Evangelion Unit-02 standing there with the impromptu whip in one hand. In front of it, cringing in place, was a thoroughly trashed Sandalphon.

"Is it over?" asked Ranma Ikari, peeking around a building.

Sandalphon abruptly burst into thousands of gallons of what looked like Kool-Aid.

"Okay, I am thoroughly freaked out," said Rei in her usual tone of voice.

"How can anyone tell?" asked Ranma.

"You see, Third Child?" declared Asuka, causing her Evangelion to take a proud stance. "That is how you should fight. Clean and elegant!"

"Uhm," said Ranma, looking around at all the chunks of building littering the streets, the damaged cars, the small flood of liquid whatever, chunks of Sandalphon that hadn't dissolved, and the exploding electrical substation in the distance. "Right. Clean and elegant."

* * *

"What the heck?" said Maya. "There was a flicker of AT field AFTER the Angel was killed. What could that mean?"

"Nothing good, I'm sure," said Makoto.

"Why did I just get a sudden chill?" asked Ritsuko.

* * *

"What the heck?" asked Ranma in Unit-01, the Eva picking up a leg to check the bottom of the foot. "What did I just step in?"

There was a single shot.

"Got it," said Rei. "There was a mini-Sandalphon."

"A mini?" asked Asuka, her Evangelion reacting to her emotional state by adopting a "shocked" pose.

Ranma started looking around, then stopped. "Guys. There's a buncha little trails going off towards a manhole cover. Which is open."

"Oh hell," said Asuka, summing it up.

* * *

"So, like Asuka's panty barrage," said Ritsuko several hours later at the debrief.

"You have no idea how much I hate that term," said Asuka.

"These mini-Sandalphon, nicknamed Sandies, are vulnerable to conventional weapons," said Ritsuko. "Unlike humans though, they lack vulnerabilities to the sorts of gas attacks or poisons we could introduce into their environment."

"'Sandies'?" asked Asuka. "Isn't that a girl scout cookie?"

"We thought about calling them 'Phonies' or chibi-Sandolphons, or just tentacle beasts," said Ritsuko. "We ended up using Sandies for now."

"So we can just shoot them with regular guns?" asked Asuka.

"I don't think you'll be needed," said Ritsuko. "Normal troops and security forces can bring them down and there's only a few dozen estimated to have escaped into the sewers. They're not going to be a problem."

* * *

"Yuck," said one of the Sandies as it got out of the sewer.

"You said it."

"Damn straight."

"I need a freaking shower."

The little (about the size of a large dog) tentacle monsters came out of the sewer grating in a manner which left their lack of a endoskeleton patently obvious.

"What do we do now though?"

"We shall find the Queen and give worship to her."

"All praise the Queen."

"I dunno. I think it'll be too nasty around here. Maybe there's a better place."

* * *

The slabs were meant to be a sort of shout-out to the monoliths in the old movie "2001" and related novels. Sort of. The actual given reason was to conceal identities but everyone there knew who everyone else was, and their virtual meetings were scrambled through several different programs and reoriginated to prevent tracking and had sets of firewalls both hardware and software initiated.

So they were paranoid, but when you are one of the highest ranks of an inner circle of a world-dominating secret society - paranoia was just one of the requirements for the position.

Still, in any such group, there were weird ones. Lorenz Keele was half-cyborg, linked to bulky devices that kept him alive long after he should have died. One of the others had entirely female staff at his private villa, with a host of mind-control devices and techniques to keep them loyal.

Most of those virtually present though had turned the volume to "mute" by this point.

"-and how does this remain ANYTHING like the Dead Sea Scrolls prophesized? The closest we're seeing to a prophesy in all this has been from a mangaka just prior to Second Impact!"

Most of these upper members of the secret society that controlled SEELE had learned to roll with changing situations. Most of them were managing. Most of them.

"What exactly does this secretion do, anyway?"

"The most potent aphrodisiac and stimulant ever seen."

There was silence among the various monoliths briefly.

"Do the little Sandalphon also produce this substance?"

"We'd have to capture one to be able to tell."

Another silence among the monoliths passed, this one a bit longer.

"You know, if NERV successfully puts this out on the market, they might not be able to completely supply their own budget - but it would go a considerable way to self-sufficiency."

Keele frowned at the monolith. "We don't WANT Gendo being self-sufficient."

"I wonder if I could get some of that substance. I'm sure it has some interesting chemical properties."

Keele frowned at the other monolith now.

"Purely scientific interest, you understand."

* * *

"What are the Ree doing?" asked a JSDF senior consultant.

"Power Armor, bug hunt," said a scientist, not looking up from making notes.

"Power armor?" the consultant asked then looked closer. "Is that an extendable chainsaw?"

"Yes," said the scientist.

"Does this have anything to do with the mini-Sandalphon running around?" asked the consultant.

"Yes," said the scientist, actually looking up this time. "Your point?"

"None of them have been seen anywhere near here," said the consultant.

"The Ree have stated that they want to be ready if one DOES show up here," said the scientist, going back to his note taking.

"Makes sense," admitted the consultant. "You're copying their designs?"

"Listing their anti-tentacle-monster suits as experimental prototypes, using the saner parts of the designs for eventual design of something more useful," said the scientist.

"Ah," said the consultant, wondering briefly how he was going to leak this to Doctor Akagi without having things point back to him. Tricky.

* * *

Asuka yawned and stretched as she woke up, eventually rolling out of bed and doing a few warm-up exercises as part of the morning routine.

From there she continued her morning routine: getting her toothbrush, squeezing a bit of toothpaste onto it, mumbling something vaguely resembling a "good morning" towards Ranma as he cooked something for breakfast, ignoring the penguin trying to get her attention as she headed for the front door.

Her attention wandered briefly as she noted the break in routine. Why was Pen-pen trying to get her attention? She wasn't naked again, was she?

Blearily she checked, fingers encountering clothing as she covered the motion by acting like she was just scratching an itch. Nope, she was dressed this time.

Asuka opened the door, stepping out onto the landing and brushing her teeth in the fresh morning air where she could do a few stretches and finish waking up.

"All hail the great Queen!"  
"Queen Asuka!"  
"You honor us with your presence, O Queen of Pain and Pleasure!"

Asuka Langley Soryuu blinked, pausing in mid-brush, then looked down.

There was a small crowd of tentacle monsters, all making moaning noises as they prostrated themselves before her. At least she thought that's what they were doing. They didn't have heads or anything but that was the general impression she was getting.

Asuka silently pivoted, walked back through the door, then considered what she had just seen as she closed the door behind her.

"Wark!" indicated Pen-Pen.

"Yeah, you did try to warn me," said Asuka. "Well... There's only one thing to do in a case like this."

"Wark?"

"No, not get you some sardines," indicated Asuka.

"Wark?"

"No, not go back to bed. Tempting as that thought is," indicated Asuka.

"Wark?" asked the penguin, who hadn't been asking anything of the sort but was willing to play along.

"Yes," said Asuka. "I believe that is the correct option for dealing with this sort of situation."

"What's that?" asked Ranma, producing a stack of pancakes.

Asuka stated everything in a calm, rational, manner. "Scream, go back outside, and proceed to stomp on the little things and kick them over the railing."

"That might encourage them," pointed out Ranma.

"I'll take that chance," said Asuka, who then went back outside.

"All hail the Tsundere Princess!"  
"All hail Queen Asuka!"  
"All hail - OUCH!"  
"OW! OW! OW!"  
"AIEEEEEE!"

Ranma set another stack of pancakes out on the table. "Just be glad she's got a target to take it out on."

"Wark," agreed Pen-pen.

* * *

Fuyutsuki didn't say a thing as he got onto the elevator.

Gendo Ikari remained completely impassive as far as anyone could tell.

It was well over a minute of floors ticking by before Fuyutsuki at last spoke. "I heard that one of the Council had a breakdown yesterday."

Gendo grunted softly.

"Had to be replaced with a junior member," said Fuyutsuki, shaking his head slightly.

"Tragic," finally commented Gendo.

"Something about how the predicted scenario has collapsed," said Fuyutsuki, still sounding as if he truly thought this was all a sad event. "Apparently, if one deviates from their established script - some cannot actually handle it."

Gendo cocked his head to the side, wondering if he should authorize Christmas bonuses. If it caused any more of the old men to keel over, especially Keele, then that might well be worth it.

"Another one might recover, but apparently this was caused by the use of Sandie Syrup."

Gendo raised an eyebrow and frowned slightly.

"Yes, apparently someone managed to procure a sample of the Sandalphon excretion and smuggle it to them. Not unexpected really."

"My heart, it weeps," said Gendo, his voice completely devoid of sympathy.

"I thought it might," said Fuyutsuki as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

As the doors closed behind Fuyutsuki, Gendo Ikari allowed the barest hint of a smirk to show.

* * *

"They're gone."

"Good. Now we can infiltrate their domicile and hide in the Glorious One's bedroom."

"All hail Queen Asuka."

Thus having reassured themselves, the crowd of Hentai Tentacle Monsters checked the door.

"Locked?"

"I thought the Japanese didn't lock their doors."

"Dummy, that was before Second Impact. WAY before Second Impact."

"Now what?"

"We don't have bones, can we slip through the cracks?" _Doink! Doink! Doink!_

"We're not jelly monsters, you know." Not to mention what trying to fit a tentacle through a door crack looked like.

"Maybe if I grab the doorknob here, stretch to grab the hinge there, and then contract?" _Pop!_

"How'd you know how to do that?"

"When we got kicked off the landing the gal in 2B was watching some old 'cops and robbers' show on her television."

"2B?"

"I think it was 2B."

"2B or not-2B, that is the question!"

"No, the question is - door's open. What are we waiting for?"

"BANZAI!" called out the crowd of Hentai Tentacle Monsters, charging.

A swirl of snowflakes (actually potato flakes) and suddenly there was an obstacle.

Pen-Pen glared at the intruders, blocking them.

"It is only one mutated penguin!" declared one of the HTM as it rushed forward.

_KA-WHAM!_

One of the HTM who had remained in place corrected his fellow. "It is only one mutated penguin with a meat tenderizer that he's using as a blunt trauma weapon."

"WARK!" indicated Pen-Pen.

"He can't get all of us! Rush him!" indicated one of the HTM.

_WHAM WHAM WHAMMITY WHAM!_

"Retreat!" called out an HTM. "He is a formidable opponent."

"No frakking kidding," groaned out a flattened HTM.

"WARK!" indicated Pen-Pen as the HTM retreated.

"We shall return!" promised one of the HTM at the threshold.

"WARK!" indicated Pen-Pen, holding up a potato peeler that glistened evilly in the overhead lights.

"Urk!" indicated the HTM, leaving with all due haste.

Pen-Pen got out his little happiko that he wore for local matsuri and tied a headband into place. Looked like he had his work cut out for him today.

* * *

"So bored..." mumbled Ranma.

"-the general worldwide crop yields were down by 89% in the year immediately following Second Impact, leading to the Food Riots and the Pan-Asian Conflict-"

"Gott in himmel," muttered Asuka at her desk. "How does he manage to make this so boring?"

Kensuke Aida simply watched an episode of the post-Impact Gundam series Gundam X-R.

"-with one disaster directly causing another. Doctor Ian Malcolm would have been quite vindicated, had he not been killed while on the Pirates Of The Caribbean ride in Disneyland. Pity that. A fine Chaos theorist, lost in the chaos. He would have appreciated that. Oh yes. In any case, with the collapse of the Middle Eastern governments, themselves predicated by the food shortages, fuel shortages became widespread. The Pan-Asian Conflict escalated with the use of poison gas and biological agents. Meanwhile, in Russia-"

* * *

"He'll never suspect... the window!" said an HTM, throwing the window open.

_WHACK!_

"Oh yeah, 'never suspect the window'," said one of the other HTM. "Right. Ever heard of 'too obvious'?"

"You got any better ideas?" asked the HTM as it tried to remove a potato peeler from where it had impaled it.

"Actually yes," said the second HTM. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Actually, yes," said the skewered HTM.

* * *

"-which reminds me of the bar I was at when Second Impact actually hit. We thought we were being attacked by zombies at one point, but it just turned out to be a sarariman who'd pulled a two-day stint. We were nervous back then, the ionosphere was right cocked up and cable out. Nobody had any clue as to what was going on. Japan back then it was illegal to even touch a firearm. So if someone got hit a few times with a frozen garlic pizza, who can blame anyone?"

"Unless you're a superhuman ninja like Ikari there," grumbled Toji.

Ranma shrugged. When the kid was right, he was right. He startled then as he thought of something. Maybe... "Oh, teacher. My super eye thingie sees a ca- I mean person stuck in a tree. I gotta go save it! Him! Them!"

"Huh?" asked the teacher, shuffling around and finding a log was sitting at Ranma Ikari's desk. "Oh. I suppose saving lives and such is part of your duties I suppose." _Probably a secret ninja mission. Reminds me of my first wife, she was always sneaking off and doing who knows what._

"Oh my kami!" practically squealed Kensuke Aida, pointing at the log now sitting at Ranma's desk. "That was the log substitution jutsu! I've seen it on TV a million times!"

Toji considered his former best friend, who now looked like a bustier and somewhat more exotic lookalike of that growling Germanic girl over there. "Ninja."

"How dare he sneak off during class?" grumbled Asuka.

[Rei: You mean 'Why didn't I think of that?'] appeared on Asuka's computer.

[Asuka: I just think that as the oh-so-precious Commander's Son, he should be setting a higher example.] Asuka smirked back at Rei as soon as she hit the "Send" button.

[Toji: Ninja.]  
[Kensuke: Asuka, did you just hit 'send all' on purpose?]  
[Hikari: I have to agree with Toji on this one. Ninja.]  
[Meiko: You mean I can't stare at Ikari-san's butt all day?]  
[Kensuke: Uhm, did Rei just glow briefly?]  
[Hikari: Trick of the light. Right, Ayanami?]  
[Rei: I am experiencing a feeling I have previously not experienced. How curious.]  
[Kensuke: Judging from the malevolent red glow - I'm going to say jealousy.]

"Ahem," said the teacher at all the sudden flurry of typing. "I'm glad you're all enjoying the lecture. Hmmm. Anyway. There I was when the flood waters rose, stuck in a bar with twelve exotic dancers, a fully stocked bar, a trained chimp, and no way to know the world wasn't ending. Power out. No signal on the cellphone. Sirens and explosions in the distance. Couldn't go anywhere and it seemed the world was ending all around us."

Dead silence in the classroom. Open staring was going on.

"But I'm sure you don't want to hear that," hastened the teacher. "We should just stick to the lesson plan - which involves the breakdown of the OPEC nations and their reorganization in the three years after Impact."

"Uhm, no," said Kensuke. "I'm sure we'd all benefit from hearing the details of how you survived all that."

"What he, I mean 'she' said," said Toji.

"Oh?" said the teacher. "Well, I suppose it might help. The first thing we did was-"

* * *

"Nebukawa No Sensei" was what he was mainly called. Nebukawa being an area of Odawara, which was itself in Kanagawa prefecture, roughly 90 km from Central Tokyo.

When Second Impact hit, Odawara had roughly 190,000 people living there. One week later, the number had been reduced to 37 and much of the area was underwater.

Floods and landslides had wiped much of the area out within the first day.

Mostly he just went with the name Nebukawa. As far as he knew he was the only survivor from that area now, so it was a rememberance of all those he'd known who were no longer here.

"The place was known as the Garter Belted," said Nebukawa. "A bar but also a place where business could be done of a less than open nature."

"Yakuza?" asked Kensuke Aida.

"Something like that," sighed Nebukawa. "There were exotic dancers, some gaijin tarento in fact. Ah Monique -"

Everyone listened for a few moments but the teacher seemed to be lost in old memories. Finally Hikari cleared her throat.

"Hmmm. Oh yes," Nebukawa collected himself for a moment. "I had just concluded a business deal involving some bootleg Gundam kits."

"'Bootleg Gundam kits'?" asked Hikari, an eyebrow twitching.

"We were ready to celebrate a successful deal with a drink when the ground shook, lights flickered and went out, and there was a scream," said Nebukawa. "It was as if the world itself had screamed, it wasn't something you heard so much as felt, then it was over and we all felt 'off' somehow. My business associate excused himself, pulling out his cellphone and left in order to try and get reception bars.

"Never saw him again.

"None of us could get any reception on our phones. There was a back-up generator that the manager managed to get going. The landline phones were dead too. The cable TV was out, couldn't get local channels. So we just sat down to wait it out.

"There was something wrong with Bobo though."

"Bobo?" asked Hikari when the teacher stopped talking for a minute.

"The bartender. Who was a trained chimp. Couldn't make anything complicated, but since practically everyone just had a beer anyway - he was good for it. Except he had the jitters. Twitching got worse and worse, finally just fell over, shaking and spewing from both ends. Just up and died while we were still trying to figure out what had happened. Got the body outside and noticed the birds."

"Birds?" asked Toji, deciding it was his turn.

"Birds had just fallen over dead, even in mid-flight, just *boom* - dead," said the teacher, making a gesture with fingers spreading. "Was looking over that when I noticed the horizon wasn't looking right."

Rei glanced at Hikari, then Toji, before nodding and deciding it was her turn. "So you knew that the official cover story was untrue?"

Everyone in class stared at her.

Nebukawa snorted. "Please. Most people seized on an explanation. ANY explanation for what happened. Even if it didn't explain half the weird shit happening that day. The sky turning red? An EMP that followed the planet curvature? Water levels rising well in excess of what could be accounted for by simply melting Antarctica? Pfeh. No, stick to that for the tests as we have to stick to the official story. Some of you have brains though."

Now everyone was staring at Nebukawa.

"Anyway, I was just a minor teacher at a local high school then, specializing in Feudal Japanese History," continued Nebukawa. "Used to wear a kabuto a lot. Had a cousin out in the country who specialized in Egyptology. Anyway. Once I realized what was coming, we barricaded the place as best we could and went to the upper parts of the building. There was a dance studio, real estate office, a Yak storehouse full of porn, and some office that never managed to get a renter. Second floor was mainly some call center. Barricaded the windows there too, but the people there wouldn't leave 'cause their supervisor insisted they stay put."

The room was completely silent for a few seconds. Meiko broke it this time. "Tsunami?"

"Yeah," said Nebukawa, pulling a little silver flask out of a desk drawer and drawing a quick swig from it. "It came in, just a few feet at first. Continued to swell up. Cars floating by, some with people still in them. Water rushing by on the outside of a building and the building would usually hold. Once it broke inside though, the building would collapse. We saw everyone rushing up to the roof of a building not a hundred meters away, the building collapsing under them, then they were gone - swept away themselves. Sometimes I can still hear the screaming..."

If the silence were any more profound in the classroom it would have adjusted its tie at that point.

"We survived, me and twelve exotic dancers, there on the roof as the waters stopped rising one floor below us." Nebukawa looked out the window at the city. "Can you really blame any of us for thinking that we were there watching the world end?"

"What... what happened then?" asked Toji. It was one thing to read or hear about Second Impact in some clinical narrative. With Nebukawa's voice having shifted from the usual drone, it was almost as if one could see the events unfolding.

"Ah," said the teacher. "Then. Well, we went down to the dance studio and-"

* * *

He couldn't keep flying indefinitely, it WAS a chi technique after all.

The really odd thing had been that he HAD found a c-c-creature stuck in a tree and the owner had gotten stuck going after it. Idiot.

"There ya go," said Ranma, dropping the owner back onto the ground.

"But my cat's still stuck up there!" pointed out the owner. Literally pointing.

"So?" asked Ranma, not seeing the point.

"Aren't you going to save Grumpikins?" asked the pet owner.

"Looks perfectly fine to me," said Ranma.

"You're not even looking at her!" pointed out the pet owner.

"It's in no danger, you were ready to fall off though," counter-pointed out Ranma.

"Nyaow!" protested the beast.

"See, she's terrified... Are you okay?" asked the pet owner, noting how pale the flying boy had gotten.

"No problem," said Ranma. "You want it down right?"

"Well, duh, yeah," said the pet owner.

"Okay, just be ready to catch it," offered Ranma, before flying past the tree at high speeds.

_shuummmm vizt!_

The tree branch just sat there for a moment before it came off the tree. With a very startled and panicking Grumpikins still clinging to it.

The owner tried to catch his cat. Which incidently gave Grumpikins something else to stick her claws into.

"AIEEEEEE!"

Ranma smirked to himself as he flew to the nearest eatery, content in having done his good deed for the day.

* * *

"Uhm, Doctor Akagi?"

"No, Maya. I will not wear my old 'Moody Blues' t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses. I left my stoner days behind long long ago."

"..."

"Doctor Akagi, have you been getting enough sleep lately?"

Ritsuko came fully awake, realizing that she was on the bridge sitting in the command chair. "Ah. Sorry. I didn't realize..."

"Uhm, Doctor Akagi?" asked Makoto, making a gesture downwards.

Doctor Ritsuko Akagi blinked, then slowly looked down.

"When you went in to change into your plugsuit, you came back out..." said a very uncomfortable Makoto.

"..." Ritsuko Akagi blinked, looking down at herself. "Uhm. Right. Be right back."

The three bridge personnel, a slack-jawed janitor, Fuyutsuki, and Gendo Ikari all watched the nearly-naked woman go marching off.

"Fuyutsuki," said Gendo, frowning at his chair.

"Commander?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"Despite our condition of war with the Angels and current difficulties, it may be necessary for Doctor Akagi to be scheduled a vacation," said Gendo.

"It has gotten a little weird lately," agreed Fuyutsuki.

"A 'little'?" asked Shigeru.

* * *

"Watch out!" yelped a Hentai Tentacle Monster, ducking under a thrown potato peeler.

"He's a monster!" declared a second HTM as it leapt back to avoid a swipe with a meat cleaver.

An HTM who'd tried to parry with a rolled up newspaper screamed and ran, dropping the shredded periodical.

"Hmph," indicated Pen-Pen, quoting an obscure television character. ("Once again, I have cut an unworthy object.") His eyes seemed to glint from beneath the penguin-sized samurai helmet (which was actually a promotional 'prize' Misato had won from a beer company and which had the logo 'Suntory' on the back) as he held the pose for a long moment.

"Hah! I got this one boys," said one of the remaining HTM, one long tentacle wrapped around the grip of a soup ladle. "Two can play at this game!"

The two stared at each other for a few moments (which was really odd as the HTM didn't have a visible eye) before a leaf blew in from somewhere to land on the walkway in front of the apartment.

"Kiyaaaaaaaaaa!" declared the charging HTM.  
Pen-Pen rushed forward, drawing his kitchen knife.

* * *

The class was silent as old man Nebukawa sighed and looked out the window. The bell had rung but there was a pause of well over a minute before the aged teacher left to go to the next class.

"It's true what they say then," Kensuke finally managed. "You really never can tell."

"Uh huh," said most of the class.

Asuka shook her head. She'd heard worse of course. There were some teachers back in Germany. Well, if this was enough to surprise the class - that sort of thing would utterly scandalize them.

Best to keep THAT to herself though.

* * *

"Is it an angel?" asked Fuyutsuki.

"Yes, sir. Just appeared in Earth orbit. One minute - nothing. The next THAT was there."

"Too bad, if we'd seen it arrive we might have a better idea of how they manage it," said Fuyutsuki. "Any satellites nearby we can hit it with?"

"Nothing that will penetrate its AT field," admitted Makoto.

"Why orbit though?" asked Shigeru.

"Probably figured it was safe from ninja sneaking up behind it," offered Makoto.

"Poor deluded angel."

* * *

Ranma pulled out his pager, saw the number and made a face.

"Another bowl, Saotome-san?"

"Nah. Wanted back at the office," answered Ranma with a shrug.

"One thing after another huh?" asked the okonomiyaki stall owner.

"Don't you know it," said Ranma. Stuff wasn't as good as Ukyo's but still pretty good. "I wonder what it is this time though."

* * *

"NO! WE MUST PREVAIL!"

A black-suited man gave a flick of the tongs and the Hentai Tentacle Monster landed with a thud in the bin.

"Watch where you're putting that!" demanded another HTM.

"What horrible fate are they going to inflict on us?!" queried a panicked third.

"Something horribly horrible I suppose," said the first HTM. "Damn you, samurai penguin!"

"I don't think he was really a samurai, dude."

* * *

"You missed an interesting class, Third Child," noted Asuka as she breezed into the room.

"It was quite informative," admitted Rei.

"Everyone settle down," warned Misato. She jerked her thumb towards the main display. "This is the next kaiju. Currently at an altitude of twenty-three thousand miles."

"We ain't got any weapons with a range like that, do we?" asked Ranma.

"Not so much, no," admitted Misato. "You don't happen to know any super-secret special manuever ninja techniques that lets you teleport up there and stab it in the back do you?"

Ranma was silent in thought for a moment before reluctantly answering. "No."

"That he had to think about that answer concerns me," noted Asuka.

"Fuyutsuki had to go join the Commander on some fact-finding mission of some kind," said Misato. "Ritsuko is being shipped off for some much needed vacation time."

"How come SHE gets vacation and WE don't?" demanded Asuka.

"She isn't a pilot," pointed out Misato. "If we really and truly need her, she can video-conference from Okinawa."

"She gets to go to Okinawa?!" asked a very upset Asuka.

"Well, having seen your grades, I'd be reluctant to give you time off anyway," countered Misato.

"It's the damn kanji!" counter-countered Asuka. "How am I supposed to provide the right answer when I can't read the question, because of the FOUR alphabets you guys use - one of them has twenty-five hundred characters! AND it apparently matters where you start making each pen-stroke because that can change the whole thing!"

"Other students manage," pointed out Misato. "Gee, Germans sure are whiny."

"We are NOT whiny," protested Asuka.

"Well, if you're here you can brush up on your kanji," said Misato.

"Uhm, kaiju on screen," pointed out Shigeru.

"Right, we don't know when the kaiju will strike," began Misato. "We're pretty sure what it is planning - and that is to enter atmosphere and guide its fall to Tokyo 3 like some asteroid from the Jurassic period."

"Cretaceous," corrected Makoto.

"Gesundheit," responded Misato absently. "Satellites sent in to investigate were crushed, so it can use its AT field to manipulate gravity."

"Hmmm?" asked Ranma.

"So, I'm in charge, and I have a plan," said Misato.

"Now I'm REALLY concerned," commented Asuka.

"We know where it is going to strike," said Misato, pointing down. "We don't know when yet. Also we don't know the precise target."

"You're planning on stationing us in the target area and then running out and intercepting it, ain't ya?" asked Ranma.

"Oh come on, that's just plain stupid," said Asuka.

Silence.

"You don't mean that actually IS the plan, do you?" asked Asuka of Misato.

"Pretty much," said Misato. "After all, if you get there ahead of the kaiju or Angel or whatever - you can extend your AT field at maximum power and try to stop it."

"Actually," said Ranma, bringing something up that had been puzzling him since he saw the original DVD. "If we bring up the AT field while its dropping, won't that stop it?"

"Yes, as long as it is maximum power," agreed Misato. "Then you have to kill the kaiju."

"Except the main attack of this kaiju is dropping like a meteor, right?" asked Ranma. "So, if you stop it - it ain't dropping no more, right?"

"You're saying it comes down like a kinetic energy weapon and if we stop it - it loses that kinetic energy," said Asuka, staring at Ranma.

"Yeah, like a punch or kick, once you've actually stopped the attack from hitting, it just kinda stalls there," said Ranma.

Misato stared at the map, then back at Ranma, then at the screen of the Angel.

"Huh," said Asuka. "What do you know. This plan has a chance of working anyway. When we do this, what happens to the redirected energy?"

"Uhm, I don't know," admitted Misato.

"Well, using the stopped punch thing, you redirect the energy outwards, right?" asked Ranma. "So if the AT fields are absorbing it - wouldn't it burst outward in all directions?"

"An air burst," said Asuka, sounding thoughtful. "Hope nothing we want to keep is near the impact site. Maybe some way of deflecting it skyward?"

"Good, sounds like a project. Get to work on it," not-suggested Misato.

* * *

_Plop! Clang!_

"Oh no! We're being thrown into individual cells! I'll never see my iPod again. Never have the chance to hold my dear Asuka in my hands."

"Dude. We're Hentai Tentacle Monsters. No hands. And you never did."

"What is it with this place? Our cages are little tubes and little drains in the bottom of the tubes." The HTM tried the grill up top but it was carrying a moderate electrical current.

After the last of the guards went away, the ceiling lit up.

"It's a movie theatre? And now they're going to show us awful films and make us give sarcastic commentary. It's even worse than I thought!"

"What's 'Stagg Films' - never heard of it."

There was brief silence as the HTM prepared for whatever evil was to be inflicted on them.

"Bom-chika-wow-wow," said one finally.

"Why would a bank teller refer to that part of her anatomy as a 'safe deposit box'?"

"You know, if we actually knew anything about the society of the lilim in general - I have a feeling most of the dialogue would make a lot more sense."

"They're?!"

"On a stack of paper like that? That can't be sanitary."

"No no no, dude! You don't want to make a withdrawal! She just offered you compound interest. I have no idea what those are but it sounds good."

"No shrine priestess? No barely dressed schoolgirls? No leather-clad dominatrix teachers? Oh the cruelty!"

"Oh. That must be the bank manager there with the whip. Any other complaints?"

"Nah. I'm cool."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Since it's been awhile since i've gotten ANY response from Kender, it looks like this will be continued on my own. Same with No Tendo and a few other pieces. i've written more of No Tendo and will post a new chapter eventually as time allows.


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